 |
|
wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
|
|
 |
I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wFriday, April 30, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: embarrassed
listening to: Malice Mizer - Gekka no Yasoukyoku (Thinking Under Moon?)
Bit of update regarding my little BLOOD translating gig (see previous post): my translations went up this morning (Bacchus, Poison, and Kiss corners), and shortly thereafter I got another email from Kiwamu. He said he spoke to their translator, Lauren, over the past couple days and she claims she'll be back in action starting this week. Then he added that she says that pretty much every time she falls behind, and then ends up either running late again or just plain forgetting. Apparently she's forgotten 1 out of 3 of her weekly translation duties lately. Ok... I don't care how busy you are... how could anyone just FORGET this kind of thing? >.>; *has not been able to stop thinking about it since I was first asked to help*
So yeah. The regular translator returns this week. Oh well. It was a fun little ride. And Kiwamu also said the next time(s) Lauren forgets or falls behind or whatever, he'll contact me again, so who knows.
No, by the way, that's not why I'm 'feeling: embarrassed.' That would be because JIS was mean to me and forced me to accidentally double post on BLOOD's BBS just now. I hate when that happens. ><
So I was thinking this morning as I was going through my closet for a shirt to wear today. This quarter I've been in the habit of just being a total slacker on Tuesdays and Thursdays in terms of my clothes and appearance and stuff, but actually putting effort into making myself look presentable - or maybe even good (for me >.>) - on the other weekdays, especially Wednesdays and Fridays. I've always thought that was because I only have one class on the T-days, and two or more on the other days. But then I remembered that Friday is one of my two main dress-decent days, even though it only consists of one class for me. The shortest one of the week, no less.
Finally I realized that my slugness has nothing to do with how much class time I have in a day. What decides my appearance is my personal involvement in my schedule. Like, Tuesdays and Thursdays I have international studies class, which completely disagrees with me and soars clean over my head and arouses no interest in me at all. Doesn't help that the teacher is one of those stereotypical college professors who just stands in front of the class droning ooonn and oooooonnnnn and oooooooonnnnnnnn in that slow, monotone I'm-a-professor-and-I-know-everything-but-you-are-a-lowly-student-and-you-are-below-me voice for 2 hours. Tuesday of this week we had a grad student (or young, anyway) guest lecturer, and I swear she was able to make perfectly clear to me in one morning what the regular professor couldn't get me to understand in 2 or 3 weeks. So yeah. I go to that class looking like a complete slug because I don't want to be there. Whereas on Wednesdays and Fridays, I only have one class, which is only 45 minutes and consists of only 2 students, one myself, and a grad student teacher. But it's Japanese, and I am crazy about Japanese. And that's why I doll myself up about as much as... well, as much "dolling up" as I ever do... just to go to such a small, brief class.
Has anyone else noticed this? How you want to look your best to participate in things you're interested in, even if it's a tiny little unimportant affair, but it couldn't matter less how you look if you dislike what you're doing?
I quote Gackt: "Kore, sugoi hakken deshou? *everyone laughs*" >.>
Speaking of Japanese class, my Wedding Planner series on CDROM is now on loan to my Japanese teacher. She enjoys J-dramas. She's fun. :P
Also, yesterday I had a banana split with dinner. With strawberry cheesecake ice cream, caramel, fudge, and whipped cream. I was so stuffed I couldn't move for hours, but talk about a worthwhile sacrifice. I haven't had a banana split in years. Banana splits are good.
But I'm sad because most of the pictures in my little Matsu Takako image collection from my November '03 archive don't work anymore. T_T And those were the greatest pictures... *whimper*
(edit: just spent a couple hours going through every Matsu Takako gallery I could find and fixing all the broken links I could. still many missing, but I got a handful back, anyhow. and added some new ones. :P)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wMonday, April 26, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: O_O!!!
listening to: O_O!!!!!
HOLY FREAKING MOTHER!
*takes deep breath*
Dude dude dude dude dude dude. DUDE. DUDE DUDE DUDE!!!
Kiwamu. Just. Emailed. Me.
Kiwamu as in the lead member of BLOOD.
And... he...
asked...
me...
...yes, ME...
...to...
...to TRANSLATE FOR HIM!!!
*screeches in many different languages* Holy goose crap on a stick. Ok... calming down...
I am so not believing this. O.O No... since I discovered BLOOD in January, I've been trying to post in Japanese on their BBS whenever I get the chance, hoping they'd be able to read my messages addressed to them... and just over the past few days I was thinking, heck, none of the Japanese fans there seem to notice my efforts (except one, but only because I typed her a message specifically once), so the band must not be noticing either. If they even have time to check the BBS anymore, that is. They're busy guys these days.
I just checked my email... the usual half a dozen spam/virus crap things, and then in the subject line of the very last one, I see "May I ask a favor of you?". I think, feh, another classic spam/virus subject. Thank the Lord Almighty I decided to check the sender, which reads "cure" - the email handle of BLOOD, which I've seen quite a few times now in newsletters from them. So I'm going, hmm... BLOOD has mailed out some kinda newsletter asking for some particular support from the fanbase (the "BLOOD Agents," as we're termed by the band themselves). And then I read the message... their translator is currently very busy so could I possibly step up to translate parts of their site (the members' corners, mostly) from Japanese to English...
PYUIUGFPG:BIUEBF:SKJEGH:AOIEUTIGSJBDAKJ!!!!!
...hang on, I need to calm down again...
Of course, I'm chewing at the freaking bit to get started. I would LOVE to do this. But... I really don't think I'm good enough to handle it. I can get the general idea of their members' corners every week, but only by using a translation website (yay for Jim Breen's WWWJDIC!)... otherwise I'm lucky to get half of the point. And forget about word for word translations... every week there's a LOT that I can't work out, Jim Breen or no Jim Breen. Not to mention the band is from Osaka, so the Osaka dialect comes up a lot, especially in Kiwamu's corner... and needless to say, you don't really learn specific dialects in Japanese 101, or even 612. I really don't know if I can handle it by myself... Kiwamu would probably be way too busy to help clear up the confusing parts for me every week, and I'm not sure if it'd be right to ask my Japanese teacher for help. Besides, wouldn't I LOVE to get full credit for making BLOOD's site available to English speaking fans. >_<;;
And then there's the fact that this quarter is turning out to be the suckiest and most involved of my life. And it's not even halfway over. Of course, that also means in about 6 more weeks I'll have PLENTY of time on my hands. :P But until then... ugh.
