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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wThursday, August 29, 2002 |
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feeling: disgusting
listening to: nothing
Wow, a whole week between new posts... I'm slackin' 9_9 And where in Hades are my archives now? blah.
I am ill. Again. Just like every cold I get, it began with a scratchy throat, then the next day progressed to sore and mushy muscles, the feeling that my skin could just ooze right off my body at any time, general weakness, and of course, evil sinuses. Then I tried to go to sleep, knowing that after the initial day of feeling disgusting, it'd just be a week of being unable to breathe. But then I woke up after dozing for about an hour, and didn't understand why I couldn't get back to sleep... till I realized I was shaking. I'm talking really shaking. Hard. Forcing my muscles to relax and taking deep breaths only made it worse. So I laid there for half an hour, quaking like the San Andreas, until I finally decided to go downstairs. Not really sure why. But a wobbly, shaky journey ended up with me in the bathroom staring at the mirror, watching myself quiver and trying to detect unusual pallor or flushing in my face. Then I went to the living room, wrapped myself in an afghan, and sat on the couch because I didn't feel up to dragging myself back upstairs. Just sat there shaking, praying I wasn't having some kind of seizure that would cause me to black out good if I ever did get back to sleep. Well, finally, more than an hour after I first awoke, the shaking stopped. But it left me cold, feverish, and with even achier and mushier muscles, and of course a headache. So I finally laid on the couch and tried to go to sleep, still not feeling up to dragging myself back upstairs. And a few minutes later, around 5:30, Dad was up and about. So I told him why I was down there instead of upstairs sleeping, and he tells me that kind of shaking is actually normal with a bad cold. Now, I have a lot of colds. Usually around 3 or 4 each year. But I've never, ever experienced anything like that. But he tells me that's the kind of strain that's going around. I shrug, I accept it, and he prepares a little cocktail of druggage for me, which I take and return to my own bed. Took till about 6:30 to get back to sleep, and I woke up for good a bit after noon.
And today, I STILL feel disgusting. Normally only the first day is like that, followed by a week of sinus act-uppage, but this is day 2 of feeling absolutely gross. I'm not liking this at all.
Oh, and apparently I was asleep long enough to have a dream in which Mitsu came back to life. o_o;
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/29/2002 02:37:00 PM
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wThursday, August 22, 2002 |
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feeling: confused
listening to: Utada Hikaru - Letters
I've decided to start giving title translations of the Japanese songs I listen to day in and day out. Unfortunately, this song's title is already translated. XP But look for English parenthetical additions by yours truly in the future, because I am ever the considerate one, of course.
Ok. So there's this little speech clip of Utena and Anthy performing dialog from the Utena manga, called "Act IV - Get Engaged". For some reason I absolutely love it. Probably because it's mostly Anthy speaking, and Anthy has one of the best voice actors I've ever heard in any anime. She sounds so cute reading this dialog. o_o; Now, I found a translation of this clip easily... but what I want is a transcript of it in Japanese. But I can't find one anywhere. So I figured the next best thing I could do would be to try to transcribe it myself. 9_9;; So here is my pathetic attempt. The main speaker is Anthy, and Utena's lines are in parentheses.
"Kyou kara, bara no kokuin no okite-touri, goui-shiyou sasete itadaku koto ni narimashita. Watashi wa bara no hanayome desu kara. Diosu no ken to, kettou ni katta anata no mono desu. Utena-sama ni wa watashi no koto o suki ni suru kenri ga taeraremashita. Donna koto ni mo shite ga imasu. (Hanayome? 'Anata no mono??') Kettou ni katta kata to engeeji-suru no ga watashi no yakume desu kara."
This translates roughly to...
"From this day on, we'll be living together in accordance with the code of the Rose Signet. I am the Rose Bride. Respectively, the Sword of Dios belongs to you, the victor of the duel. Miss Utena, you have been given the privilege of my devotion. I am to accompany you at all times. (Bride? You??) It is my duty to become engaged to the victor of the duel."
No, my fondness for this clip is not based on what it means :P I just adore this voice actress and her performance with this. Adorable yet humble and sort of... mechanical. Anthy all over. Anywaaaay... actually, I'm sure I got most of my little transcription right. There's just a few parts I can't make sense of, so I had to just write what I think it sounds like, which I think is wrong but... dangit. -__- The first part that screws me up is "goui-shiyou sasete" - I know the 'goui', which means consent/agreement (in accordance), is right. But then it sounds like she says 'shisomethingsasete", which I can't make sense of. If anything it should just be 'sasete' (causative form of 'to do'), but those two mora thrown in front of it are screwing me all up. >< The next thing that throws me is "Diosu no ken..." I know that means Sword of Dios; it's a very commonly uttered term in this series. But again, she's throwing an extra mora in there. It sounds like 'ken no', 'kenmu', or 'kenbu', and the only one of those I can make sense of is kenbu, which means 'sword dance'. But there's nothing about a dance involved with the Sword of Dios. *pulls hair out* And then, "watashi no koto o suki ni suru". Something must be wrong there. 'Suki ni suru', to me, could mean something like 'become something you (or I) like', but that has nothing to do with 'you've won the privilege of my devotion'. I can't find a meaning of 'sukini' or 'sukiri', which it also kinda sounds like. Finally, "Donna koto ni mo shite ga imasu" - the 'shite ga imasu' doesn't sound right. It sounds like it's supposed to say something like "there is the doing of any kind of matter", as in "I'll do anything". But it turns a gerund verb, 'shite', into a noun by putting 'ga' after it and adding 'imasu' (animate existence), and I've never heard of that being done. She could also be saying "shitara imasu" - 'shitara', I thiiiiink, is sort of a... hypothetical? form of the 'to do' verb. Like, "if it is done". But there's no hypothetical 'if' involved with the statement.
