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feeling: bored
listening to: Gunsmith Cats - Nantoka Shinakya! ...*shrug*
I don't know what to do with Phoenix anymore. Something's wrong with him and it just won't go away for more than, like, 10 hours at a time, if at all. It started on Tuesday with a case of swim bladder disorder (SBD) caused by me feeding him one pellet too many for breakfast - a freakin' newbie mistake *kicks self*. But treatment is easy - no feeding for 24-48 hours, and things should correct themselves. Well, they did, after a 24-hour fast. Easy enough. So the next day I gave him one pellet for breakfast, and by afternoon the SBD had returned. So this time I fasted him for 36 hours, even though the SBD was gone within somewhere between 12-16. Anyway, next morning came around, and AGAIN, by afternoon the SBD was back. It went away again around when I went to bed, and came back again when I checked on him first thing next morning.
Now, SBD is not one of those things that just appears out of nowhere for no reason in a fish that's been perfectly health for months, as Phoenix has. It's usually the result of overfeeding, and a 24-48 hour fast is usually all it takes to cure it. But already since I last fed him on Friday morning, the SBD has made it's come-and-go cycle at least TWICE. Something is not right, and I don't know what. I was starting to think it had something to do, somehow, with light. Because usually his non-SBD hours are overnight; it sets in within a couple hours of me turning the lights on in the morning, and resides within a couple hours of my turning the lights off at night. This is how it's been for the past 2 days or so. So today, before the trend could start again, I wrapped a black T-shirt around his tank to keep light out of his tank while still leaving plenty for Sekiray. We'll see how things go over the next few hours, I guess. This has been driving me insane for days.
But what the heck could LIGHT have to do with it?? It makes no bleeding SENSE! *fits*
...heck.
Anyway... less pointless stuff ahead. Most of this will probably end up being a response to another blog I've read recently. If your reading this AND if you've read all of my blog entries since I started it in December 2001, it's probably you. No, it IS you, given you're the only one who reads this blog anyway ;P
(hint: Enetation is a bunghole.)
Sooo... the main point of aforementioned blog was the statement "There will never be true peace", which would logically mean that the pursuit of true peace is meaningless... right? Now, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm by no means an optomist. But I'm not a pureblooded pessimist either. I've learned that some things DO have either a bright side or a hidden side that, while not necessarily bright, may be the answer you overlooked the first time around. I think the latter is the case here.
So the author of this blog confessed in this post that she desired to find true peace and happiness, right? And then, in conversation with one of those people who thinks they know everything about everything and happens to have a big ol' cynical streak to boot, she was told that "there will never be true peace". Which led said author to believe her lifelong quest for happiness has been a big lie. Am I right so far?
If so, I feel that an important point has been missed. See, there's a big difference between saying there will never be true peace for this world (you WERE talking about war and politics and such, no?) and saying there just plain IS no true peace. Of COURSE there's peace. But it's not the kind of peace that ends wars and disputes worldwide and makes eeeeevvverybody happy and every day sunny. Of course there will always be war in this world, for as long as humankind exists. It's the nature of man to think his opinions are the only ones that matter - of a few men, at least - and as long as at least one human like that exists, there'll never be an end to war. No matter how much you push for world peace, you can't suppress the human ego.
But the kind of peace that you strive for, O aforementioned author of aforementioned blog, is peace and happiness for yourself, right? See, in reality, that is the only kind of peace that IS truly attainable, and worthwhile. One person can't destroy war and conflict throughout the world, but one person CAN find individual peace and contentment for him/herself. Don't think your search for your own peace is meaningless just because someone told you the WORLD will never have true peace. Because you as an individual being can and WILL find that peace if you look for it. It won't change the world, but... really, who needs that kind of responsibility anyway? All that matters is finding your own peace, and being happy with yourself. Of course a whole bunch of crappy stuff will come up along the way to try to screw you up, but what's important is to overcome it. Because peace IS attainable. It's just not something that'll come bounding up to your doorstep whenever you want it to. It takes a little work to find it, but in the end it's worth it. I promise.
Another important point is that little things, usually material, that just show up out of nowhere one day and make you happy for a little while are usually NOT the answer to findind peace. It takes a loooong time to find who you really are and what your true peace really is... sometimes a lfetime. True contentment comes from overcoming things that try to hold you back, from realizing that you can face opposition and win, from several years of experience in the ways of the world. The REAL world. To be honest, I don't think it's possible to find true peace while one is still in one's teens, because teenagers just haven't seen the real world yet at all. All they've seen has something to do with high school, and high school is the exact opposite of real life. One day all you high school kiddies who really believe that your looks and social life are all you need to get through life are gonna get a biiiiiig slap in the face, and I wish I could be there to see it. :P
Oops, little aside there... *ahem*
Anyway, point is... there IS true peace. But it's not something that the whole world can feel all at once... not the kind of peace that ends war. It's the peace that you have to find for yourself, BY yourself, over a long period of time, after facing and defeating a whooole lot of crap that'll try to stop you. But it's attainable, and it really is the only kind of peace worth fighting for.
Heh, I always laugh when people say the only way to end war is through war.
Anyhow... there was more to that blog... hmm... ah yes, the 'everyone who dies is eventually forgotten' part. Dearie, let me be the first to tell you that those who truly love you will never, EVER forget about you, in the event that they outlive you. NEVER. I'll tell you right now that I think about you EVERY single day, even those times when it's been weeks since we've talked online and months since we've gotten to see each other. The only difference between that and losing someone to death is that there's no sadness in the former. Maybe some longing, some waiting... and waiting... and waiting... *ahem* to meet again, but no real sadness. But with death, you get this grief that never really goes away... and that grief only helps to ensure that you never forget that person. So... no, you would NOT be forgotten if you died. Not as long as you have someone who really loves you. And I can tell you with certainty that you do. So there. :P
Sooo... life's not meaningless, kay? ^_^
I think I'll go back to simming now. I have a new challenge: to get Brett Cameron as high on his career ladder as he can possibly go. That is a challenge because his job skills are already high, and getting them even higher takes fooorrrrrrreeeever. Wee, Sims is good. *plays*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 3/09/2003 03:17:00 PM
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