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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wThursday, June 27, 2002 |
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feeling: charged
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Tank!
BEWARE - preachy blog ahead!!
Ok, I just watched the 700 Club for the first, and hopefully last, time. Why, you ask? Well, on that channel, Whose Line is it Anyway is on from 10-11, and then 700 Club comes on at 11, when there's never anything else on that I watch. Normally I just turn the TV off, but tonight I guess I was just exceptionally lazy and sat through the closing credits of Whose Line (which I usually don't do for the American version), then right after that was a preview for 700 Club that talked about stem cell research and some guy who had AIDS and then later had HIV tests come back negative. Now, I've never seen this show before, and didn't even have any clue what it was about. In the first thirty minutes, I laughed myself silly at its ridiculousness. In the last thirty minutes I was actually pretty interested.
So first, they talk about how Bush wants to dethrone, for lack of a better word (did I mention I'm tired?), Arafat. They give the basic info about the debate, then this old guy starts blabbering about HIS opinion in that "this is my opinion, and it is the only correct opinion, if you don't like that, burn in Hell" kinda tone. Says that Bush is doing the right thing, that Arafat lives for nothing but terrorism, and that America is THE leader in the world and is responsible for taking charge in the middle east situation in order to make the world a better place. At that point it took all I had not to change the channel. It is exactly those arrogant, holier-than-thou attitudes that have caused terrorist attacks on America and will continue to do so in the future. I got news for Bush. This country is NOT perfect. Live among the REAL common people for a few days and you'll see just how hospitable and friendly and wonderful they are. Ever hear of road rage? Child abuse? Murder? Rape, drug abuse, shootings? The list goes on. There's more evil out there than there is good; get used to it. Maybe we're not WORSE than other countries, but I can guarantee you that we are not BETTER as a people. Nor are we better as a leadership power. We have tremendous debts and deficits, and I dare you to name 3 out of the 40-some (or however many XD;;) leaders this country has had that were not involved in some sort of groundbreaking scandal, and those names no one ever remembers because they didn't really do anything great don't count. I'm getting all confusing. Anyway, my point: America is NOT the greatest country in the world. Nowhere near. We do NOT deserve to lead the world, and we are NOT worthy of taking charge of other countries just because our leader doesn't like how they're run. It's that arrogant attitude that's going to keep other countries mad at America; it is NOT going to help end terrorism.
Anywaaaay, then after that they talked about the WorldCom scandal, where this big telephone company or whatever basically lied about their debts and are on the verge of bankruptcy because of it. Then, of course, the guy gives his opinion, which includes saying that America is in such horrible debt because of scandals such as this and the eer popular Catholic-priests-molesting-children scandal. Now, honestly, I don't really know much about the WorldCom thing, so I'll bypass that. But this guy was talking about how these recent scandals are like, THE problem. He doesn't realize that scandals just like these have been going on basically forever... but they either weren't picked up by the media or were picked up but not blown up like some recent ones. Like the Clinton sex scandal. Really now... does ANYONE think he is the only government official, federal or otherwise, to have an affair? If every member of the three branches of federal government who ever had an affair were kicked out of office, there would not be much left of our government. At all. But Clinton does it and it's an automatic tag on the rest of his life. And the priests molesting children thing... I'm sure this isn't the first time that's happened, either. This is just the first time it made national news as it has. Why? Lots of reasons. A temporary lull in news stories, a nosier reporter, someone was better at gossipping, more expansive media capabilities... you name it.
Then came the ever popular stem cell debate. Oh goody. Well, the main point this time was that there is an alternative to embryonic stem cell research that scientists for some reason haven't talked much about, and I for one had never heard of it before. The alternative: "adult" stem cells. Stem cells taken from liposuctioned fat, and probably other methods, but that was the one highlighted. Yet scientists are still pushing for the embryonic research. My question: why? Why would you rather destroy unknowing human lives than use what you can suck out of liposuctioned fat and get the same results? Embryonic stem cell research basically amounts to taking a life without that life's consent in order to MAYBE benefit another life. But with adult stem cell research... well, liposuction and other procedures that can give you adult stem cells are just like organ transplantation, if not LESS painful. I always thought there was a lower risk with liposuction than with, say, donating a kidney... that or around the same risk. So if you could get stem cells from fatty stuff that would just be discarded anyway, why would you want to kill unconsenting human lives to get those same cells? Makes no sense to me. Another thing that ticked me off about that debate: scientists were saying that the reason people are against embryonic stem cell research was "fear of the unknown". Gimme a break. The reason is that you want to KILL human babies, that you want to play God, that you KNOW there are other ways that would work just as well, but you want to do THIS one partly because you think you can prove them wrong, and partly just because you can. Someone very wise once said "Do not do something just because you can." Just because you have the technology and the research doesn't mean you should follow through on it. Just because I have a bunch of medicinal objects in a cabinet downstairs and I know I'm phyhsically able to take handfuls of them at once doesn't mean I should. Just because you have a gun and you know it could kill a person doesn't mean you should go shoot everyone you see. Is that fear of the unknown? I think not. That's common sense.
Then they had a story about how vitamin Es can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer's or some such for the elderly, and how stuff that's cooked at really high temps like fries and chips can cause cancer. This isn't really a big debate or anything, it just amused me. I mean, really. Just about anything can give you cancer, in the right amounts and circumstances. As for the vitamin E thing... ok, how many times in our lives have every single one of us been told to eat right and exercise? Eat lots of this, avoid lots of that, do this, don't do that, and you'll live longer and healthier (or get sick and die younger, depending which road you take). What this story said was that eating stuff like greens, whole grains, nuts/seeds, bran cereals, and the like are better for you in the long run. Come on now... who COULDN'T have figured this out on their own? :P
And then came their final story, which took up the last half hour of the show. I don't know if that's how they always do it - a bunch of brief debates and opinions followed by a big testimonial thing - but yeah. And actually... this part managed to touch me. Not to the point where I would recommend 700 Club to all my friends and become a loyal follower, mind you. :P But it did touch me. The story: this kid named Matt is an outcast all his life. His dad doesn't love him, his brother molests him, boys at school taunt him. By age 10, he's a homosexual. At age 18, he's attacked and sodomized at knifepoint by a nameless bad guy. So he escapes crying and screaming and literally cursing God, then he hears God's voice and is all touched and lets Him into his life and all. Then he goes around looking for other Christians and a 5 year old boy convinces him to come to church, then to rededicate himself at the altar. So he starts coming to church regularly, but still goes through the regular homosexual activity on the side. Then at some gathering of some sort he falls unconscious and Jesus tells him that when he's committing homosexual acts, he's doing it to Him (Jesus). So then he AGAIN rededicates himself and never has a homosexual act again and thinks the idea is disgusting. Then he's diagnosed with HIV. He leaves the hospital after finding out, and God speaks to him yet again, telling him that He will heal him if he does something... or... something. I forget already. :P Well, eventually the symptoms get worse, till he's hospitalized with full-blown AIDS and weakening by the minute. There on his death bed he hears God's voice yet again when he asks why He hasn't healed him yet. God says he's healed, and the next morning Matt wakes up and the doctors are all around him going on and on about how his AIDS is suddenly in remission. But he still has HIV. So he leaves the hospital and starts evangelizing at prisons and stuff, and in one prison's audience is the guy who raped him when he was 18. And that guy is the first one to accept the altar call at the end, saying he needs forgiveness cause he killed and raped and etc. Then Matt says he was the one the guy raped years ago, and the guy feels horrible, but Matt says that both he and God forgive him, and then 20 convicts give their lives to God. So after Matt officially (or something) forgave his dad, his brother, his rapist, and everyone else, God appeared once more and told him the following: "I have purged your blood with my own", and that he was healed. So Matt ran to get an HIV test, and bing bang boom, it comes back negative. He goes back for the same test every 6 months for the next 8 years and every single one comes back negative. He even gets married and has a son due in a few months, when he was previously rendered sterile by the AIDS/HIV medications he was on for so long.
