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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wSunday, July 28, 2002 |
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feeling: really tired
listening to: Utena Movie - Fiancee ni Naritai
Look look! I got some crappy quality copies of my nephew's latest photo studio adventure and I posted one of my favorites~ if you look really close among the blur of his mouth you can see teeth ^u^ He was here all day yesterday... and I mean ALL day. We wore each other out 9u9
I just finished watching Hey! Hey! Hey! again~ man, I really wish this show was on more than just once a week. T_T It'd be nice if it was on Friday nights or Saturdays or something too, so I can see it during the school year... beh. Tonight they had this guy group called Mr. Children... didn't think much of them *shrug*... then they had this girl dressed as a nurse and looking remarkably like a young Shingo Mama XD... she sang a song that sounded like it could've been from Card Captor Sakura or something, and she had this big group of other girls onstage dressed like her, and they were all doing these corny dance moves you'd expect to see in a 50s diner or something. Scary. 9_9; And the main guest was Utada Hikaru. She's pretty cool, but... eh, she's been called Japan's answer to Britney Spears. ¬_¬ Personally I see no resemblance... their music styles are soooort of similar, that's about it. Not even that, actually, because I can't stand Britney's music, yet Hikki's is all right because I get the feeling that she's actually in it for the music and not for the gawks from horny elderly males (and underage females, as it were o_o). But otherwise they're nothing alike. Hikki actually wears clothes that cover her and favors singing rather than prancing around buried in overdramatic lightshows and surrounded by dancers. Tonight when she sang, Hikki just stood there in the middle of the stage, no dancers or backup, wearing jeans and a midriff-covering blouse, and sang. Just sang. That is why she's better than Spears. Heheh, it was kinda funny... during her interview bit, Hikki was talking about how President Bush had called her "Mr. Utada Hikaru" *snort* That's Bush for you...
In short, it was fun to watch... but not near as good as last week's Gackt episode :P Best of luck to Hikki when she releases her English debut album... she's not my favorite singer, but someone has to get J-music popular over here. If anyone's worthy of that, it's Utada - she barely shows any accent when speaking English, and she's pretty close to what's popular in this country now. Similar enough to be seen by those who like that kind of music, but different enough to appeal to those who don't, such as me. If she does well, maybe we can lure some really, really cool J-musicians to our shores. ^^ *holds up a big sign that says IRASSHAIMASE GAC-CHAN*
Well, since I'm still facedown in one of my worst slumps yet, and since I'm dead tired, I still have nothing better to post here, so I suppose I'll stop now. Ja na.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/28/2002 11:09:00 PM
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wThursday, July 25, 2002 |
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feeling: bored
listening to: Utena - Nouvelle Mariee
My bumper sticker reads:
Lighten up.
Take the quiz.
err depressed? I am not depressed... I'm just bored 9_9;;
Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings.
Take the quiz.
I've taken a full-force nose dive into yet another slump. This one, though, is not only suppressing any inspiration/skill I would normally have - it's like, eating it. I have zero inspiration, no new ideas at all (usually I have a few, slumps just make them dumber), and I seem to be losing any art skill I ever had. Last night I attempted a cheesy little chibi-me using my tablet and PhotoShop, and by the time I finished the linework I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. It was really, really that bad. -_- I won't even begin to pick it apart here, because I don't feel like reminding myself that I've somehow managed to deteriorate. I need to practice more, plain and simple. I'm lucky if I touch pencil to paper (or stylus to tablet, as it were) once a week anymore. And since it's summer, I don't have the option of doodling in class notes, which led to some great things from me in the past. :P I know I need to work, but the problem is I can't just sit down and move the pencil/tablet and get something decent at random. I have to have an idea of what I'm about to do, and even more restrictingly, I have to like the idea. But now, I'm just... not into it.
Ok, there's only one thing I can think of to talk about here that I can be at least somewhat into, long enough to get a decent post out of it...
Utena Spoilers Ahead, for eps 28-30 or thereabouts
The other day I watched the two Ruka episodes again (28 and 29). The latter of the two is probably, to me, the saddest episode of the whole series, al because of the results of the duel at the end. Well, ok, episodes 6, 11, and the Wakaba duel episode are quite sad too, mainly because of the duels... but dang, when I first saw the end of 29 my jaw dropped and I think I literally muttered "Noooo... whyyyy..." a few times. o_o;;
Ok. First it should be noted that the majority of Utena episodes center primarily on one of its many characters. Nanami herself has, geez... like, 6 eps? Maybe more, if you count the Tsuwabuki ones... anyway, some are more general, but most of them focus on one character. My favorite character among them is Juri, because even though her life story isn't the saddest in the series, it seems to come across that way somehow. You really feel for her, especially after episode 29. So her episodes are... well, in the first one she does a lot of on-screen reminiscing about two friends who have both left the academy in past years - Shiori and some unnamed guy. The story is, a few years ago, Shiori was jealous of Juri because she thought she had such a great life... she was strong, beautiful, smart, fencing champion, people admired her like crazy, etc... and Shiori felt she was always in the spotlight, so she eventually paired up with that unnamed guy friend, thinking that Juri was in love with him. Her only reason: to take something from Juri, to let herself be the happy one for once. But in Juri's first episode, one starts to see that it wasn't that guy that Juri loved - it was Shiori. Before you say "EWWW" and run off, hear me out. ;P So Juri is now the only one of those 3 friends still at Ohtori Academy, and she keeps remembering the advice Shiori gave her: "Believe in miracles, and your wish will come true". And because of Shiori's betrayal and overall meanness, Juri decided that bit of advice was a crock, and insisted she didn't believe in miracles. So she decided to challenge Utena to a duel so she could take the Rose Bride and prove that miracles don't exist - or she claimed, anyway. Her real reason, I believe, was to actually find the power of miracles so she could bring herself to be strong and believe Shiori and find her again and be friends again and etc etc. Anyway, the duel went on, and eventually Juri knocked Utena's sword into the air and cornered her. But right before she could deliver the winning stroke, Utena's sword fell from the air, aiming straight downward - and cleanly brought with it the rose from Juri's chest as it landed at her feet. (yeah - the point of the duel is to knock the rose off your opponent's chest, just to clarify.) I always love that part. O_O Anywho, Utena was convinced it was a miracle, but of course Juri called it mere coincidence, refusing to believe a miracle had cost her the duel. Then later, we see Juri off alone staring at a picture in a pendant she always wears under her uniform. The pic is, of course, Shiori's.
Feel sorry for her yet? Oh, it gets sadder. *~* Then there's the Black Rose episode where Shiori returns to the academy. Juri ignores her as much as she can, but eventually Shiori admits why she took that guy from Juri, and says she wants to be friends again. Juri at that point tells her she never had feelings for that guy. Shiori is shocked and asks whose picture is in her locket, then. Juri doesn't tell, but walks away. Then she goes to a lake and throws it into the water, telling herself she has to be strong and get over her feelings. Well, later, Shiori goes to Juri's dorm but no one's home, and she accidentally knocks over a vase with a rose in it... and along with the water, what should fall out but Juri's pendant. So, naturally, Shiori looks inside, finds her own picture, and becomes overjoyed that she finally knows her friends secret (her intentions are malevolent, of course). Then she visits Mikage and becomes a Black Rose duelist, then goes to meet with Juri again. She shows her the locket, and Juri freaks out, then asks her nervously if she looked inside. Shiori says "If you'd asked me, I'd have given you a better picture", then starts stroking Juri's cheek and calling her beautiful and going on and on just to torment her... then she draws the spirit sword from Juri's chest and goes to duel with Utena. She loses, and then forgets everything that happened since she went to see Mikage. Episode ends with Juri touching the pendant under her jacket, chiding herself for not being strong.
