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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wFriday, December 31, 2004 |
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feeling: optomistic
listening to: Animal Planet
Wow, my blog has passed its third year anniversary. Time flies. And I don't usually do this because everyone else does and they get very tedious to read after a while, but... so much has happened this year, and to me it's worth recounting. On January 1, 2004, I was alone but for two friends, and any happiness I'd ever known before was long gone, leaving a body of emptiness with a shell covered in bruises and scars. And now, as of December 31, 2004, the scars and bruises are no more than fading memories, and the emptiness is replaced by happiness and peace more fulfilling than anything I'd ever experienced before.
2003 did not end well for me, so 2004 didn't start out very promising. In fact, I rang in the new year with one of the three true friends left in my life angry at me because I refused to put myself in a situation where I didn't fit in and would be useless and alone all night while everyone else had a great time.
Then on January 24, at Ohayocon 4, the directionless, empty mess that was my life stopped in its tracks and turned to face in a new direction. That was the day I found an indies J-rock band from Osaka, one whose musical aim was to express extremes of emotion, including anger, passion, and pain. And with lyrics like "My stumbling footsteps/Are buried in black darkness/I will not escape from this place", "I had embraced the pain rusting the wound carved into my heart/I'm falling off the edge of despair into my resting place", and of course "You play with me as if I were crippled/am I your toy?/...but that's all right... but that's all right, I cry out", that band called BLOOD found a new, eternally devoted fan.
I spent the next few months listening to BLOOD and discovering several other amazing J-rock artists at any spare moments I could get during the hectic era that was my senior year at Ohio State. I studied and worked and researched and stressed and planned and repeated it all hundreds of times, all the while fighting off an ulcer and posting messages to BLOOD and their fans on the band's BBS in some of my spare moments. Then, on April 26, my life, already facing poised in its new direction, took its first hesitant steps forward. I awoke that morning to an email from Kiwamu of BLOOD, asking me if I would help him by translating the weekly section of the band's site when his regular translator was unable. I was thrilled to grant the favor, and was given the chance to do it a few more times over the following couple of months. I was on a regular emailing basis with the leader of my favorite band, and I was actually helping him spread the band's international influence.
Now we're up to May. And in the interval between January and May, my life experienced a few more trying turns as two of the dearest people my heart had ever known attempted to take their own lives. For some time I was struck by the helplessness and despair of being apart from them and unable to help them through their trials. Fortunately, one of those people came through the ordeal safely and willing to let me aid in her broken soul's recovery. For the other I had to accept that there was nothing I could do, no helpful role I could play.
When the last weekend in May came around, I still carried plenty of concern for that friend, but having accepted my own helplessness and being fairly wrapped up in my new occasional role as a J-rock translator, I met two other BLOOD fans in an airport in Dayton, and I was off to California for the first time to attend Fanime and see BLOOD and two other very worthy J-rock bands in concert. The best few days of my life came and went, in which I met and became good friends with a handful of other BLOOD fans, and grew even more devoted to and familiar with those boys from Osaka that had already done so much to change my life. After Fanime, nothing would be the same again. I had made new, true friends, a feat I hadn't been able to accomplish in several years, and my role in the world of BLOOD grew and grew as I submitted more and more translations and increased my collections of merchandise, exchanged emails with Kiwamu, and memories to last a lifetime.
After Fanime my focus returned to college, and despite the protests of a briefly dormant ulcer, I survived my final, most difficult quarter at OSU and graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor's in Japanese on June 13. I went home, not ready to find a job yet as I didn't really have much idea of what I wanted to do... but not much relaxing was done for a while, as my duties to BLOOD increased and I joined forces with yet another fan and new friend in an effort to save the band's professional reputation after some difficulties at recent overseas appearances. It's hard to say how successful we were... but by the time the ordeal was over, I and the friend I worked with had formed an unbreakable bond, one that hasn't stopped growing since the day we first talked. Also, Kiwamu's trust in me seemed to strengthen throughout those weeks, and I found myself sending him more and more translations.
Early June also brought my brother and his then 2 year old son to stay with my parents and me while they awaited my brother's second divorce. Well, the nephew was only here a few days a week, sometimes 4 or 5 days at a time... not all the time... but my nephew's unexplained adoration of me did not fade this year, so those were busy times until my brother was finally able to move out again. Early July brought more fun as I met Calla, the friend I'd spent the past month working on BLOOD matters with, in person for the first time... and more trials as that stupid ulcer came roaring back. But as the matters of BLOOD business and my brother's divorce settled down, I finally found time to enjoy memories of Fanime and indulge myself in the fun side of the fandom - while still doing more and more regular translations. In fact, in mid-July, Kiwamu asked me to start sending him the weekly site translations every week just in case, as his regular translator was growing less and less... regular. And shortly thereafter, the original translator was all but gone, and the job, so to speak, was mine. I was translating not only the weekly members' corners, but also newsletters, press releases, text for other sections of the site, story-type texts that were printed on flyers and other releases to accompany the band's new concept, even lyrics to print in as-of-then-unmade CDs, and other random things - all at Kiwamu's request. I was an official BLOOD Agent, or in other words, a member of my favorite band's international staff. Kiwamu even dubbed me his "English teacher." For the first time in possibly my whole life, I had a direction, and a purpose. Or at least something that made me useful... that I could both enjoy and use to keep my college degree from going to waste... and to be of help to this band that had spent the past 7 months changing my life.
September and October brought more new positive experiences, not the least of which being pride, as I helped my dear friend and cousin create and lead her high school's anime club. I watched her find new friends and a leadership role in a school activity she could actually enjoy and relate to... enjoyment she truly deserves during her final year in high school. We also found some new random around-town activities to amuse ourselves with on occasion... >.> <.<
Somewhere around that time, I also realized that the pain I had carried for so long up to the beginning of 2004 had disappeared. All of it. It had primarily stemmed from two separate but equally cruel chapters in my past, both of which saw me find happiness and companionship like nothing I'd ever known before, only to lose it and have it replaced by heartbreak like nothing I'd ever known before. But by late 2004, I realized that those chapters were behind me for good. There was no reason to hold on to the memories any longer, even the good ones, because everything that they had taken from me was given back and then some. In their place was not only a new friend and... ahem, accomplice :P... but a soulmate. A bond for life that has healed so many wounds in my soul and given me reason to believe I matter. Not to mention a circle of other new friends and people who depend on me, amounting to a total number that's probably higher than it ever was at any one given time in my life before.
On January 1, I was alone in my own darkness, scarred, empty, and of no real use to anyone. By now, December 31, I am loved, needed, trusted, surrounded by people I can trust, and fulfilling purposes and achieving dreams that I never even knew I had. Also, I now own a digital camera and a mobile phone, two things almost everyone else in this world seemed to have that I never thought I would. :P
So to those who stood by me no matter what, even through my less than stellar entrance into 2004, the Dumplin' and the Adion - and to those who came to my side and gave me friendship, support, and purpose throughout the past year, including but probably not limited to Kiwamu, Kaede, Takeshi, Taichi, Fu-ki, Suzanne, Kristin, the other Kristin (might not have gone to Fanime if not for her), Connie, she who is dubbed Kisaki, and of course Calla - my most sincere gratitude to all of you for making this year the most memorable and fulfilling one I've ever known. I can only hope the differences I make in your lives can come close to matching the ones you've made in mine. Not that any more than three of you will ever read this, but hey... :P;;
That's another thing I can blame all of you for. Just LOOK at this 1800-word pile of corn mush. XD
So, the very best to all of you in the coming year. You guys looking forward to it as much as I am?
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/31/2004 02:20:00 AM
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wWednesday, December 22, 2004 |
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feeling: hungry... mmm, coconut thingy from grandma...
listening to: Unwrapped on Food Network o.o
Ah, the seasonal rush. Well, mostly seasonal. Finest two weeks of the year, every year. >.> Pre-blog warning: the following is an account of my activities over the past week or so, and will probably end up long and quite boring. But I sorta have a tradition of running to this blog with updates on those rare days when I actually get out and do stuff... and since this is the first day I've had ample time to recount said activities, AND was in the mood to do it, they've sort of backed up. Hence the length.
Fun began last Thursday with the church dinner, which my brother showed up for with his son. Most of the evening consisted of me carrying him around (nephew, not my brother >>), along with letting him sit in my lap for the meal and generally being a good little windup doll. Much to the amusement of most everyone else in attendance, who see my nephew's adoration toward me as just the cutest thing... and much to the agony of my upper arms, which ached for days afterward. That kid is a workout and a half, I'll give him that. *rubs biceps*
Friday I tasted short-lived freedom, with a clear schedule, and Saturday was rehearsal day for the church program, meaning brass ensemble and choir thingy for me. Went ok, I guess. I had planned to go with my mom to my cousin's post-baby shower after that, but my practice ran late so she left without me. But I later found out that the new baby hadn't even been there anyway, and she WAS at my mom's family's Christmas party thing, which was that evening... so oh well. Took the nephew to the party again, and as usual he wouldn't let me put him down for the first fifteen or twenty minutes. Then I had to play trucks with him until his daddy arrived. Otherwise, decent evening, though kinda boring later when my parents upheld the yearly ritual of making our family the last to go home.
Sunday was... ok, actually. Brass ensemble had its first performance during the morning service and it went better than I expected. I don't know why exactly I always perform twice as well during the actual event as I do in every practice before it. *shrug* But heh, I was right in being thankful to have Jess there playing first trumpet along with me. There's one song that starts on a high F, which I had no trouble with in high school, but... after years of inactivity my jaws lost the ability to achieve that note when it's the very first one in a song. So I told her before we started the song, "you better hit this first F." And gumitall, she did. And gumitallsomemore, I didn't. :P Even better, there are several other high Fs in the song after that, and I got them all, but she missed them all. Exact same thing happened at the full program in the evening. It was great.