Now, I was tempted to post this at a few forums I frequent whose other members are mostly non-Christian, not to press Christianity, but just to see how they reacted... but I knew instantly that all I would hear was something like "the guy was lying". What do I think? Honestly... I don't know. Now, let me remind you that I am a Christian, and one who will not be easily swayed by naysayers, no matter what they throw at me. I can be bloody stubborn when I want to be. But... to me, as a TV audience member living thousand of miles away from this Matt guy, I have no way of knowing whether this story is wholly true. I don't have access to his medical records, the doctors who made them, or anything else about him. I tend to believe it's true, because some of those parts of his story would be reeeeally hard to just make up and keep consistent. And his tears and other emotional reactions seemed pretty sincere. So if he was indeed telling the truth, then I'd sure like to hear a non-Christian's "logical explanation" for the sudden disappearance of his AIDS and HIV Also, if he was telling the truth, I can say that testimonies like these are why I'm a Christian. Well, sort of. In a nutshell, I believe because I've seen my God working in my own life and in others' lives. For me, it all fits together. Maybe it doesn't fit for others, but it does for me. That's all there is to it. If you have different experiences, or none of the sort, that's well and good. Just don't tell me everything I've seen and known and believed is wrong and a bunch of fantasies and twisted myths. That's where I draw the line.
So, moving on. :P I have one more point I'd like to address (doesn't that sound so formal? XD) now that I've made my religious belief clear. Another current issue. Recently it was decided that the "under God" line in the Pledge of Allegience to the U.S. is unconstitutional, because it suggests that America, by forcing its citizens to take the pledge, is forcing them to accept a monotheistic view and... stuff. Now, I'm a Christian, which means I do believe in that one God and I think it's kinda sad that He's being excluded from this nation. BUT... I understand where they're coming from. The Constitution clearly calls for separation of church and state, which technically means that religion and government are to be kept far from each other. Therefore, by this technicality, it is unconstitutional to try to make that non-Protestant minority (last I knew) accept a religion they don't believe in. I really do understand, and I almost, ALMOST, agree with this ruling. Why don't I? Because the original purpose of the separation of church and state thing was that America would not have a national religion, as did the country our earliest settlers came from. A simple two-word line of the Pledge of Allegience, "under God", does not suggest an attempt at national religion. It was added, what, 50 or 60 years ago, and ever since it's been constitutional. Why now? I don't know. But point being, separation of church and state as guaranteed in the Constitution means that America will not force its people into a national religion. That's all. That has nothing to do with the line in the Pledge, I don't think. I mean, I don't see any Church of America sprouting up since that line came to be.
It's a lot like the Second Amendment debate - the right to bear arms. People who just like owning guns because it gives them a bit of a power rush and a boost of confidence (confidence in your ability to murder seems pretty dumb to me anyway) stand behind this amendment saying it gives Americans every right to own any firearm as they please. But they fail to remember the original purpose of the law: to defend households should some imperialistic British soldier barge in one night. Also, in those days, firearms came in a much smaller range of... stuff... than they do today. Back then they had muskets and shotguns and rifles; today we have the most advanced, deadly guns you can imagine, and anyone can get their hands on one. Yet today there's no longer any threat of the British coming in and reclaiming their colonies, so why keep a law that was written for that express purpose? Especially when guns kill sooooo many people every year, more often within the household or by some other accident than by intentional murder, which is unlawful anyway? Face it, even if that gun in your closet IS just for protection, "just in case", you're more likely to accidentally set it off or have it fall into the wrong hands and kill someone that way than to actually need it to defend yourself. Guns made for hunting are a slightly different matter, but they're still guns, and there are other ways to kill deer and squirrels if that's your only excuse.
Ok, I think I've made my point. Points. Whatever. You all know now what an irreversibly conservative bigot of a God-girl I am, and you'll hate me forever for it, so I'll shut up and go to bed now before I step on any more toes.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/27/2002 02:31:00 AM
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wWednesday, June 26, 2002 |
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feeling: head hurts... bored... etc.
listening to: Gunsmith Cats - Funk Me Baby o_O
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The above is brought to you by my nephew. >U< He actually typed M0M at one point, but then he erased it haha
I have absolutely nothing of value to blog about, besides (and because of) this stupid slump that's consuming every component of me. To prove it, here's another ridiculously long survey.
1. Name: Becky Cottrill
2. o_o?: umm 9_9
3. Birth date: June 23, 1982
4. Eye Colour: blue
5. Hair Colour: poop brown
6. Height: 5'5"
7. Reside in: Chillhickothe, Ohio
8. Are you a night owl?: kinda
9. Are you an early bird?: God, no
10. At what time of day do you feel your best?: late afternoon
11. Do you get bored?: ...that's about the dumbest question I've ever been asked XP
12. Do you sleep?: I try to
13. What school do you go to?: Ohio State University
14. What school is the best?: uh, see above?
15. What do you think of Christmas?: my favorite holidayeeee
16. Do you like presents?: yes, muchly, thank you
17. Who's Santa?: Daddy
18. Fav. animal(s)?: cats, white tigers, horses
19. Fav. colour: blue
20. 2nd Fav. colour: ...I dunno o_O
21. Black or white?: white
22. Red or orange?: red
23. Purple or green?: green
24. Grey or beige?: grAy X3
25. Blue or yellow?: blue
26. What's so good about the #23?: ...the letter u?
27. Jeans or sweat pants?: sweats are lovely, but I don't wear them in public... jeans for that... sweats for lounging around or sleeping
28. How old is your closest friend?: 15
29. Do you have a mom?: ok... if I didn't... would I be here?
30. What nicknames do you have?: Dumplin' calls me Sempai o_O
31. Ever been in love?: nah
32. Do you have a dad?: I should hope...
33. Do you love your parents?: yep
34. Do you love your friends?: if I didn't would they be friends? >_>
35. How many bro's?: one
36. How many sis's?: nada
37. What's is your mom's name?: Jayne
39. Have any pets?: yeppppppppppppppppp
40. Dog or cat?: two cats, one dog, and a betta fisheh
41. Frog or snake?: snake ^o^
42. Monkey or mouse?: monkeymouse XD
43. Do you like animals?: *nodnod*
44. Do you like hospitals?: no *~*
45. Do nurses and doctors freak you out?: sort of
46. Are you attracted to sick people?: eck, no... no offense to them o_o
47. Does medicine actually cure you?: not often
48. Do hospital smells bug you?: ewwww *choke*
49. Does the sight of blood make you sick?: nah... unless it's in huuuuuge quantities and contains solid or semisolid bodily components X_X
50. Do you like needles?: noooo *whimper*
51. Enjoy pain or despise it?: I am a wuss and I despise even the tiniest pain... except like, cat scratches cause I'm used to them
52. What comes to mind with water?: drinkin' it
53. Do you admire oceans?: they're pretteh
54. Sun or moon?: moon
55. Is rain good?: not for me it isn't >< unless I'm indoors bone dry and watching it fall
56. Have grandparents?: three of them left
57. Name a weird girl: *bounces up and down waving arms over head*
58. Does it matter if girls wear make-up?: I don't wear it... and if it's overly noticeable on others I think it's superficial and unnecessary
59. Yellow or pink-orange socks: I'll take white, thankeh
60. Do you eat?: no, never in my life... please explain to me what it's like 9_9
61. Are men from mars and women from Venus?: no... that's an overestimation... a stupid one
62. Qui adore-tu?: daremo nai yo
63. Long hair or short?: on me or preferred on others? mine is shoulder length... on others, I have no preference really, as long as some is there and it's clean
64. Do you like popcorn?: heavily buttered
65. Can you dance?: heh not really
66. Fav. music?: I like stuff from Nobuo Uematsu to Malice Mizer >u<
67. Like Celine Dion?: *gag*
68. Fav. bands: heck if I know
69. Who is Danielle Bourque?: no idea
70. Do you enjoy church?: mine is boring... I like it when I can go hide in a back room and draw heheh >:3
71. Like classical music?: some is darned cool
72. Hmmm... river valley's?: whose? the salad dressing? o_O
73. Like TV?: a few certain shows and stations
74. You despise secular music?: nah
75. Do you know what that is: yes thanks... our former youth director's whining about Jars of Clay crossing over into it pretty much got the point across...