Theeeen we get to ep 28, where Ruka, the real fencing team captain (Juri was standing in for him) returns to Ohtori after being hospitalized and really ill. His first order of business is to enjoy the carefree campus life - in other words, to seduce Shiori. He catches her sneaking into his locker where he keeps his sword, and says he wondered who it was that had been polishing it every day since he'd left. She says yep, it was her, she did it all for him. Little liar. ¬¬ Well, then they become a couple, of course. Juri warns Ruka that he better not hurt Shiori, but he shrugs it off. Eventually, he's challenging Utena to a duel, with Shiori as his own Rose Bride. After he loses, he admits to Shiori that no one ever polished his sword while he was gone, which meant she was lying all the time. So he dumped her, and she became devastated and called him and begged him constantly to take her back... meanwhile all this somehow fades into ep 29, where Juri goes to visit the depressed Shiori only to be told off and turned away. So she goes and asks Ruka to get back with Shiori, totally contradicting her warning to him in the previous episode. She just wants her beloved to be happy... o_o;; Well, yet again, he doesn't comply, so Juri gets seriously peeved with him. To add insult to injury, he backs her into a wall and kisses her - to cover up the action of stealing her pendant. He makes a move to stomp it to shreds, but Juri clouts him on the face and reclaims it. He starts to leave, but first she challenges him to a fencing match - if he wins she'll do anything he wants, and if she wins he has to hook up with Shiori again. Well, he wins, so he decides that Juri will fight a duel against Utena for him. The duel begins, a really cool song plays, and for a while it looks like Utena's at a disadvantage (but then, they usually do at first... heh). Then they both move in for the trademark Final Lunge. Normally this lunge ends in Utena shredding her opponent's rose, but this time - this is the sad part - she misses the rose and instead hits Juri's locket. T_T It shatters on impact while Juri continues forward at this painfully saddening stumbling pace for about 30 more seconds... you can't see her eyes but you know they're big as saucers and filling with tears, her expression (and stagger) says it all. Eventually she comes to a gradual stop and stands as upright as she can. Still one can only see her back as she reaches up, removes her own rose, and throws it on the ground.
That, to me, is probably the saddest part in the whole series. Except maaaaaybe for Anthy's betrayal in the final duel... and Wakaba's duel ep comes close... but anyway. Because, no matter how hard Juri tries to be strong and throw it away, she always ends up gazing forlornly at it whenever she's alone, and by this point in the series that locket just embodies everything that is Juri. You think of a locket, or of a chunky gold pendant on a gold chain, and you think of Juri. It symbolizes everything about her... then it's just in shreds. *whimper* You can't help but feel sorry for her as she tears off her own rose, forfeiting the duel, after it happens.
Well, anyway, after she forfeits it starts raining, but she just stands there, never turning around. Ruka goes over and tells her it's all right, but she doesn't move or speak. Then we cut to Miki and... I think Utena, maybe some other people too... remarking that Ruka has already left the academy again, which makes Juri the fencing team captain again. Then we cut to see Juri come out of a door, close it, and walk down a hall. She then stops and stands there silently while the Shadow Girls appear in nurse garb and talk about a patient in the hospital that just died. They say he knew the seriousness of his sickness but decided to return to school anyway, because he loved someone on the fencing team. They say that he said he wanted to attain the power of miracles for that person, to set her free so she could be happy. Then they leave, and Juri stands there a while longer before she does the same. The episode ends with Juri walking down a forest path alone, thinking to herself a letter or something she intends to give Shiori. She asks what it was that Shiori was placing her faith in miracles in, and if it was aimed at someone... then as she says "I pray your wish comes true", Shiori spots her and runs out to walk with her. Kinda sweet... kinda. Well, later comes an episode where it seems everyone is happy. Utena, Juri, and Miki chat and laugh together while playing some badminton, and even Nanami acts civil toward Utena for once. And during that time, Juri, smiling, says that she was thinking of getting a new locket, and asks Utena for a photo of her to put in it... all the while with Shiori watching from a distance, also genuinely smiling. Kinda cute, in a strange way. ^u^; And in the very last episode, after Utena's revolution, we see Juri fighting successive fencing matches with fellow team members... she calls "Next!" and Shiori steps forward with a "Hai!" and a smile. Friends again.
But anyway, there you have it. The story of Juri. I'm glad she at least kind of gets a happy ending. Poor kid... *hugz her*
But all this brings me to another point I've been thinking about a lot lately. Remember how I've been blogging about how Mikage and Ruka are totally forgotten wfter they leave/die, because they were erased from Akio's reality? Well, I may have been wrong about Ruka. Cause Miki was talking about him leaving the academy again after Juri lost the duel, but then the shadow girls say it was yesterday when he died. But then, I have no idea how much time passes between Ruka's leaving, Miki's commenting about it, and the shadow girls' announcing his death. Not a clue. I like to think everything he did and caused to happen was totally forgotten/erased, but one thing throws me off: several episodes later, Juri is still without her locket. If Ruka had never existed, it would never have broken, so she'd still have it. Which kills my theory of people who leave Ohtori forever being totally erased from the students' memories and realities. >o< Dangiiiit, I was all proud of that theory...
Ok... I think I'm done with the actual spoiling now. I have one more Utena thing to mention though. A few blogs back I was trying to decide where to stick my Utena-verse duelist version of my character Bekki-chan into the Utena timeline - either the Student Council arc or the Akio/Apocalypse arc. I tentatively decided on the latter. Then, shortly thereafter, another possibilty came to mind: I could place her before the events of the series take place. Seems like a really good idea, but for one thing: I was really hoping to have her duel with Utena at least once, but if I make her a pre-series character, Utena won't even be aware of the Student Council and duels yet. Dangitall. >_> *stabs self with invisible Sword of Dios*
I believe I'm done now. That was probably the longest blog I've ever posted that lacked direction as this one does. The story of Juri's life, some Ruka, some Utenaverse Bekki-chan... stupid slump. ><
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/25/2002 01:11:00 AM
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wMonday, July 22, 2002 |
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feeling: warm
listening to: Simpsons is on
This post is brought to you by Gackt, because I am now an unofficial, honorary fangirl. *does the U+K dance*
muhaha, last night I watched this show called Hey! Hey! Hey! for the first time... it's the only Japanese show on the International Channel that's not news, drama, or anime (there's not even much in those categories)... and it was hilarious XD It's a music/variety show, where these 2 weird goofy guys have a few musicians on and talk to them and they each perform a song for the audience and such. So on yesterday's show the very first person to walk onto the stage besides the hosts was none other than... Gackt. GAAAACKT! *bounce* And the awesome thing was I recognized him before they said who he was >:D ahaha... I laughed and squealed like a fool... I'm not really a fangirl, I swear... 9u9;; Anyway, they talked to the other 3 bands before they got to Gackt... first was a band called, um... The [something] Green. I keep thinking The Perfect Green, but that doesn't sound right. o_O Well, then they performed a bit, then Cubic Cross talked and performed, then a group I didn't catch the name of had their turn... they were a 3-man rap group. I always wanted to hear Japanese rap. I feel so fulfilled now. X3 And after that they finally got to Gackt... he sat between the two hosts on a couch thing, and they each had a drink in front of them on this little table... they asked Gackt what his was cause it was different, and he said in his ever-bored way "...it's grapefruit juice." They laughed and picked on him for that, for some reason, then asked him another joking question about it, to which he replied in that same ever-bored voice, "...it's grapefruit juice." XD haha, Gackt always looks so bored and tired and stuff on live appearances like that... you can just hear him thinking "pleeeease get me out of here" >u< Anyway, then they picked on him because he was sitting with his legs spread way apart, cause apparently the Japanese don't do that in formal settings and such... or maybe it was because he was wearing leather pants, I dunno. Probably both. So they talked about that for a minute, then the one host... tried to... grab Gackt's crotch?? *stifle* and the funny part was Gackt's reaction... he got all defensive and slammed his legs together and wrapped himself around his knees and slapped at the guy trying to grab him... all within about a millisecond. XD Made him giggle though~ so then later, the host who did that spread his legs out too, mocking Gackt-san more than anything I think... so when he wasn't expecting it, Gackt did the same thing to him... but I think he actually successfully made contact. XDD;; gaaaahh, it was hilarious... almost as good as the Shingo Mama/Gackt kissy-clip from Saturday Oasis, maybe XD
Oh... this, by the way, is Gackt. Or a pretty good fansite about him. He's so pretty. >u< daah, I think that show made me a fangirl... LOL
One more Gackt thing... hahahaaa
Which Gackt are you most like?
quiz by  mcvarmazi
Taking that quiz just to see the picture representations of all the different results you can get makes this page worth it. *gazes at Illuminati Gackt*
I'm gonna go try to find more Gackt songs on Kazaa now~
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/22/2002 05:09:00 PM
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wSunday, July 21, 2002 |
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feeling: tired
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Adieu
This morning my stomach hurt so bad I couldn't breathe. >_< I was sitting on my bed when it came and when it got to where I could emit no sounds other than pained gasps and grunts and such, nor could I hear anything but my own whining (the TV was on), I decided to go downstairs and tell dad about it... of course walking that far to find him wasn't easy... thank God it subsided enough for me to stand still and coherently describe my symptoms. We concluded that I don't have appendicitis or kidney infection. Good to know. :P That kinda thing happens every now and then, but today's was a bit stronger that it's ever been. Erg, I really wish I knew what was wrong with me. I've been thoroughly interrogated by doctors, poked, prodded, pressed, had I-can't-remember-how-many blood tests, glugged bottle after bottle of barium, rolled around on multiple X-ray tables, and been on acid reflux and heartburn meds, and still they don't know what could be wrong and no medication has helped. I don't take them anymore, however much my parents insist, because they make no difference. I just want to know why doctors can't find the problem... cause this can't be normal...
