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feeling: sick of everything
listening to: Final Fantasy X - Suteki Da Ne, Rikki's single
Last night I was lying there in bed, having just shut off the lights and gotten comfy, and you know what I thought to myself? I thought, I'd like to have a nice happy dream tonight. So I thought back to what I considered at the time to have been the happiest dream I've ever had. It was a few years ago, and all I really remember was that it was set in... a school, ironically. Back when I had that dream I LOATHED school. High school was and is the bane of my existence. I still don't like going to sports events and such at my former HS. Anyway... it was in a school... but everyone was happy, everything was bright and colorful, sunlight was pouring in through the windows as it can only in a dream... and the teacher of the class I was in bore an eerie resemblance to Kelly Kapowski from the old Saved By the Bell. >_O;; Anyway... and this guy in the row next to me was sitting there all kicked back and relaxed and smiling, and the teacher said something to him pertaining to the class, and he responded with some kind of joke. Not a dirty joke, just a joke. And everyone laughed. In MY high school days the only jokes students laughed at involved reproductive organs, bodily excretions, or farting. ¬_¬; Anyway, and everyone was laughing, including the teacher. Another joke or two, and the teacher finally said that was enough and we had to get to work... but she seemed reluctant, and even after that everyone kept on smiling. Then in the second part of the dream I was walking down the school's hallway for some reason, and I looked into a nearby room which must have been the principal's office. The only person I remember being in it was this kid I knew at the time (I won't even say who he was because it just ain't right... but here's a hint... yellow parachute pants with matching Docs :P)... and he was sitting on the desk and - guess what? - smiling. That dream was nothing but happiness and fun... but not the wild, demented, lets-go-party-hopping-and-get-drunk-and-do-some-DDR-on-the-roof-of-my-dad's-car-till-we-collapse kind of fun. Quiet, calm fun. Bright colors and warm sunlight and good jokes and all-around relaxed-ness fun. I woke up smiling from that dream. That had never happened before and hasn't happened since.
But then I got to thinking, okay, that was then. I want to have a happy dream now. But, at this point in my life, what exactly is, or would be, a happy dream for me? What, for me, constitutes 'happy'?
I seriously could not answer that question.
I mean, what would be a happy dream for you? My bet is at least 95% of the people who answer that question (speaking hypothetically, of course) will say something involving a group of friends (note the use of the word 'group' :P) or a significant other.
But see, I don't have those.
So what else is there? Non-human things that make me happy, of course. But there's a problem with that too. There are very few things that really seem to make me happy anymore, and as of right now, they all involve me sitting or lying down. Computer, video games, anime, drawing, reading, etc. And what the heck kind of dream do you just sit around in the whole time and still call 'happy'?
So I never did find an answer to my question. And I was getting tired, so I just figured if I was gonna have a happy dream, I'd have one no matter how I defined the word 'happy'. Figured I'd recognize it when I saw/heard/felt it. So I told my brain to shut up, conjure up something happy for me over the next few hours, and went to sleep. And I didn't get my happy dream. I don't think. I can't really say, since I don't even know what constitutes 'happy' for me. But I didn't immediately tag it as 'happy', so it must not have been.
I think too much.
So remember how in the past week I had a biology midterm Wednesday followed by a lab quiz on Thursday that required me to memorize the names and locations of literally around 200 bones and muscles o nthe cat body, including the functions and points of origin and insertion of the muscles? I got into the lab on Thursday to take the quiz, dead tired and head throbbing because I'd been cramming since Monday afternoon and had actually fallen asleep studying earlier that day for the first time since, like, high school... and the teacher decides to tell us at that point that the 'big quiz' would only consist of 10 questions, worth 5 lousy points. Of EXTRA CREDIT. Extra credit to be applied to NEXT week's lab exam, which will be worth ONE HUNDRED points.
Needless to say I required a couple additional doses of Tylenol after I got home that afternoon, and my lab teacher was lucky I felt so crappy that day, or she may have required five times the pain killers I took.
I have to schedule next quarter's classes on Monday night. Freakin' ey. Who remembers the LAST time I had to schedule and what a wonderful mood it put me in? Oh, but this time it's gonna be even MORE happy-happy fun-fun. The number of classes I have left to take is even more limited, as are the times at which I will be able to take them. I really will be lucky if I manage to graduate in spring 2004 with the rest of my class.
So... HEY!! *snaps fingers!* I just remembered something that makes me happy! WOOT!! *scrolls down to previous blog and gazes in a pathetic slobbery fangirl stupor for a few hours imagining the occurence of much glomping*... muuuuuch better... x)~
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 2/01/2003 12:16:00 AM
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