Anyway, about halfway through the morning service I stepped into a back room as I usually do (hey, there were Oreos and soft batch Chips Ahoy in the kitchen... I'm only human T_T) and on the way back out, ran into Jess. So somehow we ended up spending the rest of the morning hanging around talking, about our present lives and our favorite memories of a sweeter time and updates on some of the stuff that had happened in between, etc. I miss her, dangit. We had great times and we still have some good talks every now and then. Anyway, other activities of the morning involved praying that the suddenly driving snowfall would continue throughout the day so the evening program would have to be cancelled. Alas, no such luck - snow stopped falling before we even left church that morning. >_>
I feel I should add that I got my hair cut exactly one week ago, and I SWEAR it feels like it's grown half an inch already. x_x End tangent...
Anyway, then I went home for my afternoon nap, and then program time came around. Once again, brass ensemble went surprisingly well... very amused by Jess' and my highly efficient co-handling of those stupid Fs, again. :P Kids' program was pretty amusing to watch, especially since their director is in the habit of recycling old programs from years ago, back when I was still being forced to play parts in them. We all find it very amusing every year to point to a little kid on the stage playing a part that we played ourselves years ago. I was the co-host, Justin was the host, Nate was that one wise man, Willard was Herald, Jess was still young enough to be in the chorus with the other rugrats in angel robes and garland halos, etc etc. I couldn't remember what role I'd had in this year's though, so I assume it was one from, like, a year or two after my last year as a kiddie actress. Geez, I'm getting old. =.=
Then Monday I returned to the church to go caroling, something I used to do every year but hadn't done in probably 10 years now, for various reasons. Weather cancellations, conflicting plans, refusal to put up with certain demon spawn cousins who felt the need to go, unwillingness to see certain faces there having fun together as always while I wandered around alone and unnoticed, etc. I wanted to go last year, but didn't in the end because my emotions were still kinda rubbed raw from certain situations then... plus that cousin felt the need to go. Ugh. But I took a chance this year because I regretted missing it last year, plus I wanted to see Jess again. >.> Thankfully, demon spawn cousin was not there. But neither was Jess. 9_9 So we made her house one of the stops on our caroling route, and Willard and I attempted to drag her into our little party, but she refused, claiming it was too cold. Bah! This coming from the girl who joined me in complaining when caroling was cancelled due to weather in past years... >.> ahem... anyway, was still a pretty fun evening. Got free hot chocolate out of it. *heart*
Then yesterday we took a break from the holiday rush... but the rest of the world didn't. x_x Of course my parents' anniversary just HAD to be on one of the busiest shopping days of the year, which meant taking mom out to dinner and doing some random no-special-occasion shopping (mostly window shopping heh) became an all-day affair just because of insane traffic and mobbing crowds. So we went to Lancaster and poked around in various places, where the only actual purchases made were a tiara and fabric to make a shirt, both for my Ohayocon Kaede costume. Other points of interest were dad stopping at every cellular phone kiosk in the mall comparing competing family plans, and spending probably two hours in an antique mall that had loooootts of Snoopy/Peanuts stuff. *is Snoopy's fangirl* But again, didn't buy anything. Finally we went to Olive Garden, which doesn't exist in our hometown, so I had never eaten there before. Good stuff. Finally, on the way home, we stopped at Kmart to browse color cards and pick out potential colors to paint a few rooms in the house, including mine.
Finally, today we visited my great great aunt, which every year leaves me wondering just how many more Christmases she'll be with us. Since it's pretty much the only time of the year we see her, and such. For most of my life she and Uncle Ray were the two most elderly and essentially homebound members of our family, both of whom we've always dedicated a day in the week before Christmas to visiting and sharing plates of cookies with... and Ray died this past year, so now there's only Nellie. I do love the woman, but her house smells disgusting. It probably hasn't been cleaned in decades, and she's our resident cat lady in the family. x_x Not crazy, but still the cat lady. So yeah... floors buried in 2 inches of fur and dust and the odors of the ages hanging in the air... *shudder*
After that I finally made it to the post office to pick up a money order that should make certain short tempered Asian boy pretty happy. >.> Was pretty amusing when the first guy I talked to said he didn't have any international MOs, so he had to send me to another teller, and when this guy asked me what country I was shipping to and I told him Japan, he said "Not gonna happen." Yeeeeah, never mind that I just bought an MO from there, like, 2 months ago and the items it bought me are happily strewn around my room as I speak. >.> So yeah... set him straight, got my order, and accompanied the parents to Lowe's, where I got some more color cards in preparation for the painting of my room. I got sick of the nasty grey-lavender color on my walls long ago, not to mention the cracks and holes and greasy spots all over them. Gonna be nice to finally get some real blinds after the painting is done, too. I kid not when I say my current curtains are made from an old bedsheet cut in half. >_>
And that's pretty much it, so far. Tomorrow morning I have a dentist appointment, and the following day is Christmas Eve, which means I get to see my Dumplin' and eat lots of spiffy food. <3 And of course the day after that we go to see my brother and nephew to give them their goodies. Then the rush pretty much ends for another year, and I get to scramble around trying to finish assembling my four Ohayocon costumes. >__x;
In other news... it's really cold. And our central air doesn't seem to like climbing the stairs to my room any more than I do, so nights have been rather chilly up here lately. *curls up in blankey and rubs hands together* I understand it's also snowing like crazy in pretty much every Ohioan location that exists to our north, but all we've had here today is cold and dreariness and rain. *le sigh* Dangit, I want my snow too.
I am done now, so until next time, I suppose. Loves. <3
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/22/2004 06:10:00 PM
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wThursday, December 16, 2004 |
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feeling: ...
listening to: Elton John - Candle in the Wind is stuck in my head >_x
Hm. Bored today. Won't last much longer, because the nephew's coming shortly and then we're taking him to our church Christmas dinner. But I got up too early and have long since exhausted myself of the activities I normally fill my time with before the 3:00 pm hour.
Kinda started a new translation venture over at my blog reserved for that sort of thing, but in the time I've spent trying to make sense of it, I have realized just why it's the one Moriyama Naotarou song I know and like that hasn't been translated by anyone else already. Because it's EVIL. I'm two verses in, not even really satisfied with those, and completely lost on what comes next.
I should enjoy the downtime while I have it, as this weekend promises to be rather insane. Saturday I have to get up early to be at church by noon for choir and brass ensemble practice, then we might find time to go to my cousin's post-baby shower to meet her new daughter, then off to Ashville for mom's family's Christmas party. Then Sunday morning the brass ensemble is scheduled to play at church *is not ready =_=*, with a repeat performance in the evening during the Christmas program where the choir is also performing. It's a darn good thing Jess is playing the first trumpet part with me. Gonna need her backup when I miss those notes I haven't landed right yet in practice. Of course, if I were actually practicing at home on my own every now and then it'd be a different story, but who actually does that? >.>
La la... boring afternoon... think I'll do some online shopping...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/16/2004 03:10:00 PM
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wMonday, December 13, 2004 |
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feeling: eww
listening to: Miyavi - Onpu no Tegami (Music Note Letter) is stuck in my head
Ignore this. I just want to whine about how goopy I feel.
First off, I'm tired. Been tired all day, and missed my afternoon nap in favor of putting together a bunch of pictures of my planned Ohayocon costumes to show my parents so they can see I'm not going to spend like, hundreds of dollars on each of four costumes. Actually, I did get maybe half an hour of snooze in... and from the moment I woke up from that, I felt... almost sick. But not really. Stomach was all woozy and glorpy and weird... not nauseous, not pain, not cramps... just weird. Nasty taste in the back of my throat too. No idea what any of that is about. Maybe the leftover steak and noodle stuff I had for lunch was a day or two older than I realized. But I put a bunch of junk food on top of it during the dinner hour, and if it didn't get any worse from that, it's probably not going to. So I'm probably fine.
It's still annoying though. And I'm still tired. Have been tired for hours... but not sleepy tired. If I'd tried to go to sleep at any point since, like, 10 pm, I would've ended up lying wide awake with aching eyes and pounding head until the usual 4 or 5 in the morning. Speaking of 10 pm, Hey Hey Hey wasn't on tonight. Again. They need to not make a habit out of that.
Anyway. I'm tired. And cold. And blobby. And feeling all worthless cause I'm not really aware of who and what is around me, and my brain can't keep up with anything, and etc. That always happens when I'm sleep deprived, but not this bad, to my recollection.
Sorry for being all useless. Give me a couple days to wake up and I should be fine.
There. I ranted. Now don't I feel slightly better?
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/13/2004 04:05:00 AM
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wMonday, December 06, 2004 |
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feeling: tired...
listening to: Malize Mizer - Kioku to Sora (Memory and Sky)
Just as a warning, I typed up this blog earlier tonight, but then a few dozen BSODs suddenly swarmed upon me, so it was lost. Hence any punctuated or blunt-ended feelings this post may portray. That and I'm really, really tired. >.>
Anyway... thought I'd kinda follow up my last post. I didn't mean to worry anyone with all that... so sorry if I did. :\ I had just kinda been noticing more things about my dreams lately for some reason, and thinking more about the stuff that happens in them. That was just a bit of a venting session I'd been wanting to type up for some days, more for my own purposes than anything... to kinda organize my thoughts and figure out what exactly it was that I kept noticing, not because I wanted to be all down again or anything. Actually I was more amused than anything as I typed it up. So, no worries. The nasty histories I mentioned there are just that - history. Very much out of sight and out of mind.
And to address the other issue that I inadvertently brought up... yeeeeah, I have been used by a few people in my life... but I don't really think it's had that much of a negative effect on me. I've always been the type who would do anything I could to be of help, no matter who it's for, as long as my actions wouldn't be hurting the recipient, myself, or anyone else. I guess that did and still does make me easy to take advantage of... but it's just how I am, and when people do end up using me, I don't think much of it, as long as I was able to be of some benefit to their lives. Call me a martyr... though I kinda prefer loyal to the point of puppydog devotion, but I wouldn't argue. >.>
So if being repeatedly taken advantage of isn't what made me the recluse I am today, then what did it?