Anyway, I feel mostly better now, so I shall move on.
I had another creepy dream last night. It made me realize that I really like those insane dreams I have where the locations are based on real places in my life but look and feel totally different, because dreams where the locations are true to life feel much more real, and as such, bad stuff that happens there feels more real too. This was one of those true to life ones. It started out with my dad taking me and my brother (I think) to somewhere in town to buy tickets for a trip to Japan (oooh~)... I remember a detailed discussion about a possible stopover in Tibet, oddly... and somehow dad was given a free, brand new motorcycle for buying the tickets there. To prove how new it was... the thing came with a CDROM as an instruction manual and the basis for future... upgrades. o_O Anywho, we went home, spent some time trying to explain to mom how one could possibly upgrade a motorcycle using a CDROM (pretty realistic... mom couldn't work with one on a computer, let alone a vehicle)... then dad headed down to the garage/basement (true to life), I guess, to start working on it. Meanwhile mom took a shower and I went upstairs to my room. Before long the doorbell rang, twice. I looked out the window to see who it was and why dad hadn't just greeted them before they made the trip to the front door... and in the driveway I saw the same blue car that came here in real life 2 weeks ago driven by 2 jerks who stole my mom's jewelry box and purse (I had that memory in the dream as much as I do in reality). I freaked out and ran downstairs to tell mom about the car, and she says "so go open the door and tell them they can't come in." I stood there flabberghasted that she wanted me to actually open the door to the jerks, and shakily told her I didn't want to. So she goes to the door herself, opens it, and stands on the porch looking around - butt naked. >_O; She comes back in and says there's no one out there, so I join her outside to observe the car. We take note of the make and model, then I decide to go warn dad of the visitors. But just then he enters the room we're in and says some kid came up to him, told him "you better turn your dryer on" or some such weirdness, and walked away. I told him it was the same car that I'd seen the day we were robbed, but he just kinda snorted and walked away. I watched as the car pulled out of our yard - not driveway, but yard o_O - and observed a name written in large letters on the back of the car. I report the name to my parents, but they don't seem to care as the car vanishes and they sit on the couch to watch TV. I sit between them, still looking out the window. Soon I see something move outside... I walk over to look, and there's a... wrecking ball, swinging toward the window. I frantically warn my parents, but they seem completely uninterested, and I'm left diving out of the room as the wrecking ball crashes through the window, throwing glass shards everywhere. Then, to my horror, I see the wrecking ball coming at me again. Moving surprisingly deftly through the house, clearly and unmistakeably targeting ME as if its operator is actually running it from inside. I scream, I cry, I beg for help as the thing repeatedly flies toward me, but my pleas fall on deaf ears. I was juuuust about to be cornered in the back of the hallway when I woke up.
I hate dreams where people are trying to kill me. T_T Especially when the locations in them are just like they are in real life. Usually they're not... even a place as familiar as my own home usually looks totally different in my dreams. I'm talking to the point of bizarre and unrecognizeable. I usually only know what the place is because of memories I have of it within the dreams. Hard to explain.
I still have residual stomach cramps, dangit... I'm gonna go be a slug (what else is new) and watch some anime now
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/21/2002 02:30:00 PM
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wFriday, July 19, 2002 |
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feeling: yerrr
listening to: Utena - Baiser
I have come to realize something lately. If I had grown up with the things I really, really wanted as a child, I would be so much happier right now. Not just emotionally, but I'd be in better shape, I'd be more social, more active, and less of a slug. I still want those things too, but I didn't have them when I could've used them most, so it's too late now... they'd only run me ragged if I were to get them now, or 5 years down the road, or anytime down the road for that matter. I'm not talking stuff like toys and puppies and little stupid stuff every kid begs their mommy for. I'm talking stuff like a pool, horses, and 4H membership. I wanted those things all throughout my childhood (well, I didn't know of 4H till I was 7 or so, but from then on), but we couldn't afford them, or my parents just didn't want me involved in them. I don't see what harm there could've been in me joining 4H; all my friends were in it, it's a great leadership program, teaches kids independence, responsibility, and how to work hard... and it would've gotten my torment self out of their house now and then :P... but my parents would have nothing of it. The pool and horses are a bit easier to understand, since they do cost money and take up time and space... but having either would've given me a lot of exercise, which, as is obvious now, I really could've used as a kid. :p Horses take a whoooole lot of maintenance, which I was always willing to do - I even checked out every library book I could find on horse care, and bought some others, just in case. Still have some. But we never had the money or the space. Well, the money, anyway. And I have loved swimming literally since I was a baby; my grandpa had a pool that he let relatives use whenever they wanted, and I adored being there just for that. But then he moved far out of town when I was still young, and the pool didn't tag along. If I'd still had that kind of access to a pool later in my childhood, I'd be in a heck of a lot better shape right now, because it's the only exercise I really, honestly enjoy and would do for hours if I could. But, now I'm 20... too old for 4H, way too used to being a slug to get a horse (partly because no motivation = no job = no money), and there's still no way my parents will ever get a pool. If I ever get a decent job I suppose I could maybe get one after I move out, but... heh, I see that happening. *koff* I was raised sheltered and lazy, I'd never be able to maintain it on my own now. :P
Well, moving on. As it turns out, my Ragnarok Online download actually completed in 10 hours or less. Not really sure, but it was done when I woke up the next morning. And once I finally got Beta 2 running, I discovered that the thing is so different and so full of bugs, I can barely even play. First came the failed logins and immediate disconnections, which I'm used to. Then I discovered that my inventory was wiped out, except my equipment, which I couldn't equip because you need to buy an amplifier or some such in order to equip stuff in Beta 2. So I went back to town to buy one, and since I was unequipped, I couldn't kill a single beast along the way - not even a Poring. >< Well, finally I overcame the lag and got to the town of Izlude, where the lag got even worse because there were so many people there, and while I was trying to find a merchant selling amplifiers, it locked up the program. So I had to start all over again and, after a few more disconnections and login failures and such, I fought through the same lag to the town of Prontera. Unable to find a merchant with amplifiers, I decided to try the equipment and armor shop. When I walk in, I immediately die at the hands of some kind of archer zombie monster who does 3 times as much damage per hit as my max HP can handle. Monsters in the shops... players able to fight and kill each other (which has no logical point in the storyline, from what I know)... intense lag... even more disconnectivity trouble... I'd say the problems outweigh the benefits in this Beta 2 nonsense. They should've just kept the original Beta version but added the new jobs and new abilities and stuff without screwing up the servers and such by essentially creating a whole new game. Bunch of idiots. I just wanted to play some Ragnarok...
*sigh*
Oh, speaking of game bugs, this is weird. I was playing the Sims today, and somehow in the middle of the day my active family's dining table disappeared. Vanished into midair. o_O Then that night a burglar came and the alarm didn't go off because the only room he didn't go in was the one where the alarm was. It was the room where the back door it, which is where they usually come in, dangit >< Anyway, he just took a chess table and then bolted, so that's not bad. I just wonder why and how my dining table just vanished like that...
Here's something fun >:D
Utena Spoilers Below, but Black Rose only
As I've said before, the Black Rose series of Utena is absolutely... *wags hand* ...it just ain't right. In the very first episode of it Miki and Utena walk by a big building, Utena says she's never seen it before, Miki says "You've bever heard of Nemuro Memorial Hall?" and readily tells her the whole story behind it: long ago there were 100 male students in that building who all died when it suddenly burned down, and it was remodeled one day and here it is now. Then, in the last episode of the arc, Miki and Utena walk by the charred remains of a building, and Utena says she's never seen it before. Miki says he's heard rumors that it burned down long ago, but he says there were no known casualties or records of it, and he can't remember the name of the building for the life of him. As if the first episode, and every episode between those two, never happened. I always knew why that was (well, after I pondered it some XD): because Mikage, the genius professor who made Nemuro Hall his home base, was finally allowed to "graduate" at the end - in other words, he didn't live up to his purposes as Akio's puppet, so Akio totally erased all traces of him from his reality, Ohtori Academy. So no one remembered him or anything he did in his life except Akio, cause it's his own reality. And Anthy of course, cause she's Akio's sis.