Ack ack ack ack!
Well, so much for all that homework I was hoping to get out of the way tonight. I can't foresee much concentrating getting done on my part for a while.
*many deep breaths*... ok, I'm finished ranting now... back to pinging off the walls in solitude.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wThursday, April 22, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: ...
listening to: Gackt - Memories
I'm in a J-drama kick again. Blast Matsu Takako for being so cute. And blast [jem] even more for not having anyone online to seed Itsumo Futari De 3 for me. >_< Mmm, J-drama. I have a list of titles I want and fully intend to download in the near future. :P After Itsumo Futari De is done, there's... Great Teacher Onizuka, Omiai Kekkon (it don't get much more mismatched than Matsu Takako and Yuusuke Santamaria...), Beautiful Life, Pride, Long Vacation, Summer Snow, and possibly Home & Away. Or just the last episode of that one, because it was hilarious. A mob kidnapping and the suitcase saves the day. :P *die*
Today was Take Your Daughter/Son/Kid-You're-Probably-Not-Related-To-But-Who'd-Rather-Follow-You-Around-All-Day-Than-Go-To-School Day. I figured this out on my own after seeing kids ALL OVER the place, all day. From little squirts barely big enough to walk, to high school kids that could've fit in perfectly well on the student scene if not restricted to staying by their parents' sides. In high school I went to work with my dad for this occasion two years in a row. First year was fun, but the second year it felt like he didn't really want me there, so I didn't go a third time. Meh.
Pixel scared the crap out of me yesterday. Ok... all the bettas I've had were the type to get so excited at the prospect of food that they'd actually jump out of the water to get it, right? Well, with the boys, they never seem to clear more than about half their little squirmy bodies above the surface. Too much finnage weighing them down, I guess. But a tiny little female like Pixel, with no big long heavy fins dragging behind her... different story. Took the lid off the tank to drop in the kibble, and I swear she freakin' breached. Her whole body was airborne. Another inch closer to the edge of the tank, and she would've been splattered on the floor in a heartbeat. T_T I've heard far too many horror stories of bettas jumping out of their tanks and injuring themselves or dying...
While I'm on the subject... yes, bettas are instinctive jumpers. If they see an opportunity, or if they feel cramped or uncomfortable, they'll hop around until they find a more suitable place to call home. Now, someone needs to explain this to all those peanut-brained pet store workers who'll tell you they keep bettas in those tiny nasty filthy little cups of doom because in the wild they're used to living in mud puddles.
I seriously want to smack these people around until they need gill implants to breathe. Wild bettas live in rice paddies. Rice paddies are huge, well-aerated, and naturally filtered, and did I mention HUGE? And if one gets so unlucky as to be trapped in a mud puddle, it will jump into a larger body of water or die trying, because it knows it will die if it doesn't get out of there and find more water. Do these morons not figure this out when they show up for work and see rows of empty cups on the shelf and dried-out bettas lying around everywhere? Ugh. Mud puddles. People are idiots.
Wild bettas and pet store bettas aren't even the same fish, anyway. Pet bettas are just that - pets. They're bred to look pretty and wave around those long showy fins, not to survive. Wild bettas are a different taxonomical species altogether, and they have very short fins. If you put a pet store betta in a rice paddy, no matter how well-aerated and naturally filtered it is, that betta will die very quickly. Shortly after all his very long, bred-for-beauty fins - which are so delicate, the ridges on your fingertips are probably rough enough to tear them - have been torn off by plant matter and other debris. Put one in a mud puddle and death will be pretty much instant.
*ahem* Sorry. I needed to rant. I'm a betta person.
Tonight I have to do research on Thailand so I can go talk to my professor about it tomorrow in preparation for this monstrous term paper that is going to eat me this quarter. I wish I could drop this class. I'm serious. I've never hated a class so much I wanted to drop it, but not only can I not stand this class, I also know it's going to kill me. I didn't want it. It has NOTHING to do with my specialization or interests, and it was designed for people who are majoring in the subject. It will never benefit me in any way; on the contrary, the impossibility of it is going to tear my insides to shreds in the coming weeks. But if I don't take it AND get a decent grade, I can't graduate with honors (might not even be able to graduate period), which means all the stress and ulceration and various other crap I've been through with scheduling, honors contract, evil/impossible classes, etc. would have been a complete waste. Screw it. I don't have a choice. Funny, suddenly I'm looking forward to graduation... assuming I can even pass this stupid class. By 'pass,' I mean get a C or better. Because if I don't, I can kiss my diploma-with-honors goodbye.
Any experts on population, food, and environmental issues in Thailand out there who'd like to write a 15-20 page term paper on it for me? If not... anyone got a good Glock? If I'm gonna die anyway, might as well do it before this class roasts me from the inside out. -_-
Heh, my computer is about to eat itself in a huge way because I have 2 Torrents seeding at the same time, AIM and Winamp running, and am typing this blog. Plus it got mad the other day and decided to take a few bites out of itself just as a warning, so now it's lagging so bad it's not funny... but I refuse to restart it because then I'll lose 3+ days of progress on my randomized 700-song playlist. :P
I still need a Livejournal code. Anyone feeling generous? I'll add you to my friends list! >.>
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/22/2004 07:39:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wTuesday, April 20, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: *shrug...*
listening to: Whose Line
YES!! [jem] has finally started sharing Itsumo Futari De! :D *awakens BitTorrent from its months-long slumber*
...and downloading the first episode should leave me with aboouuut... 400 megs of disk space left. :P Guess I'll just have to back them up as soon as I get them. But not before seeding for a couple days at least. I hate when people leech and then don't seed. T_T And I'm a good seed since I have an uber fast connection, so... yeah. Screw disk space. Must seed. And it's worth it, cause I've been waiting for this show to be subtitled and shared for, like, nearly a year. Kinda. >.>
The honors reception was... eh. They had hors o'deuvres (I defy any of you to spell it better) on silver trays. And I swear one of the ladies serving them looked like Matsu Takako, except with a rounder face. And there was a kid, couldn't have been older than 12, who was shadowing some faculty guy that was running around... kid was amazing... when random people came up to greet the mentor guy and he'd point to the kid and explain the shadowing thing, the kid would actually stand up for introductions. Even adults usually can't be that polite. And then he was talking on a cell phone, looking for all the world like a mini Wall Street broker. But yeah... besides that, meh. I left with two hors o'deuvres and dinner (a couple miniature slices of bread, some cheese cubes, and a cantaloupe slice) in my gullet, a certificate that'll probably never do me any good under my arm, and a bleeding blister on my left heel. I HATE walking across campus in dress shoes.