76. Isn't Michael W. Smith your fav?: aiyaaa just shove a sock down my throat right now >o<
77. Planning on going to college?: ...psh, I better be ¬_¬
78. Enjoy baby sitting?: only my nephew, and only with my mom doing most of the work
79. Courting or dating?: solitude
80. What do you think of a penny?: those things build up, dude... I always pick em up and a few months later realize I have a few extra bucks >:3
81. Glass half full or empty?: glass? you mean can?... and it's totally empty... mmmmm
82. Ever been engaged?: ha... um no
83. What would you do w/a million $?: pay for school first, then splurge on material junk I don't need, then put the rest in the bank to build up interest and decide its fate in a few years
84. Do you like hoodies?: they're fun to draw :D
85. Can you cry?: it takes a loooott to make me cry
86. Saddest thing ever: umm... when an orphan who had to watch his/her family die is totally shunned and thrown out of everywhere because s/he has no parents? I dunno
87. Got yourself a girl/guy?: no thanks
88. Can you drive?: ... >u<
89. Do you use Kleenex?: yep
90. Do you like using Kleenex?: uh... when it's necessary?
91. Do you like hockey?: not especially
92. Do you shave?: heheh it's been a... while XD
93. Enjoy sleeping?: DUDE yes
94. What do you think of onions?: *cringe*
95. Gretski's old #?: like I would know
96. Ever watched boy meets world?: heheh I used to love that show... the chick with the funky name... Topanga? she was cool X3
97. What's baywatch?: a bikini parade for perverted old men and horny 12 year olds
98. Home for the holidays?: heck yeah
99. Do you drink?: Koolaid and pop (not soda... pop XD)
100. Fav. beverage: Mountain Dew
101. Fav. pop: see above
102. Like meatballs?: those made by certain good cooks
103. 3 words to describe your room: cluttered, unfinished, hot
104. Like freckles?: not really
105. Describe P.J's: mine? I just wear plaid lounge pants and a big old T-shirt to bed
106. Like babies?: my nephew >u<
107. Curly or straight?: usually straight... curls can be nice on some people but usually straight
108. How old is your dad?: 45 I believe
109. Remember grade 7?: yeah... unfortunately
110. Blonde, red, or brown?: blond...? I don't care
111. Like janitors?: they do such hard, evil work and are usually really nice, yet they get such a bad rap... I know lots of them personally and they're okay folks dangit
112. Is homework your passion?: ...I am going to pretend I never read that >_<
113. What are lips?: those fleshy blobs that are impossible to draw right
114. Love cafeteria food?: a certain special few kinds :P
115. 1 word for studying: *retch*
116. Fav. numbers: 7, 4, 23, 19... I dunno...
117. Watch the news?: rarely
118. Mom's birthday: November 14
119. Hamburgers or milkshakes?: milkshakes ^^ I'm an ice cream addict
120. A prep?: no I am not, thank God
121. 1 word to describe life: a joke (A doesn't count as a word, so there)
122. Kind of car you prefer: my Thunderbird
123. Can you work an oven?: I try to avoid it... microwaves are very good
124. Ever smoked?: no... nasty
125. Do you like tennis shoes?: ah yeah
126. Like tank tops?: not on me
127. Do you wear cologne/perfume?: nope
128. Like worms?: sometimes they're fun :3
129. 2 words about pillows: soft, squidgeable
130. 1 thing you're scared about of guys/girls: does everything count as one thing? probably not... oh well
131. Planning on getting married?: less so than I plan on climbing Mt. Everest then rolling back down to ground level
132. Do you go to church?: yeah
133. Do you wear underwear?: yes >_o
135. Do dogs drool and cats rule?: yep :P dogs can be fun but cats are always awesome
136. Who is Pamela Anderson?: that chick males who can't get any on their own drool over
137. Do you use soap?: ...yes, thank you
138. Least Fav. colour: brown probably... I'd say pink but that's Utena so I can't really XP
139. Are your hands dry?: *examines* slightly clammy cause it's hot in here, but otherwise yes
140. Most romantic thing: *daydreams* I am a sap, therefore I can not pick only one answer to this
141. Like earrings?: they're generally a pain
142. Interested in graduating?: I better be
143. Often tired?: often in an understatement
144. Do you like clay?: yeah :D
145. Believe in ghosts?: mmmm... not sure
146. Have a secret passion for egg nog?: nah
147. Are you a Christian?: yes... go ahead, tear me to shreds, I'm used to it by now
148. Believe in God?: see above, genuis
149. Fav. church song: Amazing Grace, I guess... dunno...
150. Like the name Hannah?: it's ok... not my favorite but ok
151. How many kids do you want?: zero
152. Considered doing drugs?: never
153. Considered witchcraft?: no
154. Love pizza?: naturally
155. Who is Megan Knall?: no idea
156. Do you like school?: college has its charms... high school was Hell on earth...
157. Ever dressed up as the opposite sex?: umm, sure
158. Fav. flower: roses
159. Do you wear a belt?: no... don't really have problems with too-large pants...
160. Do you like boxes?: boxes? umm... I like watching my cats play in them o_O or if you meant boxers, then yes XD
161. Fav. scent: lots and lots... fresh bread, apples, anything chocolate being cooked, noodles, ham, my nephew (when his diaper's clean >u<)... the list goes on
162. Like apple pie?: yeah
163. Fav. Christmas carol: Carol of the Bells, and O Holy Night
164. Like lava lamps?: I always wanted one, kinda
165. Can you sing?: not extraordinarily well, but yeah, I can
166. BSB or N'Sync?: throw them all out of a 747 with no parachutes
167. Dad's Birthday: February 5
168. Read the Bible?: I started to read it all once, but stopped a bit over halfway through... now I only read sporadic verses at a time, usually in church
169. Believe in it?: yeah
170. Like candles?: sure
171. Gold or Silver?: silver... more subtle or something
172. Do you shower?: I just did this morning *u*
173. Bio,Chem or Physics?: none >o<;; but... bio if I haaaaaadd to choose
174. Math or Science?: neither again... but science, and only biological/zoological
175. English or social?: English, literature in particular
176. Checkered or spotted?: spotted
177. Fried or baked?: baked, except chicken
178. Like seafood?: some of it
179. Chicken or pork?: chickeeeeen
180. Fav. shampoo: I don't care
181. Who is Darci Kew?: I do not know
182. 1 word to describe home: good :P
183. What's bad?: pretty much everything
184. Do you use deodorant?: yes, thanks for asking
185. Mr. Millions or Mr. Strelau?: Mr. Ed
186. Fav. Teacher?: Kashiwagi-sensei >:D nyaha
187. Prep or Nike shoes?: Nike
188. Name your dog bingo?: noooo... I prefer something with some degree of originality
189. Ever burned toast?: I can't even remember the last time I made toast
190. Carry a lighter?: nope
191. Like football?: no
192. 2 words to describe socks: white, warm
193. Enjoy vaccuming?: no, too noisy
194. Surf the Internet?: well, duh
195. Are you lonely?: in actuality, yes, but not mentally/emotionally... you learn to deal :P
196. Being a guy/girl fun?: no >O< I despise my gender
197. Do(es) your bro(s) love you?: he probably thinks I'm a freak :P but yeah, I guess he probably does
198. Considered getting a guy/girl?: used to, kind of
199. Who is Kathleen Breakey?: again I don't know and don't care
200. 1 thing you don't like in a guy/girl?: baldness
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/26/2002 07:26:00 PM
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wTuesday, June 25, 2002 |
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feeling: boooorrrrrred
listening to: Simpsons is on
Here's a bunch of quiz things, cause I'm bored and I got some pretty darn nifty results. >u<
I'm just watching a bad dream I'd never wake up from.
Find out what anime bad boy you are.
Weirdo!
Find out what anime girl you are.