Well, a few days ago I came up with a theory for all this that I really liked. A simple one, as follows.
The Black Rose saga doesn't exist.
It makes sense. XD I mean, after Mikage and everything about him (including Nemuro Hall) were erased from Akio's reality, that meant he was essentially never there in the first place, as far as anyone in that world knows. Maybe if you resurrected some people who were alive years ago but have died, they would remember Mikage, but... they're dead, so they don't matter to all this. Anyway, but last night I came to the realization that the Black Rose saga does in fact exist. Darn it, the first theory sounded cooler. XP Because, see, it all really DID happen - it's just that no one (except Akio and Anthy) remembers it. Things were returned to the way they were - or would've been - if Mikage had never become Akio's puppet. Nemuro stayed burned down, all memories of the Black Rose duels and duelists are gone for good, as well as all the conflicts and mini-plots they caused. It's just like how Akio erased Ruka from the Ohtori Academy reality after his two episodes... only difference is Mikage did more than Ruka. Ruka didn't do much except mess up Juri and Shiori's love lives; yet Mikage rebuilt Nemuro Hall, caused conflicts involving all the Student Council members one way or another, and made strong duelists of people who had probably never picked up a sword to fight in their lives before. He brought up all kinds of animosity too, but after the end of the saga, it was all forgotten too. Example: Juri and Shiori. After the Black Rose arc, the only quibbles they had were the result of Ruka's intervention. Other than that it was just a lot of unexpressed emotions and pain and treachery and such. I think that's a big reason why Juri and Shiori were able to become friends again by the end of the series: the animosities stirred by Mikage and Ruka essentially never happened. Utena's revolution just sped up the process. Or something.
Well, anyway, the Black Rose arc does in fact exist. Saying it didn't just sounded so much cooler. >u< There is no spooooon...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/19/2002 11:10:00 PM
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feeling: bored and impatient
listening to: Utena Musical - Mamotte Hoshii
Ragnarok Online, as it turns out, really was up and running in new Beta 2 style a few days ago. And I found out that I do in fact have to redownload the whole game again to get the new client. It's 20% completed, has been going for 4+ hours already, and says it will finish in about... 20 hours. >_< I want my T1 back... this download took an hour and a half with it... aaaaarrrrggg
Speaking of that, here's a message or two for Dumplin' in response to my last post... Dona Dona is that song from the Nanami cow episode, remember? XD It was stuck in my head most of yesterday and I kept singing the Joan Baez (American 60s) version of it to myself haha~ And if ya wanna see Braeden crawlin', drop by sometime when we're babysitting hehehe... we usually get him at least once a week thanks to my mom's persistence... he's usually here till mid-evening so your work shouldn't get toooo much in the way... I'll warn you on AIM or something >:D And finally... yes Ragnarok Online still works nyaaa XD... BUT if ya go to the client download part of the website, it has an option to download the components separately via zipped files, recommended for 56K modems (as is yours) or lower... I bet you could do that ^^ cause that way you can download it a bit at a time, disconnect between files, and not tie up the phone for 2 straight days heheh~
Aight, movin' on... tonight I watched a Powerpuff Girls episode called The Beat-Alls... the whole segment was one giant running gag spoofing the Beatles. It was possibly the funniest 12 minutes of American animation I've ever seen. XD I just about peed myself when "Moko Jono" appeared and started screeching like a dying buzzard... and then the one guy said "Oh, no..." *jaws ache*
I really hate it when I feel like drawing but have no ideas as to what to draw. I hate it even more when I start feeling that only after midnight. This is one of those nights. >< Bleh, um...
Utena Spoilers Ahead... back away, Willard ;)
Actually this is probably gonna end up more of a brainstorm session, cause I'm bored and had an idea or two, and cause I can't find any lined paper to brainstorm on. :P I'm not really worried about anyone stealing my ideas since no one reads this except Dumpling and occasionally Silfy and Willard... heh. So, umm. I was thinking about the ending lately (what else is new), and I still have a few questions I really wish someone knew answers to, and a few that I think would be interesting to attempt fanfic about. Ok, first off... on one of the later episodes, somewhere in the 30s, Utena and Anthy vow to each other that they'll have tea and laugh together 10 years down the road, and of course at that time, they're drinking tea and joking around about it being poisoned and stuff. Skipping forward a bit... in the last episode, when Utena first pries the Rose Gate open (I've been through that before, find it if you don't remember :P), at first we see only the inside of it: naked Anthy lying within, as in a coffin, but only total blackness surrounds her. And when she looks out through the now-ajar gate, she doesn't see anyone yet, but she hears Utena's voice calling. Child Utena's voice. Here's the dialog:
Utena: Himemiya... Himemiya...
Anthy: Who are you?
Utena: I came to save you.
Anthy: But you're a... (unspoken: you're a girl, or a child)
Utena: I came here to meet you. So don't be afraid of this world where we'll meet.
(little Utena's voice then becomes the "regular", grown, injured Utena's voice)
Utena: Himemiya... Himemiya... Himemiya...
Anthy: Utena-sama?
Utena: Himemiya... we finally meet...
That's the scene. So back to the theories: some people say that the promise to have tea and laugh together in 10 years was fulfilled in the ep I mentioned earlier, where the vow was made. Because this dialog with child Utena indicates that she made that promise, among others, to Anthy way back when she first saw Anthy. Which would mean that scene was really more like the two of them acting out a memory or... something... or promising to do it yet again in 10 more years, something along those lines. Anyway, that's one theory. Another is much more straightforward: that dialog with child Utena has little to do with it, and the episode where they made that promise really was the first time they made that promise, and just indicated that they intended to be friends for a long, long time. That's the one I tend to support more, because I really think the child Utena dialog scene was just sort of... well... like, when Utena first opened the Rose Gate, the Anthy she saw inside wasn't the Ohtori student named Anthy whom she'd known for so long, but was rather Anthy's true, spirit self - her eternal self. The part of her that Utena hadn't seen since the day Prince Dios saved her years ago. Which would explain why Utena says "We finally meet". Besides that, I don't really think Utena and Anthy could have made that promise as little kids, because... well, Anthy was sort of hanging upon a million sword blades at the time. Utena at that time didn't know the Anthy she would later meet at Ohtori Academy.
There. Now I know which of those two theories I support. I have an interesting way of brainstorming, ne? XP
Now, here's another thing relating to that "We finally meet" stuff. After the final duel, right before Anthy leaves Akio, she tells him that she's going to go find Utena and that when she does, they'll be meeting for the first time. Sorta throws a wrench into the works, huh? >_> Well, here's what I think she meant by that. Throughout the whole series, Utena became friends with the physical Anthy, the bodily representation of the real, eternal Anthy. Meanwhile, the real, eternal Anthy was somewhere behind the Rose Gate serving as a pincushion for the Million Swords of Hate. That rhymed. XD Anywho, In that end scene when Utena opens the Rose Gate, she's seeing the real, eternal Anthy for the first time, not counting when Dios showed her the vision of Anthy back when she was a lonely child mourning her parents' deaths. And after Utena saved Anthy, freed Akio's world from his manipulative control, and left the academy to recover from her sword wound, Anthy's real, eternal self at last reunited with her physical self, which explains how she had the free will and self-confidence to just walk away from Akio.
HEY!! I just made a brand new realization there! I'm so proud XDD
Anywaaaay... so, since now Anthy is really, truly herself for the first time since her impalement by the Million Swords, she's actually in a form that Utena has never known before. She's herself, body and spirit, no longer a witch, free from eternal pain, and free from her brother's control. That, I think, is what she means when she says she's off to meet Utena for the first time. :D
Now if only I could figure out the 'again' part of "Someday we'll shine again together", I'd be in business. ><;; But hey, I've made progress~
Sooo, what does all that have to do with my fanfic brainstorming, you ask? Well... I'm trying to figure out how much time passes between Utena's victory, Anthy's leaving the academy, and the two of them meeting again. The having tea and laughing together in 10 years promise could indicate that it takes Anthy 10 years to find Utena, but it could also just mean that they'll be friends for the next 10 years and will always be together, having tea and laughing, including that unforseen point 10 years off. Did that make sense? Not really. ¬_¬;;; I just mean that the "10 years from now" thing doesn't mean that they won't have tea together anytime over the next ten years, nor after that ten year mark. Just a "Let's always be friends who can have tea and laugh together like this" kinda proposition. I mean, when you're 14 like Utena, 10 years seems like a pretty long time.
