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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wThursday, May 30, 2002 |
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feeling: hot, tired, and headachy
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - See You Space Cowboy
Ok, I just started a fairly long blog, but then my computer decided to be a jerk and I lost it. So here's another survey stolen from Silfy-chan.
1. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others? Eyes, hair, a smooth face (meaning no fuzz or stubble XD;;)
2. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president? Probably not... but if one ever comes along who's really really good and has an incompetent clown for an opponent, then... maybe
3. Would you marry for money? Better question: would I marry? Answer to both: nope
4. Have you had braces? nope
5. Do you pluck your eyebrows? nope
6. Do you ever cut or hurt yourself? not on purpose
7. When was the last time you had a hickey? I hate hickeys >_<
8. Could you live without a computer? no I could not
9. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc..? AOL, and I use ICQ to talk to my mom
10. If so, how many people are on your list(s)? a few dozen, but I only talk to like, 4
11. If you could live in any past time period, which would it be? umm... like... I do not know
12. Do you drink enough water? heck no :p
13. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off? I walk around barefoot in the house
14. What is your favorite fruit? I like bananas >D
15. Do you eat wheat bread or white? either works
16. What is your favorite place to visit? Seafood Japan XD
17. What is the last movie you saw? umm hang on... *thinks*... probably the Utena movie :P
19. Are you photogenic? not last I checked
20. Do you dream in color or black and white? color
21. Are you wearing fingernail polish? that stuff is too much trouble
22. Do you have any dimples? nope
23. Do you remember being born? nope
24. Why do you take surveys? out of pure boredom
25. Do you drink alcohol? no
26. Did you like or do you like high school? High school was the most evil and unbearable few years of my life and I would not go through it again if you paid me
27. What is the most beautiful language? beautiful? heck if I know
29. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? sunsets
30. Do you want to live to be 100? from where I stand now... no
31. Do you think women should be expected to shave their body hair? I think that's a stupid custom and I'd like to know how the flip it came about
32. Do you like salty food or sugary food the most? sugary
33. Is a flat stomach important to you? ...I'd be a liar AND a hypocrite if I said it was >_>
34. Do you or have you played with a ouija board? nope
35. Are you loyal? I'm too loyal for my own good
36. Are you tolerant of other people's beliefs? as long as they're tolerant of mine
37. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? usually on, but dark can be nifty on occasion
38. Do you believe in magic? ...in a young girl's heart... great, now that song's gonna be stuck in my head forever XP
39. Do you have nightmares frequently? Not nightmares, but... last night I had a dream I ran over my nephew with my mom's car in my grandma's driveway O_O;;; but he wasn't even scratched so I guess that doesn't count :P
40. Do you like your nose? no, it's too pointy >_<
41. Do you like abstract art? no... oh look, I can slop 2 colors in no particular order or pattern on a big canvas in 2 minutes... I'm the world's greatest artist *koff*
42. Do you think you can draw well? I can draw better than... people who've never picked up a pencil in their lives maybe >_O
43. Do you listen to music daily? pretty much
44. Do you like to watch cartoons? on occasion
45. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? errr, 5 or 6
46. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet? Two... chunky sandals I never wear anymore and shower shoes. The shoes I wear every day sit out on the floor where I can get to them.
47. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety? I wear these 2 year old Reeboks every day
48. Do you write poetry? not really
49. Do you snore? probably, but not really really bad
50. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? front I think
51. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? You will never, ever catch me with possession of a poodle. I'd sooner shave it bald and pass it off as a 'possum. >_< Therefore... a rottweiler. But all I really want is a Great Dane, a Chinese crested dog, a beagle, a Papillon, and a Saluki, soooo yeah.
52. Do you lick stamps? no *-* heh when I was little I used to use a paintbrush and water so I didn't have to lick them XD
53. Do you use an electric can opener? when I have to
54. Have you ridden in a hot air balloon? nope
55. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? not that they're even close to similar... -_- but the obvious answer is emotional, so I'm saying that
56. Do you think balding men should shave their heads? the follically impaired can do whateveeerr they want with their heads >:D
57. Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed? yes, and I wish they would stoppit XD; *throws maple nut goodies at them all*
58. Do you prefer a piano or a violin? piano
59. Are you a sex addict? nope
60. Do you know someone who has cancer? several someones
61. Do you hunt? nope
62. Do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants? fast food
63. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? the zooooo
64. Do you have a middle name? yes, it is Michelle
65. Are you basically a happy person? pretty much, but I apparently hide it well because I can guarantee at least one person reading this is laughing his head off right now :P
66. Are you tired? naturally
67. Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today? I had sweetened lemonade... does sugar count as caffeine? it has the same basic effect :P
68. Have you ever met anyone off the internet? yeah, once... she lived in the same state as me though
69. How many phones do you have in your house? 4, but I think my parents took one out recently... dunno why
70. How long is your hair? aboouuuut shoulder length
71. Do you get along with your parents? generally
72. What color of eyes do you prefer? I have a thing for blue but it doesn't really matter :3
73. Are you an active person? no... no I am not
74. What medications do you take? I'm supposed to be on Nexium, but I know for a fact it wouldn't help if I did, so no... except Tylenol when I have a headache, like now for instance
75. What does your bedroom look like? ugly -_- but it's supposed to be getting redone soon so yaaay... feh, right now it's fairly big but there's junk all over the floor, which is plywood with some rugs and old junky brown carpet scraps on the most walked-on areas, the walls are lavender and nasty looking, and the ceiling is white unpatterned stucco
Gods, it is way too hot in here. I want to sleeeeeep.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/30/2002 03:56:00 PM
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wTuesday, May 28, 2002 |
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feeling: clammy
listening to: nothing, roomie is sleeping -_-
I guess I was wrong... my weekend didn't end Sunday night~ As it turned out, we ended up getting my nephew again yesterday so we could take him to the family Memorial Day cookout thinger, since his parents were working and couldn't go. Well, as we were leaving there, he started getting fussy and feverish, and when we got him home and he woke up from the car-ride-nap, he would not stop whimpering and making general unhappy noises (not really full-fledged crying though; he like, never does that), was still hot and red-cheeked, and wouldn't drink juice. So we got in the car to take him home and again he slept. Fortunately he didn't wake up till just as we were turning onto the road where hie lives, cause when he did, he cried. And cried, and cried. And eventually screamed. We finally got him out of the car and into his mom's arms, and he still cried and screamed. Then he threw up. Not just little baby spit-up... he threw up. And screamed some more. We all felt so bad cause we couldn't help... even his mom said she had no idea what to do for him, cause he hasn't cried anywhere near that much since he learned how to smile. We're talking about the happiest baby I've ever seen... he cried more in that evening than he has in probably 2 months ;_; So his mom took him to the ER last night cause he wouldn't stop crying, and they found an infection in both ears. Thaaaat would do it... poor kid o_o;; So they gave him antibiotics and he's much better today. ^^ Sooo after we got him home I returned to campus, and by then it was about 9:30. Did about as much studying and homework as I felt I needed, but Mitsu's water change got put off till... just now. Eh well.
Have I mentioned I REALLY want summer? >_< I'm sick of this dorm room... it's cramped and dusty and stinky and I have undesired bedtimes and wakey-times and other such limits on my life *koff* because of a roommate. I'm not saying it's her fault, mind you... I would have the same limits no matter who my roommate happened to be. Which is why I can not wait to get my single next year, and also why I just can't wait to get home. More than anything, I think, I look forward to having this computer in my room where I can listen to my music without going downstairs to my parents' computer with its wussy sound system *hugs subwoofer* and tendencies to... like, not work. Supposedly our cable provider is going to give us a modem that supports two computers in a home network instead of just one, which would mean I'd FINALLY be online in my own room, but... no one ever said our provider was reliable or anything. -_- But I still look forward to having my music close by.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/28/2002 04:25:00 PM
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wMonday, May 27, 2002 |
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feeling: tired and happy
listening to: nothing, as I will be going to bed very soon
This has been a good weekend. Saturday I awoke to my parents pulling into the driveway... went downstairs and saw them carrying my nephew in, as they had just picked him up and brought him over for the day. He went with us to my cousin's graduation party, and of course he was everyone's favorite guest ^u^ One of my younger cousins, something like 3 years old, insisted on holding him (with grandma's help)... she is such a doll... the first thing she said to him was "What's up dude" XD Then we took him to the graduation ceremony of the high school I went to till 2 years ago, the gateway to Hell that it is... anyway, and he was a perfect angel through the whole broiling dragging ceremony. Stayed awake, didn't cry, socialized with some guy sitting behind us, met people as I carried him around looking for old friends to congratulate on making it through the evil that is Southeastern High (one of them thought he was my kid XD), and again he was pretty much the main attraction. Then as we were driving him home - a good hour on the road - he fell asleep playing with his pacifier. He'd pull it out, bang it on his car seat 4 or 5 times, put it back in for a while, pull it back out, bang it on the car seat, put it back in, repeat, repeat, repeat. He kept doing it long after his eyes drifted shut. ^____^ He is too cute to be real~ and my arms are still sore from lugging him around cause he's so fat *rubs biceps*
Then today I got to play Threads of Fate some more (finally), and figured out the place where I was stuck last week. Got through the second major area of the game. It was fun once I actually turned my brain on. :Þ Also watched the tape of the Whose Line marathon that was on last night while we were at graduation, then watched the last two episodes of Utena again. No matter how many times I see that finale, it still makes me all giddy and weird. *luvey sigh* And then I actually looked over some readings and info for my Jap 231 midterm which is Tuesday... not that this contributed to my happiness factor for the day, but it was getting something done. Well... getting something started, more accurately. Aaaand finally, just now, I won an eBay auction for a full anime series I've had my eye on for almost a year. ^___^v It's Serial Experiments Lain on DVD, full series, fatory sealed and straight from the source, for less than $30 including shipping and insurance. Last time I was at MediaPlay just one disc from that series, I think 3 episodes, cost at least $30. So I'd say I did pretty well for myself. Yaaaaayy I got Laaaaaiiin *headbangs*
There has only been one low point of this weekend so far. Last night I slept through half of Toonami's Adult Swim, including Tenchi, which I'm pretty sure was supposed to be an ep I've been waiting close to a year to see. >_< I suck. We got home well after 11 p.m., so I missed all but the end of YuYu Hakusho... got to see Cowboy Bebop, which was cool... the next 2 shows in the block didn't interest me so I stuck in the Whose Line marathon tape... and fell asleep. Woke up at 2 a.m., just as Tenchi was going off, and since the tape was still running I couldn't even hear what episode it was. (cause usually if I fall asleep I at least leave it on that channel, and when Tenchi comes on I hear Mihoshi or Ryo-ohki's sreeching voices and wake up...yeah). grrr. I really suck.
