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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wTuesday, August 30, 2005 |
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feeling: tired
listening to: B'z - Konya Tsuki no Mieru Oka ni (Tonight, at the Hill Where We Can See the Moon)
That song has been stuck in my head for days. >.o I really like it... just no idea why it's so insistent on clinging to me lately.
Anyway, Kiwamu told me the company I translated that catalog for will be reviewing the catalog's final design this week, and then I'll know how much and by what method they intend to pay me. Then he told me he has another client at the moment, a company dealing in natural resources, that's seeking a translation for their company profile, and that he'd recommended me for the job again. He also said something about the possibility of an actual part-time position in it for me with this one... though I'm not sure how that would work with them being over there and me being over here... >> but still. Always knew if I could stick with the BLOOD translating gig long enough, no matter how certain idiots treated me and my friends like dirt and generally ticked me off along the way, it would lead to more and bigger opportunities. I would say I owe Kiwamu for this, but I've been working for free for him now for over a year. >>
...And he just pounced me online and greeted me with "hello, part time job" >.> Interesting...
Anywaaaay... how about that Hurricane Katrina? x.x I was starting to get kinda worried about that whole deal over the weekend. They said just a day or so before its predicted Louisiana landfall that it was Category 5, which means what... 185+ mph winds? +_+ And it was due to hit the heavily populated major port and etc. city of New Orleans... all that damage... But then they said right before it hit land, it fell to category 4. Then, by the time it actually hit a populated area, which turned out to be a much smaller town in Louisiana, it had fallen to category 2. Which is still pretty heavy and destructive, but... dang. I knew hurricanes normally lose a lot of their force when they leave the sea and reach land, but that was a major drop and change of course...
I know, random thing for me to talk about, especially living in Ohio where it'll be nothing more than a prolonged thunderstorm by the time it reaches my neck of the woods... but I guess that seemed kinda miraculous to me. Couldn't help getting the impression that millions of desperate prayers had been answered.
And in more mundane news, I've made some more progress in my room. Restocked the beanie shelves in the plushie corner, hauled out two more large bins full of stuff, and also managed to clear off and drag out the antique hutch desk that was in the far corner. Now I just need to figure out how to juggle everything else around in order to get that reclining chair in here and keep the TV viewable from both it and the bed... and figure out where to put all these little cool random knick-knacks that were salvaged from the 2 tables and 1 desk I've gotten rid of... so many possibilities, so little clue as to which would make the most sense...
And yeah, it's late and I'm sleepy. So bed it is.
comment! (1)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/30/2005 05:04:00 AM
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wSunday, August 21, 2005 |
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feeling: sleepy
listening to: Suicide Ali - Ai Subeki Shikeidai
Well. This past week has been special on more levels than I feel like counting.
There were some highs... some great laughs, moments of pure contentment, the completion of that catalog translation for Kiwamu's client, even some progress made on tablet art pieces I started months ago and left to collect dust. And there were plenty of lows... some random uselessness, helplessness, loneliness, unexplained depression... and a marked shortage of sleep. And when I did sleep, there were dreams that were weird even for me. There were nightmares, including one that had to be the most painful and terrifying thing my mind in sleep has ever yielded. There was nostalgia, as I found myself poking again into interests I haven't touched in years, and as some of my long-time good friends pack up and head off to college. And there were things that don't really fit into any category... like the new pastor and his family spending an evening here, and my dad taking a nasty injury to his right arm, keeping him home from work and forcing me and my mother to handle more stuff around the house.
I blame the fact that I couldn't sleep last night on all of the above. But the really weird thing is that I didn't even want to sleep. I went to bed only because I knew I'd have to get up for church in 3 hours, though I was only barely tired, and just lay there wide awake as my mind flitted all over the place, picking up memories and moments from the past week and throwing them around at random... and I didn't want it to stop. Not that it was an entirely pleasant experience, but I wanted to lie there and be contemplative. I wanted to laugh again at the good memories and retreat within myself when the more painful ones took over. I knew I would regret it the next day. I knew thinking of stuff like that can cause the soul more harm than good. Thinking is dangerous. But still I lay there all morning thinking. Smiling, hurting, wondering, worrying, reflecting.
