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wStuff You Don't Wanna Know But Are Reading Anyway |
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I dunno how you found this, but alas, here you are. So enjoy the frightening fruits of my troubled little brain.
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wSaturday, January 31, 2004 |
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feeling: cold
listening to: Gackt - Dybbuck
Wanna commit a random act of extreme divine kindness? Get me Gackt's new album, Crescent. Or heck, get me any Gackt album and I'll be yours forever. ^^v
So... time for... more image overload!
I bow to you!
J-rock quiz - Are you Jrock?
brought to you by Quizilla
Shinya's Lips are sealed, and I bet yours are too.
Talk, the world is waiting to hear from you
What Dir en Grey Anatomy Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ah, Toshiya. You're probably dying to show him
off. Depending upon your family, and possibly
the look he's sporting, they could like him or
refuse to give him a chance. Toshiya will try,
but if they don't take to him, it's their loss.
Which member of Dir en Grey should you want to bring home to meet your family?
brought to you by Quizilla
Die is a sweetie! You take good care of him!
Which Dir en Grey member would be your ideal boyfriend?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your best friend is Die! Ha-ha ha alway's laugh's
from him and you. He makes a great best friend.
Good for you!
Which Dir en Grey Member would be your Best Friend?
brought to you by Quizilla
Die is yours! You like to laugh, so does he. With
this manslave, you will always be happy. How
can you resist that face?
Which dir en Grey member are you Goddess to?
brought to you by Quizilla
you are the song: ain't afraid to die
what dir en grey song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a rabid Gackt fangirl. You'll never quit to
get what you want, which just so happens to be
Camui MS Gackt himself.
How much of a Gackt fan(girl) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
So why the abundance of Dir en Grey quizzes and shortness of Gackt, Malice Mizer, etc. quizzes? Mainly because I randomly found some site the other day with a whole page worth of Dir en Grey quiz links, and they're fun. Plus, I've already taken just about every Gackt quiz under the sun, I think. If you want summaries of results, I've been labeled a rabid fangirl, one of his Eternal Dears, his song Secret Garden, his sandy hair look, the Butabara incident, his Le Ciel look, his okra, his dog Belle... in general J-rock quizzes, if he's available as a result, he's the result I get... I may be forgetting some... anyway, they're all in my archives somewhere, I'm sure, if you care to dig. :P
Not a whole lot to say, I guess. I get my pictures from Ohayocon back today, if all goes well. If any of my BLOOD ones don't turn out, I'm seriously gonna cry. >.<
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/31/2004 02:50:00 PM
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wFriday, January 30, 2004 |
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feeling: like closing my eyes and never opening them again
listening to: Dir en Grey - Embryo (what, again?)
I had typed up half of a really cool blog last night while I was waiting for a bunch of new Gackt and Malice Mizer conquests to finish downloading, but then my computer crashed and I lost it. Again. Story of my life.
Something in my brain is looking forward to going home this weekend. I don't have a clue what it is. Home is boring lately, especially without my computer there. Plus, I have a midterm on Monday (what kind of fool teacher has exams on Mondays?? *flex claws*) that I'll have to spend at least part of the weekend studying for. Part of it involves memorizing the geologic time scale. You know... Phanerozoic eon, Paleozoic through Cenozoic eras, Cambrian through Quaternary periods, or whatever the most recent one is... what is it, eon, then era, then period, then epoch? Whatever. I'll know by Monday. Not that I'll ever, EVER have use for this stupid scale again in my entire life, but that doesn't excuse me from having to memorize the entire furking thing. Stupid rock class.
Mmmm... Kyo's voice in this song... watashi no ai shita mono o subete kaeshite... *melt* Of course, this is the tame version of the song... the one I can't find a translation for, and the one they released as a single for airplay and TV appearances and such. I'm still looking for the album version, which is the one I alluded to a couple posts ago about the little girl whose papa rapes her. Ah, J-rock.