Magic Box
What Random Object From Ydoc Nameloc's Room Are You?
HAHAHAHA
Find out what anime character cliche you are.
Little Know-it-all
Find out what anime character cliche you are.
 | Well, you're a slacker. Your greatest joy in life is sleeping, and you try to avoid doing work as much as possible. Others are envious of your talent for skating through life doing only half as much real, actual work as everyone else. You're an expert at talking teachers or bosses out of reprimanding you for your apparent lack of effort. On the upside, you won't have to worry about things like repetitive stress disorder or high blood pressure. Your life expectancy is probably pretty high due to this, not that you'll actually accomplish anything, you damn leech.
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Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz
What kind of ANGEL are you?
Quiz made by Angela
When it comes to being mysterious, that's what you do best. You like to leave others puzzled and speak in riddles. You're not out there for the fame and fortune, you're just being yourself, doing what you do best. You're strong and courageous, and you're always the leader of the pack. You're skillful; people respect you, and you respect people.
Ok that's enough for now XD woot quizzes are cool
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/25/2002 06:02:00 PM
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feeling: ...
listening to: Nanase Aikawa - Troublemaker
Well, I finally got around to making a playlist of all 464 song files in my Anime, RPG, & Japanese folder (I have another folder for the "normal" stuff XD) in a playlist so I can listen to them randomly without actually going blindly through the whole folder. I'm so clever. 9u9
Blah... I've been so blank lately. Not empty in the sense of, like... totally emotionless and stuff... the kind of emotional empty you kinda feel sorry for... mine's different. *shrug* I'm just always tired lately, and I have zero inspiration/motivation... *sigh* It's been months and months since I had an art or writing inspiration worth acting on. And even when I do have something, I can never get it on paper (or screen, now that I have a tablet) right, if I even attempt to at all. And no matter how much sleep I get, I'm always tired. And stuff that a few months ago made me giggle like a child barely affects me at all anymore. Similarly, stuff that would make a normal being bawl barely makes me flinch. Like Grave of the Fireflies. ;_; Umm, anyway... you get the point. I have nothing in me lately, good, bad, or otherwise. I'm just bored and tired. I hate when this happens. Yeah, it's not the first time... happens at least once a year, seems like. Gotten me in trouble before too. Not trouble as in you're-either-dead-arrested-or-grounded trouble, but I've lost friends because of these stupid slumps. Really good friends. There are some people I was joined at the hip to between 5th and 12th grade who I can't even look at anymore. My average friend loss count seems to be something like 1 or 2 per year. And no, if you're reading this, you're probably not in that category... but you might know someone who is. :P Buuuut, anyway... slumps suck. They drain all areas of my life for months on end, and even if I do get a moment of inspiration/motivation, I can't get my butt off the bed to act on it. This oekaki is probably the closest thing to acting on an inspiration that I've had in months... but I don't think it counts, cause I wouldn't have done it if Silfy hadn't dragged me into the Paintchat and forced me to show her what my tablet could do. >_~ Besides that, she's a character I created months ago, and that's only about 1/3 of her full outfit. She's nobility in elf society, which means loooooootts of jewelry and elaborate stuff... but... I was just too lazy to do anything but the basics.
But anyway... blank am I. Nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to think. I just want to spend my summer alternating between sleep, FF7, and the occasional anime. Shoot me.
Mmf... I'm off to listen to my new 464-track playlist and read some fanfic or something.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/25/2002 12:05:00 AM
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wSaturday, June 22, 2002 |
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feeling: satisfied enough
listening to: Gunsmith Cats - Sweet Dream Chicago
It's 3:30 in the morning. Why am I not in bed? More importantly, why am I posting this? Another to add to the great list of unanswerable questions in this world. Anyway... here's another survery, because it's summer, which means I have nothing better to blog about. Woo.
1. Who was the last person you yelled at? I don't really yell... and I don't remember... soooo
2. Who was the last person you kissed? My nephew :D
3. What was the last memorable book you read? I dunno... probably Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep because it was just twisted. Or Grendel because it was sad. ;_;
4. When did you last dance? mmm, I just bop my head around when I listen to music XD which is pretty much every day
5. What's the last thing you want to hear from your parents? o_o umm... that they're dying?
6. When did you last go for a walk in the park? I don't think I've ever actually walked in a park *u* I walk in the woods, on sidewalks, in fields and such... but not parks
7. When did you last do your ironing? I don't iron :3
8. When was the last time you smiled all day? ALL day?? who the heck can smile ALL day? X_X
9. What color of socks do you normally wear? White yo
10. Did you ever attend a private school? Public all mah life
11. Do you like stuffed animals? Of course >D
12. Have you ever smashed pumpkins? I think once or twice XD Not to be destructive though nyaha
14. Can you quote Shakespeare? ohhh, I used to know the balcony scene, the "Friends, Romans, fellow countrymen" scene, and the big soliloquy about life being a tale told by an idiot from Macbeth... but not anymore *o* Macbeth is cool muhaha
15.Do you like playing baseball? I did when I was like, 7
16. Are you a neat freak? I better not be XD;;
17. What is the worst injury you have ever given someone? ...drew some blood with my fingernails a few times XD *hiss*
18. Do you ever eat lemons plain? noooo *x*
19. Have you ever fired a gun? I don't think so... my brother might've let me fire his BB gun when we were tiny, but I don't remember
20. Do you own any knee-high boots? I don't think I own boots at all
22. Do you like swimming in lakes? ewww >_> pool please
23. Have you ever streaked at a football game or any other public event? No one wants to see me attempt that >o<
24. What is your favorite gemstone? errrm I dunno o_o;; diamonds? something blue? ehh
25. Have you gone on many blind dates? Not a one
26. Has someone done something extra nice for you? I've had lots of nice stuff done for me, I guess
27. Did you have a crush on any of your teachers? Mr. Higley in 8th grade XD;;; but it didn't last haha
28. Have you ever been lost in a bad part of a city? Nope *grateful*
29. Would you rather have a mint or fruit flavored gum? I like cool minty stuff that tastes sweet, not bitter... and Juicy Fruit is nifty
30. Do you have road rage? heh, naaaahh
32. Do you ever eat food right out of cans or jars? Of course :3 Fruit and stuff
33. Has your mind ever gone blank? It goes blank every time I'm expected to speak out loud... and I do mean every time
34. Have you ever met anyone interesting at the laundry mat? I haven't been to a laundromat since I was a tiny kid... so no, guess not
36. Are you kind? I guess so :P
37. Would you give a needy person the shirt off your back? Only if I was wearing another shirt underneath it X_X
38. Do you have any beanie babies? Yep~ India the Tiger sits on my monitor nyanya
39. Would you rather be hot or cold? Cold cold COOOOLLLLD
40. Is the glass half full, or empty? Completely empty~ I'm thirsty ^u^
41. Do you exercise or work out regularly? >U<;;; *snortchortlerofl*
42. Could you kill if your life was threatened? Probably not... I'm a wuss
I'm going to bed now~ yayayaaaay *falls to floor out cold*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/22/2002 03:51:00 AM
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wWednesday, June 19, 2002 |
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feeling: sliiiightly tired and bored
listening to: Final Fantasy 10 - Pure Heart
Router is up and running so I am online in my room now >:D yaaa~