That's all. The rest I'm quite certain I got right. If anyone reading this has a good understanding of Japanese and could help me out with those parts, I'd be forever grateful.
End Japanese rant, begin cosplay rant #2. XP Yeah, so me and Dumpling have decided that we won't be cosplaying as Utena and Wakaba in January. Time and money constraints were just bearing down too much. Maybe next year. ^~^ But there is still a possibility that we'll cosplay, but in simpler costumes. She seems determined to at some point in her life dress as the ever popular little cloaked green penguin of doom from the Final Fantasy series, Master Tonberry. That is just great. XD So I was trying to think of another FF enemy or simple, non-human character that I could accompany Tonberry as... few things have come to mind. I can't think of any non-boss enemies so well-known as Tonberry. ;_; Of course, chocobo and moogle came up, but they're mostly allies, not enemies... and a chocobo would be really hard. Moogle would be easy, but... ah, too common. The only other possibility that occurred to me was Hedgehog Pie, but I don't think enough people would recognize that. XD; So maybe we'll both be Tonberrys, just different versions thereof, since he occurs in lots of forms between several games in the FF series. Or maybe I'll leave the Tonberry to her and be San from Mononoke Hime. We were really hoping to have costumes from the same series/game, though... but... maaahh >,< I'd really like to do San at some point, sometime... she'd be fairly easy, not too pricy, and my dad has expressed willingness to help me fashion a realistic-but-harmless dagger out of stone. ^^ Hmm. Well, we'll work something out. I have a feeling this won't be the only OhayoCon we attend together; there'll be plenty of time for Tonberry and San, and even for Utena and Wakaba.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/22/2002 02:22:00 AM
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wTuesday, August 20, 2002 |
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feeling: better
listening to: Utena - Overture (the whole series in a 2 1/2 minute song :D)
Ok, I really am better now. I felt pretty crappy when Mitsu died, but whereas I once remembered him as a sick, suffering little creature that I should've been able to do more to help, I now remember him as the happy, healthy, goofy little buddy that he was to me for 8 months. The happy memories of his life, not the sad ones of his last week before death. My only regret now is that I was never able to take a picture of him. I did, however, draw one today. ^^;
I've also been trying to spend a bit less time on the computer, since I waste soooo many hours here every day. I can just feel my fat rolls expanding every time I sit here. :P It's hard though, because 1) there's not much else to do, 2) last week I was almost constantly online seeking advice about my sick fish, 3) Dumplin's back online after a couple weeks' hiatus ^^, and 4) I've gotten myself addicted to the Sims again. XP I learned that there's a new expansion pack coming in October which allows Sims to have pets. Something I've been waiting for since I first got into the game. Also, like the other expansion packs, it comes with additional skins (body/head designs), items, and neighborhood lots, all of which I really want since I gotta create a good wife for my army boy Brett and the game I have now just doesn't have enough decent skin designs, and soon my neighborhood will be quite filled up. I wanniiiiitt~ *pout*
And now I have a message for Dumplin' in response to the comment she left me on my cosplay rant a few posts down. :3;; Don't worry about me, dude! That older post about my not-so-bonnie bygone youth as a skinny person with a dissipating supply of friends was just... well, I'm not sure anymore, but nothing to worry about. Just a spur of the moment thing that occurred to me as a result of... err, probably thinking about having to get new clothes or something unimportant like that :P And the more recent ones were all during the week when Mitsu was sick, when I was really stressed with keeping him medicated and alive and such... and of course I was constantly worried about him and upset when he died... but that's all. Standard sickness-and-loss-of-beloved-pet sadness. And as I said above, I'm pretty much over that now. ^^ As for my slump... actually I was starting to get over that before Mitsu got sick, and since that's over I'll probably be back on track soon~ And finally, cosplay... eh, I don't wanna make any major decisions unless you're absolutely sure you wouldn't mind, since we planned all this together. ^^ Like, remember back before we decided to be Utena and Wakaba, when you said you didn't care one way or another and it was up to me, but all along you were really wanting to be Wakaba? Don't do that again, k? XDD If you really, really don't mind at all, then... maybe waiting another year to be U&W would work out better. You were right, it's supposed to be fun, not a huge bother... and time's running out... and grandma's, erm, got her hands full. XP But still, I won't make any big announcements to my parents regarding the decision (and the budget, lol) until I know you're totally sure. ^^ Dakedo ne, atashi no koto o sonna ni shinpai shite, doumo arigatouuu~ ("but, thanks for being so concerned bout meee~" ...I needed the practice XD) *squidge*
Off to watch Whose Line now... mata.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/20/2002 09:58:00 PM
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wThursday, August 15, 2002 |
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feeling: -_-
listening to: Shingo Mama - Gakuen Tengoku
It stinks in here. Really bad. Because my dad has been working on his car all evening and the fumes have traveled up to the house from the basement (which is also the garage) and up one level further into my room. It's giving me a headache. ><
Wanna know what else is giving me a headache? Mitsu's medicine. I got the stronger antibiotic that person at the forum recommended, and it comes in tablets and the dosage says 2 tablets per 10 gallons the first day followed by 1 tablet per 10 gallons for days 2-5. Well, Mitsu's vase holds less than a gallon. This means I have to crush up the little tablets into dust, then divide the dust pile into smaller fractions that end up being about enough to cover my fingernail. Last night it took me half an hour, and tonight it took me a full hour because I screwed up my measurements and didn't put in enough and had to section it out all over again to make up the difference. Only thing I have to measure the little dust piles with is my eyeballs. Which are extremely sore right now, and the freakin' fumes from the car aren't helping.