*ahem*
I think I figured out something about myself recently. Something that explains a lot about who I am and why I like the things I do and why I feel the way I do about junk and etc etc. Short version... I hate boundaries. You know, the whole idea that everything and everyone on this planet has to fit snugly into some tightly bounded category or another. No, this isn't another anti-stereotype speech. In fact, stereotypes are a good thing, in theory. Like it or not, there are proven historical, behavioral, and physical differences between different races of people. We are not all the same. There is more difference between whites and blacks than just skin color. This, however, does not mean that one race is better than the other, or that either should have any rights that the other doesn't. But this is what stereotyping is based on. It's when idiots take those stereotypes and twist them into out-and-out discrimination that it becomes a bad thing.
Anyway, back to the point. I hate boundaries. I hate that all people have to be categorized based on their physical properties, their families, their interests, their gender, their looks, their role in society, etc etc. No, it's not just a stereotype thing. I'm not a feminist, I don't believe in affirmative action, and it has nothing to do with equality - really, I don't really believe in equality either, beyond the legislative aspects of the term.
It's hard to explain... ok, so take the superficial example of music. How many times have you been asked what your favorite song, band, and/or music genre is? If you're actually able to give one concrete answer to any of those, from that point you belong to a category. Of people who like this band above all others, of people who only listen to this genre of music, whatever. (Keep in mind that I called this a superficial example for a reason - your music taste does NOT determine who you are. it's just an example of categorization.) You'll be loved and respected by other members of that category, and possibly looked down upon by people in other categories. Right? Right. So what about those of us who can't for all the gold in China name a favorite song, band, or music genre? What about those of us who happily listen to anything from Shania Twain to Puff Daddy to Metallica? To anything from Ayumi Hamasaki to Chemistry to Dir en Grey? And everything in between? That's where I fit in. But that's not really a category, is it? I don't like EVERYthing, but I don't dislike everything either. It's shallow, but I've been made to feel pretty darn excluded from the rest of the immediate world based solely on my taste in music.
But that's probably the most superficial example I can think of. So here's a deeper example, one of the potentially most socially damning ones out there: love. Who's to say which people are allowed to love or be loved, and which aren't? Where is there a law that love has to follow any rules, that every couple in love has to fit the same universal standards? Love for a given person the same no matter who's the one doing the loving. When I say love, by the way, I'm talking the pure kind... not the kind where all you're after is quick pleasure (which is not love anyway, but some people think it is, so I figured I'd throw in the disclaimer). If love is pure, what does it matter if it's between two people who are exactly the same or exact opposites? If every person could honestly allow themselves the freedom to love whoever they wanted, this world would probably be a heck of a more pleasant place to live. But instead, people have to restrict themselves behind boundaries. 'I can't love that person because they're ____ and I'm not' and such.
You know what? I can't really explain it any better without making myself sound bisexual. So I'm just gonna stop there before I'm labeled as such.
Heh, this is where at one point some girl I knew a long time ago would've said "I'm not bi, I'm just open-minded." That's a great example though. Why can't everyone be like her?
...like I said, I should probably stop digging myself in deeper. >_>;
Point is, I hate boundaries. Things and people in this world weren't designed to just fit comfortably into one category apiece. There's not supposed to be any kind of universal equality. There are shared characteristics, yes, but that doesn't mean every male is supposed to be exactly the same, every Caucasian is supposed to be exactly the same, every Jew is supposed to be exactly the same, etc etc. Even within categories we do fit into whether we want to or not, there will be variation. And that's how it's supposed to be. You shouldn't have to retreat into your little tightly bounded category just to be happy in life. For example, what if you're a female, and the only company you're ever happy in is with other females? If you're so stuck on hiding within that category of "little girls like little boys," will you ever allow yourself to be happy? Or what if you're a male, and you'd rather live in comfort than run around all day every day feeling like your clothing is squishing your organs and muscles flat? Ok, so maybe that's a bad justification for drag queens :P... but personally, if I had to deal with nothing but discomfort and stress in life, I'd rather have that one little part of me be comfortable if I had the chance, even if it meant wearing stuff people in my category don't normally wear. Why should anyone be socially ostracized for doing what makes them happy, comfortable, etc?