Hmm... I dunno why but I've been on a FF7 kick lately. It's been ages since I played it or drew it or wrote it or anything... dunno why the sudden interest again... I know one evening last week at school I started reading my first big FF7 fanfic, Against Two Angels (book 1 in a series of 5 or so, and there might be even another series in planning kaha *die*)... 68 pages, another sappy cliche Aeris resurrection fic... though I think my version's a bit more inventive than other resurrection plots I've found. Mine has... um, stuff. No telliieeee. ¬_¬ *shifty look* Anywhooo, for some reason I decided to read that through, did some proofreading, then did the same with book 2, Dark Side of the Moon (tentative title) which is 50-ish pages and only halfway done... but err, yes. FF7 kick. Specifically an Aeris kick, but also a Tifa kick. Tifa's probably my favorite character... Aeris is... well, not... but her story's so sad I can't help but get involved. *~* I played the game some tonight... haven't done that in ages... took me a while to get used to the controls again XD Circle button executes, X button cancels... *scrawls notes* Just added Aeris to my party and am outside her house for the first time... I can't wait to get out of Midgar when the fun actually starts~ Oh, that reminds me... I've also been lamenting this week cause a long time ago I wrote a little Nanaki vignette thing, just a few pages but I really liked it... told the FF7 story through Nanaki's eyes, basically... anywho, that was one of the many files I lost a few months ago when my floppy disk decided to eat itself >_< Also lost that Because You Loved Me music video thing I was making up (yes I'm a hopeless sap, shut up)... some of the scenes in that were so freakin' cool ToT siiiigh... but yesterday I finally backed up all my fanfics and about 400 other files that are important to me on a CD-ROM. Looong time coming... but no more evil self-eating floppieeees *cackle*
I'm tired... I shouldn't be... mmm, maybe some more FF7 will wake me up *turns on PSX*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/19/2002 12:20:00 AM
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wTuesday, June 11, 2002 |
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feeling: really freaking hot
listening to: nothing
I didn't really realize till last week just how heat sensitive I am. It doesn't even have to be humid (but because this is Ohio, if it's hot, it's humid) - heat manages to send my mood crashing through the floor faster than just about anything else. I can't concentrate on anything but how hot I am, I can't breathe right, I get dizzy, I get headaches, I get ridiculously tired, and even being surrounded by fans on high power with a frozen-nearly-solid washcloth draped around my neck does no good. What's the point of all this? It is insanely hot this week. And I have to study. And I have to pack. AND I have to make this room spotless. All between tonight, tomorrow, and a couple hours on Thursday in between my last two finals. You can imagine how conducive the heat is to all this. I want my single next year... didn't really want the 3rd floor, but at least there's shade down there from the trees... no trees reach my east-facing 9th-floor window, which allows the early-day sun to just dance on in. Oh, speaking of that, here's a (not so) nifty little story. I woke up around 10 this morning, totally drenched with sweat despite the fan blowing full blast right by my head. Slept a while longer, woke up for good a bit after 11 - would've slept longer, but I just couldn't stand it. I stepped out into the hallway on my way to the shower, and there's this beautiful breeze flowing through the hall, cause the quad at the end of the hall had their window and door open, bless them. I wanted to stand out there all morning. But instead I took a long cold shower, then stood in the hot steamy restroom drying my hair, returned to the beautiful breezy hallway, then came back into this sweltering hot room. Couldn't open the door to get some of that air from the hallway, couldn't pull back a curtain to let some of the outside breeze come in through the window fan... because my roommate was still sleeping. I would've slept till 1:00 too, but... my God, how could she STAND it?? If I'd stayed in bed any longer I think I'd have had a heat stroke... Anyway, so I went out for some lunch to escape the broiling room, and when I came back she was awake and showering. Yay, door and curtains open! Not that it does much good at this point though, as it's now after 1:00, hottest time of the day. Oh, and the girls in that quad shut their door. -_-
Yes, that was long and whiny. For everyone else's sake now, I will mop up the sweat from the keyboard and try to relate happier things. :3
Ok, the good parts of my week so far... yesterday my Jap 231 final wasn't too bad. I'm pretty darn sure I got an A in that class. And it was air conditioned. ^^ When I got back from that I finally got to watch the first few episode of my Serial Experiments Lain DVDs that I've had for a week but couldn't watch till then. Trippy it be O_O Then later in the afternoon I went to a review session for biology, mainly because it was a free 2 hours (almost) of air conditioned goodness with no notes or exams to take, but it was also cool because it sort of conditioned my Japanese-laden brain with biology in preparation for that final. Didn't really get much else out of it... but just sitting there listening to biology talk for that long kinda refreshed my mind. Yeah. And... last night instead of studying and packing and crap, I listened to Silfy-chan and her sister testing their new computer mic for a couple hours XD Sjrtdfrt babeeehh~~ Aaaand today I got a little bit of packing done. Filled about half of my biggest suitcase. Hey, it's that much less to do on Thursday. :P I'll do some more tomorrow, and maybe tonight... and I plan to do a little Japanese 103 review tonight for that final Thursday. Oh, that's also when Iwami-sensei is gonna give me my T-shirt as a reward for participation and victory in the interpretation shootouts at the language festival last Friday >:D hoohah!
I think that's all the good stuff from the week. Except the unforetold future of course :P Umm, like, I go home in 2 days XDDD *flies around* Also on Thursday before we go home I'm gonna make Dad take me to Seafood Japan, the best Japanese grocery-type store in Columbus (so I hear), for some Pocky and various other goodies X3 Might try to pick up a kanji dictionary too~ umm and then, if Dad has the money, we miiiiight go to MicroCenter to get a network router so both of our computers at home can go online from the same cable modem :D We've needed one of those for a year now... blah. And finally, after I get home I will have access to a computer microphone so maybe next time me and Silfy-chan have a voice chat I'll be able to join in XD
Hmmm, I think my roomie and her sister went out for the evening... not sure though, they may have just gone to pick up dinner... wish I knew for sure so I could get some stuff done in this room that I don't like to do when she's here o_o like listen to my wonderful music nyahaha
...eck, my washcloth needs refrozen. X_X
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/11/2002 07:31:00 PM
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wSunday, June 09, 2002 |
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feeling: hot
listening to: Whose Line's on
*mega-huggles to Dumpling-chan*
moo.. Today on the way back to campus me and my parents had Chinese for dinner. I haven't had that in a long time ^^ mmmmm... egg drop soup is my friend~
Finals week. Ugh augh. -___- Normally I actually kinda like finals week... cause normally I only have one or two finals and they aren't that hard at all, which means I have some free time. But not this week... I have 3 finals, which I don't think has EVER happened before >< cause usually I have English classes or something else with no real final exam, or some classes have theirs before finals week... but this time I have one final tomorrow morning, then two on Thursday - and two out of three will require several hours of studying. *sigh* Japanese (language, not culture) finals are always pretty easy, so it's the no-problem one this time heh. But what sucks is I don't just have evil finals this week... I also have to pack and make this room spotless before I leave Thursday. Cleaning is a beeyatch. Especially when it's 90+ degrees in this room as it will be by then. >O< *whine*
...
I would post a Gaki rant here (actually a Gakidaddy rant), but... neh. I'm too hot, and I don't wanna ruin any shred of positive outlook I have at the moment before I start studying.
Here I go. *opens first notebook*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/09/2002 08:30:00 PM
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wSaturday, June 08, 2002 |
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feeling: ok
listening to: still Joggin' XD
Dumpling took the Xena personality quizzes that I put in here yesterday, and she got Eve and Ares XD *jealous* Ares is cool yo!
