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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wSunday, September 17, 2006 |
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feeling: empty
listening to: nothing
I guess you could say there are some things I've had whirling around in my mind for a couple weeks or so now, but haven't posted about them yet for various reasons. I thought maybe if I opened this window and stared at the text box long enough, something would come out. But of course, it doesn't work. Everything is right there waiting to pour out of my mind through my fingertips, but all I end up typing is pointless gibberish like this. I don't know if I'm really that big a mess or if I really just don't have the heart to care anymore about what happens to me. Which I guess could be a good thing. Means I don't have to worry about things building up until I they get to me so much I have to either rant it out or break down inside, and either way no one has to put up with my whining.
I'm just... empty. At this point I think I could experience either the greatest or the most painful things in the world, and probably wouldn't even know the difference. Actually, I did have a taste of each of those extremes in the past month and a half, so yeah... guess that's why I say so. Look where it leaves me after the hype dies down, after all. I'm just here. It's all I was ever meant to be.
But that's not really what I came here intending to write about. I can't even begin to put those thoughts together in my head right now. Not even sure what made me think I could. I know at least part of it was some random musing about the purpose of my journal(s)... the rest was various observations about myself and where time has led me and crap... but oh well. Suppose none of it is really all that important.
Anyway, on to less mundane topics. Whatever regular readers I have may recall Phoenix, the betta I've had since less than a year after I started this blog. He finally died the other day, just two months short of completing his fourth year living with me. The little trooper put up with a lot from me in those four years, including all the best and worst times of my life... not to mention a lot of physical woes of his own in his first year or so. I'm actually sort of honored that he died of old age and not some debilitating disease like I always expected he would. Feels pretty empty in here without him around to help me dance like a dork and throw tantrums and cuss things out. I'm sure from his little box of water he never fully understood my reasons for doing those things, but that never stopped him from joining the party when he was healthy and fit enough.
So I guess that's all. Would say don't be surprised if I don't post here much anymore, but I think by now that goes without saying. All of my journals have been severely neglected lately. Even the private ones. I just have no desire to put new posts together, no matter what good or bad comes my way. But as I'm sure my readers are aware, that's really for the best.
comment! (1)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 9/17/2006 02:01:00 AM
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wTuesday, September 05, 2006 |
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feeling: groggy
listening to: Saint Seiya - Pegasus Fantasy
Ok, time for something less depressing. Sort of. Generally.
So we experienced a brownout last night for a few hours. Ugh, I hate those. They're creepy... the lights and displays go all dim and shadowy... almost prefer a complete blackout, except then I wouldn't have TV to keep me busy in the absence of computers. Which would really suck at 3am when there's no natural light to read or write or draw by. Anyway, then something woke me up a couple hours later and the power was out completely. Only knew what time it was because I heard dad leave for work, which typically happens around 6:15am. Not sure how I managed to get back to sleep...
Then, yeah. I haven't even been up for 2 hours and this day has been... special. First came the insane dreams, which I'd write out if I weren't feeling so lazy. Then, I dunno... something must've put me in a heck of a mood, because I slugged around for a while recalling bad memories and seeing all these hurtful scenarios in my head. Then I watched the new videos on the TR Myspace and suddenly I was back to a nice neutral bored-but-amused state. >>
And just for the sake of mentioning it, how about all this Crocodile Hunter business? Impaled through the heart by a 220-pound stingray... what a way to go. From the report on the documentary footage he had been shooting at the time, police say he didn't do anything to provoke it... the thing just lashed out for some reason. Startled by the camera, maybe. But ouch, talk about your freak accidents. Feel bad for his wife and two little kids, though. At least he died doing what he loved, I guess.
Anyway, as I promised, no more depressing stuff in this post. Now prepare for a fangirly rant. See, I have a new addiction. >.>;
A couple weeks or so ago, I suddenly remembered that I had the first 13 episodes of the Taiwanese Marmalade Boy drama on my computer, so I started to watch it. Finished it sometime in the few days after Grandma passed away. But somewhere in that meantime I also remembered that I had a torrent file stashed away somewhere for the J-drama Kimi wa Petto. Of course by then it was at least a year old and the torrent was no longer active. So I tracked down another one, downloaded the series, and watched it.
GOOD GOD, that series is CRACK. I couldn't put it away. Watched it twice through before finally deciding to move on to a new drama. >> I'll get back to that...
Anyway, Kimi wa Petto. I had heard about this one, and from the title (You Are My Pet) was expecting either something really hentai or something just plain stupid. What I saw was the most adorable-in-a-twisted-way thing I have ever laid eyes on. Every single episode had moments that just made me giggle like a dork for... like, ever. It's about a lonely working woman who, through bizarre circumstance, adopts a young man and actually keeps him as one would a dog. See why I half-expected something hentai? >> Anyway, I later read reviews of the series by other J-drama fans, and the most common remark was that, while it was charming, it was very unrealistic and even outrageous. Now, maybe I'm weird... but I didn't find the idea too far-fetched at all. The story was exaggerated, of course, but the concept itself wasn't so foreign to me. But then I suppose I'm weird for being able to relate easily to both of the lead characters. >>
But... ok, I admit it. The real reason I got hooked on this drama was Matsumoto Jun, the actor who plays the "pet" character. He's so adorable in this series it isn't funny. Actually it is, but you get the idea. I had heard of him before but never taken much interest, until I watched Kimi wa Petto. From the first episode I was obsessed. >> But come on... one moment he's lying on his back wagging his limbs in the air like a puppy, then he's holding his "master" while she breaks down crying in his arms, and then he's practicing his modern dance routine by a riverside under the stars. Who wouldn't want a pet like that? Deny it, I dare you. :p
Therefore, of course, my latest addiction is Matsumoto Jun. Upon finishing Kimi wa Petto I started seeking out other dramas he starred in, and was immediately directed to Gokusen, which many have acclaimed as his best work. Talk about swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum from Kimi wa Petto, though. In Gokusen he's a moody 18-year-old delinquent acting as the ringleader of a class full of troublemakers. Pulls it off remarkably well too, proving just how versatile he can be. I've watched 8 episodes of it now, so in the interims between episode downloads I've been killing time surfing Youtube for random videos of Arashi, the band Jun is part of. The problem? Arashi is a boyband, and their music is NOT the type I normally like at all. *teh shame* But to be honest, I haven't even listened to any of their songs yet. >__> Only watched half a PV and a bunch of random clips from their variety shows and such. You know what? They're dorks. That's all that matters. :P Jun even reminds me of Miyavi in some way that I can't really pinpoint. >>
So, yes. I'm on a Matsujun kick. What can I say, his performance in Kimi wa Petto managed to put me in something resembling a good mood in the days/weeks after Grandma died. And I also found out that he has a starring role in the relatively new Hana Yori Dango drama, which I was interested in already, so naturally I'll be looking to acquire that as soon as Gokusen is done. >> My BitTorrent client is also working on Pride and GTO at the moment... planning to get Summer Snow soon too... but they can wait. Matsujun dramas take priority. *brick*
Ok, I'm done being fangirly for now.
comment! (2)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 9/05/2006 01:52:00 PM
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