By the way, I am a female who wears women's clothing and enjoys staring at the occasional tight male butt. So don't get any ideas. :p
But see, if everyone were as open-minded as me, this world would be a veritable utopia.
>.>;
Yeah... anyway.
So this morning as I was out walking to my first class of the day, my eyes teared up for no apparent reason. That's the third morning in a row they've done that. What is that about? Maybe my eyes run when it's really cold, instead of my nose? Weird. Eh well... another boundary to dance all over while laughing maniacally. The one between those whose noses run in the cold and those whose noses don't run in the cold. :P
Ok, now I'm just bored and ranting. I'm gonna go take that Dir en Grey ass quiz again just because it's funny.
Bye bye... bye bye... bye bye... bye bye... mother... *swoons all over Kyo*
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/30/2004 05:21:00 PM
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wThursday, January 29, 2004 |
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feeling: contemplative
listening to: Dir en Grey - Embryo and BLOOD - Prayer are stuck in my head... take your pick, they both rock
your jrock alter ego is - izam!
who is your jrock alter ego?
brought to you by Quizilla
That's the only one today, I promise. :3 Seriously though, if you'd seen me laughing my worthless butt off when I was doing all those ones I posted last night, you'd have... I dunno... become very concerned for my safety and that of those around me. :P I think I took the 'Whose Dir en Grey ass could you claim' one 50 times, just because it's a riot. And the Mana/Kimura Takuya thing... sweet ape farts, I thought I was gonna implode.
So today as I was walking through the dorm's basement on a not-so-short-but-indoors-and-therefore-warm-and-dry shortcut to Mirror Lake to get dinner, I heard someone in the music room playing Battle Hymn of the Republic on the piano. And that got me started thinking. Yes, thinking. Go hide now while you can.
My first thought was, oooh, I like this song. It's all triumphant-sounding and such. And my next thought was, wait, why do I always say I like stuff because it sounds triumphant? What is it about me and the concept of triumph? It's not like I've experienced a lot of it in the course of my life... why should it make me happy? And then I realized... it doesn't, really. It just... inspires me, I guess. And I realized that there are a ton of general concepts and stuff that I like to ponder about, not because I relate to them in any way, but just because they inspire me. To think, to write, to draw, to daydream, to do something I otherwise wouldn't bother to do. Like, triumph/victory is one example... others include love, peace (as in quiet tranquility, not as in world peace and lack of war), dreams, flight/wings, eternity, happiness, impermanence, and simple aesthetic beauty. Not just one moment of peace, or one particular dream, or one victory, etc etc. Just the overall concepts. There are more too, but I can't recall them at the moment.
Anyway, why should any of those things do anything for me? Anyone who's known me personally in the last few years will tell you I'm not exactly the sunny, cheery, lovey, optimistic type. Concepts like victory, love, and happiness should make me want to hurt things, not create things. Like I said, I haven't exactly been showered with love and happiness and victory and peace in my lifetime. But... I don't know. When something reminds me of any of those concepts, I start to think. In a positive fashion. Then, typically, I suddenly feel the urge to go write or draw something. It makes little sense.
Yeah, I have no idea why I just said all that. Just something that made me think today. Not many things manage to do that anymore.
Something else I thought about today, inspired by something I read online sometime Sunday: when asked where he would fly if he were to sprout wings on his back, Takeshi of BLOOD replied "To the hospital." It took some time for that to register with me, but as I was walking across the Oval between classes this afternoon, I somehow remembered that, and had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud and freaking out innocent passers-by. Seriously, think about it. If someone presents you with the possibility of sprouting wings on your back and gives you the opportunity to go anywhere with them, what do you think about? Places you've always wanted to go, things you've only ever dreamed of seeing, right? People forget the fact that if they were to suddenly sprout additional appendages from their back, they'd probably find themselves in a whole buttload of pain and bleeding profusely and not sure what's going on. And what do you do when you're in pain, bleeding profusely, and don't know why? You haul tail to the hospital, if you have any sense. No one ever thinks of that. I never would've thought of that. It took me 2 or 3 days to realize how much sense it made after I heard of Takeshi-san saying it. I love BLOOD. ^_^
That's all I got for now. Away I fly.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/29/2004 12:34:00 AM
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wWednesday, January 28, 2004 |
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feeling: still a bit on the high side..