Sooo, if I could figure out how much time passes between each of those 3 events from the last episode, I could aspire to write a fanfic based on Utena and Anthy's eventual reunion. And that single idea is what I've been working up to ALL this time. Slap me. XP
And now that I'm done with that for the time being, I'll move on to my other idea. Long ago I mentioned here that I created an Utena-verse version of an original character of mine who is an anime-ized me. She looks bloody cool, even though I haven't designed her uniform yet XD I also mentioned that I call her the Golden Rose, as is fitting of Utena duelists (Touga's the red rose, Saionji's the green rose, etc etc). She is most definitely, therefore, a Duelist, but not a Black Rose Duelist, cause her rose is gold, not black. So my decision now is whether to write her into the Student Council universe of the Akio/Apocalypse Saga universe. The latter would make more sense, because the Student Council is an established part of the anime and has some role in every episode, therefore it would be hard (and a bit dumb) to add a whole new character to the council, only for a storyline that would amount to no longer than a few episodes. But then again, they did that with Ruka... actually, I'm not sure he really counted as a council member, even though he did go to their meeting place with them once or twice. I really don't know at this point. He was an old acquaintance of Juri (a member) and Shiori, never mentioned before or after the 2 episodes he appeared in. Still, though... everyone who knows Utena is familiar with the Student Council, since they make up the first 13 episodes, which have been the only ones legally *cough* available for 5 years. I don't think I'm adventurous enough to try to screw with that kind of establishment. So, it'd be wiser to stick my chara into the less polished, less straightforward, more flexible Akio/Apocalypse saga, right? Right.
But, man... that saga was SO freakin' twisted and deep compared to the simple foundations of the Student Council arc... how the heck could I live up to that?? >o< Heh, you'd think I actually enjoyed a challenge...
Well, there. I think I'm done now. Made some decisions, created some theories, and divined a brand new realization. I think I earned the sleep I'm about to give myself.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/19/2002 01:55:00 AM
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wThursday, July 18, 2002 |
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feeling: like I should still be in bed
listening to: Dir en Grey - Ain't Afraid to Die
Well, at 7 1/2 months old, my nephew can finally crawl... it is the funniest thing I've ever seen XD He keeps his arms totally rigid but his legs flop around everywhere, and he's all jerky and spazzy and keeps running into things, and half the time he forgets to move a leg or something so he looks like one of those desert lizards that walks weird >u<
I have decided that if I'm ever alone - very, very alone - with my nephew and have to get him to sleep, my lullaby will be Dona Dona. *salutes* That is a great little ditty~ ok, so it's kinda sad, but... hey, if a toddler understood the words to Rockabye Baby, he'd be traumatized. *_*
Grrr, Ragnarok Online still won't work for me *kicks it* It was down for 2 or 3 weeks, and according to the website it was back up a couple days ago, but it still won't open for me >< I better not have to re-download it cause they switched to Beta 2... aaarrg... obviously I still have nothing worthwhile to blog about. My thumb hurts. Maybe I'll go watch Utena or play Sega or something while my nephew's napping.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/18/2002 11:48:00 AM
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wWednesday, July 17, 2002 |
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feeling: tired
listening to: Glay - Misery
Dangit, I wanna be in the Blogathon but I caaaaan't cause I won't be home for the last couple hours of it >o< I would SO do that... if I could be home all that day... *whinewhine* meh, I could probably never find 3 sponsors by this Saturday anyway... *sigh*
So last night I went downstairs around 11 p.m. to ask dad to hook up the TV and VCR I used in the dorm this year (I have 2 of each at my disposal so copying anime is pretty easy XD), but he was asleep on the couch so I walked on through to the kitchen, but mom apparently saw through my disinterest, cause she asked what I wanted. So I went back in and sat in the recliner, and she asked me if I could say in Japanese what I'd come downstairs to say. o_O I know she's always interested in my studies and stuff, but in the year (almost) that I've studied Japanese, she's never actually asked for a demonstration like that. Tonight she acted as if she'd been begging me to share my knowledge from the start. *shrug* So finally I said I didn't know how to say "hook up my TV and VCR for me" in Japanese, so she started rattling off other related stuff to translate for her. Eventually she got to "fix my car", which I couldn't do (dunno the word for fix), which led to "I like my car", which I can do. :3 So I said "Kuruma wa suki desu", which really probably leans more toward "I like cars" in general... I should've said "Atashi no kuruma ga suki desu" for accuracy... but she'll never know the difference, so it doesn't matter. ^_~ Anyway, so I said that, and she says "WHAT?" so I repeat, and she gets this >_O look on her face and says "That's not Japanese!!" it was pretty funny XD Then she asked if I could say "I want ice cream", and I can... there are a couple different ways, so I picked the one I know best: "Aisukuriimu o tabetai". Aisukuriimu is, of course, pronounced like "ice cream", because it's a borrowed word. And after I told mom that one, she didn't ask me to say anymore. It was interesting. XD
Ooh, I've seen a couple new animes in the last week or so~ Last Tuesday I FINALLY got to see Akira... I think every anime person had seen that except me :P It was... pretty good, I guess. Animation was great, Tetsuo was ugly, the gore and guts were nasty and abundant, and the shriveled up little blue kids creeped me out. Maybe it's one of those things you have to see more than once to appreciate... I dunno. It was cool, but not the best I've ever seen. *shrug* And Friday night I got to see the first 4 episodes of 3x3 Eyes, which I've always heard good things about. It was pretty darn cool. I like Pai's Sanjiyan form~ *grows a third eye* Anyway... it's a 7 episode series, but it has a sequel series with 3 episodes. The channel it was on said next week (now this Friday) it would finish the series, but the title listed in the promo was 3x3 Eyes: Legend of the Divine Demon, which is the sequel series. If they show the first 4 episodes of the first series and then skip the end and jump right to the sequel, I'm gonna be mad. >n<
...Hay Dumplin', you still owe me 20 random nonsense lines to use in a fanfic XD
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/17/2002 03:21:00 AM
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wWednesday, July 10, 2002 |
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feeling: really bored
listening to: Enigma - Return to Innocence
Did I mention my slump has returned full force? I think I did. Yeah, I did. Well, anyway, this means I have nothing to talk about here. No inspirations for any constructive forms of self-expression beyond the blog either. Wanted to write a short little fanfic or two, after reading some of Frank's fics that I've read before but that are just too cool, but had absolutely NO ideas what I could write about that I don't already have reserved for a big novel thing. Almost wanted to draw the other night, but didn't know WHAT to draw. Wanted to create some new Sims today, but couldn't think of names. Well, I have a couple possibilities for my next male Sim: either Auron or Juste. And guess what? Both of those are RPG character names. The story of my life. Actually though, Juste came about because for some reason I think a J name might suit him. I don't know.
Umm... I saw a writing challenge at a small forum I drop by on occasion... maybe I'll give it a stab here. I'd just leave a reply there, but... that topic hasn't been added to in months and I don't wanna bump it up XD;; The challenge is to write an entire story about anything in 55 words or less. X_X;; So let's seeeee... *ponderponder*
Ohhh, here we go~
===============
SCARED
She was so scared when we learned she was pregnant. Deathly scared. By the ninth month, though, she was as excited as any new mother could be. And when she held our son for the first time, she smiled the sweetest, proudest smile I'd ever seen.
The next moment, she was gone.