This stupid junk darn well better heal my fish.
Oh, wanna know why dad's been working on the car? Yesterday we were babysitting my nephew, and my parents left around 8 in the evening to take him home, a 2 hour round trip. 11:00 rolls around and they're still not home, so I thought they must've stayed to visit a while; they do that often. Well, finally I heard a car in the driveway and thought, good, they're home. But the car kept running for several minutes and the garage door still didn't open. So I went upstairs to look out my window. I don't see Dad's car, and not just because was dark; all I saw was a huge vehicle with gobs of lights all over it, and 2 or 3 dark figures walking around it. One went up toward the front door, and one spotted me in my window and looked back at me. Then the doorbell rang. Much like it did a month ago when some jerk broke in and swiped Mom's jewelry box and purse. Well, I went to the door, convincing myself that the vehicle had to be either a tow truck or a fire truck, considering all the lights. But I still released a heck of a choking breath when I opened the door and Mom was standing there. Their car had broken down, and they'd sat on the highway for an hour before someone stopped and called them a tow truck.
And now, a night later, fumes from Dad's work on the offending vehicle are consuming every drop of oxygen in the house, destroying my sense of smell and ravaging whatever it is in my head that, when ravaged, leads to a headache.
I can't wait to say goodbye to this week.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/15/2002 10:35:00 PM
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wTuesday, August 13, 2002 |
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feeling: eerrrrgg
listening to: Utena Movie - Abraxas [Hikari Sasu Niwa]
Ok, so last night around 2 a.m. I looked at my betta fishie Mitsu and discovered that his right eye is bulging and cloudy. Diagnosis: pop-eye. Not usually fatal but looks really painful (imagine if your eye swelled to triple size) and can result in loss of the affected eye. Well, when I first caught it I couldn't do anything about it because 1) it was 2 in the morning, 2) I didn't have enough water to change his vase (tap water is bad for these fish), and 3) I didn't have medicine. So I researched 4 or 5 possible medications for pop-eye, then went to bed having done nothing to help and worried sick. Then this morning I got up early and found that, luckily, mom had planned to go to town today anyway, so I hitched a ride with her to get 2 gallons of water and this medicine called Melafix, probably the most strongly recommended of all the medicines I researched last night. It was expensive and the smallest bottle I could find has enough liquid to heal over 2,000 gallons worth of sick fish. But I got it anyway, then when we got home, I posted a query about Melafix and pop-eye at a betta help forum, then I spent abour an hour thoroughly emptying and cleaning his vase, finally got it refilled with the Melafix mixed in, then had to let it sit for hours to get to the right temperature for him. I just now put him back in. And immediately after that I checked the forum I posted at earlier to check for replies and help. One person has responded. What did she have to say? That Melafix doesn't work and that I need to go back immediately and get an even more expensive antibiotic. If she's right and all the other half dozen websites I read were wrong, what does this mean?
1~ I've wasted a FULL day between diagnosis and giving him Melafix. 28 hours.
2~ I've wasted about 10 bucks on a bottle that contains more medicine than I and every other betta owner I know would EVER have use for and that apparently doesn't work anyway.
3~ I've wasted a full gallon of water cleaning and refilling his vase, and will have to repeat the process yet again tomorrow if this medicine does dud out on me. Too frequent water changes really, really stresses fish, and that is not what my fish needs when his eye already looks like the lightest touch could explode it.
4~ After all that and over a course of 3 days I'll STILL have done absolutely nothing to help him. This disease can reach a point of no return within just 2 days. Which I have just officially wasted if that person was right about Melafix.
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!
If his eye falls out I'm suing every freaking betta website I've ever surfed through.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/13/2002 06:45:00 PM
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wMonday, August 12, 2002 |
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feeling: not just bored bored, but TIRED bored bored >_=
listening to: Utena opening theme, Rinbu Revolution
I really have nothing to talk about, as usual, but I thought I'd post anyway since I have absolutely nothing else I feel like doing. It's 2:30 a.m. and I've been dead tired all day, as I always am on Sundays, but I don't want to go to bed... not tired enough anymore. Too tired to involve myself with drawing or writing or Threads of Fate, but not tired enough to sleep. I think my body has programmed itself to under NO circumstances let me sleep before 3 a.m. Because all summer, no matter what time I go to bed or how tired I am, it's at least 3, usually closer to 4, before I actually get to sleep. I don't know why... too much stuff buzzing around in my head, I guess. I can lay there dead still with my eyes shut for and hour and be no closer to dreamland.
See? I really don't have a life. I'm blogging about my sleep habits. :p
I'm really running out of time to buy cosplay materials for OhayoCon in January. Man, last thing I knew I had 8 or 9 months to plan it out and buy bits and pieces, and now I'm down to less than 5 months. Doesn't seem like that big a difference :P but... cosplay takes time. Especially considering the components of mine, some of which I'll only be able to find online, and of course shipping takes time... and stuff. I know what I need, pretty much... here's my list, since I know you're interested :P...
