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feeling: bored
listening to: Utena - Nouvelle Mariee
My bumper sticker reads:
Lighten up.
Take the quiz.
err depressed? I am not depressed... I'm just bored 9_9;;
Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings.
Take the quiz.
I've taken a full-force nose dive into yet another slump. This one, though, is not only suppressing any inspiration/skill I would normally have - it's like, eating it. I have zero inspiration, no new ideas at all (usually I have a few, slumps just make them dumber), and I seem to be losing any art skill I ever had. Last night I attempted a cheesy little chibi-me using my tablet and PhotoShop, and by the time I finished the linework I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. It was really, really that bad. -_- I won't even begin to pick it apart here, because I don't feel like reminding myself that I've somehow managed to deteriorate. I need to practice more, plain and simple. I'm lucky if I touch pencil to paper (or stylus to tablet, as it were) once a week anymore. And since it's summer, I don't have the option of doodling in class notes, which led to some great things from me in the past. :P I know I need to work, but the problem is I can't just sit down and move the pencil/tablet and get something decent at random. I have to have an idea of what I'm about to do, and even more restrictingly, I have to like the idea. But now, I'm just... not into it.
Ok, there's only one thing I can think of to talk about here that I can be at least somewhat into, long enough to get a decent post out of it...
Utena Spoilers Ahead, for eps 28-30 or thereabouts
The other day I watched the two Ruka episodes again (28 and 29). The latter of the two is probably, to me, the saddest episode of the whole series, al because of the results of the duel at the end. Well, ok, episodes 6, 11, and the Wakaba duel episode are quite sad too, mainly because of the duels... but dang, when I first saw the end of 29 my jaw dropped and I think I literally muttered "Noooo... whyyyy..." a few times. o_o;;
Ok. First it should be noted that the majority of Utena episodes center primarily on one of its many characters. Nanami herself has, geez... like, 6 eps? Maybe more, if you count the Tsuwabuki ones... anyway, some are more general, but most of them focus on one character. My favorite character among them is Juri, because even though her life story isn't the saddest in the series, it seems to come across that way somehow. You really feel for her, especially after episode 29. So her episodes are... well, in the first one she does a lot of on-screen reminiscing about two friends who have both left the academy in past years - Shiori and some unnamed guy. The story is, a few years ago, Shiori was jealous of Juri because she thought she had such a great life... she was strong, beautiful, smart, fencing champion, people admired her like crazy, etc... and Shiori felt she was always in the spotlight, so she eventually paired up with that unnamed guy friend, thinking that Juri was in love with him. Her only reason: to take something from Juri, to let herself be the happy one for once. But in Juri's first episode, one starts to see that it wasn't that guy that Juri loved - it was Shiori. Before you say "EWWW" and run off, hear me out. ;P So Juri is now the only one of those 3 friends still at Ohtori Academy, and she keeps remembering the advice Shiori gave her: "Believe in miracles, and your wish will come true". And because of Shiori's betrayal and overall meanness, Juri decided that bit of advice was a crock, and insisted she didn't believe in miracles. So she decided to challenge Utena to a duel so she could take the Rose Bride and prove that miracles don't exist - or she claimed, anyway. Her real reason, I believe, was to actually find the power of miracles so she could bring herself to be strong and believe Shiori and find her again and be friends again and etc etc. Anyway, the duel went on, and eventually Juri knocked Utena's sword into the air and cornered her. But right before she could deliver the winning stroke, Utena's sword fell from the air, aiming straight downward - and cleanly brought with it the rose from Juri's chest as it landed at her feet. (yeah - the point of the duel is to knock the rose off your opponent's chest, just to clarify.) I always love that part. O_O Anywho, Utena was convinced it was a miracle, but of course Juri called it mere coincidence, refusing to believe a miracle had cost her the duel. Then later, we see Juri off alone staring at a picture in a pendant she always wears under her uniform. The pic is, of course, Shiori's.
Feel sorry for her yet? Oh, it gets sadder. *~* Then there's the Black Rose episode where Shiori returns to the academy. Juri ignores her as much as she can, but eventually Shiori admits why she took that guy from Juri, and says she wants to be friends again. Juri at that point tells her she never had feelings for that guy. Shiori is shocked and asks whose picture is in her locket, then. Juri doesn't tell, but walks away. Then she goes to a lake and throws it into the water, telling herself she has to be strong and get over her feelings. Well, later, Shiori goes to Juri's dorm but no one's home, and she accidentally knocks over a vase with a rose in it... and along with the water, what should fall out but Juri's pendant. So, naturally, Shiori looks inside, finds her own picture, and becomes overjoyed that she finally knows her friends secret (her intentions are malevolent, of course). Then she visits Mikage and becomes a Black Rose duelist, then goes to meet with Juri again. She shows her the locket, and Juri freaks out, then asks her nervously if she looked inside. Shiori says "If you'd asked me, I'd have given you a better picture", then starts stroking Juri's cheek and calling her beautiful and going on and on just to torment her... then she draws the spirit sword from Juri's chest and goes to duel with Utena. She loses, and then forgets everything that happened since she went to see Mikage. Episode ends with Juri touching the pendant under her jacket, chiding herself for not being strong.