And even though I have tomorrow off too, I consider this long weekend pretty much over. The fun stuff is done. Tomorrow I go back, study, do homework, change my fish's water, study some more, and get back into the school thing, which sucks cause this long weekend has only served to heighten my awareness that summer is just around the corner. Which makes me extreeeeemely impatient and whiny. So if you talk to me over the next 3 weeks and I start snapping at you or ranting on and on about anything and everything, you'll know why. Lord, you should've seen me last year around this time. You think I'm depressed and miserable now? :P (I'm not, by the way...certain people just think I am :P) I did have proof of that agony, but then my computer decided to eat 2 of my floppy disks, so I don't anymore, but... rest assured I was not a happy camper. The ranting, the whining, the slamming of heads and fists on the desk... *sigh* I love this time of year, can't you tell?
Even though I did see a couple things I'd never noticed before while rewatching the last episodes of Utena tonight, I won't do a spoiler-blog now. I'm too tired, and I don't wanna steal (or dim) the glory from my Black Rose spoiler blog down there just yet. :3 I'm off to bed.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/27/2002 01:14:00 AM
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wFriday, May 24, 2002 |
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feeling: tired but content
listening to: Utena - Eien no Himitsu
I was excited this morning~ cause this guy in my Japanese class was wearing an Utena t-shirt ^___^ That's the second time I've seen one on campus this year, and both were different and worn by guys. Happy this makes meeee XD Utena is not as well-known an anime as it should be... more people need to see it an get obsessed and advertise it everywhere by wearing shirts like those two guys. *nod* Foof, I shouldn't talk I guess... even if I did get my hands on an Utena shirt I doubt I'd wear it in public. That's just too much pink for me. >3 I like, don't even own any clothes with pink in them... but it's a major color in Utena promo stuff cause her hair's pink... so yeah. Don't ask, I'm strange about wearing stuff with pictures of things I like on them. It makes no sense. XP
I wonder if I have time for an Utena spoiler-blog before I leave for the 3 day weekend... hmm, what to spoil today...
Ohhh, I know >D
Big Utena Spoilers Follow... durrr
Today I think I shall expound on the meanings of the main Utena characters' names and what significance they have to the series. This shall lead into an assessment of the main players in the Black Rose series... so get ready, Dumplin', cause I think I got it now. XD
Utena Tenjou ~ Utena means calyx, the green leafy parts of a flower that protect the unopened bud... and the two kanji of Tenjou mean "heaven" and "above". The calyx part is easy, and it's one of the coolest symbolic things in the show, I think... but I'll go into that in more detail when I get to Anthy's name. The "heaven above" part, I think, refers to the upside-down castle that floats above the arena where all of Utena's duels are fought. All desirable things are said to dwell in the castle - eternity, things that glow, the power of miracles, etc. - and the ultimate reason everyone fights to win the Rose Bride is to gain entry into that castle and take possession of all those things they desire. So I guess the castle could be symbolically compared to heaven.
Anthy Himemiya ~ Anthy is a Greek word for flower, and the two kanji in Himemiya mean "princess" and "shrine". The flower part ties in with the calyx part of Utena's name: the calyx protects the vulnerable flower. Nifty symbolism there. Yep. So, the last name... the "princess" thing is kind of ironic at first, because Anthy is not a princess. She's the opposite - a witch. That's a major theme of the series, so it seems interesting that the creators gave her a name with princess in it. But in a way she IS a princess, because Utena is the prince who saves her... poor Anthy, gone princess to witch to princess-in-distress again... o_O Well, anyway... and the shrine part... hmm. I guess that just gives her a sense of regality and natural beauty and stuff. She does have that air about her.
Wakaba Shinohara ~ Wakaba means "young leaf", and Shinohara means "bamboo field". I am really not sure of any symbolism behind this. ^^;; Except the "young" part... she's definitely... well, no younger than Utena, but she acts younger. I don't mean she's childish, but... well, maybe she is. Nah, she's not. Anyway, she's cute and spunky and genki and just sort of average, and she looks up to Utena as both a best friend and a child might. So the young thing works. As for leaf... well, in one episode Saionji, her long-time crush, carves a little leaf-shaped hair clip for her, but then changes his mind and gives it to Anthy, his crush. Which leads Wakaba to become a Black Rose duelist and challenge Utena. I can't see any leaf symbolism beyond that though... can't think of anything for bamboo field either... maybe it's just a common Japanese family name (kinda sounds like it), which would stress her role as just an average girl?
Dios ~ This one's pretty easy. Dios is Spanish for God. And in Utena, Dios kinda is the representation of God... he's the all-good prince who goes around saving girls, and his home (cage actually, in the series) is the castle that's an awful lot like Heaven. Unfortunately, before he can become the full incarnation of Dios and save the world by revolution, Dios falls ill. Anthy traps him in the floating castle to protect him, and the world, robbed of salvation, holds her in contempt as a witch. At this point, Dios changes paths and turns into the exact opposite of God after Anthy traps him in the castle...
Akio Ohtori ~ this spelling of Akio means "morning star". In the series, Akio says that this star could have been the one to light the world, but it instead chose the way of darkness and became a sort of fallen angel among stars. This clearly goes back to Akio going from godly prince to the Lucifer figure. His last name isn't really his last name - it's the last name of his fiance(e?), who is the daughter of the chairman of Ohtori Academy. But anyway, Ohtori means "phoenix", which is just really cool in and of itself. ^^ In mythology, of course, the phoenix was a bird that resurrected itself by rising from fire or ashes or something... I'm not 100% clear on the myth, but it's commonly known. I think this must have something to do with the Revolution, another big theme in the anime. Revolution is kinda like resurrection, ne? I could be wrong... but it's an interesting parallel.
Short break from names for a sec. You know, I just remembered something, while I was typing the Dios/Akio stuff. In the final episodes, as Akio is dueling with Utena, he uses all sorts of stuff to try to break her confidence and set himself up as her prince so he can win. When it takes longer than he expects, he says something to the effect of "If I can't be a prince, no one can" and sheds some tears. Weakneeesssss >:D Anyway, that reminded me that Akio regretted having lost the way of Dios and turning into such a manipulative demon. Back when he first abandoned the path of the light and became Akio, he could've just gone on with his evil life, but he didn't - he created Ohtori Academy and the dueling game, and he kinda forced Anthy into his *koff* service, all for the purpose of regaining that power to revolutionize the world. He wanted to go back, to have a chance at becoming Dios again. Now, I still don't think his motives were good... he only wanted to be Dios again so he could gain everything. He never cared about saving the world. He couldn't, I don't think... because he was Akio. He'd lost the light he'd had before he changed direction. So even if he did beat Utena and gain the power to revolutionize the world, it wouldn't work. He might've brought a revolution, but it wouldn't have been one to save the world. It would've... been bad. Yeah.
Ok, that made little sense, and if I keep babbling it'll only get worse, so back to names it is. And here comes the Black Rose theorizing...
Mikage Souji ~ The "Mi" in his first name is a sort of honorific prefix; the "kage" part means "shadow". The kanji of his last name mean "grass" and "time".
Chida Mamiya ~ The kanji of Chida mean "thousand" and "spit"... which I can't even come close to understanding. o_O And the kanji of Mamiya mean "horse" and "shrine".
Chida Tokiko ~ Mamiya's sister. Chida, again, means "thousand" and "spit"; Tokiko means "time child" or "child of time".
Now, I'm doing these three assessments as one, because all these characters kind of go together. Notice any relations between their names and/or those of other characters? For one, two of them have "time" in them. The symbolism here, I say, is that these characters appear in the series in the same timeline as do Utena, Anthy, and the other main characters. But in reality, Mikage has not aged a minute in several decades, Tokiko looks like she aged about 20 or so years, and Mamiya is dead. Maybe that's why Mamiya's name doesn't have "time" in it... hmmmm. Anyway, they were all associated with each other at that time so many years ago; in the series, a middle-aged Tokiko returns to Ohtori Academy to visit Mamiya's grave, and she encounters Mikage, who hasn't aged in the slightest.
But here's the thing: in the present time (Utena's time), Mikage has a lackey. That lackey, whom he is trying to turn into the Rose Bride, is Mamiya. Or he THINKS it's Mamiya. But as mentioned earlier, Mamiya died back when Mikage was at his peak, decades ago. Not only that, but when he was alive, he looked like an average young boy... white, brown hair, dark eyes, freckles. But in the present, he looks much more feminine. In fact, he looks like a female version of Anthy with silver, shorter hair (but still in pretty much the same style) and no glasses; he even wears an outfit with many features identical to Anthy's Rose Bride dress. And, in fact, Mikage wants to defeat Utena so that he can kill Anthy and make Mamiya the new Rose Bride. Why is all of this, you... or more specifically, I... ask? Well, let's look at the incident from however many years ago it was. Mikage was a genius professor and was on the verge of discovering the secret to eternity. Tokiko and the sickly Mamiya were friends of his. He knew Mamiya was nearing death, and he wanted this secret to eternity so he could give it to Mamiya, so he wouldn't die. But Mamiya burned down the building in which all of Mikage's research and the 100 students working for him had been, and they were all destroyed. Mikage lost the hope of eternity. So he instead turned to Akio, who showed him his dueling game and a new chance to gain the power of revolution and, as mentioned before, eternity within the castle. Thus Mikage became a puppet of Akio, and the Mamiya of the present who looks like a female Anthy... actually was Anthy. He just saw Mamiya in her. The question remaining is, what does Anthy have to do with all this? I think Akio just sent her to screw with Mikage's mind (remember she's Akio's puppet too... she's just closer to salvation than Mikage, cause of Utena, and thus increasingly harder to manipulate). He's evil that way. And it worked. Mikage lost his duel with Utena, thus losing his last chance at finding eternity. And having lost any threads of Mamiya's existence, he also lost any hope of eternity he had for himself. Akio no longer has use for him. And so he vanished.
