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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wThursday, March 16, 2006 |
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feeling: tired... concerned...
listening to: Phil Collins - No Way Out
Heh. Adion, that was probably the highest praise anything I've written has ever received. Thanks.
Now, just to push the other day's drivel out of the way, here's a survey.
1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'4" or so... been too many years since I was measured
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
no
3. Do you own a gun?
no
5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents?"
the issue has never come up
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
fine with me, in moderation
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Mary Did You Know, O Holy Night, and Carol of the Bells (Trans-Siberian Orchestra version)
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
juice, non-citrus
9. Do you do push-ups?
no
10. Have you ever done ecstacy?
no
11. Are you vegan?
no
12. Do you like painkillers?
when I'm in pain
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
nothing
14. Do you own a knife?
only Exacto knives
15. Do you have A.D.D.?
not to my knowledge
16. Middle Name?
Michelle
17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment
not gonna talk about that
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
[censored because it's not for me], Xena season 5, and Disney's Brother Bear (yeah, shut up)
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink
non-citrus juice, Koolaid, water... and that's about all I "regularly" drink...
20. What time did you wake up today?
about 1 pm
21. what did you wear today?
same thing I slept in, until my parents dragged me out to dinner... then my navy-trimmed grey fleece shirt and dark blue bootcut jeans
22. Current worry?
...
23. Current hate?
my nose... it hurts and keeps bleeding
24. Favorite places to be?
*shrug* I don't go many places
25. Least favorite place to be?
among the living
26. Where would you like to go?
Japan
27. Do you own slippers?
yes, 4 or 5 novelty pairs
28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
exactly where I am now, except if I'm lucky I'll have some kind of income
29. Do you burn or tan?
burn
30. Last thing you ate?
Golden Corral... specifically a yeast roll with honey butter
31. Would you be a pirate?
no
32. Last time you ate peanut butter & jelly?
several months ago...
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
weird as it sounds... trains... because when I was 3 or 4 I had a nightmare that a train drove over our house just as one was actually going by on the railroad tracks we lived next to
35. What's in your pockets right now?
nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
something on the last Xena episode I watched, which was Kindred Spirits
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
I didn't really have special sheets
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
broken nose, lip gashed almost all the way through to my teeth, corner of nose gashed almost all the way through to my gums, and split tongue... all from the same bike wreck
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2
41. Who is your loudest friend?
I don't think any of them are that loud
42. What is your best quality?
can't think of anything
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I would hope no one is THAT desperate
44. Do you wish on stars?
no
45. What is your favorite book?
I don't read as many books as I'd like
46. What is your favorite candy?
pretty much anything chocolate
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I don't intend to get married
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
prefer not to think about it
49. What were you doing 12AM last night?
*snort* somehow I read that as IZAM for a minute... anyway, midnight... probably just moping and being useless
50. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
I don't care for any kind of pain
comment! (2)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 3/16/2006 10:17:00 PM
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wSaturday, March 11, 2006 |
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feeling: ...
listening to: nothing
I just wanted to apologize to those who have been and are being forced to endure this latest bout with depression that has rendered me utterly useless. I am very slowly improving after, what, 3 or 4 days of the worst of it... but if it hasn't gone away by now, it might take a little longer than I figured. Which means, as if I haven't been tucked up into a worthless, tearstained little ball long enough, I can't predict how long it will be before I'm of any use to the world again. I've been hiding from the real and online worlds so I can wallow in my own solitude, and the few who have encountered me online couldn't have gotten anything worthwhile out of me, because when I get like this I am a silent, oblivious husk. I consider myself dead. And if it keeps up for too long I won't be of any use at all anymore.
Honestly, I have gotten nothing accomplished for myself or anyone else since this set in. More than one day this past week I made an honest effort to just not even get out of bed. I haven't completed any of the tasks that I've promised others I would do. And when at any point a friend or acquaintance has needed me, I've been completely unresponsive... not just vocally, but unable to even reach out and offer my love and support because I'm too wrapped up in my own stupid problems. Call it my selfish side rearing its ugly head again.
I'm not saying all this to whine or cry for attention or anything, by the way. Like I said, it seems the worst may be over. My only point here is to apologize for being a lousy excuse for a friend and human being lately. Not just for the past few days, but for however much longer this is going to last. All things considered, I might never really be back to normal. Whatever normal is. If I ever make it that far it'll be because of my kitty... so thank you, kitty. For being there and for trying, even if this stupid thing doesn't go away.
I know, I'm being unusually emo with all the "it'll never get better, life will always suck, I'll never be happy again, wah wah" crap. This isn't normal for me, honest. I guess I just had an overdose of reality this time to make it seem like this will never go away.
...And didn't I say my point here was NOT to whine? >>
Anyway, like I said, I apologize. For now and for what may be the future. At this point I honestly don't know.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 3/11/2006 04:09:00 AM
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