What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com /
<º>
Kay that's enough for now XD And thank you Silfy-chan for giving me the link to an Utena quiz that actually has images to paste in here XD I'm Utenaaaa~~ fufufufu
Ooooh I have Serial Experiments Lain now! :D It's supposed to be really good... and reeeeally trippy. o__O I've wanted it for almost a year heehee~ I won't get to watch it till Monday though cause it's on DVD and the only DVD player we have in my computer, which is in my dorm until I come home Thursday... yepyep. I can't wait till Thursday. *throws sharp objects*
Adult Swim on Cartoon Network has now ditched Tenchi >O< GRRRRRR
I am muy bored... nothing to doooo... I kinda feel like drawing but the stuff I feel like drawing is kinda hard to draw XD;; blah I'm lazy as poop
You know, I just realized my blog posts are starting to look a lot like Silfy's Deadjournal posts. XD;; Cause of like, not many punctuation marks, lotsa funky smileys, quiz images, shorter 'paragraphs' (except yesterday harhar)... hmmmm~ I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I just noticed it. XD Silfy is mah heroooo *cackle*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/08/2002 10:11:00 PM
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wFriday, June 07, 2002 |
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feeling: warm and happy and slightly sad ;_;
listening to: Ray Stevens - Joggin'
*updated at 10:40-ish Friday night*
Today the Department of East Asian Languages and Literature (i.e. Japanese, Chinese, and Korean) had a Language Festival that I went to. It was fun. ^^ I got there kinda early and found a seat on the side of the room that was less filled up, and Kashiwagi-sensei, my favorite teacher, came over and sat by me... we chatted in Japanese and stuff... :p Yeah, I need all the practice I can get, and it is her native language, but still... I suck. :3 Anywho, first there were a bunch of little skits done in Japanese by the upper level Japanese students, which were nifty... lol, this one was a gameshow spoof, and the host guy said "You have one minute to answer the question", and riiight after he said that the class bell, on its preset timer, went off. It was great timing. (this fest was in a lecture hall btw.) Me and Sensei laughed and such XD Anywho, so then after the skits there was a mini, English-language Noh play, which was interesting.. then began the Interpretation Shootout, in which 103-level students of Chinese, Korean, and Japanese (that's me! wai~) interpret improvised, simple conversations between two speakers of two different languages. Like, ok... first was Japanese vs. Chinese... so the two main speakers were native speakers of either Japanese or Chinese, so they spoke in their native languages, while Jap 103 students translated the Japanese into English, which the Chinese 103 student then translated to the Chinese native speaker, and the conversation went on like that. Each language had a team of interpreting students, and each student, when it was his/her turn, translated one sentence to English and one to Japanese and then passed the mic to the next teammate. Sooo, anyway... our Jap teachers have been trying for weeks to get people in my 103 class to volunteer to do this, and of course I never did :P... but today when they were about to start, the Japanese team was pathetically small, so Kashiwagi-sensei cajoled me into participating. So I did. I just can't turn her down. She's too adorable. XP So, the thing starts... we finish the Jap/Chinese round, then the Jap/Korean round, then they start the Chinese/Korean round. In the middle of that Kashiwagi-sensei walked out to get a drink, but she didn't come back for a while... also the fest was now into the mostly Chinese/Korean parts, which I don't understand... so I decided to leave too. But just as I was walking out, she was walking in. And of course she convinced me to come back later if I coupd, cause they had yet to announce the winners of the interpretation shootouts, and there was supposed to be a banquet at the end... so yeah. I came here and did some packing and stuff, emailed my parents about going home tonight, then went back around 20 minutes later. There was still some Chinese stuff going on, so I kinda stood by the wall and watched the last couple skits, since I couldn't find a clear path to where Kashiwagi-tachi (meaning her, the other teachers, and some other students from the shootout we'd done) were sitting. Then they did a little farewell thing for Kuwai-sensei, who never taught any of my classes but is vvery well liked and kawaii, cause she's going to Japan for a year. Then, finally, they announced the winners of the interpretation shootouts. The Japanese team won both of the two rounds it was in. Go us! >:D So we all get 8 extra credit points and free T-shirts cause of that XD Aaaand then comes the banquet: none other than pizza and pop. Fine East Asian dining. XD That was the funnest part: me, Angles-sensei, Kashiwagi-sensei, and a couple other students I don't know too well were sitting around talking while we ate... and after we ate... but yeah. First we talked about bettas (like Mitsu-chan), then about Whose Line, then about RPGs and cosplay and stuff... and some other stuff too... but I thought it was amazing that this 4-way conversation turned toward those subjects, which happen to be some of my favorites - and it wasn't even me that brought them up. XD heehee, it was funny hearing them try to explain to Kashiwagi-sensei the differences between cute, sexy, pretty and gorgeous >u< Yeah... anywhooo... so we stood there talking for, um... an hour or something... then helped move some desks back where they were supposed to be, then left together... they all kept walking and talking in the same direction, and dangit, I had to break away at the first crosswalk ;_; oh well~
Yes... a fun occasion. Have I mentioned Kashiwagi-sensei is adorable? >w< ACK... I just realized... she's petite, perky, happy, bubbly, cute, 26 but looks about 17... she would make an uber-kawaii anime character XDDD *new inspiration* No, seriously... during the interpretation shootouts today, she stood off to the side with some other teachers, and whevener we translated something right, she would literally bounce up and down clapping and high-fiving us and stuff~ *giggle* And I may never forget the one time in one class when she was trying to physically act out some little action or something, and she accidentally kicked the wall and like, grabbed her foot and made this kawaii half "ow", half "yah!" noise and then went on as if nothing happened, smiling all the while... or when she demonstrated masculinity by doing the muscle-pumping thing and demonstrated femininity by doing this hilarious little giggly-grinning, half-curtseying, sticking-the-butt-out-to-one-side thing that was... funny as heck XD
Sigh... I'm gonna miss her and Angles-sensei... likely I won't ever be in any of their classes again T_T nooooo *whimper* Oh, another thing that happened today... Kashiwagi-sensei taught Jap this morning (that's how I remembered it kaha) and she was showing my my grade breakdown on my oral final, and the grade looked exactly like this:
18/20?
...question mark and all. o_O;; We had a good confused chuckle over that heheh... um... 18/20 is 90%... hey, better than my midterm ^o^ but I can't help but wonder how the question mark will factor in XD;;;
And now for some of those quiz thingies cause it's been too long >u<
I am
protecting the wildlife has been my sole
mission in my life. i possess a true motherly
gentleness, i love to bath in the forest, and behind
all my toughnesses, i'm actually a shy
and extremely polite girl. take Which Tekken Character Are You test!
Find out which Xena girl you are.
unfortunately... I know what they mean by "animal lover" >o<;; she had a centaur's baby >_>;;;; but that doesn't count and she still kicks butt! >:P
Find out which Xena guy you are.
Yay quizzes~ uhh... I kinda overloaded on the smileys in this post, didn't I? oh well XD
XD XD XD :P :3 >:D >u<
so there!
And now my daddy is here to take me home so I am done ^__^v
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/07/2002 08:26:00 PM
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wThursday, June 06, 2002 |
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feeling: about as good as I've felt all week
listening to: Shania Twain - I Feel Like a Woman
It is SO much cooler today. ^^ *sits back and basks*
...say THAT sentence five times fast. XD Sits back and basks... sits bask and bask... sicks bask and back... sicks backs and bask... *gives up*
As you can see, I am in a pretty darned good mood. Because it's waaay cooler in here than it was yesterday. Hot makes me evil and easy to peeve. But actually, today was downright COLD, especially when it was raining. Had to be a good 20 degree difference from yesterday. I love it.
Ooh, I wonder if Whose Line is on right now like it's supposed to be... *checks* ...nope. What a surprise. Now what am I gonna do for the next 2 hours...
Oh, yesterday I started playing this fishing game that came with my computer XD Bass Masters Classic... it's actually really fun. Faster paced than other fishing games. Yes, I've played others. >u< Blue Marlin and Black Bass for the NES used to be my favorite rentals, heheh... and my uncle has one of those little handheld mini-rod fishing simulation things that's mega fun. Once I hit my head trying to pull back the thing to set the hook XD *genius* Used to love going fishing with my dad too, but then summers got too busy... and then I got too old to bum on his license. And to lazy to buy my own and actually use it. But, I'll always have this game I guess... and I kick butt at it XD as long as the water isn't muddy...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/06/2002 08:15:00 PM
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wWednesday, June 05, 2002 |
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feeling: clammy and bored
listening to: Utena Musical - Oujisama ga Ii
Things that cheesed me off today:
~I had to take a shower in the broiling heat and ridiculous humidity of the non-air-conditioned public dorm bathroom.
~Not only that, but I got stuck with the one shower out of 4 that has like, NO water pressure, so I was 15+ minutes late.
~Hot.
~Humid.
~At lunch, I waited forever in line for a lemonade, and finally I was second in line behind a girl getting Coke, but the Coke in one beverage machine runs out, so I let her get some from the second machine, but before I can get my lemonade from the machine she abandonded, THREE other people pushed their way in, apparently thinking I'd been standing there for 10 minutes just for the pure fun of it. The third of those tried to get Coke from the first machine too, discovered it was out, so I let her take the second machine in my place... but this time I actually pushed my way through to the first machine and got my lemonade.