... I've talked about that so many times in this blog, the stories have lost all meaning to me. :P But I know digging through 3 years' worth of posts to find those stories isn't an appetizing thought... so hmm... why, in a nutshell, do I keep to myself...
Well, it started in junior high when one of my best friends told me I was too bossy. So in response I shut myself up completely, only speaking when spoken to - most common response was "whatever" - and mutely going along with whatever my friends wanted to do. It was just supposed to be a temporary bratty reaction out of pure spite, but it ended up working too well - my friends got a kick out of my submissiveness. So it sort of stuck.
After that little personality switch, it was just several years of being remorselessly left out in the cold by people I loved more than anything. You kinda start to lose a lot of trust in humans after so many repetitions of that routine. And after so many years of shutting myself away in a cave as far away as possible from human influence, I just pretty much forgot how to deal with people and social situations. And that, in a large and gaping nutshell, is why I seem cold and quiet and reclusive to those who don't know me very well (and in many cases, to those who do as well).
But all of that is water under the bridge. The only thing I'm suffering from now is the continued absence of social skills because I spent years burying the fledgling ones I had... and I only call that suffering because I feel bad for giving off a cold, uncaring impression when I meet and talk to new people.
But don't worry about me, k? As I've said a few times between this blog and my LJ, I'm happier with my life now than I think I've ever been. I've found myself hardly even thinking about the past anymore, any aspect of it... because the happiness and peace I have now not only drowns out the rough spots in my past, it also dwarfs the good spots. It's that much greater.
Granted, I still get into my little unexplained depressed funks now and then, but who doesn't? Nothing that won't pass with time.
And I think that's all I'd set out to say before the computer ate my first version of this... so there we go.
To wind up on a completely random note, I seem to be in a mild Malice Mizer kick these days. I decided that Tetsu's voice reminds me ever so slightly of a cross between Fu-ki and Takeshi, but constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. >.> And one of their Klaha-era songs, Seinaru Toki Eien no Inori, somehow reminds me of Phantom of the Opera. O.o
And that's all. Long past my bedtime.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/06/2004 03:47:00 AM
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wFriday, December 03, 2004 |
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feeling: slightly headachy
listening to: Malice Mizer - Baroque
So Kiwamu's fanart is done, only a week and a half late. *rubs wrist* But like I told him in the email, he doesn't have a birthday anyway, so blah. :P And unexpectedly, he actually commented on it - said "Nice drawing" and asked what software I use. *amused* So anyway, since the uploaded version on his site did suffer a little from resizing and compression, here's the full version. Could've done better, but I wasn't going for painstaking detail like Kaede's. One of those a year is enough. x_x
So finally, that's it for this year's birthdays. I was hoping to send a little something to each of them for Christmas too (something purchased, not fanart), but I probably won't have time to bring the ideas I had to life, and even if I did, they'll be in Europe for at least a full week before/during the holiday anyway... so whatever. There is one thing that I really want to get for Kaede at some point, but it costs way too much... *sigh*
Anyway, to less redundant things. Have once again taken great interest in my dream world recently. And not just because of the BLOOD dream from the other night that Calla and Dumplin' know about. *smirk* But I realized the other day that I was able to understand the personalities of people I've known for years, through dreams about them. Like, better than I understand them in real life. Creeeeepy.
The one that surprised me most was a girl I called my best friend by default during my last couple years in high school... 'by default' just means I didn't really have any other friends at that time, and since she and I hung out during lunch every day, she got the title... even though she annoyed me greatly. >_> It's been at least 3 years since I last spoke with her, and yet for some reason she's appeared in two or three of my dreams in the past few weeks. And in all of them she was... clingy. Like, paranoid clingy. As though she would break apart if I (or the other girl we were with in the case of that one dream...) left her side for a minute. In one she was sick and miserable, either with a headache or stomachache, and when I offered to take her somewhere to lie down or something, she whined that she didn't want anything, except for me to stay there with her. In another she wanted me to help her with some art or lab type project, and all I had to do was show up - there didn't even appear to be a project there for her to work on - and she just latched onto me and gushed with gratitude. Just for showing up. Then we left and ran into another girl who she apparently knew, and she immediately started clinging to her. In real life she wasn't a physically clingy or touchy person, to my recollection... bit on the emotional side though... and she did tend to fly off the handle when I didn't meet her to hang out at the usual place like we did during lunch period every day. I never understood why she wanted to call me her friend... I was cold and silent as a rule then (even more so >.>), contributed nothing to the relationship, and even made it a point to shut myself off to her when she started talking or dragging me around, as she was fairly bossy and annoying. Not malicious, just sort of living in her own little world where apparently everything always went her way. I dunno. But yeah... the whole paranoid clingyness thing in the dreams somehow made sense, even though she never acted like that when we were friends.
Another one is a girl I haven't really spent time with since 11th or 12th grade... she was my best friend for 8 or so years, though that span of time was littered with squabbles and spats. She was selfish, spoiled, and petty, and our friendship essentially ended all because one night she invited me to spend the night, but I couldn't because I had a huge class project to finish. All our other fights also had to do with me refusing to cater to her every whim. She did return to being friendly with me in my last years of high school though, just so I'd help her with her homework, as she was a year younger than me and could benefit from my class experience. Anyway, she has randomly appeared in my dreams on quite a few occasions in the past few years, and in every one of them her behavior toward me is the same - she's cold, she ignores everything I say and do, she does her own thing and speaks to me only when she wants something... but she doesn't leave. She stays by my side, or rather keeps me glued to hers in case I come in handy. I'm her puppet on a string. And that pretty much sums up the real-life relationship we had before our ties dissolved away when she graduated and I left for college. She was much less cold in reality than she is in my dreams, and far more open, but it was only a front to stay on my good side in case she ever needed a favor. Just the same in the dreams, except all fronts are gone and the true nature of our relationship is all I see.
And finally, there's the person who meant more to me than anything for several years, even after we grew apart... the one I once thought was my soulmate, before she just stopped having time for me. But unlike the above two, our friendship was true, and though it took me years to realize it, it was the first genuine one I ever had. She hurt me dozens of times, but never once intentionally. I always described her as, in the immortal words of Juri, cruelly innocent. I knew I meant a great deal to her, as she did to me. She just... wasn't exactly the most aware person you'll ever find, if that makes sense. She always had so much going on all around her and was surrounded by a huge, chaotic social circle... she didn't know she was hurting me, and I don't blame her. She was busy enough to never notice the difference when I gradually drifted away, unable to keep up and too selfish to think I needed to try. Ahem, anyway... and yeah, she has appeared in my dreams more times than I can count in the past several years, and again, she's the same in all of them (except one O_o). She's... clingy too, but in an affectionate, devoted way as opposed to a paranoid one. Even cuddly, on many occasions. Just as she was/is in reality... but the difference is, in my dreams, there's only the two of us. Only I am there to receive her attention, and vice versa. If she hadn't been constantly in demand by her wild schedule and vast social circle, what I see in my dreams is what our friendship would really have been, and might still be to this day.
Of course, there are plenty of other people who pop into my dreams now and then to give me a look at their real selves, but those three are the ones I've been noticing most in recent weeks. And this may not be anything new or fascinating to anyone else, but me being the thick little blond at heart that I am, I was surprised it took half a decade of dreams for me to finally see the truth of those past relationships, the faces I couldn't see behind the overbearingness, the nicey-nice fronts, and the chaos.
So, la la. I'm done ranting now. And I must've twisted my neck the wrong way in my sleep this morning, cause my head's all stingy-achy today... =_=
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 12/03/2004 04:06:00 PM
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wMonday, November 29, 2004 |
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feeling: confused
listening to: Moriyama Naotarou - Iki Toshi Ikeru Mono e (To All Living Things) is stuck in my head... I need that song T_T
Obviously this blog is rapidly descending into worthlessness again. My LJ's even worse. All I've put there lately is memes/quizzes and absolutely nothing.
So following the trend... today was weird. Aaaaaalll day. Weird.
Church was relatively normal, except toward the end a woman I didn't know came in and caught me on my way between rooms, and asked me if her young daughter was here. When she described her I assured her that the girl was in fact here, and she said she just wanted to be sure of where she was, and then left. Oooookie dokie.
Went home, ate lunch, and catnapped the afternoon away. Had a different completely weird and random dream with every little spurt of nap. One I remember rushing around trying to get in touch with Dumplin' about doing something together, and making myself late in the process... few others I can't remember, except waking up and thinking what the fook was that O_o. But the weirdest one had to be the one where I went on a date. Like, an abnormally normal date. Dinner and dancing in a low-lit fancy restaurant with a nice guy in a nice suit. Weirdest dream I've ever had, just because it was so normal. O_o
Then came the joys of brass ensemble practice, number one of three (which, most likely, also equals the number of performances we will have =_=). Learned that I can in fact still play my trumpet, and that I even still have all our 6 seasonal songs pretty much memorized... but also that my relationship with those stupid squeaky high notes at the top of every staff has taken a turn for the worse. Much worse. Ow, my lip.