I suddenly want a chocolate eclair... what is that about?
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/20/2004 10:18:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
w |
|
|
|
feeling: stomach = blah
listening to: Escaflowne movie - You're Not Alone
Fine. Don't love me. :P *pokes all those who didn't comment*
Yeah, I should be doing homework, but ask me if I care. I finished the major assignment due tomorrow. Those 10 chapters or however the heck many I'm supposed to read can wait. I needed a break tonight.
My graduation application is taken care of. Finally. Again. NOW it's out of my hands. Am I out of here yet?
So tomorrow I get to go to some reception thing where they're gonna give me a certificate for scholastic excellence or something. It's supposed to be the highest honor awarded in all the liberal arts, and I'm one of 238 seniors selected. What good a certificate is gonna do me after I graduate in less than 2 months, I'm not sure, but my parents seemed to see it as a great honor, so I'm going. Joys.
I seem to be out of that dreaming-every-time-I-go-to-sleep habit again. Sigh. That was fun. Something else randomly occurred to me today though... several weeks ago, maybe even a couple months ago, I had an afternoon-nap dream in which I was running around goofing off with some girl who, to the best of my knowledge, didn't exist in real life but who was a dear friend in the dream. Nameless, though. Anyway, today I sat next to the one girl in my linguistics class whose name I know, because on the first day of class she (bizarrely) said hi to me as I walked in, as if she knew me from somewhere. So I sat by her, we introduced ourselves, complained about how late the teacher was, whatever. Anyway, then today was the first time since then that I sat by her, and it dawned on me that she kinda resembles that girl from my dream. O.o It was odd...
Listening to all my Matsu Takako songs again over these past couple days thanks to my monster playlist has been fun. Talk about extremes - some of my favorite musicians ever are Matsu Takako and Dir en Grey. >.> Meh. I can't help but love her voice. It's so clear and sweet. Not to mention she is just about the most adorable human being on the planet, next to Kyo, of course. :P
Sad... my blog has turned into a dump for random worthlessness and pointless dear-diary mutterances again. For a while there it was so cool. Know what I'm gonna do about that? I'm gonna get a Livejournal. All the pointless journal junk will go there, and the cool and/or meaningful stuff will go here (there may be overlap, woohoo). I've wanted a Livejournal for ages now anyway... never found anyone with a code... then I finally did and all of a sudden they decided I didn't exist anymore... but such is life. Everyone has an LJ now. I'll find one soon enough. So... anyone in a donating mood? >.>
Gonna go to bed now. A little early, but 7 hours would do me good.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/20/2004 01:14:00 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wSunday, April 18, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: hot and clammy and tired
listening to: Utena - Rekishi Bourou [Moji Sabaku] (Historical Watchtower [Desert of Letters])
First hot day we've had in a while. Maybe the second 80-degrees-or-close-to-it day of the year. Broiling right now. Best part is, not 5 days before this, we had highs in the 30s, nasty wintery cold rain, and the threat of snow. Arg.
It's not a Becky blog if there's no Ohio Spring rant. :P
So on Friday I turned in my application to graduate, at long last, right? And then today I realized that I turned it in with a mistake. It shouldn't matter, or the head of the committee should be able to recognize it and fix it or whatever with no problem, but this is another of those situations where I reinstate my life's motto: if anything can go wrong, it will. Watch that one little misplaced number keep me from graduating after all this crap I've already been through to get this far.
I don't want to think about that right now. -_-
Played Sims Unleashed today for the first time in months and months. Actually made some progress with two of my families in an afternoon. Maintained lots of friendships, made some money, and Kara Lee got a body skill point, which takes forEVER in her case because she's pretty high in her career already, and she and her roomie got a cat. Calico. Named... Kessie. Don't ask me where Kessie came from, I don't know.
So sometime within the next two days I need to read a chapter for linguistics; write a 3-page paper with no solid topic and read a selection for EALL; do God knows how much reading and research for my case country (might help if I actually had a case country) and a problem set including two data-loaded graphs for international studies. Really not all that much, especially when you consider that I had well over a week to do it all in and have already wasted it down to one to two days (the ling and EALL stuff by Monday, the rest by Tuesday). I also need to write a little note before I go to bed to include with the money order I'm sending away to order BLOOD's 1st Period Best CD. Heh, last night I sat here and spent most of the night creating this cute, dork little stationery to write the note on. Like, the head of chibi-me sits in the top right corner, pointing cheerfully to the statement "If you don't have stationery, make your own!" in Japanese. Then there's a big looping swirling dotted line that crosses over to the other side of the page, tracked by little comments like "Pencils are good" (cause it's done in pencil), a music note, and "This is taking a while," all in Japanese... ending at a little shot of chibi-me lying on the ground being bullwhipped by a giant sentient clock. The dotted line then begins again, staggering to the bottom right corner tracked by "Ouch..." written in Japanese, and ending at the very battered, black-eyed, dissheveled chibi-me pointing to the Japanese text "...and when you don't have time, just give up and sleep" while the giant clock stands in the background, flailing and screaming in Japanese (Osaka-ben, no less XD), "It's past 3 a.m.! Give it up!!" It's so dorky. I love it. Must have dad scan it and email me the file before he puts it in the mail.
Osaka-ben, by the way, means the dialect spoken/heard in Osaka. BLOOD originates in Osaka. :P Osaka-ben is a blast. "Ahoyade!" "Nandeyanen?!" "'Chau-chau chau?' 'Chau! Chau-chau chau n chau!'" *collapse*
I started listening to my monster playlist again. 709 songs and swelling. With my recent J-rock obsession I haven't listened to most of this stuff in months and months. Geez... Matsu Takako, Ranma themes, Mitsunaga Ryouta, sooo much Utena... I have every Utena song there is, from all 8 soundtracks. >.> Where has all this old reliable stuff been hiding? *headbangs, sways, and wiggles foot to the b34ts*
I'm dead tired. I shouldn't be. Managed to sleep until 1 this afternoon, and thus I've barely been awake for 14 hours. 16 is an average day. Could be worse... I could be entering hour 19 or something, for the nteenth day in a row. Kinda like these past 2 or 3 weeks.