~Guys who refuse to walk with any less than a foot of distance between them for fear of being thought of as *gasp* gay. This means they take up the whole freaking sidewalk and walk sloo-o-o-ow, because they're talking, so no one can pass them. Actually I hate when anyone does that, but guys are worst cause they don't leave room on either side for people who actually want to work up some forward momentum.
~Hot.
~Humid.
~Ridiculously so.
~We did stuff with bugs in biology lab, and one of the stupid beasts decided to fly away from us and land somewhere on me, but I couldn't see where. I just knew it was there. You can imagine me sitting there praying silently and desperately that the thing hadn't flown down my shirt. Fortunately, it was actually in my hair. Wait, that's not much more fortunate, is it?
~Still hot.
~Still humid too.
~Then it started storming.
~My roommate didn't go to class this evening like she usually does Mondays and Wednesdays, so I didn't get to watch my Utena.
~All day the fact that my Japanese oral final is tomorrow has been looming over my head.
~Headache.
~Hot.
~Humid.
~Dead tired.
~My muse has been in a coma for about 2 months.
~I still can't get the image of Gaki's evil smile out of my head. >_< *wants to wring her worthless neck*
~I'm out of Ben & Jerry's.
~I'm stuck here until next Thursday night. Not counting the weekend, but like that makes much difference.
~And finally, I am bored as crap.
Bored... ridiculously bored... impossibly bored... mind-numbingly bored... murderously bored... bunnies...
...
I lurve yoo Dumpling :D
*walks into some random vortex that appears out of nowhere, hoping to God that on the other side I'll find something to do*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/05/2002 09:27:00 PM
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wTuesday, June 04, 2002 |
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feeling: really freaking hot, and short of breath from the mugginess
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Rain
Big Utena Spoilers beyond this point! it's been a while...
Anthy's glasses are hiding something. From her, or from those around her... that is what I haven't decided about yet.
Yeah, remember in the blog after my Black Rose deciphering blog, when I said I'd just watched the last two Utena eps again and noticed a couple more things, but didn't feel like making a spoiler blog? I don't feel like it now either, but I'm gonna try anyway, before it slides out of my roasting brain. Actually, one of those new things I've already forgotten... >_< *kicks self* But the other I remember. Just as the final duel was about to begin, while Akio was just starting his attempts to break Utena's confidence once and for all, Rose Bride Anthy stood behind him, and the glare on her glasses hid her eyes. This happens many times throughout the series, and I was never really able to figure out why. But this new occurrence of it puts me a liiiittle closer to an answer. Ok... Akio was blabbering on, when Anthy, glasses glaring, all of a sudden collapsed to the ground - and the glare did not go away even as her head swayed and dropped. Normal glares don't do that; they move when the light moves, or when the thing they're glaring off of moves. So how could this glare remain in place while Anthy was moving? Come to think of it, in some of the previous instances of Anthy's glasses glowing, she was in dark locations with minimal light to glare...
Well, anyway, to fill out the scene... Anthy collapses. Utena watches and expresses concern, but Akio tells her not to worry - Anthy is "right over there". He points toward some stairway of some sort, leading into the castle or something, I think... and there's Anthy, lying seemingly unconscious on the steps, wearing a little red dress that is not her Rose Bride dress, and with her hair down and cascading around her. And not wearing her glasses. Now, this sudden "teleportation" brings up many questions of its own (that's not the only time it happens, either)... but I'm not gonna go into them here, because my poor mind is too fried to theorize on the tough stuff right now. I'm sticking with the glasses.
So, this new glare that moves along with Anthy as she falls to the ground indicates to me that the glasses are definitely hiding something - at least when they're in "glare mode". I haven't decided, though, whether they're hiding something from her or from the people around her. Because when the glare is there, no indication is given that she can't still see through it, but also none is given that she can. It usually comes up when she's standing perfectly still, and usually there's no one else around to see it (that or she's behind everyone)... except in that last episode, where she was directly facing Utena. I don't know if Utena noticed the glare, since she was busy being undermined by Akio, but she could have seen it. I don't think anyone saw it any other time it appeared.
Anyway... but yeah. The problem is, right now I can't remember all of the scenes in which the glare appeared. I remember a few, but I can't really pinpoint a common link between them that would give some clue as to the glare's purpose. All I do know is that it's creepy looking. *_* Which I guess is a clue in itself... in this show, anything that looks creepy... generally is creepy. Of course, pretty much everything is creepy in this show, even the innocent looking stuff... but point being, if it stands out as being creepy, it was definitely intended to be taken that way. I think so, at least.
Actually, there might be one link between those glare scenes... I think that it only shows up in situations where Anthy becomes angry or otherwise witchy. Her witchiness isn't always 100% obvious, remember. Once the glare appeared as she slowly waved and whispered a creepy "bye-bye..." to Akio as he drove away with Utena for a date. Normally her speech is very sweet sounding, in the respectful sense. But in that scene it's just... not. o_o I can't tell if it's anger (that Akio took Utena away from her), or sad/lonely (same reason), or like, discreetly malicious. But it's not sweet sounding. Another situation in which her voice carries that same tone, the "witchy" tone: when she's alone in the planetarium talking to Akio on the phone. The glare is there, too. There are other scenes with the witchy voice, but I can't recall which ones at the moment... but about the glare in that "bye-bye..." scene - she was standing in the exact same location and position before Akio drove off, and before Utena even got into the car... but the glare wasn't there until after they took off. The light didn't change, her position didn't change... but the glare appeared.
But yeah, most of the situations in which the glare appears are situations in which I would expect to see the "witch look" on Anthy's face. The witch look is this reeeally creepy look she gets where her eyes go all narrow and flat, and she just looks... *shiver* But there are places where we see the witch look without the glare. Like the later ep where Utena and Anthy are in the greenhouse having a pretty serious chat, then Akio just pops in and invites Utena on a horseback ride. Anthy approves with a smile and all, but after they leave her alone in the greenhouse, her smile sloooowly fades and her eyes sloooowly narrow and she dons the "witch look". No glare. All the other instances of the "witch look" occur when she's not wearing her glasses. I'm not sure what's different about that one... maybe they threw it in to show that she really does have thoughts other than "yes, master"? To show what really goes on behind that glare? See, I like that theory. But why would the glare decide not to show up there? What's different about that scene, besides it being a good chance to show viewers what happens behind the glare? Maybe I'm reading too far into that... :P
But as I said, I thiiiink there are scenes where the glare appears where you wouldn't think she'd be doing the "witch look". Can't remember any at the moment, but I seem to remember them being there.
Anyway, so that's my new theory: the glare exists to hide the witch look. Which keeps Anthy's true identity secret. But that still doesn't help me much in figuring out what the glasses are for. >_< Or maybe I'm just too hot and wiped to ponder on that right now...
Speaking of that, I'm gonna cut this short now. Have I mentioned it's really freaking hot? The keyboard is getting all sweaty under my hands.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/04/2002 10:43:00 PM
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wMonday, June 03, 2002 |
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feeling: restless
listening to: Ahmet & Dweezil Zappa - Hit Me Baby One More Time
Here's your useless facts for the month of June, courtesy of my calendar with an elephant as the pic o' the month...
~It's illegal to hunt camels in Arizona.
~Eleanor Roosevelt ate 3 chocolate-covered garlic balls every day of her adult life because her doctor recommended that it would improve memory. (I think I'd rather forget... ewww)
~President John Adams regularly referred to George Washington as an "old muttonhead".
~It takes 8 seconds to make a baseball bat in a factory.
~There is a city called Rome on every continent in the world. (cool~ :D)
~In 1976, a L.A. secretary formally married her 50-pound pet rock. (if that isn't the stupidest thing I've heard yet...)
~It takes about 150 days for your fingernails to grow from your cuticles to your fingertips. (I still say it's less than that)
~Fortune cookies were actually invented in America in 1918 by Dr. Charles Jung. (at least the guy was of Asian descent...)
