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feeling: frustrated... the hurt-and-confused kind, not the WTF???!?!?!!!?? kind
listening to: Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way, because I'm a masochist
Well, I got nothing accomplished this weekend. So much for all that work I was hoping to have done BEFORE taking off for San Jose. And don't you love those weekends that start out awesome and turn into just pure misery? I swear, I've run the full gamut of emotions this weekend.
I did go to a linguistics talk on Friday in my afternoon downtime, which was good - easy 10% of my grade just for sitting in a half hour lecture. Then me and Willard raced this huge nasty tornado- and hail-producing storm home from campus... my nephy was supposed to be waiting for me at home, but since the weather and traffic made us late, by the time I got there he'd gone home. So I spent Friday evening doing absolutely nothing of value. Talked with my parents, watched TV, wasted time online, listened to BLOOD, rapped with Dumplin' a bit... might've done a little doodling, or tried to...
Something woke me up not long after 8:00 Saturday morning, and as I gained consciousness the first thing I heard was Dad talking on the phone downstairs to my sis-in-law about Nephy spending the day with us. Later I found out that it didn't make much difference to either of them, so sis-in-law decided to ask Nephy what he wanted - something like "Do you want to go to grandma's house today?" And his response, apparently, was "Uh huh! And see Becky!" It befuddles me how much that kid adores me... anyway, he came over, he wouldn't let me out of his sight for 10 seconds... seriously, any time I tried to step out of the room I'd hear "Where'd Becky go?" "Is Becky coming?" or something along those lines. Then the parents took him along to do some work at the former home of my great uncle who died recently, and meanwhile I went to Dumplin's place to swim, which was awesome. I'm gonna be over there, like, every other day this summer. x) I got a sunburn too, but only on my thighs and shins, bizarrely... anyway. So then I took her to work and went home, and the parents and Nephy were just getting home too, and the little squirt insisted on helping me carry some of my stuff inside (I took lots of CDs, my stereo, art folder, and some other stuff). Then mom gave him a bath because he'd gotten seriously filthy at Uncle Ray's old decrepit dust-filled place (it was ALWAYS like that though, not just since he died... I dunno how he could stand it), and he made me stay near the tub with him and help dry him off and clothe him and stuff. O.o Later on I took a shower, and after I got out he came to the door (which I'd locked, because he likes opening doors now) and we had this conversation... keep in mind that this child is less than 2 1/2 years old...
"Becky!"
"Huh?"
"What are you doing?"
"Washing my hair."
"Oh!... Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"... O_o"
Then he went to report the conversation to Mom, and then he came back and knocked on the door, and this ensued:
"*knock knock*"
"Yeeess?"
"*knock knock* Hey Becky!"
"What, Braeden?"
"I'm knockin'! *knock knock*"
"Yes, I hear you... XD;;"
The kid's a riot.
Anyway, then at some point that evening Mom reported to me that while they were at Uncle Ray's, they asked him if he was daddy's boy, or grandma's boy, or mommy's boy, etc... they ask him that all the time just because it's amusing. Usually he insists that he's mommy's boy and no one else's, but Mom told me that this time he'd turned down mommy and declared himself "Becky's boy." It seriously baffles me how much this child adores me. He sees me the least of all his numerous relatives and extended family, and compared to all them I'm just plain boring. Yet I'm his favorite person. I don't get it.
So yeah, that was fun. Parents took him home finally, and a few minutes later I went on my own to my former high school's graduation ceremony. Partly because it's the first graduation to take place in the new facility, and I'd never been to any events there yet, so I wanted to check it out. But I shouldn't have gone, because various occurrences and encounters caused my good mood to just plummet into nothing, and I spent the rest of the evening being depressed and pathetic and absorbed in self-pity. But I'm not going into that here. If anyone really wants to know, there's a nice long rant in my Livejournal; chances are if you're here you either know where my LJ is or have the info to find it if you want to.
Finally, today has been just a big jumble of everything. Fun times, laughter, pride, sympathy, embarrassment, exclusion, solitude, loneliness, emtpiness, longing, and lots of other things I still can't manage to put a name to. For a few minutes there I almost felt like I mattered, but then I was just another pile of flesh taking up space in a crowded room. In the end I just slipped out without a word. I'm sure no one missed me.
And now I sit here wasting time typing this, when I need to be addressing my graduation announcements before I leave to return to the dorm in a couple hours. And between now and this coming Wednesday I need to type that linguistics paper and find all the sources I'll need for my 13-20 page paper and acompanying 5-7 minute oral defense on Thailand as well as for my 8-page paper for EALL on a topic that hasn't revealed itself to me yet. I'm so, so screwed. But you all knew that already.
I'm starting to think it'll take a miracle for me to actually receive my degree during my gradution ceremony and not the dreaded empty envelope. Either that or it'll take a miracle to keep my body alive and functioning long enough to both pass all my classes AND make it to the ceremony. Someone shoot me.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/23/2004 01:46:00 PM
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