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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wSunday, July 25, 2004 |
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feeling: meh...
listening to: Dir en Grey - Mitsu to Tsuba, a.k.a. Tsumi to Batsu (Honey and Saliva, a.k.a. Crime and Punishment... friggin' awesome wordplay by Kyo)
Blarg on today.
Church this morning was a pain. I'm quickly losing all reason to even go there anymore. Actually, since it's not a choir season right now, my only reason for going is my Sunday school teacher, who has been unfalteringly sweet and loving toward me for years no matter what befalls me (or her) or how distant and half-asleep I am on any given morning in her class. But she wasn't there this morning. My other reason for attending today was to help with my nephew, who spent the night with us, but I didn't know until I was ready and walking out the door that he would be staying home with my brother. So yeah. Could've stayed home and gotten more than 3 hours of sleep, but instead I spent the entire morning bouncing back and forth between different empty rooms, trying to either nap or doodle, mainly failing in both cases.
And I swear I wanted to wring Gakidaddy's neck all freaking morning. I had to sit in front of him listening to him lecture Jeannie, mother of a guy I was good friends with growing up and still not that much of a grown-up herself *huggles her*, on how to raise her kid. For one, she's been raising that 'kid' for 22 years; I think she knows what she's doing. For two, this isn't the first time he's lectured her like this. This morning it was about how she should've taught her son to cook at a young age. Even more irritating was the one a couple months ago about how she shouldn't even still be bringing up the kid, that he's 22 and should be fending for himself by now, that when he was 22 he was already out of home and in the armed forces and blah blah arg. Every time he does this I end up freaking DYING to turn around and snap at him "And where are you now, exactly?" Because apparently he forgets that he's over 40 years old and living with his parents. And he has a kid of his own, almost 16, who he doesn't even raise - his parents do - and she's got the mentality of an 8 year old and everyone hates her. Understand why it makes me sick to hear him lecturing Jeannie on how to raise her kid? As if HE'S the Model Son and Parent.
Anyway. Got home, went up to my room, and immediately saw that Phoenix's java moss was all farked up, his tank lid was halfway off, and a still-wet scooper thing was sitting next to his tank. Thankfully, Phoenix was unharmed, but THAT is why I don't want my nephew in here unattended. No one else seems to get it. I've TOLD them over and over that he knows how to open the tanks, that every time he looks at them he wants to put junk in their water or try to scoop them out... but what happens when I report the incident to my mother? "He's young, he doesn't understand."
Yes. I would accept this, if not for the fact that I have been the ONLY one in this household to have to chase him when he decides to run upstairs to my room, which I wanted to be off limits to him from the start anyway, but darned if anyone else cares. And I am apparently the ONLY one who has tried to teach him not to open the tanks, put stuff in them, try to scoop the fish, etc. Where everyone else is concerned, as long as he doesn't drown in the tank (all 2 gallons of it) or something, it doesn't matter. My fish don't matter.
And what's even funnier to me is that, when Ginger clouted the kid on the arm a while back in retaliation for his constantly pounding on her and pulling her tail, Mom was FURIOUS. And who tried to tell her "He's young, he doesn't understand"? Yeah. And did she care? No. And did she ever try to stop him or discipline him for pounding on the cats or kicking them or pulling their tails? No. She just stands there watching him, cooing the occasional sweet-as-punch-so-as-not-to-hurt-his-precious-little-feelings "Nooo, nooo, Braeden, that hurts Ginger." But when one of them fights back ONCE in return for his CONSTANT abuse, she goes into a rage and throws the cats out into the night as if it's their fault. She seriously doesn't care - he can pound on them and kick them and yank on their tails and ears and make them howl as much as he wants, as long as they don't even think about trying to scratch him. The cats don't matter.
Anyway... ate lunch, was relatively fine for a couple hours... but then, just when I finally decided 3 hours of sleep had worn on me long enough and I wanted a nap, Nephew decides to make me his slave again until dinner time. And after that we had to go (with him) to my grandparents', which meant more time in the presence of Gaki and Gakidaddy wanting to gut myself with a dull spoon. Came home, was Nephy's slave until he went to bed, and here I am. Tired as crap and if you think I'd be able to get to sleep if I went to bed this early, you're delusional.