And now I shall get to the other name relations. Mikage's name, remember, has an honorifc prefix, which reminds me of princehood and other such regality. Who else has the role of prince in this series? Utena. And indeed, Mikage is to Mamiya much as Utena is to Anthy. And of course, remember, Mikage's vision of Mamiya in the present was Anthy. Cool, ne? :3 Anyway, the other part of Mikage's given name is "shadow", which works because his present form, where he knows Utena, is merely a shadow of his past self from before the fire incident, and in fact if not for the hopes he had of gaining eternity, he wouldn't be alive in Utena's time. He's a shadow of hismelf, existing only as Akio's puppet... thinking he's trying to get eternity for himself and Mamiya, but actually he'd just be handing it over to Akio if he did get it. But he didn't, so there's that. Anyway, finally, his family name, Souji... I dunno about the "grass" part >_<, but the "time" part should be obvious now that I've gone on and on about how he's existing in two different ages in the series. He's both past and present.
Then, Mamiya's name. Again, I have nooo idea as to Chida, the "thousand"-"spit" part. Or the "horse" part. But the "shrine" part should be clear by now too. Remember I mentioned the "miya" in Anthy Himemiya's name means "shrine"? Same with Mamiya's name. And while he does have a kinda regal air about him because his clothes are so much like Anthy's, I think this was mainly done just to parallel him to Anthy, since... well, Mamiya is Anthy. Or Anthy is Mamiya, whatever you prefer.
Finally, Tokiko's name. Again, I bypass the "thousand"-"spit" part and move on to "time child." Again, like Mikage, she exists in both past and present. They run into each other in the series. The difference is she is aging normally, while Mikage isn't. And this difference, I think, is symbolized by the different kanji used to represent the "time" part of each of their names: there's Tokiko and Souji. And as I mentioned before, even though Mamiya supossedly existed in both past and present as well, his form in the present was only an apparition; in reality he was long dead. I think this is why there's no "time" component in his name.
There. I think I'm done now. Wow... as dorky as it sounds, I think this is a blog I can be proud of. :D I deciphered the insanity of the Black Rooooose and I did it all by myseeeeelf~~~ XDDD ...well, excluding the source from which I found the meanings of the names... but... hey, I'm not Japanese. So anyway *hugs blog*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/24/2002 02:42:00 PM
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wThursday, May 23, 2002 |
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feeling: tired and hungry
listening to: Stray Dog Strut, again
I was right last night. I am dead tired. Got back at 3 from my bio quiz, laid in bed for half an hour trying to nap, but all was in vain. My body never, ever lets me sleep during the daylight hours unless I really, really want to stay awake. Therefore, though I can barely keep my head up as I sit typing this, I can not get to sleep when I lay down no matter what I do. I gave up after half an hour because that's usually the breaking point around which my eyes get sick of being held shut and my head starts screaming bloody murder. And I'd rather be tired all evening than be tired AND have an evil headache all evening.
I bring it upon myself though, of course... normally I go to bed not much later than 1 a.m., but I was up till 3 last night, engaged in a jello battle with Silfy-chan. *snicker* In fact, I only abandoned the battlefield cause my roommate went to bed, and I didn't want to keep her awake. That and my eyes were on freakin' fire. :P Luckily though, I grabbed some jello before I left and am armed and ready for the next encounter. >:D Oh, speaking of... hay Silfy, I thought of you today when my Japanese lecturer tried to say "verbal gerund" and it came out "gerbil" XD
We are the doggy doggy dogs... we are the doggy doggy dogs...
*tries to think of something worthwhile to say*
Well, it's just about time to start packing up all my crap in this dorm in preparation for summer. Three weeks to go. *falls to knees rejoicing* And yes, it is very wise to start packing at least three weeks ahead of time... for me, anyway :P... unless one doesn't mind needing two cars to lug all one's stuff home. I think I have more here now than I did last year, and by this time last year I had a lot more packing done too. Right now I've only taken a few winter shirts and stuff home. Hmm, what to part with this weekend... the rest of my sweaters probably, except one... some non-class books... my art case with my Prismacolors in it, as I haven't used them since I brought them here (did at home, though)... some of the videos filling most of my largest file cabinet drawer... ah, some CDs, since I never seem to listen to them when I have my mp3s at easier reach... hmm. Oh yeah, I dread Thursday of finals week. Partially because two of my finals are that day, and partially because it's when the bulk of my packing and cleaning must be done. Cleaning is a butt. -_- But yeah, even if I do take home tomorrow everything I can do without for the next 3 weeks, it's gonna take at least 3 bags to carry the rest, and that doesn't count my computer and all its hardware. And the cleaning... the throwing out of compiled junk papers, the dusting of my desk, the sweeping of the floor, the making absolutely sure I haven't left ANYTHING behind... *siiigh* But, it's worth it, for summer.
...Okay, obviously I don't really have anything to say. Too tired. So if you're still here, I'll spare you further pain and shut up now.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/23/2002 04:31:00 PM
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feeling: bouncy-jittery
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Stray Dog Strut
That song *points above* is the new official most bizarre thing I've laid ears on since... oh, probably Chicken Bone, which really isn't so much bizarre as bloody cool. I think I missed the episode in which Stray Dog Strut was played, but I know what the gist of it was, and now I really wish I could see it again with this song in context. I can actually picture a bunch of big ol' dogs trotting through an alley as I listen to it. I'm sure that's not what goes on in the episode where it plays, but... still. :P Why is it so insane? Well, the only instrumentation seems to be clapping, some kind of tom-tom/bongo thing, and like, jingly maracas... I dunno... but the rhythm is only about 1/3 of it. The rest is the repeated "We are the doggy doggy dogs!" lyric and the howling followed immediately by a chorus of panting. o_O I really can't describe it accurately. It must be heard to be believed. Much like Cats on Mars, Chicken Bone, Space Lion, and pretty much every other song I've heard from this anime. I really wish I'd paid more attention to the first few episodes now... odd how it's grown on me.
I hate Wednesday nights. Because they're always followed by Thursdays. I hate Thursdays. Well, until around 3:00 p.m. at least. It's my longest class day, along with Tuesday; my classes start earlier, which means I'm more tired when I'm in it; and we have quizzes in biology every Thursday. -_- Sooo all the studying and crap I have to do Wednesday nights, plus having to get up earlier the following morning (usually) = one very tired me.
Speaking of tired... I'm getting tired. Yes, another short, pointless blog from yours truly. Perhaps I'll get back into the swing after the dreaded Thursday has come to an end. Then, goodnight.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/23/2002 01:20:00 AM
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wMonday, May 20, 2002 |
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feeling: lazy and my stomach hurts
listening to: Whose Line's on
Silfy-chan made me do this. Blame her. XD
Name: Becky
Birthday: June 23, 1982
Birthplace: Chillicothe, Oh-hay-oh
Current Location: as of right now this very moment I am sitting in my dorm room at Ohio State in Columbus, Ohio... save me >O<
Current School: Ohio State University. Go Bucks. Woo. *waves pennant*
Current Job: making people feel a little better about themselves *koff*
Nicknames: err, Dumplin' calls me Sempai o_o
Eye Color: blueeee
Hair Color: brownnnn
Righty or Lefty: rightyyyy
Zodiac Sign: Cancerrrr
Innie or Outtie: innieeee
Religion: Christian
Font: I like Wingdings XD
--[ SERIES 2 - YOUR FAVOURITE ]--
Music: anything from Utena *headbangs*
Ambient: uh... I like... air? *_*
Cartoon: Simpsons yo
Color: blueeee
Movie: very good question... well not really... but in other words I have no answer
Slushy Flavor: blue cause they turn your tongue blue >:D
Book: all I read is online fanfics anymore T_T
Magazine: umm, nah
TV Show: Whose Line is it Anyway... and I am not counting anime in this category in case you couldn't tell :P
Song: currently? ...the darned foo' h-e-double-hockey-sticks if I know
Language: Nihongo ga suki da yo ^o^ it better be... it's my major now *o*;;
Spice Girl: umm... *snaps fingers* the dead one? oh wait, they're all alive... pass
Food & Beverage: chicken & dumplings from Mirror Lake and Mountain Dew ^____^ *drool*
Subject in School: Japanese... and art in high school
Weekend Activity: sitting on my butt wasting away
Holiday: Christmas
Ice Cream Flavor: ...wouldn't you know it, I forgot XD;;; Cookie Dough, Rocky Road... something like that
Perfume/Cologne: I don't wear any, and if I do it's from Bath & Body Works :3 yay cucumber melon
Roller Coaster: Face/Off at Kings Island, if only it was longer >o< next would be Raptor, then Mantis... and I reeeally wanna ride Millenium Force and that monstrous coaster in Japan that's like, twice as big and fast as any we have in the states >_>
Cereal: Oreo O's with marshmallows *bounce*
--[ SERIES 3 - WHO IS ]--
the prettiest person you know: I know several pretty people... most of them would deny it to their graves of course ¬_¬
the weirdest person you know: weird is a good thing XD
the funniest Person you know: Silfy >:3 SNAD!
the loudest Person you Know: Willard... and I mean no offense dear ^_~
the Quietest Person you Know: me, or so I'm told
the Sweetest Person you Know: mah nepheh!
the Sorriest Person you Know: erm o_O
the Scariest Person you Know: some son-in-law of my step-uncle Marty's that I don't know the name of at the moment o_o;
the Sexiest Person you Know: XD *stares at wall*
the sneakiest person you know: well if they were really sneaky I wouldn't know it would I >:P
Your best friend: in real life (as opposed to my fantasy life XD I'm joking of... course) Dumplin' *tackleglompshnug*
the Person you Hate the Most: I don't HATE... I merely dislike... strongly... anywaaay, my answer is Gaki *pounds*
the person you love the most in the whole entire world right now: I don't know o_o;;
your Crush?: I have none
Most Boring Teacher: don't make me choose X_X feh... off the top of my head I'll say Torrance-sensei
--[ SERIES 4 - WHAT IS ]--
your most overused phrase on aol: do not make me list them all XD <---(one of them)
the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning: going back to sleep
the last image/thought you go to sleep with: umm something different every night
the first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair and face... I'm so shallow XP
the Best Name for a Butler: Jeeves XD
the wussiest sport: golf
the song that best descibes you: Barenaked Ladies - Pinch Me... actually I think there's a better one but I can't remember what it is right now...
your best feature: *thinks*
your bedtime: like 1 a.m.
your greatest fear: that I'll end up living with my parents with no decent job till the day I die
your greatest accomplishment: I have nooo idea
Inside jokes: oh God don't make me list them all cause believe it or not I don't have that kinda time on my hands XD
SERIES 5 - YOU PREFER? ]--
pepsi or coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
single or group dates: date? you mean the fruit they sell dried at Kroger?