~All polar bears are left-handed. (I heard once that most non-human mammals are... hmm)
~Bats always turn left when exiting a cave. (o_O)
~Apples are more efficient than caffeine at keeping people awake in the morning. (dude!! *remembers that*)
~The most used letter in the English alphabet is E, and Q is the least used.
~Mexico City was the highest-altitude city to host the Summer Olympics. (elsewhere on the page: Mexico City sinks about 10 inches every year. They fit together well, ne?)
~A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
~The Statue of Liberty's middle finger is 8 feet long, and has a fingernail measuring 13x10 inches.
There. Woowoo.
I am so bored... I hate when I feel like drawing but have no inspiration. >_< Actually I kinda do... but... well. I've been trying to think of uniform components for my Utena Duelist version of Bekki-chan, my favorite (and most me-resembling) alter-ego. She be the Golden Rose duelist. ^u^ Well, see, every duelist in Utena has a similarly cut uniform with varying details - the biggest difference is color, which is based on their rose color, which is based on their hair color. I'm the Golden Rose because Poop Brown Rose (a la my hair) didn't sound right, so I lightened Bekki's hair for her own sake. :P Ok, for my own personal uses (and for everyone else's boredom XD), I am now going to describe each duelist's uniform so I can figure out the differences... this will be long and impossible to understand, so unless you're reeeally into Utena, you'll probably want to skip it :P
Touga - Red Rose
Jacket: white, red piping, gold triangles on collar; long, skirted, slits on back and sides; 3 pockets - 2 red-lined on hips, 1 2-layered (red bottom, 3-sectioned gold top) on chest, left; flat, gold, rectangular (diagonal end corners) epaulets with 2 < lines pointing outward and a circle nearest the collar; 2 red citation cords - both tucked into jacket zipper, one attached to end of right epaulet (front corner), other goes under arm and attaches at other corner of end of epaulet; different patterned sleeves - one red-edged with a big triangle rising on the outside, other with red and gold cuff, red-edged, 2 red triangles rising on the outside, the highest one (to elbow) with a gold inside edge/lining. (grrrr@sleeves)
Pants: white, pleated
Shoes: plain and black
Sword: long, katana-ish, curved; small, plain black hilt
Saionji - Green Rose
Jacket: white, red piping, gold triangles on collar; long, skirted, slits on back and sides; 3 pockets, in standard locations, all plain red; flat, gold, rectangular epaulets with 3 < lines pointing inward (diagonal end corners); green citation cord, tucked into jacket zipper, end attaches to end of right epaulet; sleeves have equal cuffs, red-edged with 2 gold buttons on outside, but left sleeve has a big gold-edged green triangle rising on the outside (to elbow).
Pants: green, pleated
Shoes: like Touga's
Sword: like Touga's
Miki - Blue Rose
Jacket: white, red piping, gold triangles on collar; waist-length, short slit in back, angles up to a point on sides; single left breast pocket, 3 sections, red ends and gold middle; gold-edged red epaulets are cloth, pointed ends, creased down center, attach at front and back of shoulder with round gold buttons; blue citation cord, tucked into jacket zipper, end tucked into breast pocket, with gold-tipped end (conical, sphere at base) hanging out; sleeves have equal cuffs, red-edged with 2 gold buttons on outside, but right sleeve has a big gold-edged blue triangle rising on the outside (to elbow).
Pants: blue, pleated; belt?
Shoes: like Touga's and Saionji's
Sword: fencing sword - skinny blade; held behind silver demisphere on silver hilt with a long weird skinny pinhead-tipped thing sticking out on each side, and a silver handle/arc-thingguards knuckles
Juri - Orange Rose
Jacket: white, red piping, gold triangles on collar; waist-length, short slit in back, angles up to a point on sides; single pocket on left breast, 2-layered like Touga's but both parts red; round, thick epaulets have segment-y outer edges and a raised circle in the center, attached to a solid, flat gold rectangle thing that reaches to the collar; orange citation cord begins at right epaulet, end tucks into jacket zipper, with gold-tipped end (conical, sphere at base) hanging out; sleeves have equal cuffs, wider on outside, with 2 gold buttons on outside, only the actual edge is red (not at the wrist where it folds back), and left sleeve has a big gold-edged orange triangle rising on the outside (to elbow).
Pants: orange, pleated; brown belt?
Shoes: black with about an inch of heel
Sword: slightly curved? black hilt with gold round tip at bottom and gold side extensions that point upward and widen at ends, with nifty engraved patterns (like S laying on right side, and triangles in corners); little gold arcs attach where blade and hilt connect and other ends attach to blade edges
Nanami - Yellow Rose
Jacket: dark yellow, black piping, white triangles on collar; waist-length, short slit in back, angles up to a point on sides; single pocket on left breast, black with short, white ends; epaulets are shaped like Touga's but solid black (no engraving, except edges?), with purplish fringe around edge; dark blue (black?) citation cord begins at right epaulet, end tucks into jacket zipper, with gold-tipped (conical, sphere at base) hanging out; sleeves are equal - gold edge at wrist, big white-edged black triangles rising on the outside (to elbow), with 4 gold buttons on outside.
Pants: dark yellow biker shorts, opaque black tights
Shoes: white, yellow high-heel and pointed toe, black bow
Sword: very curved; gold hilt - one pointing-out side curls upward at tip, other side curls downward, and hilt tip curls to the side of the down-curling one; nifty wrap-around vine-ish stuff engraved on hilt; little black triangle where hilt and blade join. Also has a dagger - also curvy, pointing-out sides of hilt are short and straight, handle is twisty, end curls tightle in a snail-ish pattern with a hexagonal thingy in the center.
I think that's enough. :3 I know Utena's uniform layout pretty much down to the detail, Akio's is too complicated to even try, and... actually I should do the Black Rose ones too, but that would double the length of this already ridiculous blog, so... maybe I'll just roughly memorize those. But anywho, so you see the point. They all have a different color rose (Utena's is white, even though her hair is pink... I guess white is more princely?) which is equal to their hair color. Hence Bekki-chan, the Golden Rose. I'm so cool. *moonwalks*
Ok, I have homework to do. Kanji writing practice. Joooooyy.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/03/2002 10:29:00 PM
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wSunday, June 02, 2002 |
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feeling: so... tired...
listening to: nothing... so... tired...
I got me a "new" (so to speak) Nintendo for under $6 on Friday. Yes, a Nintendo. NES. The original. From like, the mid-80's. Kickin' it old school and such. I had one that I got back in first grade for I think $160, but it went kerplop years ago and has been sitting in my room in who knows how many pieces collecting dust... and finally I got me one that's all in one piece. And it works like a dream, baby. :D Played Kirby's Dreamland and Super Mario Bros. 3 for quite a few hours over the weekend... I'd forgotten how much fun they are >D
Have I mentioned I am really freaking tired? I hate Sundays. No matter how much sleep I get Saturday nights, I'm STILL dead tired throughout Sundays. And do I ever get to nap Sunday afternoons? Only in return for the headache from Hell. I hate my body. My body hates me. We have an understanding: I remain utterly lazy and gorge on whatever I bloody well please, and in return it gives me headaches, stomachaches, a couple extra layers of blubber, ridiculous sleep habits that can not be helped no matter what I do short of drugging myself, and some other unpleasantries I won't go into detail about. It's a mutual... thing. We'll just see which one of us dies first, won't we?
Ponder THAT one. :P Hint: no, I do not suffer from multiple personality disorder. And I have no long lost twin. I don't think...
I keep biting the inside of my jaw with my back teeth. It's extremely painful. >_< I did it once I think yesterday, then again today about 5 times... each time the sore resulting from the first chomp gets larger, thus making it easier for my molars to find and clamp down on again and again and again. Murphy can take his law and cram it.
It's midnight and I still haven't unpacked since returning to the dorm. Maybe I should go start that before I fall asleep facedown in my keyboard.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 6/02/2002 11:56:00 PM
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