So there you have it. I love my nephew... but I think his welcome is starting to wear out for me. Guess it was bound to happen, since I swear he spends half of every week with us now. And he's at the demanding age - old enough to know exactly what he wants and when he wants it (i.e. NOW), but too young to understand or accept 'no' or 'later' for an answer.
There's an empty cup sitting next to me that had fruit punch or some similar kind of fruit juice in it several hours ago, and I swear the cup smells like cotton candy now. Weird.
Still don't know what to do about BLOOD birthdays. >_< I thought of something to do with the Fukigen mascot design, sort of - I'm gonna draw Fu-ki himself in the style of the mascot. Complete with the big cowlick. I sketched a little draft of it this morning in church and I swear it was the best part of my day. But I still don't know whether to just send it as normal fanart or make a birthday gift out of it... and if I do the latter, I don't know HOW to send it as a gift. Like, just a drawing, a print, a cell phone dangly thing? But if I do that I won't be able to send the regular personalized Fu-ki dangly... ARG!
So yeah... still stuck on his gift. August 20 is getting way too close for comfort. Buhjbggrekbvjgreigersrtbhbegerbvh.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/25/2004 11:46:00 PM
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wSaturday, July 24, 2004 |
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feeling: easily amused
listening to: Malice Mizer - Madrigal
Another round of quizzes, because I'm in that kind of mood. I need to make a BLOOD quiz or two or five someday... I really do... :s
(edit, Sunday afternoon: added some more X3)
You are OBSCURE. You have an obsession to crazy (or
crazy-explained) colors. You are full of
metaphers, so, you are hard to understand. You
don't _want_ to be understood, ne?
The Dir en grey VULGAR Song Identity Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla
You're GARDEN! You're confused and you want it to
end...but you don't... You're in love with
someone whom you can't have and you admire them
from afar.
Which Dir en Grey song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
CROSSDRESSED ONES! you don't want any man
appearance, you're like the most beautiful
woman! you dress like that and you enjoy it!
Your make up assesors are: Mana, Shinya,
Aya, Michiru...
Which kind of j-rocker are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Lost love and supernatural angst make you
incredably intriguing. As one of the earlier
pieces, it's safe to say you're a classic: in
analogy, you are to Malice Mizer's vampiric
pieces as Bram Stoker's "Dracula" is
to Gothic literature.
J-Rock: What Malice Mizer Vampire Song are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have Gackt!!! Go you!
What Malice Mizer Member are you in love with? (or should be)
brought to you by Quizilla
~Elegant Gothic~
What kind of Lolita are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Extra Original! Screw the cookie cutter
bands, you like that warped and weird sense of
music that others usually stare at you for. It
may be a little bit strange, but just as long
as it's not your typical mainstream. Your
favorite bands probably iuclude Zigzo, Schwein
and of course Cali Gari.
What's Your Genre Of Jrock?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're most like Die and Kaoru (DEG); You seem like
an older sibling at times, ready to take care
of everyone, but you can be a caring and loyal
lover as well.
What J-Rock Yaoi pairing are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Take the quiz: "which gackt are you?"
intellectual gackt
..smart..handsome..rational...you are intellectual gackt
Your Murder is Kyo! At least you tasted delicious.
And that's all that counts, right?
The Dir en Grey Murder Case Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla
Take the quiz: "what kind of j-rocker are you?"
hardcore fucking j-rocker
you are a hardcore fucking j-rocker,...if not you'd make one hell of a fan ..i like you
You will go crazy from the voices in your head.
You're so alone, so alone that you start to
hear things. But, how can you? It's always
quiet in your mind. Ha, till now. You tend to
be shy or keep away from others. Soon, these
voices become your friends. You do what they
say. You can trust them, NOBODY ELSE!
How Will You Go Crazy?
brought to you by Quizilla
I am an imaginary number
1i
I don't really exist
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what number are you?
this quiz by orsa
Now to resume thinking of a new Yahoo ID so I can join BLOOD mailing lists. Oh, and I still have no clue what to do about Fu-ki's birthday present, and still waiting on the new image/concept, so I can't make the personalized cell phone danglies yet either. >_< Eh well... I'm used to working under the gun...
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/24/2004 11:37:00 PM
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wTuesday, July 20, 2004 |
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feeling: ugh
listening to: nothing
Ignore this post. It's just pointless ranting I wanted to get out, nothing anyone should care about. Just scroll down to the next one. I seek opinions there.