I don't know why I didn't want to sleep. I don't even know why I'm posting about this here. No reason anyone should really care to know about it. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, though it wasn't exactly good either... since when I finally did drift off for about an hour, I managed to oversleep... and of course, I'm paying for it now by being unbelievably tired. But that's nothing new. Not that big a deal to be in a reflective mood.
So why am I posting this? I don't know, maybe because it all left me kind of... muddled. There are things I'm confused about... things I wish I understood, but probably never will. Things I wish others could understand, but they can't seem to, or maybe just refuse to. Things that should make me happy but only make me feel more hurt and alone... or is it the other way around? Hence the confusion. It recently dawned on me that there are some aspects of my life I've been taking for granted, and that are far more complicated than I previously realized. Things that... maybe I've been trying to see with a little too much optimism, when there are really just too many factors, far more than I saw at first, pointing to the very high likelihood that it will all only leave me even more lost and hopeless than I was before.
I don't know. Maybe I just need my nap. It won't clear the confusion, but it'll give me somewhere to go that I won't have to think about it for a while. And fortunately, this time, I AM tired enough to sleep and actually want to. So I'm gonna go take my nap now. Maybe things will make more sense when I wake up. Actually, I know they won't... but maybe sleep will clear them from my mind for a while...
comment! (1)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/21/2005 01:09:00 PM
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wSunday, August 14, 2005 |
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feeling: sleepy
listening to: silence
Yeah... been kinda clinging to my Livejournal lately for some reason. Poor old blog's feeling neglected. So much happens and it doesn't get first dibs on all the news anymore. So I figured I'd throw out a catch-up post here, or whatever.
Been slightly depressed recently, for starters. Mostly owing to the death of a childhood friend of mine, one of the 14 Marines from that Lima unit killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq on August 3. Feeling a little better now though, since he's been laid to rest... but the whole thing is still on my mind for a significant part of every day. I'm sure I don't hurt over this nearly as much as his family and others who were closer to him than I was, but still it's given me a lot to think about. And I imagine it'll take a little more time yet for my thought process to return to relative normalcy.
That's not really the only explanation for this little depression kick, but that's nothing new, so moving on...
In other news, I'm currently working on my first paying translation project. It's a catalog for a Japanese company that makes motors and similar machinery, and one of the people responsible for putting it together was a graphic designer I happen to know as Kiwamu, leader of BLOOD, the band I've been translating for since early last year. When he was designing the graphics for their catalog, the company told him they wanted an English translation for it, so he recommended me to them, and it went from there. And since Kiwamu works in a graphic design company and thus does many projects of this sort for various companies, some of which also occasionally express interest in English translations, this may not be the last offer he presents to me. I always had a feeling sticking it out as this band's translator would start to pay off someday, somehow. Certain events of the past few months would've forced me to quit and walk out if not for that. But we won't talk about that here... it's in the past... and if I can stay with this now and finish this catalog in time, a nice-sized monetary gift and the possibility of other similar opportunities in the future are in store for me.
Anyway, I missed the fair again this year. I keep forgetting our wussy little county fair is only one week, not two. -_- Poor Dumplin' got sick anyway, so she didn't need to be out tromping around in the blazing heat all day... and our fair is not the kind of thing that's enjoyable on ANY level if you're there alone. You need a friend to make fun of everything with. >> But oh well... the Salt Creek Valley Festival is in about a month, and I'll be there as a community choir member again this year (practices started 2 weeks ago). It's even smaller and more pathetic than the county fair - vastly so, in fact - but at least it has a few good concession stands with fair-type food, which is pretty much the only reason I ever want to go to the county fair anymore anyway.
And hmmm... oh, my windows finally have new trim and my blinds are supposed to be delivered on Monday. *.* Gonna take a while to get used to sleeping in the (relative) dark after having nothing but bedsheets as curtains for so many years, and then having nothing at all for the past 3 months or so. Also, I finally caved and ordered some stuff from Lamoon, which should arrive in the coming week as well. I couldn't resist - everything was 25% off for one week only. T.T
And I guess that's all I can think of for the moment.
comment! (2)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/14/2005 02:00:00 AM
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