...Freaking graduation application mistake won't stop stomping all over my brain. Why can't anything just go right for once in my life? If I miss my graduation after all the agony of the past 2+ years, someone is NOT going to survive the commencement ceremony.
You know what I realized in recent weeks? I like my blog. It's a good blog. Well, compared to my posts from 2+ years ago, at least. It's got some intriguing content in just the right combination with random worthless dear diary crap that no one cares about. If I were a random blog user surfing random blogs for some late-night romps in other people's personal lives, I would pay attention to this blog. And apparently someone agreed, since it's got its own Google search result now. I'm getting traffic. :p
Everyone who reads this entry, I order you to leave a comment! I don't mind if you prefer to keep your identity from me... heck, sign as iluvpr0n696969 if you want, I don't care. I just want to know how many people see this. And if the comment count stays at 0, y'all will be hearing from me. So no hiding. >:P
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/18/2004 03:21:00 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wMonday, April 12, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: like my mind is on speed, but the rest of me is drunk
listening to: Dir en Grey - Audrey
I'm long overdue for a blog full of just random musings. So here's one. And I'll warn you, when I say random, I mean random. But stick around, because the end is important.
First off, I realized that I have a fond obsession with independently mobile ears. Especially stand-up ears, like on cats and horses... not so much floppy ears like on dogs and rabbits. Ears look so cool when they're swiveling back and forth in all directions, flattened back, drooping down, pricked straight up, sorta half-drooped as in either shy or lazy... man, I wish I had cat ears, just so I could portray any emotion in the book just by flicking one or both of them one way or another. Long cup-shaped ears like horses and stuff have are even better about that. And llamas. Every time I watch The Emperor's New Groove, especially the scene where llama Cuzco is walking through the jungle talking about his "innate sense of di-rec-tion", I just wanna tug on his ears and, like, braid them together or something. But I wouldn't want them on me, cause they'd look too long and gawky on a human head. Cat ears would fit better.
I think I have senioritis. Since I started college, I have NEVER been as lazy and unmotivated as I've been these last few months. I leave for class about 5 minutes later than I used to, I put off my homework even later than before and find myself caring less and less when I don't get it all finished in time, I even put off simple effortless tasks like emailing and posting on forums and messaging my AIM friends (friends is a strong word, but work with me here) and reading. Reading, for Bob's sake. When you're too lazy to sit down for half an hour or an hour or 3 hours or however long, doing nothing but letting your eyes drag across a piece of paper, you know you've taken a downward turn. >.>
Speaking of that, I need to plan details of my graduation party. I already know I'm going to serve at least some Japanese food... if nothing else, a bowl of varying flavors of Pocky. Some cool little Japanese finger foods would be great too, but I can't think of anything besides sushi, which I don't think would go over too well with a lot of my relatives. People from a little backwoods town like mine hear "sushi" - or even just "Japanese food" - and they automatically think "Ewww, raw fish and octopus." >_< I need to educate these people with some good Japanese snackage that's not loaded with raw seafood or rice. But unfortunately, I guess I spend too much time around them, because I can't think about anything else either. :P Any ideas, anyone?
I hate all my classes this quarter. They're ALL writing classes. I hate having just one writing class in a given quarter, let alone three. >< Psycholinguistics is the least evil though... all I have to do is is show up for class, turn in some simple credit-or-no-credit exercises, attend a couple experiments or talks (gimme grade, AND it's extra credit if I do two of them), and write a handful of "thought papers," which are in about the most flexible format possible. I can write a page, or I can write eight pages, whatever I end up with. Don't need to cite any sources or go out of my way to find and list sources I probably won't even use. All we have to do is demonstrate that we're in some way thinking about the material in the class. Best thing is, I think there's like 6 of them, but only the best 3 grades will count toward the final grade, so I can slack on half of them. ^^
There's a new duck on Mirror Lake that I've never seen until the past week or so. Normally all we have is mallards, domestic white ducks/geese, the occasional wood duck (though I haven't seen our wood duck pair in a couple years :\ ), and if the season's right, a few Canadian geese. But now we have this duck that's... some kind of striking black and white pattern. I haven't gotten close enough to it yet to know any more than that. I have GOT to figure out what that duck is.
It is so cold today. All this week we're supposed to have lows in the 30s, and lots of rain, and maybe even snow. Last week was gorgeous - 60s or 70s all week, sunny, not rainy, not humid at all. The week before that was even colder than it's supposed to be this week, even more rainy, and, if I recall, snowy. Between that week and the one before it, we had high temps that varied between the 30s and the 80s. I HATE spring in Ohio.
Bras are really dang uncomfortable too. *fidget*
That song My Immortal by Evanescence is SO overplayed. Don't get me wrong, I like the song (rhyme time! :P)... but I've only been awake for about 4 hours today, and I've already heard it on the radio twice. And I don't even listen to the radio, except when it wakes me up in the morning or when I'm in the hall restroom when the stereo our RA put in there is turned on and set to one of the stations that plays it. It's overkill. Some of the best songs are completely ruined due to this kind of overkill. Sad. *shakes head*
Ok, now that I've got some of that randomness off my chest, I do have a semi-meaningful rant-type thing to force upon y'all, so don't go anywhere, cause it includes a request. :P
So anyone who's known me in the past year should know that I've lost weight in that time. A whole lot of it, apparently. It happened too gradually for me to really notice by looking in a mirror, and it's been so long since it started I can't remember how much fatter I was before. But every time I go to church, SOMEone, if not about a dozen someones, makes a comment about how much thinner I've gotten.
I'm getting worried. And here's why.
I mentioned that I bought a really nice outfit to wear to church for Easter Sunday, right? And that for at least 5 years now I've worn nothing more fancy than jeans and a sweater or nice T-shirt to church, except Christmas and Easter, when I'd break out the old black slacks and add a white blouse or buy a new sweater to go with them? Well, for this Easter, I got the nicest outfit I've had since, like, senior prom. Seriously. Think dark brown/black, sleeveless, ankle-length dress with various large flower-type prints in shades of beigy-tan, and a component cropped beigy-tan dress jacket, and even matching beigy-tan heeled dress sandals.
I've never heard so many compliments in my entire LIFE as I heard in the 2 hours that I wore that outfit. Nearly everyone who passed me, spoke to me, had the time to actually come find me, sat near me, etc. was gushing with praise on my outfit, my haircut, my apparent thinness, or all of the above. Even Jess, who had never said a word about it before, commented how much weight I've lost.