Plan was to go home for half an hour after that to eat dinner and then return for choir, but instead Jess asked me to accompany her when she went to feed the goats she cares for, so I did. Then I had to drop something off at our pastor's house upon my mom's request, and he wasn't there but his wife was, so I ended up keeping her company for about an hour until he came home. She's a sweet woman... and one of the very few reasons I ever go to my childhood church anymore, after all I've seen happen with it in the past several years... but yeah, unexpected sidetrack there, though not an unpleasant one. I did end up staying there until 15 minutes before choir practice, which gave me just that long to go buy a cold sub for dinner and inhale it in a back room of the church before joining the rest of the group in the choir loft. Sang several songs that I actually like this time, and... ahem... *static buzz* ended up leaning on my shoulder for *buzzzzz crackle* which was nice and nostalgic, considering *crackle static buzzzzzz click silence...*
Then on the way home I realized I forgot to drop off another of mom's errands at the post office mailbox. So had to turn around and do that... then finally got home, and later mom informed me that she planned to make a run to the post office in the morning anyway. Yay. >_>
Then I finally made it online and almost immediately had *counts on fingers* six people IMing me... which is more than twice my average conversation load. X_x This after going through an evening of abnormal socialness, accompanying Jess, visiting the pastor's wife, 2 practices, and being leaned on *ahem*... I'm not used to being in heavy demand like that... *looks around at world* What do you want with me? T.T
Was kinda a cool experience though. >.> <.<
So now it's 2:30 and I haven't worked on the fanart all day. Heh, oops. Could've finished it tonight, too... oh well. He was never born anyway.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/29/2004 01:38:00 AM
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wSaturday, November 27, 2004 |
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feeling: eyes burn
listening to: Gackt - Saikai ~Story~
Eeeeeh. =___=
I'm more tired than I should be. Not sleep-tired, just weak and wobbly tired. And my eyes are burny and dry and I think my right lens has a hole in it. And my head feels all heavy. And my throat is just slightly off tonight. Darnit, I'm not scheduled to have another cold until the week of Christmas. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived...
So the more color I add to Kiwamu's birthday fanart, the less I like it. When just the eyes were done, it was spiffy. Then the rest of the face was done, and it was... not bad. Then all other skin areas were done, and it was... eh. Then the extensions were done, and it was just... >_<. Only two large areas remain to color... maybe the trend will turn around by the end... but yeah, thinking not much more is going to get done tonight, cause of the whole burning eyes thing.
Had our first snow of the year yesterday. Just a dusting, but flurries were falling pretty much all day, and were there to greet me when I got up in the morning and pulled back the curtain. It's finally winter. ^^
...And arg. Want to sleep but it hurts to close my eyes. Want to do stuff to keep busy but it hurts to hold my head up. This is turning into one of those nights... dareka ni dakarete itai dake nante... >.> <.<
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/27/2004 01:15:00 AM
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wSunday, November 21, 2004 |
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feeling: I want chocolate =_=
listening to: Itoshii Kimi E, current IC J-drama
So the laptop seems to be working now... as long as I don't jostle the cable too much and knock the broken end loose, it might stay that way... *gives it looks*
The brand new highway opened today, so just to be cool, we drove home from church on it this afternoon. It's funny... we all thought we'd known that area like the back of our hands for pretty much all our lives, and then they put a highway in the middle of it. Pretty surreal seeing the area I grew up in from an angle that didn't even exist before. Ten minutes on that road and I probably spent less than thirty seconds recognizing my surroundings.
"The five bionic monkeys of legend must rule the world." God, what they won't make into a kid's toy these days.
Anyway... I wanted to sit outside for a while tonight and enjoy the utter stillness of the evening. I'm not sure I've ever seen a night so completely silent and unmoving. Living in the woods there's always wind blowing leaves and branches, birds squawking, bugs screeching, animals tramping around, rain pounding, cars on the road, SOMEthing... but tonight there was nothing. Not even the barest whisper of a breeze. I could've spent a few hours outside listening to the silence and feeling the stillness. But I kinda had to go to choir practice.
Jumping back a day... I finished disc 1 of FF7 yesterday, and I played through the big death scene at the end several times just so I could see all the characters' individual reactions. Yuffie's is my favorite. Watched hers an extra time or two just because it was so cute. I always liked her. Same with Eiko of FF9. Yay for the annoying hyper little punk girls that everyone else hates!
I didn't reach my goal of getting Barret as my Gold Saucer date though. T_T That's the third failure... dangit, I will get him someday... *makes fists*
And finally, I actually started a Kiwamu fanart last night. Pencil sketch, MIGHT clean it up with ink and prismacolors when the sketch is done... not sure. Not counting on finishing it by Tuesday anyway, so if it takes extra time, that's just how life goes. I love it already though, so I WILL be finishing it. *giggles* It captures him. Hee.
Off to watch the end of this Itoshii Kimi E episode now. Think I like this show. Predictable but sweet. Must remember to find the main theme soon... it's by Moriyama Naotarou, who also sang Sakura, which I adore... <3
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/21/2004 08:26:00 PM
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wThursday, November 18, 2004 |
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feeling: eh
listening to: Whose Line
Well, my jam packed *cough* schedule this week was sort of thrown for a big ol' loop. Spent three days being anywhere from quite uncomfortable to just plain miserable thanks to the return of the ulcer. Am quite back to normal today though... so the thing should remain under control again for a few more months thanks to the wonder of drugs.
Still lacking my own computer too, since it went insane last week... or whenever that was... actually it still works fine, just lacks the internet... but I can't seem to get any use out of that machine if I can't go online from it. >_> Only thing I've used it for is to play music on large playlists that I don't have to get up and cross the room to play with every few minutes... so I can just spend the entire day vegging on the bed with dad's laptop on and let the beats play in the background. If I could get myself to sit down at that thing long enough to back everything up on my second hard drive and CDs, I could send it to the shop and have the problem fixed one way or another, but... eww. Backing stuff up is so tedious.
Sooo pretty much the only thing I've accomplished this week is those song translations, which I managed to finish right before my stomach flipped itself inside out. Still need to finish the week's corners (TWO WORDS refuse to put themselves into sense-making English >.<), and still have nothing in the way of Kiwamu fanart. Probably won't, either, unless I can think of something I can throw together with good ol' fashioned pencil and paper in just a few days or less. I have actually had no less than 3 ideas come up during my physical downtime, but none of them would look good in quickie pencils. Eh, we'll see what happens.
Thought I had something else to babble about, but if I did, it slips my mind... so meh. Wasn't important, I'm sure.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/18/2004 09:56:00 PM
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wMonday, November 15, 2004 |
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feeling: indifferent
listening to: nothing
I'm on the laptop again because my computer went insane a few days ago and came out of the ordeal internetless. This laptop sucks. Heh, you'd think I'd be just using this for internet use and doing all my file usage and projects and stuff (Photoshop, Word, music, videos, games...) on my own machine, but... I'm special that way. So now I lack my music too because I'm too lazy to get up and cross the room to mess with it. =_=
Translations of the new BLOOD songs are going pretty decent... 3 are effectively finished unless I happen to find anything I want to revise, another is only a couple lines from completion, and the hardest one is I think just over halfway done. Should be working on them now... eh... I will after I type this. >.> <.<
Anyway... today was among the more active days my life has had in the past month or two. Actually slept for MORE than four hours last night, just barely... went to church, came home, gave mom an Elvis birthday card that managed to tickle her considerably more than I expected, nephew and his daddy came for the afternoon, all took mom to Bob Evans for dinner, went to choir from there, came home, initiated the weekly tank cleaning (4 days overdue 9_9)... then finally sat down to turn on the International Channel and find my Calla online (Dumplin' too... wasn't expecting her since it was kinda late O.o). And glory hallelujah, Hey Hey Hey is back after all! *dance* Guess I was right... they did just take a couple weeks off, and tonight the show picked up right where it left off 3 weeks ago... and a really funny Gackt appearance is scheduled to be on in a few weeks. *jiggle* But hmm... Utada Hikaru was on tonight (or just Utada, as she apparently calls herself now), and she did a pretty different song, for her. Surprised me. Was called Devil Inside. But no, it wasn't a cover of the one by... uh, whoever the heck is credited for that song. All I know is that tons of bands have done it and INXS's is the only version I know. And heh, she was wearing a black shirt with a devil Hello Kitty on it, and playing guitar for once. Well, not really... just plucking the top string during the verses... but yeah, new Utada I guess.
Other news... the brass ensemble WILL live again this year. *groan* And our fearless leader WILL only bring us together to practice 3 or 4 times, half an hour each week. =___= They might not want me on first trumpet anymore... been so many years, I probably can't even touch those Es and Fs anymore. And I guess this also means I should stop chewing on my dried lips and making them bleed, as is my worst habit since I stopped nailbiting. Raw lips and brass mouthpieces do NOT a healthy combo make. ><
And I found out this weekend that two anime I used to watch on Cartoon Network religiously, Inuyasha and Rurouni Kenshin, are now both in positions where I can start watching them again without having missed half the story and being all lost. Inuyasha's current run has just a few episodes left till it gets to where the last run ended, and the Kenshin episode from last night was only, like, the second or third one. Whichever one Sanosuke came along in. Been a couple years, I forget. >.> Anyway... so yeah, assuming I can remember, I can start following those again.
And now I guess I'll get back to work on those lyrics... today was the third day of my allotted five, so I'd like to get them sent by the end of tomorrow if possible, both to make sure I beat the 13-hour time difference and to give him plenty of time to do whatever it is he wants to do with them...
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/15/2004 01:10:00 AM
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wFriday, November 12, 2004 |
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feeling: :O
listening to: BLOOD - Blind
Like woah, two posts in one evening. Gaspage. Well, heh... new stuff came up, and none of it really would've fit in with the last post, so no editing.
First, I finally listened to Gackt's The Sixth Day CD tonight, confirming that they are in fact new versions of former singles. And normally I prefer to leave that which is unbroken, untouched... but darnitall, I like this CD. He keeps all the details that make each song what it is, but manages to tweak them juuuust enough to improve them. Biggest difference to me was that the lyrics are sung more clearly, and the mixing is such that you can actually hear every word of each song. Some songs are changed more than others, but they all keep what made them what they were... and while I'll always like the original versions better just because they kinda set their own standards, the new versions ARE improvements. Becky likes.