listening to: Dir en Grey - Embryo
Sweet mother, I am such a visual kei fangirl now. I can't even tell you how many BLOOD, Dir en Grey, Izam, Malice Mizer, and Gackt skins I've added to my Winamp folder in the past 2 days. And I can almost tell the Dir en Grey members apart now. Well... actually... ok, besides Kyo and Shinya, no I can't. >.>; But... I ADORE THIS SONG *points to title in italics at top of post* It's amazing how a song from the POV of a little girl who was raped by her father, who killed her beloved mother, and who grows up and kills him and then finds out she's pregnant, can be so gorgeous... especially when it's sung by a male...
Why exactly do girls love visual kei, anyway? I have absolutely no idea. But I've joined the ranks. Visual kei has swallowed my brain. *walks around the room zombie-style, complete with drool, chanting Kiiiiwaaamuuu... Maaannnaaa... Iiiizaaam... Toooshiiiyaaaaa...*
By the way... if you don't know what visual kei means, search Google Images for Dir en Grey and Malice Mizer, and visit the homepage of BLOOD. Best examples of the "visual" part that I can think of. Mmmmm~
Anyway... wanna see my latest quiz results? They're amusing.
Utena and Anthy. You are open-minded and mature.
You seek a relationship in which you can rescue
one another from the hardships of life. The
physical does not matter to you because you
seek a relationship that connects on a
different level.. a level many others may not
be able to grasp but you don't care. You will
fight to the end for your loved one and will
never give up.
Which relationship are you in/ wish to be in? (Anime pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
NONE
(females)what is one of your past lives? (results contain pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Toshiya!!!
A Dir en Grey quiz Whose ass could you claim?
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o__O;; so quiet and malnourished! Take care of the
poor boy and feed him lovingly!
Which Dir en Grey member would make your best pet sidekick?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Shinya, quiet little pretty thing. EAT
SOMETING FOR CRISSAKE!!!! and speak more ^^;;
Which Dir en Grey member are you most like?
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toshiya
Doki Doki Dir en grey quizz ver 2.0
brought to you by Quizilla
Embryo
Which Dir en grey Song Best Represents Your Inner Turmoil?
brought to you by Quizilla
GACKT should suit you!
Which JROCK male should suit YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm TOTALLY jrock. Like. Totally.
How Jrock are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
(I feel I should add that another result for this quiz, one I didn't get, said "I'm half jrock. My mom was Mana and my dad was Kimura Takuya and this is what came of that..." and you can not possibly imagine how hard I laughed X3)
You're the Average Fangirl. You like stuff, but
not to the point where people want to kill you.
What Kind of Fangirl are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ok, I need to quit before I overload Blogger with images or something... lol... crap, that was funny...
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wSunday, January 25, 2004 |
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feeling: I'm coming down :p
listening to: Blood - Sweetest Disease
Another Ohayocon has ended. It's weird... feels like we did a lot less overall this year than last year, but actually we did quite a bit more, considering we got their earlier, stayed later, and actually spent some Sunday time there. In some ways it was much better, in others it was somewhat worse. The hotel was gorgeous, probably bigger and better than last year's, but everything was all spread out weird, which made things very hard to find. But fun was had. Ready for my crappy little biased review? Woowoo.