Why does all this worry me? Hard to say. I think I'm afraid my ego is gonna get to big. And believe me, I never, EVER, EVER thought I would have a problem with that. >_<
Don't get me wrong... I still don't think I'm attractive at all. I look in the mirror and I still see blobs of fat, sickly pale skin, complete lack of muscle tone and just some flab in its place, a blotchy crater-face with those two stupid nasty scars from my serious bike accident at age 11, and flat, dull, poop-colored hair that flies around in 5 or 6 directions. But... it's weird. People keep giving me all these compliments, and in the beginning I just turned them aside or kinda laughed and shrugged them off, thinking people were just going blind. But I don't do that anymore. I smile and thank them, and kinda look down at myself as if to confirm their opinions. And then for the next few minutes I kinda intentionally walk straighter or sit up straighter and flip my hair around a little more (which I always do anyway because it's always in my eyes), as if I'm trying to get other people to notice whatever the person who complimented me noticed, or something. I'd even go so far as to say all those compliments I got yesterday morning were what put me in such a good mood for the rest of the day.
But here's the worst part, which I've only just been noticing in the past couple weeks or so. You know how occasionally you'll be sitting in a classroom or some other kind of location with several other people, and when you look around the room, occasionally you'll accidentally make eye contact with some random person? Then you usually look away real quick so they don't think you were staring? Well... that's always happening to me, because staring into space is what I do best in classroom settings. But lately... I dunno... I guess before I was really embarrassed by that kinda thing, because I was afraid those people who were looking at me were privately contemplating just how weird and/or ugly I looked.
This morning in class, any time I made that accidental eye contact with anyone, I still immediately looked away, but some little corner of my brain was entertaining the thought that they were looking at me because they liked what they saw.
God, this is about the weirdest rant I've ever posted, isn't it? ><;
Anyway... again, don't get me wrong. I still don't see myself as attractive, so I don't see why any of those strangers in the classroom should. And I don't think I really do think that... it's just a tiny little previously unheard voice in my brain or something that makes the idea roll around in my mind. My inner egomaniac, maybe?
See, THAT is what scares me. I don't want to have an inner egomaniac. Especially not when I've lost so much weight and had a haircut that even I have to admit is probably the cutest thing I've ever had growing from my head and am intentionally wearing nice outfits to church for the first time in years. Because I've known too many people in my life who went through similar physical changes, especially the weight loss one, to the point where their egos outgrew the bodies they were contained in (or the body shrunk over top of the ego so much the ego had to burst through, whatever) and they became complete jerks who cared about nothing but how good they looked, and anyone who didn't automatically agree became less than sewer scum to them.
I don't want to turn into that. But as much as I hate to admit it, the more compliments people give me, the better I feel about myself overall. Maybe I'm just not used to feeling anything better than miserable about myself... but I know that little long-beaten-down ego is starting to wake up and enjoy the beginnings of its first real feast. Every compliment I receive fattens it up more and more, and when it gets dozens of servings in just a few hours, well... you can guess what happens.
So, dear readers, I ask of you a great favor. If I ever, EVER come across as an egomaniacal b!tch to you in ANY way at all, starting with this very post, I want you to whack me over the head, punch me in the gut, and tell me I'm as ugly as a pimply pig's butt in a mudhole. Or come up with some other, more creative assault to beat this stupid ego back into submission. I'm serious. I do NOT want to turn into the kind of person I despise most. In return for your kindness, I promise I will do my best to keep swallowing down this inner egomaniac and make sure it never breaks free of the confines of my physical being.
Ok... I'm finally done. Now I have some reading left to do for EALL class this afternoon, as well as new BLOOD lyrics to translate and old ones to prime for public release. Becky away.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/12/2004 01:24:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wSunday, April 11, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: you know, not bad
listening to: BLOOD - Mebious no Wa (Mebious' Loop... no idea who Mebious is...)
Once again, my lurve, thank you SOOO much for loaning me this CD. ^u^ *is in love* I can't wait to translate these suckers.
I'm still not gonna try to re-type that big blog I lost yesterday, but I am going to mention part of it that didn't get enough attention yesterday. Unfortunately it will be in the form of a Gaki rant. -_- I was in such a remarkably good mood today and yesterday, and now I have to rant about the evil of all evils. Grr. Oh well... one of the main points of it is that she failed in ALL of her attempts this weekend - yet again - so my good mood should remain intact. :P
So first of all, yesterday at grandma's. I mentioned my Nephy adores me, right? Well, since his parents couldn't make it to our dinner yesterday, I was the only person he wanted to help him, play with him, entertain him, etc. for the duration of the day. Needless to say, this cheesed Gaki off to no end. Her only goal in life is to steal his attentions from me and try to appoint herself as his favorite person, which apparently she thinks should automatically be the case just because she's her. >.> But anyway, she spent much of yesterday pouting and whining becuase her attempts to win him from me only succeeded in making him dislike her more and cling to me more. Which I get SUCH a kick out of. Few things please me more than seeing that worthless brat fail in her attempts to take over the world. :P
Anyway, on to the point. After some failures with Nephy yesterday, when most of the family was kinda hanging around her basketball net informally taking turns shooting random hoops, my dad initiated the all-time classic Kodak moment: big strong grandpa lifting up his shrimpy 2-year-old grandson so he can slam dunk a full-sized basketball (or the smaller kiddie-sized one someone brought out later) in an adult-sized hoop. But of course, after dad did this for him once, from then on I was the only one he would allow to help him make shots. And did he ever attempt a lot of shots. x.x My arms are barely long and strong enough to lift him up to a net like that, let alone over and over and over, but apparently he didn't mind.
Anyway, a couple times Gaki tried to take over and lift him up for a try, but he would have none of it and just kept running to me. Now we get to the fun part. Somewhere in this time, I was chasing after the larger ball or something, and I felt the smaller one slam me on the head. The thower, needless to say, was Gaki.
Now, I don't think I'd go so far as to say she did it on purpose. For one, my dad was watching her and he said he didn't see any intention in it. For two, Gaki doesn't have that kind of aim. Even if I hadn't been a moving, half-running, ducking target, she wouldn't have that kind of aim from as far away as she was. However, she did seem pretty proud of herself afterward, and Dumplin's certain she saw the little demon spawn smiling that evil malicious smile she gets when she thinks she's about to win.
