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feeling: annoyed at myself
listening to: nothing
Well, I'm hopeless. The same thing that took me 5 years to put behind me took just 5 minutes to fall into all over again. That was a week ago... this morning confirmed it... our eyes didn't even meet for more than about 8 seconds, but apparently that was all it took. I spent the rest of the morning lying somewhere hidden from everyone else around, unable to think of anything but the happiness we used to have... and trying to imagine what it'd be like to have it back. That warmth, that closeness, that openness, that trust... all I ever wanted in life, to this day, was a friend like that, and while I do consider myself lucky to have experienced it, even if only for a couple years, all I can feel now is the emptiness that was left in its place. All I can think about is wanting it back.
And on top of that, of course, there's still...
I'll never be happy again, will I?
...Ok, enough moody stuff. Time for randomness.
Today I moved back to the dorm, which means tomorrow I plunge into what I guarantee will be my most evil, stressful quarter to date. Heh, I've said that at the start of every quarter for the past 2 years, I think... and you know what? I've been right every time. I'll be right this time, too. 4 classes instead of 3, 19 credit hours instead of 15... 2 honors classes and 2 600-level major-specific classes, one of which I believe is a writing class, much like that stupid history class I had to take last quarter that just about killed me 3 or 4 times. And Terashima-sensei, my Japanese teacher since the beginning of last year, will not be returning this quarter, which sucks royally. Everyone loved her. I think my one silver lining this quarter is that the teacher of my Japanese 655 (literature) class is the same as the teacher I had for Japanese 251 last quarter... and she's a piece of cake. Sitting through one of her classes is like going through third grade all over again. Unfortunately it's based on literature of the middle ages/Edo period... I would've preferred the old, classical stuff like Genji and the Pillow Book... but, no one ever said life was fair.
Me and Dumplin' had much fun the other night. It seems like we never stop finding new stuff to crack up at no matter how many times we play Bushido Blade... and I've never had such a blast sitting through an episode of Reign: The Conqueror :3~ "It's... amazing!" Dumplin', daisuki!
I'm tired... but I don't wanna go to bed, because the sooner I do, the sooner it'll be tomorrow. Tomorrow's gonna suck cheese. So is pretty much every weekday following it for the next 11 weeks or so. Can I go back in time about... maybe 15 1/2 hours... and just stay there forever? Or even better, how about 5 years back?
I can't believe myself right now... -_- goodnight
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/05/2004 01:20:00 AM
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