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feeling: extreme dread
listening to: nothing
So this afternoon while I was getting some easy homework out of the way the realization dawned on me that I am royally, royally screwed. I have this 9-12 page term paper due Tuesday, Nov. 25, right? I've known it was coming since the beginning of the quarter, right? I've started it, right?
Well, if you call half an intro paragraph "started", then the answer to all of the above is yes.
For the past three nights I was actually in the mindset to sit down and get working on that thing. Do some reading and research, roam through the library for more sources, get the intro and basic background info stuff typed up and out of the way, etc. THREE nights I set out with this in mind.
I just could not do it. I sat on my bed poring through those stupid books, trying to get some framework going, then sat here and stared at the computer screen for hours, and all I ended up typing was line after line of gibberish with a few usable sentences thrown in here and there, and an extremely vague outline that covers maybe 2/3 of the paper's length.
Then last night (or this morning) at 3 a.m., after typing a couple more hours' worth of gibberish, I said meh, I have some good books, I'll have time in the next few days to do the research and write the actual paper over my empty weekend, I'll be fine. Then for some reason as I was doing my Jap lit reading this afternoon something in my brain woke up, started flailing around and kicking and screaming, and sputtered "ARE YOU OFF YOUR NUT?! You have 3 books to research, 2 of which are bigger than half of your textbooks, and despite the fact that it may well take you 3 full evenings to read them, they'll only give you about half a term paper! You're gonna need more material, and you seem to forget that the library isn't open 24/7, and that you humans DO need some sleep every day! And here you are, less than a week from the due date, with TWO decent sentences written?! That's it, I'm gone!" Then it ran out.
Yes, I have a little non-human creature in my brain that spends all its time sleeping until I really need it, at which point it gets fed up and refuses to help because I procrastinated too long, despite the fact that had it been awake and gotten its lazy butt in gear, I would've been motivated enough to not put it off so long. I call it Yukiko.
Oh, and did I mention I spent most of last Thursday night in the emergency room with severe abdominal pain, paleness so intense they pumped two IVs in me, and more tests done than I've ever been through in any routine physical? Yeah, in the end they decided I have an ulcer. Ulcers are primarily caused by stress. I have a barely-touched term paper worth like 40% of my grade due in less than a week. Stress? What stress?
I knew from the start this class would kill me one way or another.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/19/2003 07:41:00 PM
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