This is the funny part though. Hours later, we returned to grandma's to pick up some stuff, and Gaki came in and directly apologized to me for hitting me on the head with the ball. After which grandma immediately asked her "There, do you feel better now?", to which Gaki replied "That's been weighing on my conscience all day." I was SO close to saying something to the effect of "Let's hear your definition of conscience, brat." ><; I swear she doesn't have one. She doesn't know the meaning of guilt. But my guess is that Gakidaddy gave her one of his halfhearted attempts at a stern lecture and not so gently encouraged her to apologize to me.
Anyway... point of this little tale is that I don't believe the hit to my head was planned, but I do think she was pretty proud of herself for landing the hit. Which is fine with me, cause that ball was too dinky to have even caused Nephy any pain, let alone someone with as hard a head as me. :P Score one more loss for Gaki.
Now we move on to tale #2, which took place in church this morning. So me, Gaki, Jess, Chase, Cassie, and a few other people did a little puppet show as an Easter special for the kids, after which me and Jess had to immediately take off to join the rest of the choir for our number. And because there's not much space behind the puppet stage, especially with 8 or 9 people back there, and kneeling is enough of a pain as is, me and Jess typically take off our shoes when we're puppeting. So we did, and left them next door in the fellowship hall. After our puppet show, we went back to retrieve our shoes, and mine were where I'd left them, but Jess's were gone. We turned most of the building upside down looking for them, but found nothing, so she had to join the choir barefoot. Which made me in my heeled sandals feel REALLY tall, but that's another story. :P
Anyway, as we were passing through the fellowship hall to join the choir, Gaki stopped me, looking quite proud, and said "I know who took your shoes." I kinda gave her a look and told her mine were where I'd left them; I was even wearing the things. So she replied, "Those brown wooden-looking ones?" or something, and I told her no, those were Jess's. She sat there quiet for a second, with that pouty look on her face, and after some 'careful' deliberation told me that Chase and Cassie had hidden them. But I ignored her, quite sure she was lying and with very little time to care. Later, after me and barefoot Jess had already joined the choir, Cassie turned up in the back of the sanctuary and signaled to Jess that she'd found the missing shoes.
Now, I know Cassie. If she'd been in on hiding them as Gaki accused her, she would never have come clean so easily, let alone been the one to inform her victim that the missing item was found. I'm just about 100% sure what happened. Gaki stole and hid the shoes, thinking they were mine. She was quite proud of her little escapade when she pulled me aside to tell me she knew what had happened to them, that she'd seen Chase and Cassie hide them. But when I thwarted her by informing her that those were not my shoes, she launched into another dejected pout fest and carried on with her lie, accusing Chase and Cassie anyway. Then, after I left, she was so frustrated at her mixup that she returned the shoes, more than likely making a big show over being the One out of all of us to have finally found them when they were so well hidden. As if it makes her a hero in the eyes of God and all His creation. -_-
So yeah. Apparently she's tired of torturing Dumplin', and I'm her new target, almost assuredly because my nephew loves me more than her. But, to her extreme displeasure, her first two attempts on my sanity and well-being failed miserably. She thought a dinky kid-sized basketball to the head and a pair of shoes "lost" in a building I've known like the back of my hand for 15 years would cause some sort of unbearable misery in my life? Pathetic. Even more pathetic that she couldn't even succeed in either of them. She's torn up entire families in the past, more than once, with her jealousy and malice, and she can't even make me upset right? :P
So that's my Gaki rant for now. I could talk about some other events of the day, which also turned out amazingly pretty good given the circumstances, but I have so much reading to do it's not funny at all. I'm only here now to delay the inevitable because I'm in too good a mood (the best I've been in for 7 or 8 months, anyway) to ruin it by spending the rest of the night on homework. >.>
But now I've had my fun. Time to work. Sigh.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/11/2004 07:14:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wSaturday, April 10, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: tired, head hurts, etc...
listening to: Dir en Grey - Jessica
SON OF A GODS BE FREAKING CURSED MOTHER FARKING DUNG-CRUNCHING BISCUIT!!!!!
(like my alternatives to cursing? >.>)
I just spent the past, like, hour and a half typing up a HUGE blog about the events of today, and then dad's freaking computer crashed. >_< Someone just shoot me.
I am NOT typing all that again. I have stuff to do. Bite me, life.
Summary: Easter dinner with Dad's family. Nephy adores me. Absolutely PERFECT weather. Spent hours today being physically active (including shooting hoops), which hasn't happened in YEARS. Nephy's first Easter egg hunt, fun for the whole family. Gaki's efforts to monopolize Nephy thwarted again... and again... and again. Dumplin' loaned me her BLOOD CD. Bought a nice Easter outfit, matching shoes, and THREE pairs of jeans that actually fit, all in one store.
Currently: Worn out. Tired. Sleepy. Sweaty. Grimy. Smelly. Sunburned. Hands stinging and half-blistered from entertaining Nephy on the monkey bars. And despite all that this has been the best day I've had in a long time.
I really surprised myself today. The past couple weeks have been torture, due to all that personal crap I frequently (though cryptically) posted about a couple months ago or whenever, coming back to haunt me... I've just been caught in this vicious cycle of wanting something I can never possibly have, and chasing after something that, even if it were attainable, would only ultimately cause me even more pain that I've ever known - and chasing it anyway because I can't be happy without it, either. But today has actually been a really, really good day. I feel good.
Now I'm leaving, because my head hurts and I'm cheesed at Blogger.
Dumplin': "D'am too!" XD *uber-glomps for letting me borrow Bloodtype*
EDIT:
(Dumplin'): I'm also disturbed at the black egg...did the Evil Easter Bunny make those up?
ShivaKat9: yeah that was trippy >.x I like the evil easter bunny idea though kaha
(Dumplin'): Maybe it had an affair and the egg was a bastard...
ShivaKat9: ....
(Dumplin'): ...? Go too far?
ShivaKat9: no, that just wasn't right XPP
ShivaKat9: poor little egg
(Dumplin'): Damn Easter ho...
ShivaKat9: so who was this affair with?
(Dumplin'): ...St. Patrick?
ShivaKat9: ...you have some interesting ideas :P
ShivaKat9: concerning the spawning patterns of man x bunny...
(Dumplin'): Well...it WAS the last 'holiday'
ShivaKat9: the bunny forgot to wear green...