===============
Exactly 55 words, with the title ^^ By far not my best piece of... whatever... but I believe I've risen to the challenge. I hope it makes sense to someone besides me. X3 This was actually the basis of a longer-but-still-short story I wrote a long time ago, which I liked better than this, but I lost it in a reformat. Sigh. Maybe I'll do more of those in the future... I could use all the exercises I can find to ward off long-windedness. XP~
Anyway... hey, got a good writing challenge/exercise? One that doesn't require the challenged one to write more than, say, 5 pages? Run 'em by me. Maybe some more challenges would give me something to do and *grasps at straws* maybe even get my muse going again so I can write like I used to. And while I'm thinking of it, there was one other challenge at that forum too... it was to write a stream-of-consciousness kinda thing about a mega-obscure, incidental character from a game, show, movie, something of the sort. No word or subject limit, long as it has a character most people wouldn't remember and gives some insight into the workings of his/her mind. Maybe I'll give that one a shot sometime. Not now though. I watch TV starting in 5 minutes.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/10/2002 11:54:00 PM
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wMonday, July 08, 2002 |
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feeling: *shrug*
listening to: Utena Musical - Bara no Hanayome
...where the flap did my comments go?? >o< *checks* Oh joy, it appears my comments hosting service is currently down. Grrr. *flexes claws*
I wish I had something worthwhile to blog about, but I don't. Other than the fact that 20/20 hindsight sucks. You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize I could've run off that jerk that broke in here just by yelling at him. He obviously wasn't looking for a fight, just money... since it took a while for him to become satisfied that no one was here. If I weren't such a wuss I could've scared him off before he'd gotten through the basement and he wouldn't have made off with mom's stuff. Valuable though it was not... I could've saved that stuff before he had a chance to touch it. I'm gonna be slapping myself every time I see the empty space left on mom's dresser from now on. >< *sticks head in oven*
I gotta stop thinking about that. It's over and the stuff is gone. As I said... 20/20 hindsight really sucks. So does being a muscle-less, weaponless, flabby wuss.
God, I can not even IMAGINE ever living on my own. ;P
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/08/2002 01:31:00 AM
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wSunday, July 07, 2002 |
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feeling: wiped
listening to: Whose Line's on
Well, this has been an interesting day.
Ok. I woke up around noon today to the sound of the doorbell ringing. Over and over and over. I didn't answer because I thought mom or dad would... little did I know they weren't home. So finally I dragged myself out of bed and look out my window to see who it is (I'm on the top floor, overlooking the driveway, so I can see cars there) and see a car I've never seen before, with a guy standing next to it that I don't know. Couldn't tell much though, because having just awakened, my contacts weren't in. Then the doorbell stopped, and I thought I saw a second guy returning to the car, so I left the window. Well, next thing I hear is the garage door being opened manually. At this point I'm certain that he's going to steal the car (the one my parents didn't take) or something, and I'm getting a bit concerned. But that's not all. I then hear him actually in the house, calling out "Hello?" over and over. But he wouldn't say who he was, what he wanted, or anything - just "Hello?" So my heart is pounding double time as I scurry to the unused ex-bedroom across the "hall" from my room, and I have my thumb on the button ready to dial 911 to report unlawful entry when I hear a car engine and gravel being... well, driven over. So I run back to my room and the window, and see the car flying out of the driveway.
Thank God, I mutter to myself, they're gone. So finally I creep downstairs and look around, still not completely convinced. First thing I notice is the sliding glass patio door that leads to the backyard; it is unlocked and, if I recall right, just slightly open. We always keep that door locked. ALWAYS. Even when everyone is home. Anyway, I look around the rooms where there's important stuff - computers, major appliances, etc. - and everything appears in order. I look for notes stuck in doors or on tables, but find none. So I sit down and let my adrenaline levels stabilize a bit while I wait for my parents to get home. They do after about 15 minutes, so I immediately tell them what happened, and they start looking around a bit more intently than I did. Mom looks into the back of their bedroom and gasps as if she had a heart attack: her jewelry box is gone. After she recovers a bit from that shock, she realizes her purse, which was sitting on her dresser, is also missing. And the top drawer of the dresser is just slightly cracked. Of course, mom had credit cards and stuff in her wallet in her purse, so dad immediately calls the police and then the credit card companies to cancel and all the other essential stuff, the deputy comes, we give him as much info as we can, and he leaves. Mom had keys in her purse too, so we then went to get new locks and whatnot.
The bad part is, there was a lot of sentimental value contained in that jewelry box. But in terms of real money value, the jerks are gonna be reeeally disappointed. Mom had no more than $10 in her purse, probably less... no checks, no medicines, no jewelry, nothing of real worth other than the cards and IDs in her wallet. But all that can be cancelled/reported/whatever, which was all done promptly. Those guys may as well have stolen a box of... I dunno, tampons or something. XD;; As for the jewelry box... this is kinda funny... the guy actually selected and left behind a box full of pearl bracelets, as well as some gold stuff. And, there were a few little pin things that were still packaged with little paper backings and in plastic wrappers; the guy removed them ALL from their wrappers, placed the paper backings back in the wrappers, and threw the packagings out in the driveway before they left. 9_9 Anyway... luckily, since my mom isn't a jewelry person, there wasn't much of real worth in that jewelry box. Cheap class rings from the 70s, costume jewelry, broken stuff they were meaning to fix, little cheap trinkets that were only kept because they were gifts, my Sunday school perfect attendance pin, my brother's and my honor roll and perfect attendance pins from high school... all just minor milestones, pretty much. Stamps and address labels, too. Probably the most expensive thing in it was an awesome $60 Serengeti white tiger watch that I wore for a couple years, but it was broken and had some water damage and scratches so even that won't be worth much anymore. But, yeah. Lots of sentimental value lost, but nothing of major worth.
Here's my theory: the guy, once he was satisfied that no one was home, headed back to that room to start rummaging for stuff of value, starting with that top drawer that we later found cracked... but then heard me running around upstairs to grab my phone and stuff, realized he might get caught, grabbed the nearest hot-looking item(s), and bolted out the patio door, leaving it unlocked and not shut all the way in his haste. On one hand, if he hadn't been alerted to my presence, he'd have probably stolen a lot more. On the other, if I'd gone downstairs at that point, he'd have either taken off before I could do anything or gotten me out of the way and taken all he could carry. He should've just stolen the laptop computer that was in plain view in the room across from where he was... then we'd have gotten a brand new one thanks to insurance. XP
The thing is, I can't help thinking I should've just answered the initial doorbell. Because we're about 99% positive they were just local stupid kids, probably the same ones who are always vandalizing mailboxes and stuff around here... which would mean they were drunk and/or high, or wanted to be, and not armed. If I'd answered the door they probably would've come up with a story, like needing to use the phone, and then left empty handed. That's actually happened before; kids have come in before asking to use a phone, and they kinda looked around the house as they did... but it was always dad who handled them. They're not looking for trouble, they just want a quick buck. And he went to so much trouble to make sure no one was home before he started rummaging; if I'd announced my presence, even if I'd accused him of unlawful entry, he'd have had some kind of desperate story ready to explain himself away. Of course, by then he'd have been caught in a misdemeanor, empty-handed or not... so there's no way to know whether he'd have just run away or actually defended himself. But, I guess it's too late to worry about it now. It could've been a lot worse. And we have lots of shiny new locks now. Even on doors that previously didn't have locks.
Well... anyway.
Dangit, I thought I was finally coming out of that stupid slump I've been in for months. I did some drawing the past few days, and I haven't been as tired. But today it seemed to come back again. I am tired and my head hurts. >< I'm going to bed now...
EDIT: Dude, check it out! I have a comment option now!! *strut* And here I thought none of those codes were working... XD;; Leave me comments, all ye who enter here! kahahaaa
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/07/2002 01:33:00 AM
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wThursday, July 04, 2002 |
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feeling: dread
listening to: Maaya Sakamoto - Kaze ga Fuku Hi
First off this intro thinger is for Silfy so if you're not her, avoid it, cause you won't get it XD
...dude I just read your deadjournal post from yesterday (July 3)... we have much in common mah friend *u* I have the same... issues XD?... with opening up and acting like that around friends and stuff... and certain folks *koff* led me to believe I was the only one and therefore that it was a bad thing... doesn't do much for the ol' self esteem level, ne? 9_9 I haven't really talked to ya for a while, but still wanted to let you know I understand and stuff... cause I'm juuuust about the same way~ and you don't have to tell me what's going on if you don't want to but I'm also reputed for being a much better listener than talker, so... yeah. :3;;; Annndd umm, I hope things get better for ya and stuff, cause you deserve to be happyyyy~ *throws Nerds* ok I think I'm done now... oh and congrats on the car! XD;;; *avoids all roadways in western U.S. for rest of life*
On another note... FEEEEAAR THE PATRIOTICNESS! *waves a flag* Happy Fourth, all you fat lazy American pigs.
