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feeling: heavy
listening to: Tainted Reality
Well, I guess now that it's finally announced and official, I can rant about it.
BLOOD, the J-rock band I've been helping since 2004, is disbanding. They're coming to the US Jan. 30 through Feb. 2 (3? 4?), and that will be their last tour, and indeed their last live shows.
I've known about this for several months, really... Kiwamu vented his frustration and sadness and tiredness about it to me for what felt like several hours back in summer sometime. But of course, this is the kind of thing staff was sworn to utmost secrecy about. Actually, I sort of saw it coming several months before that, too... when Kaede stopped traveling with them. At the time I thought that would be the extent of it, and when Ryo officially joined the band earlier this year, some of my fears were alleviated as it seemed like they were still moving forward, still growing. But even Ryo's addition couldn't save it, I guess.
Still, it was all just speculation until... what, May or June? when Kiwamu told us. I know the initial reason for the dissolution too... despite some of our expectations, it was Fu-ki who first decided that he wanted to retire from music. Kiwamu was hoping that after a few months of rest and hiatus they'd be ready to find a new vocalist, pick up the pieces and continue, but yeah... a few of us knew long before this that Kaede was ready to give it a rest, too. So instead of repeating the audition process for BLOOD's 4th vocalist in 4 years, they decided it would be less stressful to just call it off.
I know there's some comfort to be taken in knowing it wasn't a harsh breakup, with anger or hatred or any bad feelings at all. The members just... grew up. Had their fun, conveyed what they wanted to convey, and were ready to move on with their lives. Fu-ki and Kaede will retire from the stage, but Kiwamu will continue running Darkest Labyrinth and helping out GPKism and all the other units he's been working with. And he did ask me if I would continue to help him with those projects, so I'll still have that connection at least.
But it's sad knowing I'll probably never see the other members again. They were some of the nicest guys I've known, and some of the best memories of my life were centered around the few times I spent with them. And of course, the whole thing feels like the end of an era - possibly the greatest, most significant era of my life. I found them in 2004 while I was stuck in the darkest, emptiest period of my life to date, and they gave me a place to belong, to contribute to something that would be felt all around the world, and to grow as a person. Almost all the friends I still have in my life now are people I met through BLOOD. And it was thanks to them that I became involved with Tainted Reality and Suicide Ali, and through all these connections I gained the confidence to actually use my Japanese in mediums that would be seen all over the world, not just practice it within my own walls... I made some money for it on the side thanks to Kiwamu's connections... and through all that I grew and improved and developed exponentially more than I ever would have on my own. A huge portion of my existence as it is right now would not exist at all if not for BLOOD.
The weight of this announcement on me probably doesn't come across or make sense except in my own head... but oh well. Maybe I'll feel better now that I've gotten this rant out that's been jumbling around with my head and emotions for so many months.
*sigh*
It's been an emotional night... I think I need some cake now...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/20/2008 09:27:00 PM
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