ShivaKat9: and st patty broke out the manacles
(Dumplin'): XDDDD
ShivaKat9: ON YOUR KNEES, RODENT!!!
(Dumplin'): *DIES*
Happy Easter from the fine depths of AIM goodness. ^^v
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/10/2004 08:57:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wThursday, April 08, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: groggy
listening to: Dir en Grey - Ain't Afraid to Die
Some cool/interesting/amusing things that happened today:
On the way to international studies class, I finally saw our campus' resident white squirrel. ^^ I've heard so much about the little beast over the past couple years, that it lives around the main library/Oval area, which is probably the most traversed area of this campus... but I'd never seen it. Then today, there it was, right in the middle of the Oval toward the north side. That was pretty darn cool.
Then I started reading Lord of the Rings again. It's been over a year since I finished The Hobbit and started the Fellowship of the Ring... I got less than 50 pages in and just stopped for some reason. Actually, I started over with it last night before falling asleep, and just today got caught up with where I was and got to move on a bit more. Not nearly as cool as a white squirrel, but I so rarely read for fun anymore... it was nice, says I.
Then during an afternoon nap, I had my first Dir en Grey dream. Finally. :P Wasn't much, and it didn't even account for a very large part of the dream... somewhere toward the end I was watching this tape or DVD or something I had just received from an online order... I remember purple-haired Kaoru screaming into a mic during a concert (Kaoru on vocals? O.o), and they were performing a song that I've never heard before and probably doesn't exist... which is too bad, cause it was darned catchy. :\ Yeah, that's about it... not nearly as cool as that Gackt dream I had a while back... *swoon*
Then I woke up and went to the commons for dinner... and as a special, they were serving cotton candy. O.O!! heh, I never get cotton candy from fairs or festivals or ball games or anything like that... used to, but it's been ages... but yeah, when your college cafeteria serves fresh-spun cotton candy with the meal, you'd have to be a fool not to get a cone. >:P And I learned it's impossible not to be joyful when you're carrying cotton candy around... lol
And this is VERY cool... it seems Neopets has developed a new color for pets that is actually depressed. Talk about a step in the right direction. I was getting sick of all the cutesy overly happy pet species... especially when they revamped my Faerie Kougra and she went from a cool proud winged tiger to some disturbing hybrid of a koala, a kitten, and a bubble... -_- Anyway, so now there's this new grey color, and so far only the Cybunny, a pet notorious for being sickeningly cute and fluffy and perky, can be painted with it. And crap it all, I WANT THAT BUNNY!! Screw the happy giddy regular colors, the little miserable grey guy in the corner with the bandage around his wrist in the beaten pose is all I could ever want from a Neopet. They darn well better make this color/attitude available for looooottts more pets in the near future. Best thing to happen to Neopets since the Zomutt (which I actually finally own now :D BOOYA!)
...And as of now, that's pretty much it. The days are just packed. Although, I'm currently trying my butt off to download this song, Lord of the Dance... I don't think it's the same one from Riverdance heh... but it's an Irish/Celtic classic that we sang in choir a couple weeks ago, and it was pretty darn awesome for a choir song. We're even planning to do a little puppet thing to a recording of it on Easter Sunday, which makes me quite yay-ful. Anyway... but there seem to be dozens of different versions, and none of the ones I've found yet have been the right one. Grr. I AM going to find this song.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/08/2004 07:22:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wTuesday, April 06, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: tongue is scorched... hot soup ><
listening to: Dir en Grey - Wake (a.k.a. Riyuu; both mean Motivation)
Unusual(ly) cool survey I found surfing LiveJournals of people who used to be aware of my existence...
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: ...just so you know, I had to get up and walk across the room for this. Books and computer live their own lives. :P Anyway... "...visited more than once. There, though Elrond had departed, his..." Now guess which book it is heh
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?: the top of Phoenix's tank, which makes him think I'm about to drop food in it, which makes him do the FEED ME OR DIE, FINLESS BIPED! dance...
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: Family Guy
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: umm, 6:13
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 6:16... man I'm good... I haven't looked at the clock since before I ate...
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: girls conversing down the hall, a toilet flushing, and a door being knocked upon
7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?: about an hour ago, to go pick up dinner at the Marketplace... it's a perfect day outside...
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?: someone else's LJ :P before that, I think it was BLOOD's homepage BBS
9: What are you wearing?: black Nautica baby tee with an Asian dragon design on the front, some blue jeans that are too big, and white socks
10: Did you dream last night? yes... thanks for reminding me, I need to throw it in my spiffy dream log...
11: When did you last laugh? I can't remember at all... early this afternoon? last night talking to Suz?
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: 2 tiger posters, one white; Snoopy poster; Gackt poster; photo of me holding my nephew at one day old; photo of my cat looking demonic; and my tiger calendar, the coolest calendar in the world.
13: Seen anything weird lately?: a Penny Arcade draft using the word "KIMO!" such that it makes no sense?
14: What do you think of this quiz?: the beginning where you actually had to DO stuff was amusing :P
15: What is the last film you saw?: as in, in a theater? couldn't tell you, because it's been years... last movie I watched was probably Aliens, or maybe the last part of Lord of the Rings (first one)
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: not counting bills to be paid... new computer, then a car, then a trip to Japan, probably among other places
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: after being asked this so many times you run out of ideas >.> umm... I caused my mom to run away from home once... a few people might know about that though...
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: I'd make Japanese the official world language :P ...and then I would join Chris in blowing up America and making all its people integrate with the REST of society, instead of the other way around
19: Do you like to dance?: I would if I knew how, but alas, I don't
20: George Bush: I'd rather not think about that, thanks...
21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: this "your first child" concept is foreign to me...
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? : in fact, this "your child" concept is foreign to me
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: YES! one day I will live in Japan dangit... even if only for 2 weeks... >.>
Heheh... for the past couple hours the girls in the quad next door to my room have been going insane running back and forth screaming at each other and other girls on the floor for assistance, because one of their roomies has a birthday today an they're putting together a surprise party/dinner for her. Sweet roommates. Anyway, as some may know, I have a tendency to leave my door open when I'm in, because these rooms get HOT otherwise and I'd rather have air moving through. So with my door open, I've been watching all this unfold, and it's hilarious. I'm not really friends with any of those girls... heck, I only know two of their names. But all their running around going nuts all evening has been hilarious. And I need to go take a shower, among a ton of other things to do this evening, but I am not leaving or closing the door until I see that girl come home and find this dinner. Actually I'm more interested in seeing how our RA stalls her. :P One of the quad roommates told her to yell "HI MEG!!" when she came up... lol
*sits and waits for the show to... well, end*
~EDIT~
Ok, well... that's over, I've had my shower, and I have less homework tonight than I expected. So I'm back to unload more useless rantings upon y'all.