adidas or nike: Adidas
chicken nuggets or chicken fingers: as long as I get honey mustard sauce to dip em in I'm fine >D
cats or dogs: catssss *mew*
rugrats or doug: whatever happened to Rocko's Modern Life? >n<
single or taken: taken! *smooches wall*
Monica or Brandy: Pink
Tupac or Jay-Z: Tupac had like one song I liked, but I forgot what it is XD
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes: Shania had a couple good songs... otherwise... country-pop sucks my toe
AeroSmith or Red Hot Chilli Peppers: Aerosmith
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: if it's got sugar, bring it on
one pillow or two: I prefer 2 but usually only get 1 ;_;
chocolate or vanilla: chocolate! *droooool*
hot chocolate or hot cocoa: ...the raspberry flavored kind o_o;
cappucino or coffee: I have never had either *deafened by thudding jaws dropping in disbelief* buuut I think I can safely say capuccino appeals to me more :3;;
drinks with or without ice cubes: if there's a lot of drink and it's hot out, with... if not, without
boxers or briefs: boxers are sexah >D
give or receive: giving is funnage, but so is receiving... I'm torn XD
--[ SERIES 6 - DO YOU ]--
take a shower everyday: I don't if I know I don't plan to leave the house that day or something :P
have a(any) crush(es): no I do not
think you've been in love: naaah
want to go to college: ...well that's an interesting question isn't it >_>
like high school? high school was the bane of my existence and I want nothing more to do with it everrrr
want to get married: nope
type with your fingers on the right keys: tajke a wilsd gues
Believe in yourself: when I feel like it
have any tattoos/where? nope
have any piercings/where? my ears, though I haven't worn earrings since like, prom
get motion sickness: no, I just get headaches when I read in a moving... thing... even if it's just like, a sender address on mail... it sucks -_-
think you're a health freak: *koffsnorthack* who do you think we're talking about here?? :P *inhales whatever candy I can find*
get along with your parents: yeah, I do now
like thunderstorms: only when I'm watching them from indoors
--[ SERIES 7 - THE FUTURE ]--
Age you hope to be married? nevahhhh
Number and Names of Children: noneeee
Where do you see yourself at age 20? ...*will be 20 in a month* >_>;;;
Descibe your Dream Wedding: *dies at silfy's answer* Jell-o?? you're mah hero XDD
When/How do you want to die? you think I really want to answer this?? >o< eeevil
What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm a college sophomore and I still have no answer to that question >O<
What country would you most like to visit? Japaaaan
--[ SERIES 8 - OPPOSITE SEX]--
best eye color? blue
best hair color? uhh whatever
short or long hair? ummm... as long as it's clean and somewhat combed and smells good X3
best height? taller than me but not towering
best weight? average-ish...
best articles of clothing? you know, Silfy had a point... jackets are cool XD
best first date location? somewhere outside
best first kiss location? somewhere outside ^^
descibe your dream mate: nonexistant
--[ SERIES 9 - OTHER ]--
What do you Wear to bed? plaid loungey pants and a baggy worn out T-shirt
When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? I always have either Zeus (giant white tiger) or Nanaki (tiny tiger cub) next to me but I don't, like, cuddle 'em :3;;
Have you ever played the ouija board? nope... wah
How many rings untill you answer the phone? typically two
What's on your mouse pad? tiger stripes... and it's soft and fuzzy ^^ *pets*
How many houses have you lived in? 2
How many schools have you gone to? 1 kindergarten, 2 gradeschools, and 1 high school, all in the same district... so one I guess :P
What color is your bedroom carpet? I have no carpet... plywood with a bunch of rugs and scraps of old crappy brown carpet on the most-walked-on areas
Would you shave your head for $5000 dollars? ...that is an interesting question >_<... in fact, I do not know...
If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take three things with you what would you take? Dumpling, Silfy, and a really big boat
What was the best time of your life so far? ummmm... Utena-thon with Dumplin' XD hoohah!
There. Worry not, I haven't lost my Utena spoiler touch. More of that will surely come. *cackle*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/20/2002 10:10:00 PM
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feeling: drowsy and headachy
listening to: Utena - Rinbu Revolution
I didn't get to play Threads of Fate near as much as I hoped to this weekend. I could've beaten it in 2 days if I'd actually gotten my butt out of the computer chair Saturday. But alas... such is life. Played it some today, but came across a part that is currently impassable for me until I fight the same scorpion-like monster over and over and over again for a couple hours to build up my MP... grr. There's gotta be another way. Cause like, that gets REALLY old after a while.
I still smell faintly of my nephew~ *squee* Got to see him today. Lord, talk about a happy baby. I sat there and held him while my dad made his favorite toy, a giraffe rattle thing, dance around on the table, and that kid just laughed his little head off. I've never seen a kid so happy... ^u^ In fact, after maybe five minutes, he'd laughed so much he wore himself out and napped for about an hour. God, I love that baby. *feels all warm and fuzzy* Oh, he's also cutting two teeth already... at barely over 5 months old. That's about a month early. ^o^
Today was Graduation Sunday at my church. Much weeping and blowing of noses and hugging and such. Aaaarg, now I made that evil "Friends" song get stuck in my head... *~* Now, see, that's a pretty song and all, but... ah, I won't go into it. Anyway, err... I remember my graduation. It sucked. As did most every other aspect of high school for me. My hair looked all nice for my ceremony and stuff, for about 10 minutes... then it for no reason lost all appearance of having been worked with and fell into complete and total horridness. And I had to give a speech. And my evil band director made an idiot of me multiple times. The only cool part was my dad handed my my diploma. ^^ Cause he was on the school board, y'see... and since there were around 60 seniors (a small number, but still a lot to have passing by one by one while one poor person hands out all the diplomas) my dad and another board member or two traded off between diploma-handing, and he made sure to be the one to hand me mine. Twas a nifty thing.
Hmm...
Guess what? BIG Utena Spoilers Ahead. You know the drill.
Ok, this will be the last installment in my series of blogs based on my search for the meaning of Anthy's glasses. For a while. *pounds head on desk* Actually, I owe this theory to Dumpling-chan, who somehow manages to sit there and read through ALL my Utena blogs (and all my other ones for that matter) without falling over dead of boredom. She read my last one about my two failed theories on the meaning of Anthy's glasses, and then she made a comment to me about it that made so much sense. And you know, I KNEW it, I just for some reason didn't THINK of it. Why, I have nooo idea. That doesn't mean I'm taking the credit for thinking of it though :P Thankya, daisuki, for reminding me!
So, just as a refresher, I shall restate the two theories I had that failed: 1) Anthy's glasses were Akio's way of making her see ONLY his reality, and 2) the glasses were Akio's way of making her see everything BUT his reality. Now here's the sort of corollary (whatever... just wanted to use a big word XD;;) that Dumplin' suggested: Akio's manipulative methods, on occasion, just plain don't work. This is true. I actually honest-to-bob did think of that before, when contemplating a different aspect of the show, but for some reason it slipped my mind with this glasses stuff. But anyway, here it is. My only problem now: it can apply to both of my old theories. And it does explain some things, but still, there are a few situations where it doesn't seem like it fits. Like the curry episode, where Anthy-in-Utena's-body says it's "so much easier to see without glasses". Akio really had nothing to do with that story in terms of manipulating people and events, I don't think, so this new subtheory doesn't seem to fit there. There's other examples I don't feel like expounding on now... but yeah. So I'm not much further than I was before. >_< *weep*
But this new suggestion did make remind me of that new scene I mentioned in yesterday's blog... the one that threw off my first theory, where Akio beckoned Anthy but she was still wearing her glasses and didn't go to him and he had to grab her, and stuff. Applying the new theory - sometimes Akio's manipulations just falter - works there. Because a little earlier in that same scene, Akio was asking Anthy how she felt about Utena. So she was remembering some recent conversations and stuff she'd had with Utena lately; moments that reinforced/strengthened their relationships. Heart-to-hearts, where Utena asked Anthy to open up to her more; stuff like that. So, Akio was asking Anthy about that stuff, and then all of a sudden just said "come here", but she was still thinking about Utena and thus didn't respond. So you can see how the new subtheory works there: if Anthy is thinking about Utena, or if she and Utena are having one of those tooth-rottingly sweet moments, any manipulation by Akio just doesn't work.
And see, this is even further proof that Utena truly was Anthy's prince. Remember a couple blogs back, where I summed up the scene where Dios told child Utena that his little sister Anthy, only recently condemned for eternity as a witch, could only be saved by a prince she believed in? Well, throughout the series, starting around the 10th or 11th episode, one of the central themes is that Anthy has no will of her own. She does and says what her current dueling champion (Utena, 98.9% of the time) wants her to do and say, nothing more. And when her champion's not around, she's *koff* her brother's sister. But see, I never really believed all that. There were a few scenes between her and Utena that told me Anthy did have desires and actions and thoughts of her own. Example: in episode 11, when Utena and Anthy were sitting in their dorm recalling the events of the day at school; namely, they'd shared lunchtime with good ol' Wakaba. In that scene, Anthy, with no provocation from Utena, wistfully said that she wanted to have more friends. I believed her, because, as I said, Utena didn't provoke her to say it in any way. In fact, Utena had tried to say stuff earlier to Anthy about her needing more friends, but finally she stopped and said "But that's right, you have Chuchu. He's more fun than 10 people, right?" or something like that. (Chuchu, of course, is the little monkey-mouse that lives with Anthy and, according to Anthy throughout the first series, is her only friend) And as soon as Utena said that, Anthy got quiet. Then, for the first time, she said she WANTED more friends, like Wakaba. Actually contradicting the last words that Utena had spoken. See now? She does have a mind of her own. But only when Utena's around.
See, she believes in Utena, which makes her the prince who will save her from eternal suffering, as I mentioned before. And this also means that Utena is the only one who can give Anthy the confidence to speak for herself, to have her own desires and thoughts. When Anthy's alone with Akio, or when she's apart from Utena, she's just her brother's sister, unless she is directly questioned by who she's around about her feelings toward Utena, at which point she starts to think. Therefore, Utena, her prince, is the only one she believes in, the only one she can even come close to being herself around.