I've wanted to go to bed since before midnight. Finally did so, and laid there awake long enough for my head and eyes to start throbbing before finally, at 3:30, saying screw it, I need to rant.
I have this annoying desire to be comforted tonight. The reasons are many and varied. Mostly pretty stupid too, and even selfish in places. But most came about after reading the LJ of a random friend-of-a-friend type person whose life I wish I could be living, even though I only know her through the posts I read. Right now she has pretty much everything I in my current position could want, and I'll never have it. I could work for years to be where she is, but by then I'd be too far past my... prime, so to speak... to still get any enjoyment out of it. Basically it's another of those 'if only I'd been born in another place and time, to different people' kind of things. I've just been living out the wrong life, through no fault of my own or anyone else's. Can't be helped.
But that doesn't mean I don't wish I were her. I don't even know why exactly... guess I'm just selfish. There's no logical explanation I can find, other than that.
I want to start doing stuff. Being a slug locking myself away in the house all day sucks. I'll never get where I want to be this way. Wherever 'where I want to be' is... but you get the point. This town sucks too. There's nothing here but a bowling alley filled with smoke and drunks, historical sites (historical meaning from about... oh, when my great-grandparents were kids, maybe), and a sad handful of good resturants. Anything there is to do around here is the kind of thing that's only fun when you're with a group of friends. And I don't even have a group of friends.
And even if all of the above were different, it wouldn't matter, because I don't have a car right now either.
And I'm never going to be as fluent in Japanese as I want to be. I'd have to either go to grad school or go to Japan, or both, to even come close. Learning languages after the age of about 13 very rarely goes well at all. Not my fault I didn't have a chance to start until I was 19, but that doesn't stop me from whining about it.
It's now my usual bedtime. I want to sleep. But my eyes are throbbing from the pressure in my head, so no matter how hard I try, it won't happen for a while.
So wish me luck.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/20/2004 04:04:00 AM
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feeling: eyes are tired
listening to: Due le Quartz - Warning
Just turned this song on for the first time, not even a minute into it, and already I'm hooked. Ooooooh.
Either I have loads of inspiration but no motivation to act on it, or I'm all motivated to act but have no inspiration to act on. Currently it's the latter. Every day for the past couple weeks or more, I've pulled out my folder and sat there staring at incomplete drawings or blank white pages, pencil in hand, wanting to do something cool but having absolutely no ideas. After anywhere from 3 to 45 minutes (give or take...), the folder goes back to its little nest and I return to staring at the computer screen like the zombie I am.
Of course, sometimes I actually have both motivation AND inspiration, one greatly outweighing the other but nevertheless both present... just no time to act on it. Whereas at one time I was worried that my sister-in-law's decision to kick out my brother would mean I'd have very few chances to see my nephew from then on, it actually seems like he's here twice as often as he was when his family was still whole. He still seems to think he's "Becky's boy," but the fact that his daddy is staying with us too eases the load on me quite a bit. He still demands me when daddy's at work, but at least I'm able to slink off to my room and get some things done now and then. Whereas before I couldn't escape his field of vision for more than 10 seconds without him either starting to whine or starting to follow me.
One of the biggest motivations I've had lately is to do BLOOD fanart. But I don't want to do anything that I might actually consider showing/giving to them until they unveil this new image they promised would come in July sometime. On the other hand, Fu-ki's birthday is August 20, which means at my normal rate of working on art stuff, I'll be lucky if I can finish what I was planning to make for him in the short time I have. Then, of course, I started having second thoughts about that plan and thinking it might be better to try something else... but... arg.
...Ok, since I doubt anyone reading this cares much about BLOOD anyway (except the one, of course :3), I'll describe my idea. Maybe I can get some opinions. *hint nudge*
So I wanted to make him one of those little dangly ornament-type things that you hang on a cell phone. Originally I wanted to make one of the Fukigen mascot, a character I know Fu-ki really likes... but then I thought maybe I could do one of Fu-ki himself, either just the head or an uber-chibi type thing. And that thought led to the thought of maybe doing the same thing for Kaede and Kiwamu also, when their birthdays roll around. I also thought it'd be a good idea to send a second little someting along with each, so that way I could still do the Fukigen mascot dangly too and send Fu-ki both. But I'm afraid the other guys wouldn't be surprised after Fu-ki gets the one of him; especially Kiwamu, whose birthday is the last of the three (November). Once he sees Fu-ki and Kaede get theirs, he'd know his is coming. So I thought, eh, I can hold off on the cell phone danglies and plan to give them to the members all at once, either for Christmas, in a fellow fan's collection for a gift project she's organizing, or at the next convention I see them at. Which, assuming I can actually attend, will be in February. But if I do that, it probably wouldn't be a great idea to send the Fukigen one next month.
