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feeling: yerrr
listening to: Utena - Baiser
I have come to realize something lately. If I had grown up with the things I really, really wanted as a child, I would be so much happier right now. Not just emotionally, but I'd be in better shape, I'd be more social, more active, and less of a slug. I still want those things too, but I didn't have them when I could've used them most, so it's too late now... they'd only run me ragged if I were to get them now, or 5 years down the road, or anytime down the road for that matter. I'm not talking stuff like toys and puppies and little stupid stuff every kid begs their mommy for. I'm talking stuff like a pool, horses, and 4H membership. I wanted those things all throughout my childhood (well, I didn't know of 4H till I was 7 or so, but from then on), but we couldn't afford them, or my parents just didn't want me involved in them. I don't see what harm there could've been in me joining 4H; all my friends were in it, it's a great leadership program, teaches kids independence, responsibility, and how to work hard... and it would've gotten my torment self out of their house now and then :P... but my parents would have nothing of it. The pool and horses are a bit easier to understand, since they do cost money and take up time and space... but having either would've given me a lot of exercise, which, as is obvious now, I really could've used as a kid. :p Horses take a whoooole lot of maintenance, which I was always willing to do - I even checked out every library book I could find on horse care, and bought some others, just in case. Still have some. But we never had the money or the space. Well, the money, anyway. And I have loved swimming literally since I was a baby; my grandpa had a pool that he let relatives use whenever they wanted, and I adored being there just for that. But then he moved far out of town when I was still young, and the pool didn't tag along. If I'd still had that kind of access to a pool later in my childhood, I'd be in a heck of a lot better shape right now, because it's the only exercise I really, honestly enjoy and would do for hours if I could. But, now I'm 20... too old for 4H, way too used to being a slug to get a horse (partly because no motivation = no job = no money), and there's still no way my parents will ever get a pool. If I ever get a decent job I suppose I could maybe get one after I move out, but... heh, I see that happening. *koff* I was raised sheltered and lazy, I'd never be able to maintain it on my own now. :P
Well, moving on. As it turns out, my Ragnarok Online download actually completed in 10 hours or less. Not really sure, but it was done when I woke up the next morning. And once I finally got Beta 2 running, I discovered that the thing is so different and so full of bugs, I can barely even play. First came the failed logins and immediate disconnections, which I'm used to. Then I discovered that my inventory was wiped out, except my equipment, which I couldn't equip because you need to buy an amplifier or some such in order to equip stuff in Beta 2. So I went back to town to buy one, and since I was unequipped, I couldn't kill a single beast along the way - not even a Poring. >< Well, finally I overcame the lag and got to the town of Izlude, where the lag got even worse because there were so many people there, and while I was trying to find a merchant selling amplifiers, it locked up the program. So I had to start all over again and, after a few more disconnections and login failures and such, I fought through the same lag to the town of Prontera. Unable to find a merchant with amplifiers, I decided to try the equipment and armor shop. When I walk in, I immediately die at the hands of some kind of archer zombie monster who does 3 times as much damage per hit as my max HP can handle. Monsters in the shops... players able to fight and kill each other (which has no logical point in the storyline, from what I know)... intense lag... even more disconnectivity trouble... I'd say the problems outweigh the benefits in this Beta 2 nonsense. They should've just kept the original Beta version but added the new jobs and new abilities and stuff without screwing up the servers and such by essentially creating a whole new game. Bunch of idiots. I just wanted to play some Ragnarok...
*sigh*
Oh, speaking of game bugs, this is weird. I was playing the Sims today, and somehow in the middle of the day my active family's dining table disappeared. Vanished into midair. o_O Then that night a burglar came and the alarm didn't go off because the only room he didn't go in was the one where the alarm was. It was the room where the back door it, which is where they usually come in, dangit >< Anyway, he just took a chess table and then bolted, so that's not bad. I just wonder why and how my dining table just vanished like that...
Here's something fun >:D
Utena Spoilers Below, but Black Rose only
As I've said before, the Black Rose series of Utena is absolutely... *wags hand* ...it just ain't right. In the very first episode of it Miki and Utena walk by a big building, Utena says she's never seen it before, Miki says "You've bever heard of Nemuro Memorial Hall?" and readily tells her the whole story behind it: long ago there were 100 male students in that building who all died when it suddenly burned down, and it was remodeled one day and here it is now. Then, in the last episode of the arc, Miki and Utena walk by the charred remains of a building, and Utena says she's never seen it before. Miki says he's heard rumors that it burned down long ago, but he says there were no known casualties or records of it, and he can't remember the name of the building for the life of him. As if the first episode, and every episode between those two, never happened. I always knew why that was (well, after I pondered it some XD): because Mikage, the genius professor who made Nemuro Hall his home base, was finally allowed to "graduate" at the end - in other words, he didn't live up to his purposes as Akio's puppet, so Akio totally erased all traces of him from his reality, Ohtori Academy. So no one remembered him or anything he did in his life except Akio, cause it's his own reality. And Anthy of course, cause she's Akio's sis.
Well, a few days ago I came up with a theory for all this that I really liked. A simple one, as follows.
The Black Rose saga doesn't exist.
It makes sense. XD I mean, after Mikage and everything about him (including Nemuro Hall) were erased from Akio's reality, that meant he was essentially never there in the first place, as far as anyone in that world knows. Maybe if you resurrected some people who were alive years ago but have died, they would remember Mikage, but... they're dead, so they don't matter to all this. Anyway, but last night I came to the realization that the Black Rose saga does in fact exist. Darn it, the first theory sounded cooler. XP Because, see, it all really DID happen - it's just that no one (except Akio and Anthy) remembers it. Things were returned to the way they were - or would've been - if Mikage had never become Akio's puppet. Nemuro stayed burned down, all memories of the Black Rose duels and duelists are gone for good, as well as all the conflicts and mini-plots they caused. It's just like how Akio erased Ruka from the Ohtori Academy reality after his two episodes... only difference is Mikage did more than Ruka. Ruka didn't do much except mess up Juri and Shiori's love lives; yet Mikage rebuilt Nemuro Hall, caused conflicts involving all the Student Council members one way or another, and made strong duelists of people who had probably never picked up a sword to fight in their lives before. He brought up all kinds of animosity too, but after the end of the saga, it was all forgotten too. Example: Juri and Shiori. After the Black Rose arc, the only quibbles they had were the result of Ruka's intervention. Other than that it was just a lot of unexpressed emotions and pain and treachery and such. I think that's a big reason why Juri and Shiori were able to become friends again by the end of the series: the animosities stirred by Mikage and Ruka essentially never happened. Utena's revolution just sped up the process. Or something.
Well, anyway, the Black Rose arc does in fact exist. Saying it didn't just sounded so much cooler. >u< There is no spooooon...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/19/2002 11:10:00 PM
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