So basically, I'm still stuck on the glasses thing. But the faltering of Akio's manipulations, of which Dumplin' reminded me, does support my other theories about other important parts of the show. So thanks, Dumplin', for reminding me. Maybe we'll work it all out someday. ^-^v
Anyway, since I'm beginning to make no sense, I digress. I will now talk about one of my favorite scenes in the whole series. This doesn't really contribute to any of my theories or anything, I just love the scene. It's so sad and sweet. Kay... it begins waaaaay up at the top of Akio's tower, where, you recall, Utena and Anthy live as of episode 27 or so. This is a HUGE tower. Insanely huge. And symbolic of course, but we won't go there. >:) Well, it's nighttime, and Utena is in the bedroom wondering where Anthy is. She then looks out the window, and there's Anthy, standing on the edge of a rail-less balcony-type thing, obviously about to take a biiiiig step. So Utena runs out and asks her if she's running away, to which Anthy says she's sorry, don't worry about her anymore, and she can no longer take the pain. She then lets herself begin to fall. But Utena grabs her arm and pulls her up. Anthy begins to cry, again apologizes, and we begin possibly the most touching scene in the whole Utena series.
...Actually, that's not till later. :P Utena saves Anthy from the fall, then we see the beginning of Utena's duel with Akio, in which Akio has begun to win before the swords are even drawn. Because he's jabbering about stuff that makes Utena lose her confidence and feel all guilty and unprincely. His main argument is that Utena never cared how Anthy felt; that all this time, Utena was only dueling for her own selfish reasons. To become a prince. Not to save Anthy.
And then the balcony scene continues, as a sort of flashback. Utena and Anthy are now overlooking the balcony from whence Utena had just kept Anthy from jumping to her death. And thus, the tear-jerking (to me at least :P) dialog begins...
ANTHY: I'm sorry, Utena-sama. I'm so sorry. Because I'm the Rose Bride... because I'm a doll with no heart... I thought that no matter what befell my body, my heart wouldn't feel the pain. I'm sorry, Utena-sama. My suffering is my rightful punishment as the Rose Bride. But... making you suffer... you were merely caught up in it all... I knew everything. I exploited your innocence. I encroached upon your kindness. I'm sorry, Utena-sama. I've been unfair to you. I'm a dirty woman. I've betrayed you all along. I...
UTENA: No. I... didn't recognize your pain. I didn't realize your suffering. Instead, I just kept on pretending to be the Prince who could save you. I was just being conceited about protecting you. And when I saw you and Akio-san together... I even thought you had betrayed me. When you were suffering so much... when I had said we should save each other... I'm the one who's unfair. I'm the one who's dirty. I'm the one who betrayed you.
ANTHY: It's okay now... so please... leave this school. Please forget about all of this.
UTENA: How... could I do that? That's right. There's no way in hell I can do that.
Lord, I get all teary just reading that... ;_; Anyway... yes, very heartfelt scene. And thus ends the flashback. Now we cut back to the Utena/Akio duel. Utena, having remembered that teary conversation, remembers her true reason for wanting to fight: to save Anthy. Not only that... but to save her from Akio. At that point, the battle really starts to go her way. She has Akio on the run. He's sweating, backing down, stumbling over himself... it's great to watch. >D Sadly, it doesn't last long before Akio grabs poor Anthy and throws her in the middle of it (bloody coward >:O)... but that's another story. I just wanted to say something about that amazing dialog there, where Anthy and Utena really reach the true realization of their relationship. It is in this scene that Anthy first begins to really, truly believe in Utena as her prince, and also in which Utena realizes that she's not fighting for herself, but for Anthy. It's the turning point in the final battle. I love it.
Well, it's the first turning point. The second is where Akio, wuss that he is, can't fight back against Utena so he throws Anthy in the middle of the fight to do his dirty work. Anthy, having received her orders, steps behind Utena, looking extremely sad. Then she closes her eyes and leans against Utena's shoulder as if to say goodbye. Then when she opens her eyes, they're... evil. Cold, blank, evil. I call it the witch look. She dons it a few times in the series. *shudder* Ecck, it's shiver-inducing... Anywhooo, so at that moment, Anthy rams the sword through Utena's back. T_T Sad... so farking sad...
God, I love this show. *sits there with goofy grin on face*
Heh. If you've kept up with all my Utena blogs up through now, you're probably thinking I must be running out of material. This is, what, the 4th, 5th spoiler blog I've done? Oh, but there's SO much more. I have not even BEGUN to babble. >:) Kahahahahaaa~ *die*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/20/2002 12:46:00 AM
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wSaturday, May 18, 2002 |
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feeling: brain cramped
listening to: Utena - Akio Car
I love weekends. They provide a much needed break from college. I've been so stressed lately about all this scheduling, major, and honors crap. True, I did bring MOST of it upon myself, but... well, worst case scenario: I get stuck with a less-than-optimal schedule next quarter, miss out on a class or two I need that's only offered in autumn, get stuck at OSU for another year or two, and have to do a senior thesis. -_- I have scheduled with my new advisor type person to meet on Monday to discuss what I need for my major and stuff; until then, there's really nothing else I can do. So I've been doing all I can to forget about it until Monday and let myself relax. It's not easy.
So... here's another Utena blog. You know the drill.
Utena Spoilers Ahead... read on if you daaaare and stuff
Still reading? Then make sure you've read my blog below about Anthy's glasses first, cause this is a continuation of that.
...Ready? Right. So I was watching more episodes today, and I found another scene that further tears up my theory that Anthy's glasses blind her to everything but Akio's reality. I forget what episode it was exactly... somewhere around the Ruka mini-arc, between 25 and 30. Remember I mentioned that every so often Anthy goes to visit her brother... he beckons her, she takes off her glasses, walks toward him, cut to black? Well, this is one of those scenes, except Anthy didn't take off the glasses. And when Akio beckoned, she didn't go to him. Finally he had to forcibly grab her and yank her to him, much to her displeasure. So to speak. *koff* So you can see how that fudges up my theory. That would suggest something the exact opposite of my previous theory... something like, Anthy was her brother's pawn before he gave her the glasses, purely due to her devotion and love for him, and this affected her behavior in reality and sort of gave him away as a manipulative demon, so he gave her the glasses to blind her to his reality when she wasn't around him. That could work in some senses... but not all of them, of course. So once again, I have failed. >_<
Like, see, here's another something interesting: Anthy actually has very long hair, but she always wears it up so it looks short, except in the following situations: when she's naked, when she's leaving Ohtori Academy in the last episode, and when she sleeps (BUT only after they move into Akio's tower). And she is never shown wearing her glasses when her hair is down and flowin'. Also, she's only naked when she's 1) socializing *ahem* with her brother, or 2) shown as the witch impaled by the world's hatred, which I consider her true form, and is only in the last two episodes.
What does it all meeeeean?! >_<;;
So basically, I no longer have a theory on Anthy's glasses. I did, but it didn't work, so I tried another and it didn't work either. But I plan to keep thinking about it. Those glasses HAVE to mean something. EVERYTHING in this anime means something, especially everything involved with Anthy and Utena, the two main characters. Heck, every detail of Utena means something significant, according to websites I've seen that claim you can tell someone's personality by looking at things about them like blood type, their birthday, and the colors associated with them. Everything ever analyzed about Utena has matched up with what her character is - the meaning of her name, her hair color, her rose color, her Zodiac, her birthday, her blood type, everything. According to analyses at websites I've found, almost all of them are involved with naivete, innocence, and/or strong devotion to loved ones. That is Utena all over. Coincidence? Probably. But still, makes you wonder if her creators (Chiho Saitou and Kunihiko Ikuhara... look them up!) knew all this stuff when they made up her character. But anyway... that's just to reinforce that there is nothing in this anime that doesn't have some meaning in the storyline. Even those ridiculous Nanami episodes about curry, a cowbell, and an egg have important roles in the plot. But, that's a whole 'nuther blog. ^_~ Maybe it'll be my next one, ne?
I can hardly wait. XD
But for now, I think I'll just enjoy conversing with the lovely Dumpling-Chan and Silfy-chan (if she fixes her computer XP), and then go watch some more Utena or play Threads of Fate. Cute game, that. Very colorful. @_@
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/18/2002 06:50:00 PM
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wThursday, May 16, 2002 |
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feeling: still stressed
listening to: Utena - Rose and Release
I have made a decision which, like all my other decisions, will probably end up falling by the wayside immediately after I take the first action led to by that decision (this blog). That decision is to post a series of Utena spoiler-blogs here, just like I did yesterday, with the Anthy's glasses thing. Why a series? Because Utena is the most deep, twisted, complex, twisted, insane, and utterly twisted anime I've ever seen. There's SO much going on, SO many things that need explaining, and even though some genuis people manage to come up with great theories for it all *bows to them*, there are STILL questions that will probably never really be answered, except by those exceptionally addicted and contemplative people who have little better to do than ponder the meaning of Utena. I envy those people. :3
Anyway... BIG Utena Spoilers Ahead! Proceed at your own risk!
Tonight's very long blog will provide my own answer to the question that nags all of us who've seen Utena through to the end: Did Utena revolutionize the world? Along the same vein, did she become the prince she dedicated her life to becoming? The things that are said in the final episode after the final duel all point to a resounding no. But I say yes. She did become a prince, she did free Anthy, and she did bring revolution to the world.