~Black Marine dress coat, which will have to be altered for length/fit, and which has many components to be added (maybe): red piping, 3 red pocket linings, 4 gold buttons, white ruffle along the hem, gold triangles on the collar (which I only hope will be the right cut), big wide white coffs with red edges and big red buttons, gold citation cord (which attaches just under the collar by a green gem thing set in gold and a gold triangle thing), and the dreaded epaulets. I have no clue how I'll do the epaulets. They're big, red, gem-like, and sorta hemispherical, and set in a gold rim with chunky coiled white tassel things hanging along the edge. Nooo clue how to do those. And if I find a Marine dress coat and it's too far from my end goal, I'll have to ask my grandma to make the whole jacket, which I hate to do cause 1) she's doing Dumpling's costume already and 2) that's a lot of work and takes up a lot of time, which I don't have. ;__; Anyway...
~Red biker shorts... shouldn't be as hard as the jacket, I wouldn't think :P
~Black and white shoes, mostly white with black around heel... or black shoes with white spats if I can't find the right shoes ;_;... and red bows for laces.
Those are the main components, and only the basis for the costume. The accessories are the important parts...
~Long light pink wig. Yeah, can anyone see me in a pink wig? XP Well, I've already found a store that has one of good length and nice, light, non-blinding color, which I hope can be styled to match Utena's, which is kind of layered... haven't bought it yet though. Waiting till the last minute as always, of course.
~Rose Signet ring. If I don't get one of these, I won't even bother to do the cosplay. The ring is absolutely essential. Not only that, but one that doesn't look completely fake and kinda crappy is bloody hard to find. And when I do spot a nice one, it runs well over $100. -_- Might have to settle for the fake silver and enamel paint cheapie from eBay... wish I could find a white one, cause it looks white in the series... if nothing else I'd have to make one out of Model Magic or Fimo, which would take ages to get right. *siiiigh*
~Real white rose, still on a short, thornless stem. And I'll have to make the little clip that fastens it to the breast pocket out of Model Magic or Fimo, most likely.
~Sword of Dios. THIS is the hard one. I've heard there are replicas sold on eBay and other online locations - and at conventions, which doesn't help me :P - but I've yet to find one. And if I did, I'm sure it'd be WELL over $100. The closest I can come to a replica without spending half my costume budget would be a drum major's saber (sabre?) from a marching band supply store. That would mean I'd have to fashion the quite intricate rose/vine patterns on the hilt with Model Magic and some kind of paint, which would take me ages. *more siiiiigh*
I think that's it. Funny, the list looks even bigger in my head than it does here... T____T
You know, to be honest... I've been reconsidering even cosplaying at all. I have learned from many, many experienced con goers that cosplayers are generally scoffed at and ridiculed unless they spend thousands on their costume AND have a perfect body shape to match their character (and we all know how realistically proportioned anime characters are ¬_¬). Both of these really work against me - I plan to spend around $200 if that, and... well, Utena probably weighs less than half what I weigh. >< And considering my time constraints and lifestyle, there's no way I could lose even 30 pounds by January, let alone... well, losing 80 would be ideal to cosplay as Utena... but that's just dangerous. Raaaarrrrg. Why did I let myself waste away to this? So yeah... between all that and my general backwardness when it comes to intentionally looking ridiculous in public, even if I'm surrounded by people who look even dumber... well, it's a tad discouraging. I would almost say I'll just buy some ears and a tail and chunky paw gloves and go as a catgirl instead, but... that's been done to death and now just looks dumb unless the costumed one is an exceptionally thin, young, attractive, outgoing, spunky female. Think Merle or Aisha Clan Clan (she's close enough :P). And actually, pretty much all simple-but-cute cosplays are pretty tired by now. Catgirls, moogles, cute variations on bizarre creatures like Chuchu and Ura and Pip and Pokemon and that little thing from CCS...Kero?... from what I've heard that kind of thing isn't seen as cute anymore, unless the cosplayer fits the guidelines I outlined above.
So it's either Utena or nothing. Actually, since the con is 3 days, I'd like to have something different for each day... I was thinking an Utena and a catgirl or moogle, and either a repeat or no costume on the third day... but I dunno. I wish I could find a huuuuge group of girls online who are going to this thing and organize a big catgirl gathering or something, like dozens (maybe hundreds even) of people did with moogles at Expo a couple years ago. But I'm not exactly the... organizing type. :P Or actually... there was another character I was considering cosplaying. San from Princess Mononoke. She'd be fairly simple and not too costly - ripped, somewhat heavy off-white tanktop; dark blue ripped up skirt of heavy, natural-ish material; simple beige-ish wraps on the feet for shoes; a thin black headband with a stone in the middle; giant white plates for earrings... some red face paint and dark blue bands around the upper arms... the hard part would be the big, extremely furry yet preferably realistic white fur pelt for a cape complete with necklace thing adorned with fangs... and a stone dagger (possibly mounted on a stick to make a spear) to complete the look. Me and Dad could probably fashion one of those... finding a big rock around here that's not red would be the problem there. :P I even have almost the right hair for San, except less shaggy, and no bangs. Only other complications would be the decorated red clay mask, which I think is expendable since it's gone after about half an hour of the movie... and the crystal dagger on the red necklace cord. Actually I could only have one of those at once, since San gets the crystal dagger long after her mask gets smashed. So yeah. But which I'd prefer to make/get, I have no idea. But her costume is a bit more modest than Utena's, and definitely less outrageous in terms of color and accessories.
