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I have a new dilemma:
Is it better to forget both the bad times and the good, and take a gamble on your ability to forget it all happened, or to hold onto the good memories and take a gamble on your ability to forget how much the bad ones hurt?
Seems to me there are advantages as well as risks with both options. With the first one, there's always the chance that in your efforts to forget everything that ever happened, you'll only remember it all more, thus making it hurt worse... but on the other hand, if you do manage to succeed in forgetting, it's gone for good and won't haunt you again. Whereas with the second option, there's always the chance that holding onto the good times will be painful because you know you might never relive them again... but on the other hand, if you succeed in clinging to the good times, they're more likely to drown out the bad ones.
The problem with either of these options is that they take time. A lot of time. Especially for people who don't really have anything better to occupy their minds with, at least not for a couple more weeks. Hey, like me. And during that time of trying to either remember or forget, you can't really think of anything else. Things like eating and sleeping and studying and just doing what needs to be done become all but impossible because all you can concentrate on is how much you miss what you once had and how much your stomach hurts to think about it. That's how it is for me, anyway.
Of course, deciding which of the two options to go with is always much easier if you know whether or not you're even still on good terms with the other person involved. If the other person never wants to see you again out of pure disgust or annoyance, the first option is better... but if you at least know that the other person still cares and wants you to be happy, you can go with the second option. But see, in my case, I don't even know if I and my 'other person involved' are still on good terms. It'd sure be nice to know whether or not they still care about me even in the least. But, I'm probably asking too much.
So... I doubt my 'other person involved' will ever read this... but if you are here, you know who you are. And I want you to know that I hold absolutely nothing against you, I never have, and I never will. I'll still care about you even if you don't want me to, and I still want you to be happy, even if that happiness can't involve me. And as you should know, I never say anything I don't mean. That goes double for the email I sent you around 5:00 this morning.
Now all I have to do is figure out whether to remember those good memories or try to forget them along with the bad... suggestions, anyone?
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 9/06/2003 09:32:00 PM
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