Ok... I should set up the story first. Once upon a time, a little girl named Utena lost her parents and became so depressed she hid herself in a coffin. While she was in there, a shining Prince, Dios, appeared before her and showed her a girl hanging impaled by lots and lots of swords. He told her the girl was a witch - the Rose Bride. He says she is condemned to suffer for all eternity because she trapped the Rose Prince to keep him to herself. The story: Dios, the Rose Prince, exists to save all the little girls in the world and make them his princesses. But then he falls ill, so his little sister, Anthy, refuses to let him go out and save more girls, even though the girls' fathers are violently demanding his assistance. So she traps him in a big castle to save his life, but this causes all the world to condemn her as a witch, and she is impaled by the Million Swords of Hate. Anyway, little Utena begins to cry for the "witch" and begs Dios to save her, but he says he can't be her prince - he has become corrupted, and is now Akio, sort of his demon alter-ego, while his Dios side is trapped in the castle. Only a prince Anthy believes in can free her from eternal pain. So Utena vows to become a prince and save Anthy. Dios gives her a ring that he says will lead her to him one day, if she keeps her nobility... and little Utena is thus saved by the Rose Prince. Then, when she's 14, she arrives at Ohtori Academy and has a best friend there, Wakaba. She still has the ring, but she's forgotten pretty much everything else about her encounter with Dios. So, Ohtori has a ruling student council who rules the academy as directed by letters from the mysterious "Ends of the World". Each council member has a demon or two in the closet: President Touga has his loss of belief in friendship, Saionji is pretty much the same, Miki has his sister who loves him a bit too much, Juri has unrequited love for her friend Shiori, and Nanami love her big brother Touga a bit too much. See? Deeeemons. Anywho, the vice president and the kendo team captain, Saionji, is the current "dueling champion" of the council, and thus has possesion of the "Rose Bride", who is said to give the duel champion the power to revolutionize the world. Saionji humiliates Wakaba, so Utena, being the great friend she is, challenges Saionji to a kendo duel. But he misunderstands her challenge, and instead they go to the dueling arena to fight a REAL duel for possession of the Rose Bride, Anthy, who Utena wants to save from Saionji because he abuses her. Utena wins the duel, thus becoming engaged to Anthy and trapped in the dueling game that the student council is all into. Later she meets Akio, Anthy's older brother, who is actually the Ends of the World guy pulling the strings behind the student council and, indeed, all of Ohtori Academy. He started the dueling game in order to gain the power to revolutionize the world, which he lost long ago when his sister Anthy trapped his Rose Prince form in the big castle. He also keeps Anthy in her position of eternal suffering in order to save himself from the world's hatred, and he manipulates her into doing this and pretty much controls her like a doll. Well, eventually Utena reaches the last duel in the game: her challenger is Akio himself. First things go his way, as he manipulates Utena by using her weakness (naivete, innocence) against her, but eventually Utena realizes her real reason for wanting to become a prince: to save Anthy. Then things start to go her way. But just as she's about to win, Akio grabs Rose Bride Anthy and throws her toward Utena, and the fighting halts as Anthy, manipulated by Akio, stabs Utena in the back. Utena falls, Akio walks off to open the gate to revolution, or whatever - but he can't open it. So he gives up. But Utena, determined to save Anthy even after her betrayal, struggles her way to the gate and pries it open with her fingers. Inside is Anthy in what I assume is her true form, naked, in pain, and in a coffin. Without glasses. :3 Well, they reach for each other's hands, but they can't quite reach, and Anthy's coffin plummets into... well, nothingness, leaving Utena thinking she really couldn't save Anthy after all. Then the Million Swords of Hate turn away from Anthy and plummet towards Utena. Fade to the next few days, in Ohtori Academy. Wakaba has a new best friend, Touga and Saionji have rediscovered their friendship, Miki and his sister have a healthy relationship, Juri has reconciled with Shiori, and Nanami is... um, better. *shrug* Anyway, everyone seems to have forgotten Utena ever existed. Akio, back in his tower/home base, decides he must start the dueling game all over again, since the last one ended in failure by Utena. He tells Anthy he's counting on her. But she says that Utena isn't gone, she's just left Akio's little world, and that she's going to go find her. Akio tries to get her to come back, but it's no use. Anthy, of her own free will, leaves Akio and the academy behind to seek out Utena.
That's pretty much the story. Now, the question: did Utena really fail? Did she not bring revolution and free Anthy? Did she not become a prince? People who just take this anime at face value will say no. She failed to pull Anthy to safety, she failed to beat Akio, and she was bombarded by the Million Swords of Hate; and since she wasn't immortal like Anthy (who was condemned to suffer for eternity, remember), she died. No one at Ohtori remembers her because she's gone, erased from their lives forever. But I say differently. You can't just take this show at face value; if you don't read between the lines, you're not getting the whole story. Nowhere near. The whole show is m ore symbolism and suggestion than anything. So my answer is: yes, she did become a prince, she did free Anthy, and she did revolutionize the world.
Why, you ask? Ok. Yes, Utena failed to grab Anthy's hand and pull her from the coffin. Yes, everyone forgot about her after that last duel. But think about it: the Million Swords of Hate flew toward Utena, which means they had to fly away from Anthy. Utena saved Anthy not by pulling her out of the coffin, but by taking the world's hatred upon herself, freeing Anthy from an eternity of suffering. And remember, Dios once told little Utena that Anthy could only be saved by a prince she truly believed in. Utena saved Anthy by freeing her from the Million Swords, therefore Utena was Anthy's prince. She was succesful. Now, about the revolution... after that duel, though everyone Utena knew seemed to have forgotten about her, they were all happy. Those demons in their closets seemed to vanish. Touga and Saionji found friendship again, Miki and his sister mended their relationship, Juri and Shiori found the friendship and trust in each other they they both desperately needed, so forth. And most of all, Anthy was no longer the focal point of all the world's hatred, which meant she was no longer under Akio's control. He didn't seem to realize this though, and tried to get her to agree to start a new dueling game. But he forgot that the student council was now free of the demons which had led them to duel; also, Anthy was simply no longer his puppet. She told him to go on playing make-believe prince in this comfortable little coffin forever, and then she removed all ties to him and Ohtori Academy (changed her clothes, removed her glasses, let her hair down), said that Utena had merely left his world, and walked out of his life. See, Utena's revolution wasn't one of those big deals that alters everyone and everything in history; it was a silent revolution that nobody really even noticed. But it was evident in the behaviors and new happiness that the student council members had found, and in Anthy's freedom. All the people Akio had manipulated and wrapped up in that dueling game were now free of his control. Utena revolutionized the world that she lived in, the world where all the people that mattered to her life existed, and that world happened to be the world that Akio had created. See, she was the prince, and she did bring revolution.
Which just makes me want to go "Yaaaaay!!!" XD
God, I love this show. You should've seen the goofy grin on my face when I watched it all the way through for the very first time. Not to mention the little happy squeals I probably emitted as Anthy stepped outside Ohtori Academy's gates and took off in search of her prince while the coolest, most triumphant sounding music in the whole series played in the background. Ahh, there can't be a happier ending. ^______^
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/16/2002 11:15:00 PM
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feeling: stressed
listening to: Utena - Guui, Guuwa, Guuest
Remind me again why I decided to attend college? Someone?
Ok. Thursday, I declared my major: Japanese. Which of course is in the College of Arts and Sciences, Humanities Department. Well, the day after that was when I was supposed to schedule next fall's classes. I did that, thinking it'd be temporary until I got to talk to my new advisor about classes in my major and such. But before that I had to see someone about re-applying to the honors program in Arts and Sciences. Cause if I commit to graduating with honors, I won't have to do a senior thesis, which would greatly giddify me. Well, I find out from this honors counselor person on Tuesday that I do not have very strong standing to make it into the Arts and Sciences honors program, even though my cumulative GPA is 3.80. Because I haven't taken as many honors classes as they'd have liked me to, and because a lot of the ones I did, as well as ones that weren't honors because no honors version of them were offered, were not "strong" enough for whoever's in charge of admitting honors people or whatever. Basically, because scheduling/time conflicts and other stuff that wasn'y my fault kept me from taking more honors classes than I have up to now, I may not be given a second chance at honors, even if I go in with a 3.80 and sign a contract promising to take more honors classes in the future. Aaarrrrrrgg. I really don't want to do a thesis. >_< Why do college students have to have majors anyway?? I was so much happier without one... it hasn't even been a WEEK, for Bob's sake.
People suck, too. People who walk in pairs or trios and take up the whole sidewalk and walk sloooooow because they're doing more jabbering than moving forward. People who think that just because you're under age 40, your opinions don't matter, nothing you say has any value, and you have no right to exist in this world. People who stand 5 feet away from where the line for drinks is, jabbering with others instead of paying attention, and then whine and throw a fit when people move in front of them in the line. People who yell over other people's heads to talk to their buddies halfway down the row in a 700-seating, pre-class-bell lecture hall, instead of sitting BESIDE them or walking over to them to converse at a non-ear-shattering volume. People who try to force you to be the way THEY are because the way YOU are isn't "normal". I could go on, but I won't.
BIG Utena Spoilers Ahead!! Turn back noooow!
I've been trying to figure out the meaning of Anthy Himemiya's glasses for some time now. It seems easy, especially if you've seen all 39 episodes of Utena, but there are those little things that contradict the big things and screw up the whole theory. Ok... so Anthy wears glasses at almost all times. As I recall, she only takes them off (in a pointed manner, anyway) at two points in the series: when she's visiting *koff* her brother Akio, and when she's preparing to leave Ohtori Academy in search of Utena. Other facts: Anthy is a witch, and her brother Akio, a.k.a. Lucifer, used to be Dios, the Rose Prince who saved princesses all over the world, but he couldn't save his sister because she wasn't a princess - she was a witch. So little sis Anthy trapped big bro Dios in a big castle to protect him from the hatred of the world when he became unable to save more princesses... and that caused all the hatred of the world to fly toward her in the form of a million swords. At that time, Anthy didn't have glasses. Then, Akio (when Dios became Akio, I don't know) decided he wanted to be the Rose Prince again, and he created Ohtori Academy and the dueling game in order to regain that lost power. And through some eeeevil diabolical manipulation he kept Anthy at the butt of those million swords of hatred so that he wouldn't have to take them on himself. He claimed Anthy was happy to do this for her brother, but... of course, he was delusional. Anywho. Every Saturday Anthy goes to visit her brother. He beckons her, she removes her glasses and walks over to him, fade to black. But when Anthy is away from her brother, she always wears the glasses. So this all leads to the simple theory: whereas normal glasses improve one's vision, Anthy's glasses inhibit hers. She sees LESS with her glasses on. I think they were something given to her by Akio so she would see only him when he wasn't there, and she could only take them off when he WAS there, because she didn't need them in order to see him then. This theory is supported in the last episode, when Anthy is preparing to leave the academy: she removes her glasses and purposefully steps through the gate to the outside world. She doesn't take her glasses because she doesn't need them anymore. She's no longer under Akio's control; the swords of hate ensnare her no longer. She's freeeeee. So, as Akio protests and orders her to stop and return to him, she says "Please go one playing make-believe Prince in this comfortable little coffin forever" and leaves. Ooooh, ouch. So yeah... all that supports the theory that her glasses are made to kind of block her view of the real, non-Akio world.
BUT!