But dangit... me and Dumplin' have already agreed to go as the platonically happy couple Utena and Wakaba X~X Now, not that I want to back out on my best bud there *_*;; ...but maybe... I could throw a San together for a different day of the con? It would eat more into my budget, but not by near as much as Utena will... daaaahh, I don't knoooow *falls out window*
Eh... wow. This turned into a cosplay rant. I didn't really mean for it to. o_o;; But, as I said... nothing else to talk about... eheheh
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/12/2002 02:32:00 AM
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wFriday, August 09, 2002 |
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feeling: tired and slightly edgy
listening to: Record of Lodoss War - Kiseki no Umi
Last night it took me just about 2 hours to get to sleep. That's about twice as long as it usually takes me. Why, I wish I knew... because it irritates the crap out of me. I could be using that extra hour every night to do something productive. ¬_¬
Yes, I said productive. Anything's more productive than lying awake in the dark with your eyes shut for an hour. Even what I'm doing now. :P
Anyway... something occurred to me tonight. Back when I was 13 or so, I started having some weird kinda stomach trouble and totally lost my appetite. Often I'd only eat once a day... and for at least a year, maybe two, I would not eat a single bite between meals. Never knew why; I just had no appetite. So after I lost about 20 pounds my mom took me to the doc - again - and he couldn't provide answers either. So before long my hip and collar bones were sticking out everywhere, not to mention my face was all bony and pale... all my relatives and such were worried that I'd given myself an eating disorder in an effort to just be thin. And even though I made sure they knew this had only happened because my stomach had gone insane, I still hated myself for letting it get that far. Those were not fun years. Well, I don't know how or when, but somehow (I am so talented... somehow I actually managed to type 'somewhore' before 'somehow' XD), someway, I started eating again. I remember how proud and happy I was after regaining the weight I'd lost, to where I couldn't feel my hip bones anymore. I was actually PROUD to have gained 20 pounds.
And now, while I hold steady at a weight gain of around 20 pounds per college year, I'm longing for those bonnie bygone days again. :P
Ok, so they weren't so bonnie. I couldn't eat and didn't know why, it made me miserable, and conveniently, most of my friends turned on me around that time too (this was in like, 8th grade, so if you're reading this you weren't one of them :P). Two of them, when I inquired as to why they were being so cold to me, informed me that I annoyed them because I was too bossy. Now, they were right, and I knew it... but being 13 or so, this wounded me, coming from 2 of my 3 best friends (the other, I decided later, was never a true friend anyway). So starting that very day I made it a point to give them their way. Whereas I used to suggest places to hang out during lunch period and the like, I instead sat quietly and waited for one of them to make the suggestion, then replied with a shrug and a "whatever" to whatever they suggested. Stuff like that. And you know what? They loved this. Every "whatever" I uttered brought at least one approving chuckle. So I said, oh look, when I was outspoken and expressive they blew me off; but when I just sit around moping and don't speak until spoken to, they like me. It worked, so it stuck. And I have lived by that code to this very day.
So for those of you who wondered why I became a hermit, now you know. :P And I'm quite sure those 2 girls will never get to read this... I don't even know where the heck they are now... but juuuuust in case they do... thank you, girls, for making me what I am today. I owe it all to you. And to the third "friend" who never called me bossy but was actually just stringing me along all through gradeschool, junior high, and early high school... thank you, too, for making me see what a true friend isn't. Since you gave me such a prolonged taste of servitude while never serving MY needs even once, I now know never to be anyone's wind-up toy again.
None of those girls will ever see that. But I felt it had to be said. I'm going to bed now. I should've done so an hour ago, but of course, I'm an idiot.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/09/2002 02:53:00 AM
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wMonday, August 05, 2002 |
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feeling: -_-
listening to: nothing
Murr. Still no life, so here's another survey.
1. [Spell your name backwards]: Llirttoc Ellehcim Ykceb. 9_9 Or I could change that Ykceb to... Acceber... never mind :P
2. [Where do you live?]: in my room
3. [Describe yourself in 4 words]: reserved, slow, bored, boring... *sings* but if you're bored then you're booo-riiing...
4. [Who is your worst enemy?]: I'll go with the easy answer... myself. though lately I'm not fond of Brutus Buckeye either... but I'm rid of him for another couple months, so don't bring him up again. :P
5. [If you could have any animal, what would it be?]: White tiger, or maybe one of those golden tabby/marmalade tigers... they're almost as pretty as white ones but even rarer ^^v
6. [What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: Not counting nights where sleep was intentionally (or not so intentionally) avoided... I think 6:30 a.m.