Other news... Kiwamu asked me to translate the lyrics to the Japanese language songs that will appear on the CD they're releasing in December. And I think it was one of those things where he just randomly thought, "Hey, since we'll be selling this in Europe before anywhere else it should have English lyrics... aaa, but I need to have the booklet printed up in a week and I can't translate them that fast... Ask Becky! :O" Ahem, so there we go. I have 5 days to translate 5 new songs. Well, 3 actually, cause two of them are Blind and The Funeral for Humanity, which I've pretty much already translated because they were released as singles earlier. And it was funny, cause after I told him I'd do it he was like "This times, your work will be CD^^ that good ne?" XD *pets him* But yeah... so much for having time over the next week to work on Kiwamu's fanart, na? :P Oh well. He was never born. *nod*
And now it's juuuust about time for bed... not that I can sleep... @.@
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/12/2004 05:25:00 AM
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feeling: owwww =_=
listening to: Matsu Takako - Sakura Fuwari
Gah. In true opposite-of-last-week fashion, I have had a nice run of restless nights this week. There have been headaches, aching eyes, my nephew, my cat, bad dreams... yeah, even on the nights I was able to get a decent amount of sleep, the dreams were enough to make nights restless. And as a result, I'm not tired, but I'm not awake either. Just... idle.
There are other factors in that, of course. Mostly today. Nephew was here to make me his windup doll again, and this time he also made me his jungle gym, climbing and squirming and pawing all over me... sharp elbows and hard skull jabbing and bruising some very tender flesh... ahem. *whine* Still sore, and not exactly at my most perky after that.
Then he left and I got started on a Photoshop play-around session that, if successful, I planned to use for my Kiwamu fanart... but after about 2 hours of work, just when it was starting to take shape, the power went out. Which also knocked out our internet for... I dunno, half an hour or so. Tried again later with a slightly different idea, but scrapped it on my own... then started a third that I think is actually the one success of the three, and this time I saved the frigging thing. Still don't think I'm gonna be able to finish this fanart in a week and a half though. And the part I laid out tonight is just the background (or main idea of it)... still no idea what to do for the actual Kiwamu... had an idea, but I'm afraid it'd clash too much with the BG. So then I thought of another possible BG that wouldn't clash so much... and... well, I like BG idea #1, but not with Kiwamu idea #1... and BG idea #2 wouldn't work with Kiwamu idea #1... and Kiwamu idea #2 does not exist... and I'm confusing myself, so I'll move on.
Ow. Sudden random stomach cramp.
Anyway... then a certain short tempered Asian boy I happen to, ah, communicate with has been annoying the crap out of me and my dear Calla... being all snarky and pompous and confusing at various points *still trying to piece my brain back together after the last convo*... but it's impossible to be mad at him, because as a defense mechanism, he has learned to be sickeningly CUTE, even when he ticks people off. >_< Makes you want to kill him by constriction of hugging.
Also, the mini-punk Pixel has had puffy swim bladder problems twice this week. Bloated, floating at the surface, can't swim down and stay there no matter how she tries. Kinda funny though... she doesn't seem to realize anything's wrong with her. Little live wire still flits all over the tank waggling and barking at me when I come within sight, like the demented little attention-craving pixie she is.
Owww. Stupid evil little nephew elbows. Hurts just to bring my arms together in front of me and type. =___= I've never wanted a massage so bad in my life...
I'm kidding.
:P
*slowly backs away*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/12/2004 01:55:00 AM
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wThursday, November 11, 2004 |
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feeling: cuddly
listening to: Happatai - Yatta... again...
I remembered. :P
So this was... interesting. Two nights ago I had changed into my sweatshirt and curled up under the comforter to sleep... and I kept hearing a fly buzzing. Like, muted buzzing, as if it were stuck and trying to fly free. So I figured it was just lying on its back somewhere or stuck between floorboards or something (yay for plywood floors >.>) and tried to sleep. And then I felt the little beast crawling on my side.
Of course, I knew it was just the annoying stuck fly. But this did not stop me from jumping a mile in the air and making some sort of UUIIIEEEEEGH noise at the tickly feeling, and then finding myself on my feet beside the bed doing some sort of phrenetic dance while shaking the living daylights out of my shirt.
Foul beast.
Anyway... something else I think I meant to mention was that one of the big major important people at church talked to me a while ago about wanting to bring back the brass ensemble to play at our Christmas program this year. Which would mean pretty much every member of the most influential *ahem* family in the church (head of which is this big major important person's son), one of their cousins, and me on first trumpet, playing songs we played every year there for a while but have not seen in probably 3 or 4 years. But I have not heard anything more of the idea since then. He better not be expecting everyone to be able to just break our instruments out of storage and practice two or three times, once a week for half an hour, and then go out and play lovely brassy carols. >.> I do miss playing trumpet... many of my few remotely enjoyable high school memories were of playing in pep band... but never was crazy about the brass ensemble. I'm the single first trumpet in it, which means I have all the melodies and leads and parts of the song that make the song what it is... so if I screw up there's no missing it. >.> Prefer being in a larger group.
Ahem... been a while since I rambled about that. Or even thought about it. Trumpet was fun...
Anywaaaay. I think I finally have an idea of sorts for Kiwamu's fanart... but I am extremely doubtful that I can pull it together in less than 2 weeks. >< So I may have to save it for just a general submission... but that still leaves me with no clue as to what to do for this month.
Oh well. He was never born anyway, so he can't complain, can he? :p
And my stomach is doing weird things tonight, so I should go to bed before it keeps me awake all... morning.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/11/2004 03:00:00 AM
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wWednesday, November 10, 2004 |
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feeling: uh... not sure
listening to: Happatai - Yatta
Hmm...
I had stuff I was gonna talk about here, but now I forget what it was...
Anyway, for starters, Hey Hey Hey! is apparently not on the International Channel anymore. >_< Been watching that every Sunday for 2 1/2 years and now it's gone... it's still listed on IC's online program schedule, but it sure as heck wasn't on this past Sunday, and my cable listings have a different title in that slot now... I'm hoping beyond hope that they're just taking a break from broadcasting for a couple weeks, or something...
Dangit, what was I gonna talk about...
Well, hey, Thanksgiving is coming. That means lots and lots of food. *_* Gotta say I'm all for any holiday that means my dad spends 3 days cooking enough food to feed an army and then only ends up having at the most 10 people to feed it to... best meal time of the year, and leftovers to last for weeks after... *drool*
And I kinda wish I didn't love this blog's template so much. Cause if I liked any of the newer default templates or could be bothered to hunt for one I did like, I bet I'd actually get email notification when I get comments here. >.> <.< Course I could just migrate to LJ for good, where I get comment notification AND can respond to comments and people actually know it... meh. Lousy Blogger for making me cling to my pretty 3 year old template.
That was random. I STILL can't remember what I was going to say.
I got Yatta the other day (obviously, if the italics above are any indication). Yes, the song from the infamous flash. That song is so freaking insane. And it makes me so freaking HAPPY. >_>
Still no ideas for Kiwamu's birthday fanart, either. Well, there was one, but I didn't think I'd be able to do it, because his face shape and such didn't agree with the composition. And sure enough, when I gave it a test run in Photoshop, it was a biiiiig no-go. Why have I never once been able to think of art ideas for that boy? I've had dozens of Fu-ki ideas, slightly fewer Kaede ones, and I can't remember ever having ONE Kiwamu idea. Kiwamu should be the easiest one... >_>
Been finding myself in a few strange, unexplained bouts of quiet cuddly giddiness of late. O_o I mean, yeeeeah, I did have 3 awesome days in a row there late last week, but life's pretty much back to normal and yet still every now and then I get into these *sits there with eyes half closed grinning like a dip* things. Hmm. But then, at other moments of the day I still have the occasional mini-funk of boredom and uselessness, so I guess there's no cause for alarm yet. :P
I've done well moving on from the ugly chapter in my past that I mentioned in the last post, though. Ever since I found the answer to that dilemma and threw away its remnants, life's been good. Maybe that explains the unexplained occasional quiet giddiness. I dunno.
So... all this babbling and I still never did figure out what I came here to say. Maa ee wa.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/10/2004 01:06:00 AM
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wWednesday, November 03, 2004 |
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feeling: geh...
listening to: The TRAX - Paradox
Sigh. I feel like ranting, but I don't really have anything to rant about. So I came to Blogger intent on staring at the text box for a while until a post came out. Usually when that happens I end up with lots of completely pointless babble that no one really cares about - not even myself. There's your warning. :P
My stomach's been doing weird things all day. It's not the ulcer, it's just... special. And the nephew was here today so I had to just deal with it while he made me his windup doll again. But he's gone home at last, so now I get to complain. :P It's nothing critical, just blargy enough to be annoying... nothing I'm not used to after dealing with various stomach weirdnesses since I was... eh, 11 or 12 years old. I just like to complain, as anyone reading this should know.
Have had loads of art inspirations over the past few days ('loads' to me anyway), but haven't had the time and/or motivation to act on any of them. Well, except one. I actually started that Jemnezmy/Pollensalta/Snow fanart. Assuming I ever actually finish it, it's gonna end up a lot more generic than I'd originally envisioned... but eh. More likely scenario is I'll never touch it again. Couple other specific things I'd envisioned, but they'll probably never get anywhere. And now it's time to figure out what to do for Kiwamu's (un)birthday fanart. I'm not as concerned about getting his submitted on time, because he has recently decided to remove his birthdate from his websites, and has even asked fansite owners to do the same. He was never born. :P So whatever. If he gets his late, he can deal. But I still need to think of something... *mind is even more blank than it was with Kaede's giftie last month*
Need to clean the tanks tonight, but I really don't feel like it.
I found a BitTorrent site that has a game I've wanted for several months, but my download has been stuck at 98% for days now. I've used up all my chances at free trials, and I THINK this is the full version... the site's not very specific, plus it's in Spanish... >.> And it required me to sign up and get a password via email... so someone darn well better get back online and let me finish it. I tried getting it on Soulseek too, but no luck there. Even if I find it, no one's ever online long enough for me to finish it, plus apparently you have to download all the files for it individually. The .exe itself, plus every graphic, every sound file... EVERYthing. Yuck. =_=
Heh, on that note, the main reason I got Soulseek was because I found someone on LJ who has a huge friggin' collection of Miyavi pictures uploaded there. Like, thousands. And good Miyavi pics are much harder to find than they should be. But she's never online to share them... >_<
Thinking of playing some more FF7 now... but don't really feel like moving...