Speaking of the holiday, we were supposed to have another cookout at my grandma's today like we pretty much always do on holidays, but because it's so hot grandma and grandpa decided to bring Gaki and her daddy to our house instead. And Dumpling isn't here to help me retain my sanity during this wonderful day with the evil of all evils and her forty-something-years-old-but-still-too-young-to-care father X_X WHYYYYY *stabs eyes out with plastic spork* So for now I am hiding in my room but it can't last, cause grandma thinks I think I'm too good for them or something if I don't stay down there for at least the majority of the time and entertain Gaki... plus dad will be coming home with fish dinners any time now... aaaarrrrgg *clings to room* I don't wanna go down there don't make meeeeeee whinewhinewhimper
...crap, he's home. I have to go show my face now. Siiiiigh.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/04/2002 11:39:00 AM
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wTuesday, July 02, 2002 |
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feeling: hot and... *shrug*
listening to: Utena - Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku (Industrial Mix)
My personal Dreamland has got to be the most twisted, bizarre place in the universe. Besides Ohtori Gakuen. I wanna go there.
No, last night I had a dream someone took me to court for treason... all over a bouquet of roses. Treason. And it was one of those dreams that started out with me lying there in my bed just like I really was, with mom coming up and telling me to get up cause we had to be ready to go to court in like, an hour. I mumble, "Court...?" She explains that I stole a bouquet of roses that was attached to a dress someone loaned me that I hadn't returned yet cause it hadn't yet served its purpose (a wedding, I think)... or something. I mumble something like, "Roses...?" and mom shows me the bouquet. It's really pretty. :P Big ol' rose blossoms, peachy colored, very nice. Now, at the time I remembered when I'd borrowed the dress - I even remembered wearing it home, oddly. Its color matched the roses. And apparently the roses had been attached inside the dress, at the hem, well out of sight. And somehow, apparently, I'd ripped them out. Which... qualified as grounds for treason. And no, the woman I'd borrowed the dress from was not royalty of any sort.
So, we get to court, and a bunch of people I knew from high school were there. I especially remember Angie, Jess, and Liz. *shrug* I take my place opposite my opponent, who is a guy about my age named Jacob. o_O The woman's son, I guess? Well, so the judge or whatever calls us both to this table he's sitting at, and the session begins. It's a... trivia quiz round or something. This guy who looks like a guy who works at Mirror Lake Cafe at OSU asks questions based on JSL (the program used in my Japanese classes at OSU), our own pets, and... Sailor Moon. I only got one question right... it asked if I had a fish. >_O Oh, and my mom was standing right beside me during the Sailor Moon questions, absolutely furious cause I wasn't answering any of them. Scary that this guy my age knew more about it than me... and I've seen like, a season and a half of it. :P Anyway, that round ended, then there was a recess, then we came back and the Mirror Lake guy finally announced what the court session was all about... my "treason" and stuff... and the next round began. It was yet another quiz round, but I actually won this time. I seem to remember an Ah! My Goddess theme, but I'm not sure... anyway, I won, then there was another recess. We came back and they told me and Jacob to wait up on this stand thing in front of the 2 judges, who were really just there for decoration, I think. I thought, ok, this is where they're gonna announce the verdict, then we can go home. But then... Liz started singing. o_O I think it was a song from Ah! My Goddess, but not one I've actually heard in real life... whatever. Well, she finishes, steps down, and then the Mirror Lake guy finally looks ready to get the real court thing started. He tells Jacob to give his testimony... and Jacob starts going on about stuff that has no relevance to the situation whatsoever. Mirror Lake guy gets fed up and moves on to Liz, who wasn't even involved... but anyway, she didn't say a word, so finally Mirror Lake guy declared a tie just so the court wouldn't have to put up with this nonsense any longer. Then he banged his gavel and everyone left. Then me and dad were standing around outside talking about... I forget what... then I woke up.
What's weird is, this was one of the most vivid dreams I've had in a while. I remembered more than I usually do after waking up. And that not once in it did I ever realize it was a dream. Yeah, I can do that... I've had at least two dreams before in which I actually verbally expressed my knowledge that it was a dream. :P In the first one, I was lost in the city with my mom, and I said to her "Good thing this is just a dream." X3 And I don't remember the second one...
And along that vein, another cool thing about my dreams is that if I wake up in the middle of it, I can make myself go back to sleep and pick up right where I left off. ^^ And I can do that over and over until something wakes me up for good (usually necessity) or until I've seen as much as I want to see. Cause usually when I wake up like that, I think, noooo I wasn't done dreaming yet, I wanna see what happens... it's a handy skill. XD And also in that same vein, when that happens, I can feel myself starting to wake up when I'm still in the dream, and that's when I start thinking, noooo I'm not done dreaming yet... don't wake up... *cackle*
I have total dictatorial control over my own Dreamland. >u< *waves a scepter around* The only power I'm missing is the ability to tell myself what to dream about... doh.
Wanna know something else that's funny? My fish hates my pencil. XDD hahah... ok, his vase sits on the corner of my little drawing desk thing, which is just a corner attachment on my computer desk here, intended for a printer probably... so when I draw the eraser end of my pencil is right up near his vase where he can clearly see it. And he flares at it and follows it around and won't leave it alone XD It's so funnyyyy
dum dum~ I was reading all these CG art tutorials yesterday, and I realized that I can do that stuff now :D Cause most of them were based on PhotoShop, which is the program that came with my tablet... so if I weren't so lazy I could make niiiifty CG art now that I know hooooow~ *strut*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/02/2002 01:49:00 PM
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wMonday, July 01, 2002 |
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feeing: brain fried
listening to: Ayumi Hamasaki - Whatever
Dum dum... today we went to a get-together thing for my mom's side of the family... I ate too much and it was waaaaay too hot. *~* In other news, I actually DREW something the other night. I broke my curse! Sort of! @_@ mehehe... I drew a crocodile morph chick with short spiky hair... booya. Of course, it's not done, but it's something I've never done, and it actually looks decent. Woooo.
I'm gonna do something I haven't done in a long time... *rubs hands together*
Big Ol' Utena Spoilers follow this point! nyahaaa
First I am going to spoil the ending of Utena. Then, if I feel like it, I may go into... um, some other aspects of the show. We shall see. So... ending first. That's an oxymoron or something, isn't it? XD Anyway. I have blogged about the ending before, but I've discovered/realized/learned a few new things since then, so this time I'll be going a bit further. Hmm, how to go about this... guess I'll start by giving a face-value walkthrough of the last episode or two, and a very general synopsis of the series to kinda set it up. Here goes~
So, there's this little girl named Utena whose parents die one day. She gets depressed and hides in a coffin next to them. Then a prince, Dios, comes to her and shows her an image of his sister, Anthy, the Rose Bride, impaled by the Million Swords of Hate. Utena asks him to save her, but he says he can't, because she can only be saved by a prince she believes in, and that's not him. He tells the story of how he used to be the Rose Prince who went around rescuing all little girls, and the ones he couldn't save were witches. Well, one day he got sick, so Anthy sealed him in a big castle, causing the hatred of the world to ensnare her in the form of the Million Swords. Dios then tells Utena that he can't save Anthy because he's not the Rose Prince anymore; he's been shown the Ends of the World, which eventually lead him to change paths and become Akio, the deviiiiil. So she says if he won't save Anthy, she'll become a prince and save her herself. So he gives Utena a ring, promising that if she keeps her strength and nobility, it'll lead her to him one day. Then he leaves. Then Utena's no longer depressed and goes on with a new purpose, to become a prince. Cause Dios saved her.
So Utena, at age 14, ends up at Ohtori Academy and gets caught up in these duels, apparently set up by the Ends of the World, whoever that is, and aimed at the school's student council, all of whose members have demons in the closet that make them want to fight these duels. Well, Utena immediately, then consistently, wins the duels she gets into. And as a prize, the winner of the duels is awarded the Rose Bride, Anthy Himemiya, who is said to have the power to gain revloution. This is what all the student council members hope to gain so they can escape their personal demons. So, Utena and Anthy become great friends, Utena taking the role of Anthy's protector, hoping to be her prince - and all the while still searching for the prince who saved her years ago. Dueling desires: is she a prince or a princess? Yay.
Well, eventually, Utena meets Anthy's brother, Akio. The devil. Ends of the World. Formerly Dios, the Rose Prince, now a sex-crazed evil guy who has a talent for manipulating everyone into doing his will, including (and especially) Anthy. Because, see, in actuality the Million Swords of Hate were supposed to be impaling him for eternity... but Anthy, out of love for her brother and a desire to protect him, took the swords for him. And now, his constant manipulation is the only reason she still puts up with having all the world's hatred aimed at her.