Starting after the Black Rose arc, Utena and Anthy leave the South Dorm and move in with Headmaster Akio in his biiiiig, enormous, phallic symbol of a tower. So fitting. *snort* Well, Utena and Anthy now have this very cool bed that's actually two separate semicircle beds pushed together but not lined up right, so their pilloww are right in the center on each bed and their heads are side by side as they sleep even though they lay facing opposite directions. Hard to describe, but anyway... it becomes customary for them to talk to each other before they fall asleep. And at these times, Anthy does not wear her glasses. And Akio is nowhere around. That's one wrench in the works. The other I could be wrong about; it's in the curry episode, where Utena and Anthy's personalities are switched after a curry explosion. (gotta love filler eps) Anthy, in Utena's body, comments that it's so much easier to see without glasses. Yes, that always tripped me up, even after I realized that she wasn't referring to actual eyesight. After seeing the whole series, that ep doesn't seem to fit the theory. Sure, it's easier for her to see reality without the glasses, but while she's in Utena's body (without her glasses) she acts exactly the same as when she's in her own (with glasses). Furthermore, Utena, now in Anthy's body and thus wearing her glasses, is not affected by them in the slightest. Never once shows any signs of Akio manipulation. In fact, by this episode, no one was even aware that Akio EXISTED yet. Except Anthy, of course.
Sooo, now you see why I'm stuck. I had this nifty theory about Anthy's glasses, and it made perfect sense, but then those two scenes got in the way. Grrr.
Maybe next time I'll do a spoiler-blog containing my theories on Utena's fate at the end of the series. Or what Mikage and Mamiya were really all about. Or how Utena came to Ohtori Academy. Or how all of Ohtori Academy exists not in our reality, but only in Akio's reality. See, this anime makes no sense. That's why I love it. XD
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/16/2002 12:55:00 AM
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wSunday, May 12, 2002 |
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feeling: sore
listening to: Utena - Missing Link
Today was a nifty day. Hugged my mommy twice and went to a big mother's day shendig at my daddy's parents' placeymabob. Which means I got to hang with Dumplin' for hours and hours. And a bonus... got to see my nephy too ^___^ I hardly ever get to see him anymore, now that my mom gets to watch him at least once prety much every week... but anyway. Had yummy food (cheesy hot dogs >:D hoohah!), wrestled with Dumpling over a bandana for 15 minutes, whooped her at Jet Moto 2 and Steel Reign (aibou, we must do that again X3), and for the most part avoided - and was avoided by the evil that is our demon spawn, torment of a cousin, whom we've dubbed Gaki. In fact, my dad (and me, kinda... hoo!) actually won a small battle against Gaki and her father, who's had the same history of being... well, unable to grow up... as the little brat has.
Ok, the story shall follow. Me and Dumplin always take our art folders and pencils to these dinners and sit around drawing together after the meal, right? Well, eventually we realize that our pencils - we only had one each - were missing. We suspected Gaki's father, because he has a habit of doing stuff like that and thinking it's funny long after it stops being funny. So, we went inside where he was with Gaki and my dad, screwing around on his computer, and we asked him if he knew where our pencils were. He said he didn't have them. So we turned and started to leave, and immediately he does this "Hehehehehhhh." thing, which of course means he thinks he's just pulled the funniest prank in history. So we turn back around, glare at him, and ask, "Where are they?" and he again says he doesn't have them. This goes back and forth a few times, and each time Gaki sticks her nose in and "My dad doesn't have them. My dad showed you. My dad didn't take your stupid. Stop bugging my dad. Leave us alone." Us...? Anywho, so we got sick of it and started to leave, but only after I told Gaki that nobody asked her to fight her dad's battles for him. So we left the room, while her dad is yelling at me for being nasty when his precious daughter didn't do anything "rude" to me. Dumpling and I rolled our eyes at each other, snorted, and just walked outside. Later Gaki's dad comes to the door and snappily informs us that he put our pencils in a flowerpot in some junkpile in the garage. We get them, sit down, and start drawing while everyone around picks on us for making a "fuss" over a couple pencils. Hey, they were all we had, and we wanted to draw. Besides that, mine alone cost me upwards of three bucks. Not your average pencil. But we shake off the raggings and sit around doodling, all the while knowing that Father of Gaki is going to be mad at me indefinitely for snapping at his perfect angel of a daughter. *rolls eyes* Luckily though, there were no problems for the rest of the afternoon. Not about that, at least. I'll make another paragraph about Gaki later. -_-
Anyway, this is what I learned on the way home from my dad, who as I mentioned was in the room with Gaki and her dad when this stuff went on, but didn't really say anything. He told me that after me and Dumplin' left, he and Father of Gaki went at it for a while about the whole thing. I was a little concered that my dad wasn't happy with me snapping at Gaki, but as it turns out, he was fully on our side. He and GakiDaddy went at it about how he'd taken the pencil thing too far, it stopped being funny after we came in and asked him for them, and of course, about how me and Dumpling exclude Gaki from our socialization. He doesn't seem to understand that I am almost 20 *shudder*, Dumpling is 15, and Gaki is 13 with the mentality of about an 8 year old. He also doesn't understand that me and Dumpling share a lot of interests, which is why we hang out on our own, and why Gaki doesn't join in. Why doesn't she? Because she doesn't share those interests, and because she sits there on the couch watching reruns of old stupid shows even after we actually invite her to come draw with us if she wants, and then when her shows go off the air she whines that we don't include her in anything. And of course, her dad takes her side, as does our grandma, who has custody of her. Everyone understands except Gaki, her daddy, and grandma. And NO ONE can make them understand, no matter how we try. Anyway, so my dad and Gaki's dad went at it for a while, Gaki's dad got up and left, came out and snippily told us where he'd put our pencils, then later went back and apologized to my dad, agreeing that he had been out of line when he bit my head off. But he still couldn't understand why we don't include Gaki in our socialization. We invite her, for crying out loud. But what he and grandma want us to do is dote on her, lavish her with attention, and cater to her every whim, just like they do. And we refuse to do that. Everyone understands this except them.
So, long story short... it was a minor battle, but my dad won. >:) He is good. Very good.
Now, I shall relate our experiences of the day to which Gaki contributed. First of all, my nephew (and his parents) arrived considerably late. And while some people were still eating, I overheard Gaki talking with her dad about how she was gonna pretty much claim the baby to herself for the duration. Which she always does, every single time she seems him, because no one dares stop her when grandma is around. Anyway, that ticked me off enough. Then, nephy and family did arrive, and I actually got to hang with him for some time, a good thing since I so rarely see him anymore. But some time later, Gaki did stake her claim, and brought him into her little 'bedroom' corner of the living room, where she laid him on her bed and started fussing over him like he belonged to her. Then my dad came in and picked him up, saying that Gaki had seen him more today than he had in weeks, which was true. Gaki of course has a hissy, saying he's lying, that she hasn't seen the kid for almost a year. So my dad, snorting, asks her how old he is. She ponders for a minute, then, in her snottiest, most know-it-all voice, says "almost a year". Dad laughs and says "Try four months." then starts to carry him off. And Gaki gets even madder: "I SAID almost! I said ALMOST a year!!" God help me, I could've slit my own throat then and there...
Oh, my nephy's five months old, by the way. ^_~ Which is still nowhere near a year, so yeah.
So, more Gaki adventures. She seems to think everything in that house, and indeed everything on our grandparents' property, belongs to her and is at her discretion. Dumpling and the lady who lives between her and grandma has several cats that theyfeed and care for, and Gaki claims them as her own, saying they're the "spirits of her cats who died years ago". Someone hurt me. Oh, along those lines... at our last family dinner, one of those cats, Sparky (formerly Rufus, the name I prefer :3), strolled in to visit us, and of course Gaki claimed he was hers now, calling him some stupid name like Patches or Freckles or something (he;s a solid black cat). Now, here's Sparky's story: late last year or thereabouts, Dumpling and a couple of her friends found Sparky as a tiny stray kitten, all alone in the city, and brought him to Dumpling's house, where her neighbor lady kinda took him in and called him Sparky. I hope I got that mostly right ^^;; but I do know that he was a kitten when he came here, and that was not many months ago. So on Easter, when Gaki claimed him as her own, me and Dumpling challenged her by asking her how old the cat was. Or who his mother was, or something. She pondered it, and replied that he'd been there when she moved to Ohio, three years ago. Me and Dumpling start laughing and inform her that he's less than a year old. She gets extremely hissy, stomping around and yelling and declaring that we're wrong and she's right. Then, to prove that the cat is "hers", she pickt him up, sets him on the table, and starts singing. (that's another thing: she thinks she's the best singer this side of the Mississip.) So the cat perks his ears up at her screechy singing voice, which is enough to convince her that he responds only to her and that, therefore, he's hers. Then, I simply snap my fingers and Sparky comes right to me. Dumpling, her brother, and Steen, my kinda-step-nephew, do the same, with success. He is a friendly cat with sensitive ears, as cats go, and that is why he looked at Gaki when she "sang". But of course, there's no telling her this. The kid is thirteen years old, for God's sake.
Anyway, back to the present. As I mentioned, Gaki thinks everything on grandma's property belongs to her, including her father's Playstation and many games. She has a couple goldfish too, which i>are actually hers, but they sit in the middle of the living room. Well, Dumpling was looking at thefish, running her finger along the side of the take as they followed it, and Gaki snapped at her, telling her not to play with her fish, that she trained them. Trained them to follow her finger and take food from her hand, etc. Which even if it WAS true is still a stupid reason to tell Dumpling she wasn't allowed to look at them. Besides that... my Mitsu follows my finger along his vase and jumps to grab food from my hand, but I didn't have to train him to do it. Fish are pigs. They eat like pigs. They'll do what it takes to get food. Deal with it. But of course, again, there's no telling her this. And the final adventure: me, Dumpling, and Steen played Jet Moto 2 for a while, then paused it to say bye to Steen and my nephew (and his parents), who were leaving. We came back, and Gaki and her father had stolen our game. We didn't mind, though. In fact, soon, GakiDaddy got tired of it and left to get some ice cream or something. So me and Dumpling sat down to play some more, and Gaki got up and said "I think that's enough Playstation for now", which was supposed to be a cue for us to leave it alone. She also throws out that it's been left on for long enough; any longer and it'll get messed up. It couldn't have been turned on longer than an hour. I've had mine running for ELEVEN hours, for crying out loud. She just didn't want us to play her (her dad's, actually) games. Wanted to be our boss and the like. But of course we didn't listen, and started playing Steel Reign while she went to whine to her daddy, which didn't work. Five minutes later she comes back, and gets huffy because she wasn't done playing. We remided her that she said she was. She said she'd only left to go eat some dessert. We reminded her taht she hadn't eaten, only whined to her daddy. She said she hadn't eaten yet and was just about to. In which case, she wouldn't have been ready to play again. So we tell her to go ahead and eat while we play. She stomps off, having failed again in her effort to rule the world, while I kick Dumplin's butt at Steel Reign. *cackle* Then after a few rounds I had to leave and twas all over for the moment.