So yeeeeah... the moral of the story is, Becky seems to be in the middle of another slump. I'm fine, just kinda don't want to do or even think about anything. It's weird... it always takes me a few days to realize when this happens, cause mentally/emotionally I feel totally normal. But then when I sit down and try to DO something - an art project, a translation, a book, a game, a conversation, whatever - and just keep zoning out before I can make any progress or contributions, and when the same pattern lasts for more than a couple days, THEN the nature of the slump becomes clear.
Anyway... um... I want chocolate, but my stomach's being too mean. T_T
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 11/03/2004 06:47:00 PM
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wSaturday, October 30, 2004 |
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feeling: not too bad
listening to: Miyavi - Rock no Gyakushuu -Superstar no Jouken- (don't ask me what that means 9.9)
I got Oresama. Miyavi's movie. And... my GOD. As if I needed any more reasons to be obsessed with him. >.> <.< On its own it's probably not really that great a movie... it's short, the plot is VERY simple, and there are only 4 (maybe even 3) characters with significant roles. But for someone with any interest in Miyavi at all, it is a must see. Especially for those who are fans of his insanely dorky nature. It seriously never ends in Oresama. I laughed like a hyena throughout the entire thing. Even when he's just walking down the street or buying things from roadside shops (or whatever those are called in Japan), he's doing it in pure dork style. Dork.
But that's not all! :O Because he's Miyavi, he has a few random guitar solos tossed in there too. And you know what? That boy plays some SERIOUS guitar. *floored* It doesn't really stand out in his usual recordings, since there's a lot of other instrumentation and rhythms going on, but his solos in the movie blew me away. Even if they were pointless self-insertions. :P
Sooo yeah. Becky's obsession with Miyavi is officially a done deal.
In other random news... I've started a new Final Fantasy VII game. >_>;; My goal with this one is to get Barret as my Gold Saucer date. Like, apparently the actions you take and dialog lines you select (in certain situations) throughout the first half or so of the game affect whether you get Aeris (the default), Tifa, Yuffie, or Barret as your date. Barret is of course the hardest one to get, since he's a guy and all. And I think I already screwed up and made one or two wrong choices in the first couple hours of the game. >n< Oh well. As long as I don't get Aeris... and I'm being as mean as possible to her in hopes of avoiding that... :P
But yeah... so I'm all into FF7 again now, I guess. I aaaaaallmost broke out the soundtrack again today. I was obsessed with that thing about 4 years ago, when I got it from eBay for, like, 20% of its retail value. More or less. It's been a while, I forget. And I was also re-clobbered by an old urge I once had to draw Jemnezmy, Pollensalta, and Snow, the three humanoid female monster thingies that appear at various points throughout the game. I was always fascinated by them. Strategy guide doesn't have good pics though, so I need to either find some online or wait till I get to their parts in the game. Moof.
And Calla has gotten me into my first Korean band. They're called The TRAX, and we've agreed that they sound a LOT like Linkin Park. They're pretty too, dangit. I gotta find out if there are any romanized lyrics out there, so I can sing along with them and such. >.> Need more of their songs... ooooooooo... *sees a shiny and follows it...*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/30/2004 10:03:00 PM
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wTuesday, October 26, 2004 |
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feeling: my eyes are dry and burny
listening to: Miyavi - Girls, Be Ambitious
Thanks for voting, all 3 of you. :3 So I got one vote for Point, one for ...yeeeeeeah, one for Pickity, and one for Straws. That's not counting the second place votes, which I considered too. :P So I set out making some prototypes, and now four of the ten original pictures (actually eleven, cause one had two images in it) are in tentative icon form. Still trying to figure out how to icon-ize Pickity. It doesn't give me much to work with. x_x
But that project is sort of in a waiting stage again. So in the meantime, here are some very random pics that came with the month-old roll I finally got developed today.
First we have Misty, the feline who has made it her mission to follow me EVERYwhere and live in my room all day and sit directly behind my computer chair meowing her head off at me every evening when napping in my junk piles gets boring. She looks black on my screen... *pokes* but she's actually grey... Anyway, on this particular day my tiger Ares became her new pillow. Oh, and that pile is only a tiny fraction of my plushie collection... my favorites sleep on my bed, my beanie types sit on their own set of shelves (you can see one of them in the picture, that fuzzy blue thing in the upper left), and there's a whole wall of shelf unit in another room for the bulk of them. And a few other random ones just kinda float around in the room. I love plushies. :3 And hee, look... my Snoopy slippers got in there too... but not my tiger ones. Awww.
The view from my bedroom window, taken maybe a week and a half ago. This isn't exactly the full panorama... I had to cut out my view of the field and forested hill on the other side of the road. You can see part of it though... notice it's still about 98% green. >.o I took another picture of just that side about a week later when it was finally in color, but it didn't turn out. T_T Anyway, I like this pic.
Here we have the walking stick that bonded with my sock. I rescued the little guy from the grabby roughhandling hands of my nephew, and he had a jolly ol' time crawling all over me. And every time I let it explore my knee for a change, it would march right down to my foot and just sit there. O_o Oh, and fear my pajama/loungey pants. :D
Here's the Dodge Ram that we took a 12-hour road trip to buy and bring home. And the miniature human standing on it is, of course, my nephew. No, he's not walking around on that piece of equipment five feet in the air unsupervised - my mom was with him, but she bolted out of the shot as soon as she saw me on the hill with the camera. Wuss.
That's all I got for now. The pics from the BLOOD gathering will be posted by the spiffy Calla eventually, so maybe I'll link them or something.
And mom got some Rubbermaid bins for me today. Filled up one small one and half of a large one... and I have to wonder if the remaining two smalls and one and a half larges are gonna be enough.
And for some reason I'm tired. So early sleep it is.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/26/2004 01:03:00 AM
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wSaturday, October 23, 2004 |
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feeling: wooby (there is no other description :P)
listening to: Miyavi - Ossan Ossan Ore Nanbo (I don't know what nanbo means...)
I'm conducting a poll. :P
Of the following, which image BEST captures the ideal of dorkdom? In other words, which one of these pictures is most effective at making you think, "He has truly embraced the inner dork.", or just "What a dork."? Keep in mind that the winner will have to be cropped to 100x100 and include some text. And all votes will be considered, but may not necessarily end up being used in the final product. Cause I'm special that way. >.>
They're all Miyavi, by the way. Uhi.
(edit: fixed the stupid links... so they all actually work now! woo! >_>)
Closeup
Hats
Freaky straws
Point
Top or bottom?
Oi. Kimi.
...yeah
...yeeeeeeah
Pickity
Haro~?
Galyuu cover
Need to start working on this thing... it would look cool with some sort of blinkie font, but... oh well. I don't think you can use animated icons on MSN anyway.
Oh, and don't blame me if the continuation of BLOOD's little vampire story, which will start appearing soon on flyers and the like, sucks. It's all Fu-ki's fault. >_> <_< I finally got tired of pacing around my room for hours on end reciting the translation to myself to see if it flowed, not to mention reading it silently over and over and over to see if it just plain made sense. Whyyyyy did he not make it a poem like the first one?? *flail*
So... going to see Team America tonight. Weeee! Theater food! Baibai, remaining contents of my wallet :P *STILL needs to send that stinkin' money order purchased weeks ago*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/23/2004 02:30:00 PM
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wThursday, October 21, 2004 |
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feeling: ?
listening to: Toshinobu Kubota - La La La Love Song
O_o Ok, apparently Kiwamu updated the fanart section unannounced, and my pic is up. I'm going to assume that means he showed it to Kaede as I requested, even though he didn't say anything to that point. >.> And I want whatever program he uses to resize fanart, cause it was far nicer to the detail than I expected. O_o But I promised the full version, so here it is. And check it out on the OHP too if you want... he kinda made it stand out again. >.>;
Someone else sent a birthday fanart that amuses me (in the BLOOD section)... it has all the members, including the two guests (go Anika!)... and they made Fu-ki blond. Like, yellow blond. I didn't recognize him at first. :P He did apparently go blond a while back, but still. Nanka urayamashii na~ I had been thinking about doing a fanart with the guest members included... now I can't be the first :P But I was still the only one to leave messages for both of them on their birthdays, so... nyar. :3 *bets they didn't see them but doesn't care*
Ahem... BLOOD aside... so apparently both my grandpa and my aunt had surgery yesterday, and I had no idea. Well, mom mentioned grandpa's in passing the day before, but I still don't know what it was for. My aunt's was for a kidney stone... I think... or maybe not surgery but the passing of said stone, cause when mom was talking to her dad on the phone about it something about "pain worse than childbirth" came up... on second thought, I'm not sure I want to know anymore. Anyway, they're both fine now, so yeah.
The more I think about it, the more I wish I'd gone back to OSU last month for another year of Japanese. I'm getting way out of practice and I barely scratched the surface of the langauge in 3 years. *sigh* And I'm jealous of everyone who got to study in Japan too. People I know who are still at OSU are in Japan right now, and half of my class from last year went to Kobe for spring quarter... I didn't go because I was graduating and thought that would've interfered somehow, but then after it was too late, I was informed that everyone would be back stateside well before OSU's graduation. So I could've gone. >_< Would've missed Fanime though... hmmmm, a quarter in Japan or a weekend at Fanime... that's a tougher choice than it should be. :p
Currently downloading a torrent that contains ALL of Miyavi's PVs (music videos, for the J-music impaired), including the two new ones that just came out this month. *dance* Also downloaded one a few weeks ago that contains all of Gackt's PVs. And I need to figure out for certain if the songs on Gackt's Sixth Day album are exactly the same as their original versions or if they're new versions... I think they're new versions, but I hear differently everywhere I go... will probably end up just downloading it anyway to be sure. :P *BitTorrent addict*
Have had random urges to play Playstation at various points throughout the past couple weeks... uh oh...