Skipping ahead to the last two eps. Utena's final duel, the one who will determine whether she or Akio will be the one to revolutionize the world, is fought against none other than Akio. He starts things out by blabbering, saying stuff that stretches the truth in order to break Utena's confidence and make her not want to duel. Talks about how she's just as sinful as he is, and how she's only fighting because of her own selfish desires to be a prince, that she's not thinking about Anthy at all. He also says that Utena wasn't meant to be a prince because she's a girl; rather, she should be his princess. For a while, it works. But then Utena remembers her heartfelt conversation with Anthy the night before, in which it became clear that Anthy really did believe in Utena, and that Utena was really fighting to protect Anthy. At that point Utena bursts forward and the actual swordfighting begins, and she has Akio on the run. But then, Akio grabs Rose Bride Anthy from behind him and throws her, holding the Sword of Dios, toward Utena. She stands behind Utena, sad-looking, kisses her shoulder, then runs the sword through Utena courtesy Akio's manipulation (of course). Utena falls, Akio takes the sword and tries to open the Rose Gate which leads to the power to revolutionize the world... but he can't open it. Meanwhile, the Million Swords of Hate start flying up out of nowhere and, one by one, impale poor Anthy all over again. So Akio gives up, and Utena claws her way to the thorn-covered Rose Gate and pries it open with her bare, bloody hands. Inside is Anthy, or what I believe is her spirit, her eternal self, lying naked in a coffin, held prisoner by Akio. They try to grab each other's hands, but don't quite make it, and Anthy plummets, leaving Utena hanging halfway off the dueling arena platform thing. Then the Million Swords of Hate all swirl around like crazy, rejoining in a big ol' mad twister and flying towards Utena.
Then we cut to Ohtori Academy, where some faceless girls are chattering off-screen about their futures and stuff. One mentions Utena; the other doesn't recognize the name, so the first reminds her that Utena was the really popular tomboy girl, and the second girl finally remembers. They throw theories on what may have happened to her - expulsion, transfer, hospitalization - but then they drop the subject. Then we see all the student council members in action: Saionji and Touga have a friendly kendo duel while Nanami prepares tea; Miki teaches Tsuwabuki how to use the stopwatch with his twin sister Kozue's help; Juri and her (unrequited) beloved, Shiori, are friends and having friendly fencing matches; and Wakaba, who treated Utena as her own personal prince while she was still around, is glomped by her new best friend, reminiscent of how Wakaba used to glomp Utena. Everyone is happy, and their closet demons are no more. Yet Utena is for the most part forgotten.
Finally, we see Akio ranting about how his dueling game didn't work, because Utena failed to become a prince and revolutionize the world. He tells Anthy he'll be using her again to start a new dueling game. But he doesn't realize that the demons which led the former duelists to fight for Anthy are now gone. He also doesn't realize that Anthy's no longer under his power. She tells him that she won't be doing any of that anymore, that Utena is still out there somewhere, and that she's leaving to find her. She also tells him to please go on being a prince in this cozy little coffin of his forever. Then she sets off on her search for Utena. Fade to black.
You know what? I intended for that to be a face-value synopsis, but I ended up filling it with my own opinions and theories. Oops. XD;; Well, there's still plenty to address, so don't start backing away yet.
Now, here is what I believe was really going on. What really happened to Utena at the end, whether she was successful, etc. This is where I'll include the new stuff I've picked up since my last spoiler blog. Ok. Utena did become a prince, not a princess; she did revoutionize the world; and she is still alive. Here is my reasoning. At the end, Akio did all he could to make Utena a princess and not a prince, and then she did let Anthy fall into nothingness, and the Swords of Hatred converged upon her. But she DID become a prince through all that. Because Akio's manipulation didn't work, and Anthy's sword attack was not fatal. Utena opened the Rose Gate, which stopped the Swords of Hatred dead in the air (remember, till then they were all impaling Anthy one by one). See, as I mentioned earlier, I think the Anthy that's in the coffin behind the Rose Gate is her true, eternal, spirit self, not the physical Anthy who's a student at Ohtori Academy. Even though Utena failed to pull her to safety, she DID succeed in freeing her from eternal suffering when the Million Swords left Anthy and flew at Utena. So she DID save Anthy, thus becoming her prince. And through all this, Utena ultimately freed Anthy and herself from Akio's manipulation, after he learned that he could never again be the prince he once was (when he couldn't open the Rose Gate). In other words, she set everyone free from Akio's power, hence bringing revolution to the world she lived in, which was, of course, Akio's world. This is further evidenced by the student council members' actions in the end; they're free from their ties to Akio and stuff, and they're happy, thanks to Utena's breaking of Akio's manipulative powers. And, yes, Utena is still alive. Cause see, the Millions Swords of Hate that flew at her are not actual, physical swords; they're spirit swords, so they only wound one's spirit. So really, the only wound Utena received in the final duel was the stab from behind from Anthy. And that couldn't have been fatal. Why? Because it penetrated so far off to the side, it couldn't have hit any vital organs. In an overhead shot, it actually looks like she's just got the sword tucked between her ribs and arm, like a kid pretending to have been stabbed. So yeah. The wound wasn't fatal, and after the duel she left Akio's world (the academy) to recover in a hospital. And that, I think, is where she is when Anthy sets out to find her. By the way, notice I keep referring to the academy as Akio's world? That's cause it's a totally different reality than the outside world in which we all live. Students all end up there for one reason or another thanks to Akio, and no matter how well they know each other, when someone leaves Akio's reality, they're forgotten by those they left behind. Someone can die, transfer out, temporarily leave the academy, or even "graduate"; the only thing any of this means is that they've left Akio's reality. And if someone vanishes from a reality, it's as if they were never there. Which is why no one seems to remember Utena at the end.
But here's another theory I've just come up with: people who just temporarily leave the academy, who Akio intends to summon back at some point, are not totally erased from reality. Examples: Shiori only left for a few years, and all that time, Juri pined for her, and everyone who knew her before seemed to know her still. Also, Ruka only left for a few years, hospitalized with a nasty illness; and Juri thought of him often while he was gone. And part two of this theory: people whom Akio is finished with, who leave the academy by death or graduation or whatever, are the ones who are erased from everyone's memories. Example: Ruka again. He comes back only for two episodes, then is hospitalized again and dies this time, and is never mentioned again. Also, the whole Black Rose arc, which I've blogged on before, is based on Mikage and his home base of sorts, Nemuro Memorial Hall. Throughout the arc, characters go by that hall all the time, and everyone who matters enters it at least once. They tell of rumors that it burned down long ago but was rebuilt. Then, at the end of the arc, after Utena defeats Mikage, Akio tells Mikage that he's failed and is no longer needed. He tells Mikage he can now graduate. The next scene shows Utena and Miki walking by the charred remains of a building they can't even remember the name of; it's Nemuro Memorial Hall. It's as if all that time, the building and Mikage never existed. Because Akio released him to die at last - or let him "graduate".
But, see, that brings up some interesting questions about Utena's fate/future. After the final duel, people DID remember her, but only a few, and only vaguely. Maybe because there was a passage of time that wasn't addressed... enough for people who didn't know Utena really well to sorta move on and forget some about her? Cause she was very clearly remembered by Wakaba, and of course, Anthy... there's absolutely no indication given either way as to whether the student council members remember her though. Dunno. But all of that indicates to me that she was not really forgotten, as were Mikage and Ruka. All it suggests to me is that much time passed, allowing people she didn't know well to forget SOME things about her, just like if you knew someone for a long time but wasn't really friends with them and they left and years later you were trying to remember what they looked like. You know? Anywaaaay... if she wasn't forgotten, then based on the theories I mentioned above, that would mean Akio isn't done with her yet, and that she'll return to the Academy one day. Interesting, ne? BUT... on the other hand, one must remember that Utena revolutionized Akio's world, the world she lived in, the world everyone she knew lived in. She did so by cutting off the manipulative power he had over everyone. This would indicate that his reality is no longer under his control after she left, which means that even if he has let her go from Ohtori forever (which it seems like to me, since he thought she failed), she can still exist in everyone's memories because his reality is no longer his own, and it's now part of "real" reality. That made so much sense... I amaze me.
No, but... see what I'm saying? I think the latter is true: that because Utena revolutionized Akio's world, it's no longer his, which means he can no longer control whether or not people who leave remain in the students' memories. I know what I'm talking about. That's all that matters. Cause if I didn't, I'd qualify as insane. Thank you, thank you. :P
Still though, I can't help but wonder whether the student council members remember Utena... or whether anyone will remember Anthy since she left Akio... yay, I love this show.
Ok, I'm done for now. Can't think of anything else to spoil, so I won't. G'nighty.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 7/01/2002 12:56:00 AM
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