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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wThursday, July 24, 2008 |
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feeling: lots of things
listening to: Caramell - Caramelldansen (Speedycake mix)
Dfhasdfkgdsk. This song is BOTH HATE AND LOVE. Seriously. It's like, it SHOULD be evil, but it's not. It's cute. And fun. And GAH. *dies of sugar rush*
...Or maybe it's because right now EVERYTHING sounds awesome on this computer. New speaker system. HOT. And the sad thing is, it's one of the lower-end setups, only $30, pretty basic two speakers and a subwoofer. Guess that proves how pathetic my old speakers were.
Yes, today is a day of many moods. Way too many. Giddy over the awesomeness of every single sound that comes from these speakers, annoyed and pressed by the transition of 130-some fansubs and 2000 watchers from my old Taiji Project to the new community, disturbed by dreams last night that for once I remember in too much detail to be able to write down...
Ok, now I have Canned Heat by Jamiroquai on, and ajghdjkf. I'm dancing sitting down. >.> This is ridiculous. Annoying music should never sound so awesome. But on the other hand, that means GOOD music is gonna be, like, orgasmic. I played Embryo by Dir en grey earlier with the bass turned up and I FREAKING MELTED.
Oh, and you know what's awesome? If I recall correctly, we still have homemade vanilla ice cream. And now we have fresh milk chocolate brownies. And the usual chocolate syrup. I'm thinking brownie sundaeeeeee.
Wow, I am weird today.
[edit: well, cancel the sundae. but the brownies are still good...]
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/24/2008 07:01:00 PM
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wSaturday, July 12, 2008 |
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feeling: screwed up
listening to: badly out-of-sync audio
Found this old Japanese TV show tonight that had this segment where the intent, I suppose, was to help people improve themselves by hearing what the people around them really think of them but have trouble saying face to face. They bring the person into the center of a dark room and, behind him, bring in 12 of his friends/acquaintances/whatever dressed in cloaks and masks and hooked up to voice distortion mics so he won't recognize them. In this particular episode, the guy sat in his chair practically curled up in a ball whimpering and crying while his 12 "friends" verbally ripped him apart, making him sound like the most horrible, disgusting human being in the world, and sounding more like his mortal enemies than his companions and colleagues. When it was over, he fell to his hands and knees and groveled in front of them for a moment before hightailing it out of the room.
I think I could really use something like that. Just feeling a tremendous need to be kicked around and taken down to size right now. Even if the fault isn't 100% mine (which I'm convinced that it always is no matter what because everything that's gone wrong in my life always has been), still some part of it is... because if not for some action or lack thereof on my part, the people I love most would not hurt. Ever.
Every time it's the same: I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid anything I tried or said would only make it worse, but doing nothing makes it worse anyway, which leaves me with no other visible options and I end up alone again. My life is an endless repeat of this cycle, has been for years and years, through a dozen different people. Maybe if I could get all those people, past and present, to put on cloaks and masks and distort their voices and thoroughly chew me out until I was on my hands and knees begging for mercy, I could at least keep the past from repeating itself. It would hurt, but whatever. I never cared about myself. If turning myself into a punching bag, verbal or otherwise, would make anything better at all, I'd happily do it. Because I don't know what else I can do.
Maybe there really is something to be said for relationships. At least the part about having someone to hold you when everything is dark and cold. Or maybe I'm thinking of S&M relationships where the masochist feels redeemed after doing something wrong by having the filth beaten out of them.
...Wow, this post sucked. Here, have a more meaningful rant: I FREAKING HATE CLUBBOX.
Ok, I'm going now.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/12/2008 11:20:00 PM
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wSunday, July 06, 2008 |
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feeling: ...
listening to: old Recomen
I've decided that, since the post I was putting all my J-drama reviews in has gotten so long, I'm going to just create a new post for each new review I write (or batch thereof), and subsequently label that post my J-drama master post and add links for all newer reviews to it. Soooo, the first victim of this new system shall be...
Sekai no Chuushin de, Ai o Sakebu
Roughly translated to Crying Out Love from the Center of the World. From all I heard, this is supposed to be one of the saddest J-dramas of all time, and as such it's extremely well-known. Personally, though... I didn't really see it.
The whole idea of the story is that this guy, Matsumoto Sakutaro, is looking back on himself in high school 17 years ago and recalling his first true love, Hirose Aki, who died of leukemia. No, I didn't spoil anything with that. That much of the story is told flat-out in just the first couple minutes of the first episode. And every episode is set up the same way - Present Day Sakutaro is trudging through his daily adult life, STILL a miserable shell of a human 17 years after Aki died, on some kind of "mission" to find the perfect place to scatter a little vial of her ashes. After a few minutes of this, he stumbles across something that reminds him of something that happened 17 years ago in his life with Aki, which leads to the flashback portion of the episode (which is the majority of its length, of course). Then somewhere in the middle it cuts back to the present for a few minutes, then back to the past, then back to the present again at the end of the episode. Every episode is the same format and you already know the girl is going to die; it's just a matter of how long they can drag it out.
I'm not saying the drama is bad, though. It's well-made, with some gorgeous camerawork and scenery, the actors are respectable, and I'll admit it - the way they built up Sakutaro and Aki's relationship really made you feel that they genuinely, truly loved each other. It's sweet and pure, and almost actually makes you hope they'll have a happy ending, despite knowing what's going to happen. When Sakutaro cries for her, it feels real. So that part is well-portrayed... but it doesn't really cover for the overall predictability. Maybe it's just me... I like to be kept guessing in a drama. Having something new to discover in every episode, or whatever.
Guess that's all I have to say about that one. My next one will be Maou, which I am watching in real time for the first time in my J-drama viewing history. Which means 1) no subtitles, 2) getting up by 9 every Friday morning to catch it in my time zone, and 3) it'll be another 10 weeks or so before I see the end and get to babble about it. Oh well. I could watch Zettai Kareshi in the meantime, but something about the idea of watching two drama series at once makes me twitch. Might change my mind though. Waiting for Maou #2 is already making me edgy.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/06/2008 11:44:00 PM
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