And why am I tired? I've slept 8 to 9 hours every night this week. *pout*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/21/2004 02:46:00 PM
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wWednesday, October 20, 2004 |
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feeling: tiredness setting in
listening to: Miyavi - Joushou Kaidou (Invincible Highway? *shrug* >.>)
No matter how many times I listen to my Miyavi playlist (which contains every song of his that is currently available), I never get tired of it. And now his random not-too-famous B-sides and fillers and other tracks that are just kind of there are getting stuck in my head more than the really well-known ones like Pop is Dead and Shindemo Boogie-Woogie. Weird. I must be a fangirl now. If he ever makes new plans to perform in America like he did last year but ended up cancelling, I just might have to go see him...
The Kaede fanart is done and sent. Only 2 days late. =_= Will upload it and post the link here after I know he's seen it. Would just point to the fanart section of the BLOOD OHP once it's posted, like last time, but... this one actually contains detail that will be lost when Kiwamu resizes it. So yeah... y'all get to watch me whore the thing at full size.
And now that that's out of the way, I get to inventory and get started on all the backlogged projects I've been putting off doing until I finished that thing. Let's see... translate the vampire story continuation for Kiwamu (2 drafts done), email him the English corners and some questions (just now done), post on the BBS (done just before that), make stationery for the order for those 5 new BLOOD photosets and send that off, go through Sawasdee Gackt in depth and find some new wallpapers and skins, go on a big posting and commenting spree at LJ and Blurty, make a BLOOD quiz on Quizilla, learn how to make Winamp skins and make BLOOD and Miyavi ones cause I can't find enough already made, create captions/commentary for Calla's pictures from the gathering (about half done), and of course there's about a dozen random art ideas I've had floating around in my head that I've been putting off until the current project was done. And probably a few other things I'm forgetting.
Oh, and my spiky Gackt bracelet came in. ^____^ Wore the thing all day once I got it out of the package. It's better quality than I expected... very detailed, very heavy for its size... and yet not uncomfortable at all. I heart it. May have to just start wearing it everywhere. :P *has never been the type to wear jewelry*
So it's 4:30 am and I've actually been really tired for a while now. Interesting. Been making it to 5:30 or later normally without even starting to get groggy, except on those special occasions when I'm running on 2 or 3 hours of sleep... anyway, so I'm going to go sleep now. Murf. Love y'all.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/20/2004 03:58:00 AM
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wSaturday, October 16, 2004 |
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feeling: uh...
listening to: hide - Goodbye
BAHAHA! I finished the playlist! In yo' face, pathetic excuse for a computer!
Kaede's not gonna get done though. >_< All that's left is a couple areas of shading and a background, but I have no idea how to go about either of them. Oh, and hair extensions (I assume his crimson curls are extensions...), but those shouldn't take toooo long... I mean, I finished the entire black portion of the hair yesterday evening, and this will be just a couple curly strands on another layer... Anyway, I had given myself until 11 am on Sunday (tomorrow) to finish it, since that would be midnight on his birthday, but... not gonna happen, unless I don't sleep or leave the room for the next 18 hours. And I don't see that happening because the nephew's here today.
I know, I talk about this thing a lot lately. Only because this is one of those things I'd actually be really proud of if I had plenty of time to work on it AND still had a chance of actually ever finishing it. I will finish this one within the next couple days, but it won't be quite the quality I normally go for. Not compared to... say, the Fu-ki I started working on back in spring and gave up on after Fanime because I decided it just wasn't him anymore after actually meeting him. It looked enough like him and the quality was among the best of any art attempt I've ever done... but it wasn't Fu-ki. All those hours... *sigh* This Kaede is... interesting, though. Something I know a lot of people have thought about (especially while his hair was still red... ahem), but that hasn't appeared in his fanart section yet. It might freak him out at first :P... but it'll definitely stand out. I'll post it here after I know he's seen it.
Anyway... we took the nephew to Columbus today, specifically Aquarium Adventure, which was... an adventure. Let a two year old loose in the biggest aquarium supply store in the state, with just as many fully stocked specialty tanks (and ponds) scattered around on the floor as on wall/shelf display. Went to Toys R Us next and got nothing, and then to the huge thrift store in Great Southern where I picked up a stuffed leopard cub for myself. I get a new plushie for 4o cents to a dollar every time I go there. ^^ *heart plushies*
Just did a spyware scan and it found 27 spyware files and 42 traces. =_= Better than the 600+ it found before my computer went to the shop though, I guess. Clean now... again.
Back is still sore, but not as bad. And tomorrow my arms are gonna be sore from lugging the toddler around. And the rest of me is gonna be screaming from getting no more than 2 hours of sleep tonight, just like every other Saturday night. Can never seem to get to sleep before 4 am anymore, no matter how hard I try.
Oh well. As Mr. K says, I'm a vampire. XD
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/16/2004 04:32:00 PM
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wFriday, October 15, 2004 |
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feeling: *whinemuttergrumble*
listening to: Bette Midler - Wind Beneath My Wings
The playlist rolls on. I have GOT to be within a few hours of finishing this thing. I can only immediately think of, like, 4 or 5 songs I haven't heard yet. I know there's actually more, because there's stuff in here I'd forgotten I had, but still. On one hand, I want it to end so I can say I got through it and then finally reboot this stupid machine and end the insane lag... on the other hand, I wish I'd remembered to add the Nightwish and Pierrot and other cool stuff that I never did move out of my unzipped folder(s). Oh well, next time. Or not. >.>;
I don't think the Kaede fanart will be done on time... but that's old news, heh. Base colors are all in place, clothing is finished, skin is maybe halfway done... maaaaybe... and the rest is as yet untouched by the wonder of shading. No background either. I suck at backgrounds. And that reminds me, I need to download more Japanese fonts...
My lower back is killing me today. T_T It's been slightly achy for probably a few weeks now, but today it's ten times worse. I can't even stand up or sit down without buckling and nearly falling once or twice. I must be sleeping in weird positions and not realizing it...
Hmm... so since my computer is so pathetically laggy that I'm barely able to use it, I've actually been watching TV during the day again. And I've discovered that the British version of Whose Line is it Anyway appears to be on Comedy Central for an hour EVERY AFTERNOON. *__* I may be wrong, but it was on from 2 to 3 a couple days ago, then again today, and it's in the listings for tomorrow. Please let it stay there please let it stay there please let it stay there *clings to Clive Anderson*
My room looks like the site of a recent battle between an enraged bull and a hormonal rhinoceros. I need to get some rubbermaid bins or something and just start shoving knick-knacks and junk off of surfaces. Between that and the junk lying around on the floor, I could probably fill ten bins. And hey, if I could do that, I'd have places to put at least THREE more aquariums. Big ones that I can cycle so I won't have to clean them every week. *plots* Must find bins... >.> Though I'm sure by the time I got around to it, it'd be too late to go back for that pretty blue-streaked white fishie we saw the other day... but I'd be prepared if I happen to stumble upon that perfect black-eyed white betta I've been lusting after but never able to find for a couple years now. It seems like every betta keeper at the aquaria forum I'm a member of has recently found at least one perfect, unmarred white betta at their local Walmart. Why can't I find oneeee? ;o;
And I think that'll be all for today's pointless ramble session. Need to work more on Kaede. Wasted at least an hour earlier tonight on face shading I just couldn't make myself like, and had to just start all over. *sigh*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/15/2004 01:51:00 AM
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wWednesday, October 13, 2004 |
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feeling: stuffy and head-heavy
listening to: Animal Planet
Ugh. Cold decided to settle in this evening. I might actually have to go to bed before 3. =_=
Dumplin's first anime club meeting went well. *proud of 'er* We ran around town some after it ended, and one of our stops was Petland because we're suckers for the ferrets and kittens in open cages. But of course, we had to go look at the bettas. >.> I'm glad she was there, cause there were 3 of them that I seriously would've bought if space and money weren't an issue - a tiny juvenile almost-black male, a sweet little pastel female in a tank with an aggressive male, and an older white male with blue streaks in his fins - and she bought 2 of them. :P So at least the tiny male and the sweetheart female have a good home now... the white boy I had to leave behind though... it's gonna take a lot of convincing and probably some remodeling of this room before I'll change my mind and go back for him. -_- I seriously have no space for another tank, nor do I like the idea of cleaning a third one every week. Two is enough. Heck, one was enough before I got Pixel. *hates cleaning tanks*
He was so pretty though...
Anyway. Zoned out and back in thanks to the cold, so I'm done with that subject now.
Outline for the Kaede fanart is done. All that's left is coloring... wonder how much I can get done tonight, assuming I can concentrate on the screen long enough...
And now I'm in this big cat mood tonight because of this documentary on Animal Planet. Like, top ten killer felines, or something. They put cheetahs at #10, tigers at #6, lions at #5, etc etc... and they gave #1 to domestic housecats. Of course. 9_9 "Because they retain their killer instincts even though they're domesticated and have a prey base of over 1000 species, hundreds more than any other cat." Yeah. You know they're gonna call little Fluffy the #1 killer in the feline world just because it would give the viewers a laugh. Still a cool show though. It had snow leopards. *_*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/13/2004 01:11:00 AM
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wTuesday, October 12, 2004 |
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feeling: throat is ouch
listening to: Mitsunaga Ryouta - Itsuka Kimi ga... (translation: Someday You Will...)