7. [Ever been to Belgium?]: no, and I'm quite sure I never will
8. [What's your favorite coin?]: the older silver dollars with the nifty eagle on back... I guess
DESCRIBE YOUR
9. [Wallet]: just a cheap black manmade-material thing
10. [Brush]: I use two... one is black, round head with wiry stiff bristles and a rubber grip that hurts my thumb ;_; ...the other is kinda fushcia-ish with dark gray grip, square head, sparse plastic bristles with round tips... so's I don't stab myself to death, I suppose
11. [Toothbrush]: white, square-ish head with soft bristles, angled handle, blue rubbery pads for grip
12. [Jewelry worn daily]: only my class ring... and my musical Snoopy watch for leaving the house... I really gotta get a new band for that thing
13. [Pillow cover]: matches sheets... powder blue kinda thing
14. [Blanket]: for home, an old, worn, floppy comforter that's dark blue on top and light blue on the reverse... for school, a newer, jersey knit cloud pattern comforter
15. [Coffee cup]: it's more a hot chocolate cup as of now but anyway X3 an adorable ceramic mug with Snoopy and Woodstock laughin' it up
16. [Sunglasses]: small, round oval lenses, silver wire frame... haven't worn them in ages, mainly because I only used them for driving and sunny tourist locales... too bad they're all scratched and scuffed now
17. [Underwear]: yes I do wear underwear, thanks for asking 9_9
18. [Shoes]: 2 year old white Reeboks with blue accents... they squeak -_- *adds new shoes to list of stuff to buy before returning to school*
19. [Handbag]: umm, don't really carry one... closest I have is one of those little mini-backpacks... just some cheap black thing from K-mart that carries my wallet and stuff and stays within my backpack during the school months
20. [Favorite top]: either my stretchy multicolored (gray front, midnight blue back, green sleeve, purple sleeve, blue thread at seams/hem) tee or my heavy hunter green Aeropostale sweater with the tan stripe across the front
21. [Favorite pants]: I dig jeans
22. [Cologne/Perfume]: none
23. [CD in stereo right now]: eheh *looks* it is empty right now :P I'm more into mp3s X3
24. [Tattoos]: none *cringe* I hate pain
25. [Piercings]: ears, one each... haven't worn earrings since senior prom though, I think
26. [Wearing]: weird light greenish plaid cotton drawstring pajama pants an a 6-year-old SE Invitational track T-shirt that's still big and baggy enough to sleep in
27. [Hair]: umm the intended look is about shoulder length, parted in the middle, soft under-curling/loose pageboy thing... but it's all smashed now cause I slept on it :P
28. [Makeup]: yet another thing I haven't done since senior prom :P makeup sucks
WHAT/WHO (is/are)
29. [In my mouth]: ...teeth, tongue, gums, leftover Pizza Pringle odor... XP
30. [In my head]: very little :P
31. [Wishing]: that I had a life... wait, I take that back... if I had a life I'd wish to be like this again :P so I'll say... that I could lose about 50 pounds overnight, diet-free, exercise-free, pill-free
32. [After this]: might play some Threads of Fate
33. [Talking to]: no one
34. [Eating:] nothing, but I just had a mildly spicy burrito and Pizza Pringles for lunch... mmmmmm daily dose of halitosis
35. [Do you like candles]: sure
36. [Do you like hot wax]: nice finishing touch after a car wash :P
37. [Do you like incense]: not really
38. [Do you like the taste of blood]: it's salty >:3
39. [Fetishes]: in real life I don't really have any... but for fictional characters... wings, twisted pasts, strong-and-silent, feline features (tail, ears, and eyes especially)... and my weirdest one, which also applies to 100% fictional characters ONLY, just so you know: homosexuality. >:P And nooo, that has nothing to do with my own preferences... immoral relationships are just far more interesting so theeeerrrre *hugs Juri and Saionji*
40. [If you could murder anyone and get away with it]: even if I knew I could, I doubt that I would... darn morals :P
41. [Person you wish you could be with right now]: *shrug* nah
42. [What/Who is next to you]: Mitsu *pokes his vase ad watches him flare*
43. [What do you want done with your body when you die]: wouldn't mind donating organs or whatnot... I never understood why someone would be against that... it's not like they'll ever need them again 9-9;; and umm... simple burial would be fine
44. [Do you believe in love]: I believe it exists, but only interpersonally... I've lost faith in love as a general, overall human characteristic
45. [Do you believe in soul mates]: I used to think I had one, but then they vanished, so... not sure
46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: no
47. [Do you believe in Heaven]: yep
48. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: I believe in the good it can do, if only people actually DID it anymore
49. [Do you believe in God]: yep
50. [What's something that you wish people would understand]: why I believe in God... and basically everything I say to anyone
51. [What's something you wish you could understand better]: why exactly the human race sucks and, even worse, enjoys it and wants to keep living that way
52. [What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow]: tomorrow as in actually tomorrow or the future? either way... I have no answer :P
My tummy hurts and I'm bored... I thought I might play Threads of Fate but now I only have 20 minutes before the Simpsons comes on so... drat 9-9 I could work on the chibi catgirls I started last night... oh yeah, I actually started new art last night. *gasp* Could my muse be waking up at last?... erg, I shouldn't have said that... last time I did I jinxed myself. >~<
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/05/2002 04:42:00 PM
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wFriday, August 02, 2002 |
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feeling: decent
listening to: Dir en Grey - Ain't Afraid to Die
I have another blog reader! O_O X3 Hajimemashite Ashley-saaan *bow* Another Hey!^3 fan, hey? very cool~ Hikki performed Sakura Drops on last Sunday's, in case you didn't spot that waaaay at the bottom of some other post on here somewhere. ^^; hahah I wish the International Channel showed some Utaban too... those guys are amusing *u*
Hmm. I still seem to be totally void of stuff worth blogging about. Wonder if the ol' forum in whose shadows I still lurk has any new surveys posted... *looks* ...oh, here's one about time travel. Ooh ooh.
1:Do you think time travel will EVER be possible? Nope. People will try, because some idiots just can't resist tampering with stuff that could destroy humanity, but there's no way. Thank God.
2:Do you believe that everything we do when we go back in time would have some effect on our present day lives? (exp. You sneezing causes a new germ to be spread, causing a new plague to break out, causing diffrent people to die that would have otherwise lived out their natural lives, causing other people not to be born) Yeah, it'd just about have to. Some things might only affect the traveler's own life, but some could totally change the course of existence, wipe out nations, etc.