So basically, now I'm thinking I'll go ahead and plan on sending the personalized danglies for their birthdays along with another little cool something just so everyone will get SOME kind of surprise... and if in the next few weeks I change my mind and decide to give the danglies all at once instead, it won't make any difference. Except I'll have them ready (or in the making) so I'll be prepared ahead of time. However, two roadblocks remain:
1) I refuse to start the personalized dangle-charms until I've seen the band's new look, which may end up leaving me with a week or less to start and finish Fu-ki's. AND to come up with a second/altenate gift for him. T_T
2) I want to do SOMEthing with that Fukigen mascot, even if it's not a cell phone dangly. (I just now found out, by the way, that they DO make those... but I have no idea where to buy them, and even if I did it'd probably be too late to order one and send it to him. >_<;;) But I don't know what else I can make out of him besides either a keyring or cell dangly charm. THIS is where those opinions would come in handy. :P Anyone have any ideas what kind of gift I could make in the visage of this character? I'm open to just about anything... get creative if you must >.>
So that's the plan, such as it is. Time is running out and I have no idea what I'm doing... whyyyy don't they hurry up and show me that new image??? At least then I could get the personalized danglies done as defaults >o<
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/20/2004 12:03:00 AM
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wFriday, July 16, 2004 |
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feeling: amused
listening to: Miyavi - Coin Rockers Baby
This song rocks. Even if he does croak all the lyrics. :P
Grr. Blogger's new system farked up all my quiz results. Now I have to take them all over again. And type in half of the stupid tags manually. See what I go through for my readers? >.>
Die-Sama! Wow...your really good at makeing people
mad.....you have tallent to tick Die off The
much!
What Dir en Grey member is going to attack you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You will Marry KYO! *Kills you* *takes your
husband* *marries him* =(haha,Woo Lucky you, he's affectionate, fun, a GREAT
singer, and he has a nice Body. You've probly
already out grown him =( but who cares you got
KYO! Remeber to keep up with those video games
though ^.~
What Dir en Grey member will you wed?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU CANT HAVE HIM!!!!! MINE!!!!
Which Dir en Grey member do u have a chance with??
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Shinya on stage. You kick ass little skinny
man.
Which version of Shinya, from Dir en Grey, are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
you got toshiya's hair
Whose hair do you want from Dir en Grey?...
brought to you by Quizilla
It was TOSHIYA! Everyone knows that Toshiya isn't
so nice as he looks like... He's a hard-headed
thief who'll play the tender lover's role and
after take a part of your underwear and
disappear -.-
Dir en Grey - CATCH THE THIEF! Who had steal your underwear? ^^
brought to you by Quizilla
I seriously hope your a male(like me!) taking this
quiz. Shinya is definately uke!
Dir en grey Boi Claim; Who's Pants Are On the Floor?
brought to you by Quizilla
KAORU! Kao-Chan. Yep, he's the one that spoiled you
on the shopping spree! He likes you so far...or
he wouldn'thave bought ALL that stuff for you!!
A Dir en Grey Story Part 3
brought to you by
Die-Sama! ^^! He had NO clue what do to about your
Dad, he was just as clueless as he was when you
were standing outside with him....lol
Dir en Grey Story Part 4: Meeting the Parents....
brought to you by Quizilla
Congratulations!
How well do you KNOW Dir en Grey?
brought to you by Quizilla
100% Dir en grey Fanatic:
You put the "fan" in fanatic! You
probably own all their albums and have a hefty
collection of paraphernalia. You're one of
those Cool Diru fans and you would know exactly
what to do at one of their concerts (no
parapara for you!). You can probably even tell
us the name of the boy Kaoru beat up in the 3rd
grade. You rock!
The Dir en grey Expert Challenge
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah! You know them all! You are great. Make a
quiz, too ^_^!!