Theeeen we get to ep 28, where Ruka, the real fencing team captain (Juri was standing in for him) returns to Ohtori after being hospitalized and really ill. His first order of business is to enjoy the carefree campus life - in other words, to seduce Shiori. He catches her sneaking into his locker where he keeps his sword, and says he wondered who it was that had been polishing it every day since he'd left. She says yep, it was her, she did it all for him. Little liar. ¬¬ Well, then they become a couple, of course. Juri warns Ruka that he better not hurt Shiori, but he shrugs it off. Eventually, he's challenging Utena to a duel, with Shiori as his own Rose Bride. After he loses, he admits to Shiori that no one ever polished his sword while he was gone, which meant she was lying all the time. So he dumped her, and she became devastated and called him and begged him constantly to take her back... meanwhile all this somehow fades into ep 29, where Juri goes to visit the depressed Shiori only to be told off and turned away. So she goes and asks Ruka to get back with Shiori, totally contradicting her warning to him in the previous episode. She just wants her beloved to be happy... o_o;; Well, yet again, he doesn't comply, so Juri gets seriously peeved with him. To add insult to injury, he backs her into a wall and kisses her - to cover up the action of stealing her pendant. He makes a move to stomp it to shreds, but Juri clouts him on the face and reclaims it. He starts to leave, but first she challenges him to a fencing match - if he wins she'll do anything he wants, and if she wins he has to hook up with Shiori again. Well, he wins, so he decides that Juri will fight a duel against Utena for him. The duel begins, a really cool song plays, and for a while it looks like Utena's at a disadvantage (but then, they usually do at first... heh). Then they both move in for the trademark Final Lunge. Normally this lunge ends in Utena shredding her opponent's rose, but this time - this is the sad part - she misses the rose and instead hits Juri's locket. T_T It shatters on impact while Juri continues forward at this painfully saddening stumbling pace for about 30 more seconds... you can't see her eyes but you know they're big as saucers and filling with tears, her expression (and stagger) says it all. Eventually she comes to a gradual stop and stands as upright as she can. Still one can only see her back as she reaches up, removes her own rose, and throws it on the ground.
That, to me, is probably the saddest part in the whole series. Except maaaaaybe for Anthy's betrayal in the final duel... and Wakaba's duel ep comes close... but anyway. Because, no matter how hard Juri tries to be strong and throw it away, she always ends up gazing forlornly at it whenever she's alone, and by this point in the series that locket just embodies everything that is Juri. You think of a locket, or of a chunky gold pendant on a gold chain, and you think of Juri. It symbolizes everything about her... then it's just in shreds. *whimper* You can't help but feel sorry for her as she tears off her own rose, forfeiting the duel, after it happens.
Well, anyway, after she forfeits it starts raining, but she just stands there, never turning around. Ruka goes over and tells her it's all right, but she doesn't move or speak. Then we cut to Miki and... I think Utena, maybe some other people too... remarking that Ruka has already left the academy again, which makes Juri the fencing team captain again. Then we cut to see Juri come out of a door, close it, and walk down a hall. She then stops and stands there silently while the Shadow Girls appear in nurse garb and talk about a patient in the hospital that just died. They say he knew the seriousness of his sickness but decided to return to school anyway, because he loved someone on the fencing team. They say that he said he wanted to attain the power of miracles for that person, to set her free so she could be happy. Then they leave, and Juri stands there a while longer before she does the same. The episode ends with Juri walking down a forest path alone, thinking to herself a letter or something she intends to give Shiori. She asks what it was that Shiori was placing her faith in miracles in, and if it was aimed at someone... then as she says "I pray your wish comes true", Shiori spots her and runs out to walk with her. Kinda sweet... kinda. Well, later comes an episode where it seems everyone is happy. Utena, Juri, and Miki chat and laugh together while playing some badminton, and even Nanami acts civil toward Utena for once. And during that time, Juri, smiling, says that she was thinking of getting a new locket, and asks Utena for a photo of her to put in it... all the while with Shiori watching from a distance, also genuinely smiling. Kinda cute, in a strange way. ^u^; And in the very last episode, after Utena's revolution, we see Juri fighting successive fencing matches with fellow team members... she calls "Next!" and Shiori steps forward with a "Hai!" and a smile. Friends again.
But anyway, there you have it. The story of Juri. I'm glad she at least kind of gets a happy ending. Poor kid... *hugz her*
But all this brings me to another point I've been thinking about a lot lately. Remember how I've been blogging about how Mikage and Ruka are totally forgotten wfter they leave/die, because they were erased from Akio's reality? Well, I may have been wrong about Ruka. Cause Miki was talking about him leaving the academy again after Juri lost the duel, but then the shadow girls say it was yesterday when he died. But then, I have no idea how much time passes between Ruka's leaving, Miki's commenting about it, and the shadow girls' announcing his death. Not a clue. I like to think everything he did and caused to happen was totally forgotten/erased, but one thing throws me off: several episodes later, Juri is still without her locket. If Ruka had never existed, it would never have broken, so she'd still have it. Which kills my theory of people who leave Ohtori forever being totally erased from the students' memories and realities. >o< Dangiiiit, I was all proud of that theory...
Ok... I think I'm done with the actual spoiling now. I have one more Utena thing to mention though. A few blogs back I was trying to decide where to stick my Utena-verse duelist version of my character Bekki-chan into the Utena timeline - either the Student Council arc or the Akio/Apocalypse arc. I tentatively decided on the latter. Then, shortly thereafter, another possibilty came to mind: I could place her before the events of the series take place. Seems like a really good idea, but for one thing: I was really hoping to have her duel with Utena at least once, but if I make her a pre-series character, Utena won't even be aware of the Student Council and duels yet. Dangitall. >_> *stabs self with invisible Sword of Dios*
I believe I'm done now. That was probably the longest blog I've ever posted that lacked direction as this one does. The story of Juri's life, some Ruka, some Utenaverse Bekki-chan... stupid slump. ><
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/25/2002 01:11:00 AM
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