I hope this gives you non-Cottrills some idea of how ridiculously torturous this cousin of ours is, how mentally immature she is, and how her father and grandma refuse to change anything about the way they raise her, evidently thinking she's no less than a perfect angel. She has no manners, she is rude, she is possessive, she is snotty, she is selfish, she thinks the world lives to serve her... and so do they. Guess what, grandma? She's not in Arizona anymore. She was deprived while she was there, but those days are over. It's been THREE YEARS. She doesn't need to be spoiled utterly rotten anymore. She needs to be raised like any other kid her age. Though she acts eight, she's thirteen. Of course, her dad had a bit of a slow mentality as a child too... still does, really... he never did grow up (evidence: the pencil thing). Sad things is he thinks he did. Pretty much the same with Gaki... she thinks she's thirteen, but acts like she's eight. Her dad lives with grandma and doesn't really plan to ever move... he even rented an apartment last year, but almost immediately ran back to Mommy's house to be with his daughter. Yet he won't actually try to get custody of his daughter and take her to live with him, much as he wants to be with her. Makes no sense.
The ultimate truth is that Gaki is tearing our family apart. We were all quite happy before she came along. Now it's building up inside of every last one of us... we all want to tell grandma that she's not rasing Gaki the way she should be, but no one dares, for fear of her wrath. And I mean WRATH. That woman is just as spoiled as Gaki - once she makes up her mind, not a soul can stop her, nor do they dare to try. But one day someone's not gonna be able to take it anymore. One day Gaki's going to push someone to the edge, and someone's going to blow up, thus severing that someone's family's ties with our grandparents, thus severing our family. It's already happened a few times, but not major... Dumpling's parents had some fights with grandma, my dad had a spat or two with grandma (and GakiDaddy), I've had to snap a Gaki a few times, as has Dumpling... those were tiny though. One day it's not going to be so tiny. Last weekend I actually had a dream that we had one of these family dinners, and in it I told Gaki off bigtime. I mean BIGTIME. Then after a few days I found out we were having a Mother's Day dinner, and I was worried that it'dbe kinda bad omen. Cause every time we go there, something like this happens. Today the pencil thing/my being snapped at. Easter, the cat ordeal. It's something different every time. it's only going to get worse unless something is done. But there's nothing positive that can be done at this point. It's gonna take someone blowing up. That won't help things, it'll destroy things. And there'll be permanent grudges, and the family will just tear to shreds. See why no one dares stand up to grandma? It's one of those neverending cycles. -_-
*sigh*
It feels good to rant. But now my fingers are extremely sore because 1) I've typed too much and 2) me and Dumplin's wrestling match over the bandana essentially destroyed my knuckles. But hers were the same, so it's all good. XD
I'm going to go watch Utena now. Then do homework. Double sigh.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/12/2002 10:30:00 PM
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wThursday, May 09, 2002 |
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feeling: relief
listening to: Sarah McLachlan - Building a Mystery
I declared my major today. God, please don't let it screw me over.
Here's a survey, cause I'm bored...
1. Can you walk around your house at night with the lights off and not run into anything?
Yeah. Stairways and all. Except last weekend when I was home my parents had moved the air filter thingy from one side of the living room entrance to the other, and for months I've been used to tending to the one side to get around it, so after they moved it... grr, I bumped into that thing in broad daylight more often than I EVER did before they moved it, even at night. ><
2. Ever put off emailing for over a month?
Heck yeah.
3. Ever received a "why don't you write me?"
Um... subtle ones, I think. "Hey, we haven't talked in ages so I thought I'd write you again..." kinda thing.
4. Ever taken your frustration/bad mood out on others?
Yeah, but not physically. I get even quiter and more snappy than usual when I'm irked.
5. Ever had a huge argument and then realized that you were wrong?
I'm always wrong. It's a law.
6. Ever left things the way they were just because it would be harder to resolve it?
Um... you're talking to the queen of apathy here. What do you think?
7. Ever thought someone was "hopeless?"
Yep. Besides myself, even.
8. Ever been so dazed that you take a drink of water but completely miss your mouth?
Heheh, I think once or twice. I doubt it was water though, cause I hate water.
9. Ever dropped your toothbrush in the toilet?
No, but I dropped someone else's in the toilet once. T_T;; Yes, we do keep them in a medicine cabinet to avoid vapors and other such ickness, but I was taking mine out of the cabinet one day and knocked someone else's out with it, and sploosh. I think it was my brother's...
10. Have you ever dropped something in the toilet that you HAD to retrieve?
If you mean like wallets or keys, no. Dropped a full roll of toilet paper in once, though, but didn't retrieve it. :3
11. Ever driven off from the gas station without closing the gas thing?
I don't pump gas. I hardly ever use my car. Daddy fills him up when he needs filled.
12. Can you sleep better at night or during the day?
My body refuses to let me sleep during the day unless I really, really don't want to.
13. Do you print out pictures of celebrities/musicians off of the Internet?
A few times... more fanarts and the like than anything now. And family members of the nephew variety. ^__^
14. Have you ever entered an art contest?
It's been since early high school at least... and those weren't really contests...
15. Do you remember the Lisa Frank phase?
Don't know about any phase, but I used to love Lisa Frank stuff.
16. Is your favourite colour evident by the clothes you wear?
Not really. I wear a lot of gray, some white, only occasionally blue, just cause I don't have that much blue. Except jeans.
17. Coats and sweaters or tank tops and bathing suits?
Coats and sweaters.
18. Do you think everyone should have a significant other during the winter months?
Wouldn't that be ideal? Seriously though... no.
19. Is there a movie that you can really relate to?
Not that I can think of...
20. Ever found lyrics to a song that almost exactly describes you?
Well, Pinch Me by Barenaked Ladies and Don't Cry by Seal come closest. The former actually gives an almost on-the-nose description of a night in my life which I clearly remember.
21. Ever go to a "place of business" so often that costumers think you work there?
Nope.
22. Would you go to a strip club to watch members of the opposite sex?
...I'm sorry, but I don't find male nakedness attractive at all. I'm with Meriko - face it, the female body is just more aesthetically pleasing. This does NOT mean that I want to pay to see them, mind you. XP *shudder*
23. What do you think of guys who dress in drag?
They're not the highest on my list...
24. Do you think movies overemphasize the differences in society (Sexual preferences, racial, cultural, religious identities)?
Er, hello? They're MADE to do that. Ask any director.
25. Do you look at people in the car next to you at the stoplight?
I may glance over on occasion, but I don't stop and stare.
26. Ever said a word so many times in a row that it didn't even sound like a word anymore?
Yeah. It's fun. XD
27. Was there a book series you read growing up?
A few. The Camp Sunnyside series was my favorite.
28. Do you write letters on notebook paper, stationary, computer paper, other, or all?
I write my letters in the form of ICQ and AIM messages. Or I email. But even that's rare.
29. Ever written a letter to someone and weren't able to give it to them because it was so personal and detailed?
I've written and not delivered many times, but not because they were too detailed. Not in THAT way, anyhow. Mostly because I needed to vent some pent-up not-so-happy feelings toward that person. It's quite effective in the forgetting of grudges, actually.
30. Where do your wet towels end up after your shower/bath?
Hanging up to dry on the towel bar thingy.
31. Ever guessed what time it was and been off by Hours?
Not by hours, I don't think... except when I wake up in the middle of the night and stuff.
32. Do you have a subscription to anything?
Not currently.
33. Do you get more friend mail, business mail, or junk mail?
Junk, of course. -_- The rest is from the school.
34. Ever slept nude?
Nope. That would not go over well in a dorm, or with my parents who have this habit of walking in while I'm sleeping. Add to the equation that I tend to toss and turn a lot, thus kicking my blanket halfway off. Leave me alone. >_>
35. Ever walked around your house nude?
Lord, no. *cudder*
*giggles at the word cudder*
36. Anyone ever accidentally see you naked? Vice versa?
I wasn't entirely naked, but yes, a few times... and vice versa... yes. ToT;;;;
37. Do you dental floss daily?
Nope.
38. Do you use mouthwash or think that brushing is enough?
Never used mouthwash. Never had a cavity either, so there. *knocks on wood*
39. Ever been in the middle of a sexual act and actually Felt The Heat between the two of you?
*rolls eyes* I'm not even gonna glorify this one with an answer...
40. Are you able to act?
Noooo. Dangit.
41. Can you give public speeches without freaking out?
I can't make private one-on-one conversation without freaking out, for Bob's sake. >_<
42. Ever had to think extremely hard to remember what happened the day before?
Psh. If there's anyone who doesn't, I'd like to meet them. And shoot them.
43. Which is better: music of today, music of yesterday?
Yesterday. Yesterday yesterday yesterday. I never would've said that four years ago though...
44. Do you drive through town, or around it?
Whatever's the shortest path. Unless it's the middle of rush hour or stuff.
45. Ever find humor in a part of a movie that no one else does?
All the time. X3
46. What do you spend most of your money on?
I don't really spend a lot of money. Been buying a lot of anime and stuff lately though (more so than I did 3 years ago, anyway), so I guess I'll say that.
47. What do you waste most of your money on?
See above.
48. Can you like the lyrics without liking the song?
Yeah, sometimes. More often the vice versa is true though.
49. Can you like the song without understanding the lyrics?
Heck yes~
50. Are accents a turn on?
Some of them. Can't remember which at the moment...
51. Do you dream more good then bad?
I dream... weird. I'll say bad, I guess.
52. Can you interpret your own dreams or do you have to have someone else tell you what they think?
I just dream. Then wake up wishing that whatever the heck that was existed in any dream book ever printed. Not that I believe in those, but you know.
53. Radio or cd's?
MP3s. ^^
54. Movies or TV series?
Usually TV series, but... yeah.
55. Ever regret saying something hurtful?
Um... duh?
56. Ever regret expressing your love?
Yeah. Which is why I don't often express it. And I do mean the non-infatuation kind of love, by the way... never even bothered to reveal my affections to the opposite sex.
57. Do you think some things should be left unsaid?
Most things should be left unsaid.
58. Do you stand up for yourself?
I'm trying to quit.
59. Do you stand up for others?
I stand up for people I don't even like. I need help. >_<
60. Do you know the difference between standing up for others and fighting someone else's battles?
Yes, thank you.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 5/09/2002 10:14:00 PM
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