Dir en grey - Lyrictest
brought to you by Quizilla
Threw in a couple imageless ones just because they both give me too much credit. ^^
Done for now... muhuhu. *toddles off*
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/16/2004 10:31:00 PM
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wThursday, July 15, 2004 |
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feeling: ok
listening to: Dir en Grey - Ain't Afraid to Die
Woah. Blogger fonts went all weird. I'm typing in, like, Georgia.
Anyway... haven't posted in a week and a half because I haven't felt like it. It's summer. Motivation is at an all time low. I have, however, done some drawing in the past couple weeks. *gasp* Laid some possible designs for two members of a five-member visual kei band I'm creating for no apparent reason, started another BLOOD fanart that'll most likely never get done... actually, that's about it. I was all excited about the BLOOD one for a while there... wanted to work on it, wanted to think about details and see it done... but then I remembered that the band is planning to change their concept and image in the very near future, so I figured I should wait and make sure they're not going to, like, shave their heads or something. Cause that would make pretty much all my fanart attempts outdated and hence futile, you know?
I'm psyched to see their new look though. They've been hyping it up for weeks and going on about how different it is and how excited they are. In his corner last week Fu-ki said the costumes would be done the following week, which is now this week, which is almost over... so I'm sort of hoping for, but not expecting, the new image to hit their website tomorrow with the weekly update. More likely it'll happen at the end of the month... 2 more weeks... guess we'll see.
Speaking of BLOOD, Kiwamu asked me to start sending him translations of the members' corners every week. *-* I guess he's finally getting fed up with Lauren, his regular translator. Can't blame him. Out of the past 6 weeks, she's only done the weekly corner translations twice. Either I sent him the rest, or they were never posted and I had to send 'unofficial' translations to a fansite that keeps an archive of all the corners. But it was weird... when he asked me to do that, he said it was because Lauren's computer had broken down again or something (he wasn't even sure)... so then when I replied and told him I'd gladly help and to let me know when she was back so I'd know when to stop sending them, he replied by basically saying 'never mind' three times. O.o But at least two of those seemed to be in response to the 'tell me when she comes back' request, because he also went on (again) about how careless she is all the time. So... yeah. Guess I'm sending him translations every week now, and he'll use them on the weeks Lauren doesn't send them. Or something.
So watch, now that he asked me that, she'll come back and do them every week again. :P
OH! I'll be cosplaying as Kaede of BLOOD at the next Ohayocon! >:D We decided Calla's going to be Kiwamu and her friend Sion is going to be Fu-ki... though if we'd chosen based on who looks most like who, especially in the hair department, I'd be Fu-ki and Sion would be Kaede... but Kaede's my... um, infatuation. So :P. Anyway... heh, as far as I know we'll be the first BLOOD cosplayers, so we're gonna go all out. Pointing at people, headbanging, spitting blood, throwing candy and feathers around, crowd diving, randomly distributing flyers, and of course... fanservice. Should be a good time. XP And if she agrees, Dumplin's gonna be our groupie with the camera, so there WILL be pictures, and possibly video... >:3
This rapidly turned into a BLOOD blog. Obviously it's summer and life is slow. I'm scraping for stuff to blog about, but there's just... nothing there. Brain died weeks ago. So deal with what you get. :p
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/15/2004 06:57:00 PM
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wMonday, July 05, 2004 |
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feeling: nauseous
listening to: Dir en Grey answering machine message
My ulcer struck again last night. Or this morning, really, just before 3 a.m... but I hadn't gone to bed yet so it was 'last night' to me. Yeah, this was the worst one yet. One minute I was sitting here typing an email, the next I was doubled over and barely able to breathe from the tightness and pain. So I stumbled downstairs to take Mylanta, which I don't think really does any good, but I had to do SOMEthing... and this woke up my parents, who got up and joined me in the living room while I laid on the couch writhing and mildly hyperventilating and tingling all over from low oxygen supply for a little over an hour. Finally it calmed enough for me to doze off for a couple hours, and then maybe a couple more after something briefly woke me up. I feel better, but that stupid dull nausea is still hanging around.
So I guess this is supposed to be a sign that I need to start sleeping at night again. I'll still do what needs to be done, in terms of translations and emailing and all this stuff on the BLOOD front, but no more staying up till all hours working on things that have no time limit.
I'm also two or three days behind in cleaning the fish tanks. And somehow I don't really feel like doing that today. Erg.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/05/2004 11:47:00 AM
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