3:If you could time travel, no risks, when and where would you want to go? This doesn't say to pick ONE place, so I shan't just pick one. So there. ;P Ok... first, back to 35 or so A.D., then maybe hop around a few years between the 1960s and 70s, then 1996-9, then 100 years into the future, and then several visits to the future in 1000-year intervals. Also, I'd like to hop back several generations, one at a time, and trace my family tree back as far as I can. That would take forever, but... if I had a time machine, I would HAVE forever, wouldn't I? *cackle*
4:Why? 35 B.C. so I could see what really happened in the later years of the Christian Messiah. The 60s and 70s for several reasons: the hippie era, the origin of anime (Kimbaaa~ XD), and stuff... but mostly to hit Asia and initiate programs and efforts to save 2 species of tiger that went extinct between those 10 years, using methods and knowledge borrowed from the late 1990s. 1996-9 for a few reasons: to save all the friendships I lost during those years, and then hit Japan to see my favorite anime series in their very firt airings on Japanese television. >:3 100 years into the future so I could see how the next generations of my family are doing, to see if I had grandkids (therefore kids :P), and mostly to see what state the world will be in after another century. Look at all the leaps and bounds we made in the 20th century; I wanna see if they can be rivaled in the 21st. And the 1000-year intervals from there on just to see the state of the world that far ahead, and to see if it even exists after a certain point. Basically I want to find the post-apocalypse and be the only human alive there for a while. XD
5:Would you bring money with you? and what kind would you take? Only to the 20th century visits, because in any of the other times I think it'd be useless. And... what kind? umm... American notes, since it's all I really have right now. :P;;
6:Would you want to live in the time you traveled to? or would you just want to go for a short visit?Nah, just visit. See how stuff's goin' and how long it takes for mankind to screw itself over.
7:Would you go back in time to right some previous wrong? if so, what would you do? Ummm... *thinks really hard* other than to save those friendships I mentioned a couple answers ago... I can't think of anything to correct.
8:Or would you cause havoc? of what sort?No, I'd rather not come home to find my parents dead or nonexistant or something. :P Of course, ANYthing I do in the past could potentially lead to something that would cause one of my parents to never even be born... and one person going back and doing something would change a lot in the present time and no one would even really notice... you could do a lot of damage that way. But still... no, I would not cause havoc, until I find that post-apocalyptic year to run around in.
9:Would you take anyone travelling with you? who? Mmmm... probably not. The fewer travelers, the less chance of screwing up the future.
10:Would you bring anyone home with you? why? Are you kidding? I would never drag some hapless joe back to this pathetic decade. I couldn't torture a human soul. Plus, that would REALLY screw up the space-time continuum, and that would be really stupid. :P
I'll end with some Homer Simpson Words of Wisdom:
"I hope I didn't brain my damage."
"There's no such thing as a talking dog! [dog: bark bark] Damn straight."
And of course... "To Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
I could find better ones, but I'd rather just go watch the show now. Ja.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/02/2002 05:20:00 PM
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wThursday, August 01, 2002 |
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feeling: slightly hungry
listening to: Utena - Densetsu (Kami no Namae wa Abraxas)
I had another one of my patented dreams-where-I-know-I'm-dreaming last night. This one was special though. I remember it really well cause I actually said to myself in it something to the effect of "I gotta remember all this so I'll remember what happened when I wake up from this dream." I was successful apparently >:D Ok, first I woke up in my bed in my room, kinda late morning, maybe 10:30-ish... and I hear voices downstairs. From that point on the house just seems to get bigger and bigger. o_O I stumble downstairs to see a bunch of relatives and people from church and such hovering around, carrying plates of food, talking, and touring the house. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm aware that we've just moved into this new home, which interestingly was on the same site as the old one (we've actually lived here for 14 years o_o), so I think they must've sprung a surprise housewarming party on us or something. But then I eventually find my dad, and he keeps talking about it being an Easter dinner. o_O Oh, also around this time I notice a little red blotchy spot on my knee, nothing serious... just looks like a bump or something. Well, so I go around exploring the house too, since it's just as new to me as it is to the guests... the place is absolutely jam-packed with people, even in the bathroom, which is atop a stairway and has at least 3 doors leading in... my bedroom was atop some stairs too but I'm not sure whether they were the same stairs :P... but yeah, the place is packed. Well, eventually the bathroom clears out so I head in there for my morning wake-up routines and whatnot... and after I put my contacts in, I happen to look at the red spot on my knee again, and I find that it is now a rather nasty looking sore. I put on some pantyhose, for some reason... then I find mom and show her in private. She gives me a bandaid for it, I somehow rip it and she give me another one, yet for some reason the sore ends up without a bandaid, just the pantyhose... which are now stuck to it because of the drying ooze leaking from it. *-* Fortunately though, by the end of the dream it's just a little red scar-spot again. Anyway... somewhere along the line, I remember being in my room, which looked strangely similar to my old bedroom downstairs (now a computer room) but bigger, nicer, and upstairs. Willard was hanging out in there, for some reason, but he left when I walked in... odd. :P At that point I sat on a chair that seemed to be in front of some sort of vanity or something, observed the healing sore on my knee, and told myself I better remember all I can of this dream before I wake up. And I went about the rest of the dream fearless and eager to see what would happen, since I knew it was just a dream. >:3 But not much more did happen, cause shortly thereafter I awoke around 9 to the sound of a loud male voice downstairs - while me and mom should've been the only ones home. x_x Worried that another break-in was happening (some of the paranoia remains, obviously T_T), I bolted out of bed to look out the window... then I praise the lord when I see my grandpa walking back to his car. *heave* And... here we are.