Actually, I just thought I'd mention that dream I alluded to in the survey above. I'm not gonna go into detail, because certain parties don't want to know, trust me. Certain parties that never read this, I'm sure, but still. :P I decided not to put it in my oh so cool dream log, just because I'm too lazy to write it all out, and I'm not sure I want to think that much about it... but long story short, it was about someone I care deeply about committing suicide. They never actually went through with it, but came close... but what I really remember was going to the person's house (which was, bizarrely, the home of my former best friend who lived right down the road from me) to talk them out of it. This ticked them off, of course, and made them even more determined to end it all. I have that effect on people, I guess.
I'm getting more detailed than I intended to. -_-;
Anyway, the point... I was trying to talk the person out of it, pleading with them to hear me out, and finally they did, and stood there looking at me... but I didn't say anything. Everything I planned to say came out through my eyes. Seriously. Literally. I could, like, feel the words coming out of me, but it was through the look in my eyes. And the message got through to this person, too - it spurred them even further to want to die. Yeah, everyone loves me. But anyway, yeah... that whole thing with the eyes was what made this dream so... weird to me. I've never felt anything like that before. I think it was because the previous evening I saw this show where some actor was talking about someone's eyes being "so full of love and compassion... he wanted so badly for us to understand." Now, as an author of some of the sappiest drivel you'll ever care to see, this concept of deep feelings being communicated through one's eyes is not new to me. But for some reason that line stuck with me, and I think that's what inspired the dream... I don't think I've ever actually been in a situation to communicate that kind of emotion through only my eyes, but in the dream it felt so real... I've never felt anything like that before.
So yeah. There was more to the dream than that, but like I said. I just thought I'd throw it here so I wouldn't have to go through all the details again by putting it in the dream log. Done now.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/06/2004 07:12:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wSunday, April 04, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: O_O!!!
listening to: nothing
Oh. My. GOD.
I just discovered that there's a slight possibility that I COULD GO TO GAKUFEST!!
This requires background info. :P So for a couple months now we've known that BLOOD is going to play for their second time at Gakufest. Gakufest is a big international music festival thing that takes place at the end of May in San Jose, California. Knowing that my odds of ever seeing BLOOD live again, or any other J-rock band for that matter, are slim to nil, I have been DYING to go. But besides the fact that I'll probably never have the money, and that I'm a very sheltered little girl and I'd be kinda useless sent airborne to California all by myself, I've been living with the knowledge that I'm in the middle of a challenging... or let's just say EVIL... quarter at Ohio State. So I figured it would not be wise at all to miss any classes or exams.
Well, then I found out that I have no exams at all this quarter.
And then, just tonight, I actually woke my brain up and looked at the calendar. Gakufest is May 30 - a Sunday, which I think I knew previously. But what I didn't know previously was that the following day, May 31, is Memorial Day. Which means... NO CLASSES.
So my college schedule would not be harmed if I took the weekend off.
I have a chance!
Now all I have to do is arrange funding, transportation, supplies, a means to avoid getting lost or killed or something, and some method of growing a set of (quoting Mike McShane here) goulies that would allow me to go, live, and return to/from California by myself. Or with Dumplin' of course, if her folks would let her... but there are never guarantees :S
But still! THERE'S A CHANCE! *breakdances around the room doing the Prayer and Death Dies para para*
(by the way, this was posted on 4/4/04... don't ask why that amuses me ^^)
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/04/2004 11:38:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
wThursday, April 01, 2004 |
|
|
|
feeling: really bored, stomach achy
listening to: BLOOD's cover of Love Motion from Ohayocon
I want this song on my hard drive. NOW. But it would help if I had some idea who or what it originally came from. *mutter* I've found a couple J-pop songs with this title, and it's also the name of a yaoi anime theme song (ohh the subtext XD;), but the lyrics I found don't seem to match what Takeshi's singing. I miss Takeshi. T_T His voice is quite seriously among the most awesome sounds I've ever had fall upon my ears. I better see his name appear in another band someday. Like, soon.
Ahem. I hate it when I'm bored out of my skull on an evening when I have no homework. It doesn't help that my muse has retreated into her little ice-coated cave again. But what else is new? I can't blame her... she's got everything she needs to survive and entertain herself in there. Why come out more than she has to? Like artist, like muse.
Did I mention my hair is really short and funky now? Jill cut it too short so now it's like, only an inch long in the very back, underneath, closest to my neck. And, you know, you can't do ANYthing with hair that's an inch long, unless you have a few cans of gel on hand. It does what it bloody well pleases. But if you ignore the back of my head... I actually kinda like it. It's barely chin length in front, if even that, and it's parted more to one side now so one big chunk of it forms a nifty curtain over one of my eyes. If I had the patience, the gel, and the bizarre-colored dyes and/or extensions, this could be J-rock hair. >P *imagines the Kyo, Kaoru, and Kiwamu cosplay possibilities* But I don't, so I'll settle for being even more of a Raelin clone than before. God, I miss Raelin. I want RO back. They're getting the Juno update this week, which means 2-2 job classes, which means I could've finally raised a monk. T_T
Moving on...
I had a rant I was gonna throw in here, but there's no way to go about it without stepping on the toes of some people I'm considerably close to right now (not in a mooshy-mooshy friendship kind of way, just in a frequent interaction that would turn really awkward if they were to see this rant kind of way). So screw it. Everyone rocks and life is peachy. But don't worry - sarcasm is still my dearest friend.
School is a pain. But I feel I should clarify a point from my last post... it's not the content of my international studies class that scares me... it's the sheer volume of reading and work and paper-writing it entails. There's very little in the academic world that I hate more than writing papers. Not to mention the fact that both my other classes are heavy on the reading and papers as well. Even with no midterms or finals, this quarter's gonna be a blast. -_- Thanks for the offer though, Mike... I might still need to take you up on it eventually. :P
Ok, is that enough randomness for now? Cause I think I'm finally starting to get tired. Maybe I'll sleep soon. I hate having to go to bed before 2 a.m. >_<
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 4/01/2004 01:09:00 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|