One day last week I put every single song on my hard drive (except some live versions and stuff, and some that Calla has sent me) into one playlist of 1222 songs and hit play. I'm getting songs I forgot I had. This is fun. Of course, it also means my computer's been running without restart ever since then and will continue to run until 1) it dies or 2) I finish the playlist, so it's plagued with the worst case of lag I've ever seen. But I will endure. I actually have a chance at finishing this playlist since I got rid of all the spyware and adware and got Mozilla and stuff. So much memory saved. *float*
We seem to have some deer, one young buck and one doe at least, that have made a habit of venturing into our "backyard." Meaning the clear space between the back porch and the treeline at the top of the small slope that rises behind it. These are the least agitate-able deer I've ever seen. The doe came out the other day when the nephew was here, and of course as he's 2 years old, it wasn't enough for him to watch quietly from inside - he had to open the door and walk out to the edge of the porch, close as he could get to the deer. He talked to her and everything. And that deer just looked at him and calmly returned to munching acorns. Then today three other deer emerged from the woods into the field in the abandoned property we own across the road... they used to frequent that field, but it had been ages since we'd seen any there. I tried to take pictures of the three we saw today, but it was too far, and then a car freaked them out and they bolted. So I snapped one of the trees behind our house in their autumn colors instead. Hoping the woods across the road will color up before going brown, because they make an amazing view when they do. And I still have a few pictures left on my roll. *wants to finish it*
Also watched the movie Lost in Translation today. Pretty cool how it was made like a native Japanese movie. More so than most movies by Western directors, anyway. And that Japanese photographer who asked for Rogah Moore poses was adorable. Hee.
Going to the first meeting of Dumplin's anime club tomorrow... and thinking of using the town outing to run to JoAnn Fabrics and see if they have the pattern I need for my main Kaede shirt. Yes, I'm actually making cosplay progress... sort of. *gasp* The patterns for my main skirt and shirt are decided, the components of my vampire costume are... kinda decided, and the main Kaede wig, Kaede cologne, Kaede "toy" (hee), BLOOD armband (of course), and the spiky Gackt bracelet for my Takeshi costume are bought and ready to go. Well, the bracelet hasn't arrived yet, but... soon. Found it for $13 on a buy-it-now only Ebay lot, and spent ages trying to find the differences between it and the $40+ original on Jpophouse.com, but found none, so grab it I did. Anyway... cosplays are finally coming together! *dance* Only one I haven't really worked on is the alternate Kaede, but that one should be fairly easy...
It did finally dawn on me that I might have had better luck looking for that main Kaede skirt of doom among wedding/bridal patterns, but when I actually tried it, I found nothing. >.> Oh well, we have that pattern anyway. Just dunno why I didn't think of that earlier.
My Kaede birthday fanart is... coming along actually. Still gonna be lucky to finish it on time, but eh, it can be a couple days late. I've had all these BLOOD fanart ideas floating around ever since I joined the fandom, but never could motivate myself to actually do any of them... or to finish the ones I start, as it were. Birthdays just kinda give me an excuse to work on them as well as a 'deadline' to shoot for. I decided that just after doing Fu-ki's in August. >.> I would be working on Kaede now - all that's left of the outline is one rose, and after that I can move to coloring - but it's late. And when I realized my eyes were kinda blurring in and out and in and out, I decided no more art for the night. So to Blogger I came. With more pointless rambling with no purpose other than to kill time. Don't you love it?
I'm also getting another cold. >_< No fair! It hasn't been 2 months yet since the last one! *would scream at things but throat hurts*
Time for bed now, before this thing moves from increasingly sore throat to fever and sinuses stuffed up to China.
(edit: umm, ok... the post below is from yesterday, but it didn't show up until I posted this one... >_>;;)
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/12/2004 02:30:00 AM
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wSunday, October 10, 2004 |
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feeling: amused as heck
listening to: whatever the new IC drama is... Itoshii Kimi E, or something...
Well, the plan WAS to go to choir practice tonight... but things suddenly came up. Hilarious things. XD Oh well. They'll have a slightly better turnout tonight. They can manage without me. Probably won't even notice me among the ranks of the missing.
But that's ok. Because I haven't really stopped giggling for about 2 hours now. XD
Anyway... uh... I burned my thumb yesterday on a metal bonfire roasting stick thing. There's a blister there now. I've never had a burn that blistered before. I keep poking and petting it. That's probably a bad thing. >.> Doesn't hurt though, so eh. We need to have more bonfires, cause drattit, fire-roasted marshmallows are among the finest things on this planet. Heck, everything tastes better when it's cooked over an open fire. Well, things that could normally be cooked over open fires, anyway. Not, like, marmosets or pieces of sheet metal.
And my cat is in the habit of following me around everywhere, hiding out in my room when that gets old (or when I'm not moving, which is most of the day), and spending every evening sitting/lying directly behind my computer chair where I sit, and meowing at me. And meowing. And meowing. She does not stop until I turn around and start petting her, at which point the meows turn to purrs, and then when I return to the computer they turn back into meows. Strange beast.
Meanwhile, my other cat has returned to the old habit of coming up to my room, jumping onto my bed, and curling up against me to wake me up in the mornings. At one time she did that every morning for, like, months... then she all but stopped for probably a year or more, and now she's back at it. Not every morning, but... little punk.
I found a whole bunch of J-rock and similar quizzes that I haven't taken the other day, but don't feel like doing them now for some reason. It's almost morning... sort of... maybe I need a breakfast.
And now back to Hey Hey Hey. Gackt is gonna be on either tonight or next Sunday~
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/10/2004 08:46:00 PM
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wSaturday, October 02, 2004 |
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feeling: entertained
listening to: BLOOD - I Remember You
My BLOOD stuff finally came in today. ^__^ I've been listening to the new single throughout much of the day, and I've already translated The Funeral for Humanity. I likes it. And the second track is Fu-ki (I think?) doing a soft reading of that vampire poem thing I translated for Kiwamu in July. It's the Japanese version though... but my English version is printed in the CD jacket. My name's in it too... :D! Even more entertaining is that Lauren's name is missing... maybe that means I've replaced her... O_o;;
*giggles*
Ok... I have the CD playing now, and it's on the third track, I Remember You (Fu-ki's new remake of Tsuioku, which is possibly my favorite BLOOD song ever). This version has new all-English lyrics, and some of it is rather... amusing. XD One line toward the end says "From the chick in the cloud, the light shines..." XD And it's so cute cause he has a Japanese accent (of course) so the 'ck' sound in 'chick' is really emphasized (in Japanese it's like 'chikku' with the u silent), and then there's a brief pause after that word, so it's like "From the chiCKK!... in the clooouuuud..." XDDD
Yes... I love Fu-ki, and I love the song, but I may never be able to listen to it without bursting into giggles at that part...
Ahem... anyway, the single also comes with a DVD with 12 minutes of footage from their live in France back in April, and in those 12 minutes we get to see Kiwamu fall TWICE. Which is hilarious because he's the one who edits all the band's videos, and he left them in. XD The boy's a professional klutz. I don't think I know anyone who's been to a BLOOD live or event where he didn't fall at least once. And then of course there's his quote from an old magazine interview Calla showed me last weekend... "I shake my ass while spitting blood!" *rolls*
I had a couple really cool art ideas recently, but I'm forced to put them off because I have, like, 16 days to both start and finish a birthday fanart for Kaede. And I have no ideas at all as to what to do. >_>
And you know... I want to hear Fu-ki singing some ballad type songs. The previous vocalists, Dai and Takeshi, did a few of those, and they're still fan favorites. Whereas I can't even imagine Fu-ki singing a slow song like Tsuioku or Sakura... even though I saw him perform those two and more at Fanime... >.> I want more though. His voice is all melty-smooth when it wants to be. He could do some nice ballads.
In other news... recently, on occasion, I am reminded of what it's like to feel appreciated, and loved, and even needed. Kinda gives me the warm fuzzies. *snuggles those precious few who've shared that feeling with me*
And I seem to be getting tired already... hmm...
*hugs everyone goodnight* I'm in a good mood. ^^
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 10/02/2004 01:26:00 AM
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wWednesday, September 29, 2004 |
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feeling: frustrated
listening to: hide - Doubt
Fun with email clients.
Ok... so last night (or at 5 this morning, however you want to look at it), I sent Kiwamu an email with the new corners and an 'announcement' that I would be emailing him from the Yahoo address from now on. Because the osu.edu-to-Yahoo forwarding service is supposedly working now, but I still think it's being choosy about which emails it forwards... mainly because I awoke to find only 6 spam emails in my bulk folder today, whereas when the osu.edu addy was all I had, I never woke up to less than a dozen. Most would see that as a good thing... I see it as a sign that not everything is getting to me that should be. >_>
Anyway... the one email I woke up to this morning that wasn't spam was a reply from Kiwamu saying he couldn't read my email because of a "font problem." *flail* So unless I discover a way to compose emails in MS Gothic in Yahoo, it looks like I won't be emailing him from that address. >_> So that prompted hours of messing with my email accounts and sending myself test emails, at which point I discovered that the reason I wasn't receiving emails in Outlook Express last night was because the POP3 server had magically changed itself. So I fixed that, and boom - 20+ emails poured in. >_<;;; All of them were from that interval in between the school email eating itself and the forwarding service activating itself, meaning about 9 pm Sunday to just after 5 am Monday. The first test email I sent myself right before activating the forwarding thing was in there, plus an LJ comment notification from Sunday night, and the rest was spam. So at least I know I didn't miss anything important... But yeah. My school email is fixed, but it doesn't matter now, because I've already set up that forwarding account, so everything's being rerouted to my Yahoo mail anyway. Well, not everything. I swear some things aren't forwarding. So I may still be missing important emails despite the fact that both addresses are supposed to be working now. I can't win. >o< *wonders if it'd be possible to cancel the forwarding service and go crawling back to it later*
I might have to break down and get myself an email address from Adelphia, our cable provider, and reserve it as a private email... seems like it'd be the most reliable way to exchange Japanese emails with Kiwamu, since Yahoo's a slut and my OSU account expires in a couple months...
Sometimes I hate the internet.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 9/29/2004 03:29:00 PM
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