I did some searching last night, and found out that I could get Dance Dance Revolution brand new for $60 or less if I were so inclined. The game itself, for PSX, goes for an average $20-25, and a simple soft mat would be around $40. I could probably find them used for about half of that. ^^ But... I don't know whether I should get one mat or two, since there is a double game mode where the dance steps take up both mats... there are also, of course, 2-player modes. Me and Dumplin' could give ourselves heart attacks from laughing our heads off while bouncing around like drunk monkeymice in Versus or Unison mode. X3 Anyway... yeah, so as it turns out, I COULD afford it if I wanted. :D Problem is I'm sure mom would not be happy with it, considering her ban on the Track & Field PowerPad as I mentioned in my last post. Oh well. Maybe after I move out. :P *snort*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/01/2002 01:58:00 PM
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feeling: slightly tired
listening to: Utada Hikaru - Sakura Drops
Ok. Since I obviously have nothing to talk about here lately, seeing's how I have no life in summer, I am going to post a survey here that I found at a forum I used to post at. I left there months ago because of some... conflicts, I guess... but I still lurk on occasion to see how everyone's doing and whatnot. There are often little surveys there, one of which I'm going to copy and answer here, just because. I doubt the original author will ever see it, but oh well. Anyway, this be a sleep-themed survey, which is cool to me cause I like sleep. :P
1:For starters. How many hours of sleep do you averagely get a night? 6 to 7, except Saturday nights, which average around 4 because I can't get to sleep early and I have to get up at 7:30 Sunday mornings for church. -_-
2:Ok, go touch your bed, or even lay on it. Is it firm, soft, somewhere in between? Eh... it's a waterbed. ^-^ With a semi-waveless mattress, which doesn't make thaaaat much difference, but it's not as sloshy as the old one..
3:Pillows, they do a body good. Are your pillows firm, soft or somewhere in between? I have several of varying firmness, but the only one I really use is kinda in between. It was originally semifirm, but it's kinda flattened since I bought it... eh.
4:Speaking of Pillows, how many do you usually have on your bed at night? How many under your head? A body pillow? Any other interesting ways of using pillows you'd like to tell us (keep this clean folks)? One on the bed, but I prefer two, usually. I'm just too lazy to dig another one out of my closet and stick a case on it, I guess. I've got like, 4 extras in there. :P
5:I know sometimes it gets cold at night. But othertimes it can be hot. What kind of blankets/sheets do you have on your bed? How many? I finally found sheets made specially for waterbeds, so I use that... it's a special fitted sheet with a regular sheet attached at the bottom... I just leave them tuced in together instead of using the top sheet as a cover though, because 1) I don't like sheets as covers, and 2) for some reason my bed is quite cold and could use the extra layer between it and me. For covering, I have an old, floppy, reversible comforter, light blue on one side and dark on the other (dark is on top).
6:I like to sprawl out when I sleep, what size is your matress? (ie, twin, double, queen, etc) Uh, like... standard or twin or whatever
7:Do you sleep alone, or do you have a partner? (human) Aaalll byyYYY MYYYYYseee-eeelf... *croon*
8:Anything non-human allowed in your bed? My cat, but only when the comforter's pulled over it all, cause claws and waterbeds don't mix well. She never seems to get on my bed anymore though ;_; She used to wake me up every morning by squeaking in my ear and licking my face... siiigh
9:Do you sleep with a special stuffed animal or blankey? What is it? My giant white tiger Zeus lies across the head of my bed, behind the pillow... his length totally spans the width of my bed ^^ and tucked between his front paws is my little orange tiger cub Nanaki... they just sit there though... I don't, like, cuddle with them or anything.
10:Do you nap often? For how long? Rarely, and when I do it's usually Sunday afternoons... never for longer than an hour.
11:What time do you usually go to bed? In summer, between 2-4 or so; during school, between 12-1.
12:What time do you usually get up? In summer, between 10-noon; during school, depends when my classes start. Last year I was up around 8:30 every day, this year - or fall quarter at least - it'll be at least an hour earlier. ;_;
13:What do your bedsheets look like? (design) Solid, kinda a powder blue color.
14:Are you a heavy sleeper? Heh, I wish... maybe then I wouldn't be so tired after waking up
15:Want to sleep with me? Sure, why not XD
A few notes regarding others' replies to this in the forum I found it in: the last answer there is directed to the author, who I doubt will ever see this, but just in case. ^_~ Also... only a few people have responded to this so far in its origin forum, but so far they're all consistent in replying that they regularly sleep 12 hours a day in the summer. Now... everyone who knows me knows I have no life in summer, right? But even I can't stand sleeping THAT much. I love sleep, but never more than 8 hours at once. It makes little sense. :P
Trying to think of something else to say... oh, I know... I want Dance Dance Revolution, dangit. XP I've heard from a few people who actually own it, and from many others who've tried it at conventions or arcades or whatnot, and it sounds incredibly fun. Some of the people I know who own it are the kind of people I could never imagine as the type to enjoy dancing games like that, yet they do... and if THEY get that hyped over it, then by all means, I should too. X3 Heh, I have no clue where I might find one though, and even if I did, they probably cost way more than I can afford. And if I COULD afford one, I know my parents would be none too thrilled about the house-quakes I'd cause using it. :P This house is not hard to rattle... when I'm upstairs I can feel the walls shake when my dad just walks down the hallway downstairs. And I still have the old Track & Field game for NES, which I enjoyed muchly as a kid, but my mom sort of banned it because it rattled the house and shook fragiles off the shelves too much. And I weighed about 1/3 back then of what I weigh now. :P So my only other resort would be to find an arcade or something, which would be hard enough, or try it out at OhayoCon in January. But... eheh, no one wants to see me dance in public. I'll probably never get to play it in my life, even if I do at least see it at the convention. ;_; I should download some of the music from it sometime, at least...
This song *points to the title in italics at the top of this post* is quite pretty. It's the one Hikki performed on Hey! Hey! Hey! this past Sunday night. Pretty catchy. ^^
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 8/01/2002 12:58:00 AM
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