So Friday we arrived shortly before 4, and after getting registration out of the way, began by raiding the dealers' room. I was hoping to buy some of the many manga and DVDs that I've been trying to find for ages now, but bizarrely, among the millions of books and discs in that room, none were what I wanted. Either that or they were the wrong volume(s). So bluh. But the other thing I was looking to buy this year was some cool, non-astronomically-expensive Gackt item. There was plenty of Gackt memorabilia there, of course, but that astronomically-expensive thing got in the way, so in the end me and Dumplin' split the cost of a 2-poster set and we each kept one. So yay, I finally got me a Gackt poster~ Anyway... then we went to Anime Name That Tune, which is always a good time... I believe I knew a grand total of 4 out of the 60-70 songs they played, which was actually twice as much as I knew at last year's. >.> But one of the ones I guessed was a theme from Oniisama E, which no one else in the whole room knew, so that was cool. Ha. I rock. *ahem* So after that we briefly hit the dealers' room again, and got dinner, then went to Open Mic Night, which consists of people karaoke-ing Japanese/anime music. We didn't stay long though, and I spent most of the time just listening to the songs people were trying to karaoke while doodling in this little sketchpad I happened to be carrying. Then... hmm... we left there early and checked out the anthropomorphics workshop, but it consisted of a bunch of people who already knew each other sitting around talking about their favorite furry cons and the attributes of their 'spirit animals'. Not much of a workshop. So we left there early and, finding nothing else to do, decided to head home around midnight, then screwed around for a few hours, dancing Para Para and watching the Escaflowne movie until our eyes wouldn't stay open any longer. So that was Friday.
By all rights, I should label Saturday as the worst day of the three, but it was actually the best. We got there not long before 11 in the morning and went first to the AMV contest, but unfortunately we spent more time standing in line waiting for the room to open than we did watching AMVs, and we had to leave pretty early to catch the Haibane Renmei 1-4 showing at noon. It seemed pretty darn cool though. One of those more-than-meets-the-eye stories. I need to see the rest someday. So then we got lunch, and then we checked out Otaku Family Feud, which was highly entertaining. Mainly because the guy running the electronics stuff kept flashing messages on the screen making fun of the event's host and his apparent cross-genderal cosplay penchant. Hehe, good times. So that ended, then we headed upstairs to wait in line for the big cosplay event, but it ended up running late and we had an hour to kill before we were even allowed to form a line. So we got some ice cream, then came back and stood in line for God knows how long before they let us in... but fortunately we got fairly good seats, at least. The skits were pretty lousy compared to some of last year's, but there were a handful of good ones, so it was cool.
Then we had to clear out of the ballroom while staff got it set up for the main event of the weekend - the Blood concert. Blood being a real-deal visual kei J-rock band. Every bit as pretty as Malice Mizer and Dir en Grey. ^o^ Of course, we had to stand around in line for like, 2 hours, before the doors opened... I guess we got dinner somewhere in that time... but when the room finally opened, me and Dumplin' shunned our seats and managed to nab standing spots right in the front, where the more rabid fans were gathered, with only a few crowd control folks and a ribbon barricade between us and the stage. Even considering that this was small-time deal, with no fancy stage effects, minimal fancy lighting, and no stage backdrop at all, the concert was amazing. Our favorite of the members, of course, was the most disturbing one, Kiwamu... he was the one who reeled around the stage as though possessed (literally) and started gushing fake (I assume O.o) blood from his mouth halfway through the second song. You'd have never thought it by looking at him, but he was the one who spent the most time appealing to the fans, pointing at people individually (I swear he pointed at me at least twice! *swoon*) and repeatedly throwing himself off the stage and leaning back over the barricade, allowing us to grab at him as much as our little fangirl hearts allowed. Every time he left the stage he ended up either falling over someone or being pulled so far behind the barricade that he had to be pried loose by the crowd control people, at which point he took off running back to his place onstage. I think we freaked him the heck out, poor Kiwamu :3~ ...but he kept coming back for more. The first time he ran by me, I got a piece of his shoulder and possibly face, which resulted in a little streak of fake blood that remained on my wrist until I showered it off this morning because I refused to wash it off any sooner than I needed to. ^^ Anyway... not only that, but amidst another of his offstage journeys... get this... I got to pet his hair. That's right, I got to fulfill every freaking fangirl's dream - petting a J-rocker's hair. Dumplin' got the same privilege, but she also got to rub his cheek, the lucky brat. >:P So... my highlights of the concert, besides getting to pet Kiwamu... 1) two of the members - Kiwamu and Kaede, I think - literally tongueing each other *squee! :P*; 2) their cover of U+K by Gackt, complete with the cheesy arm-swinging; 3) the double encore, which lengthened the concert to juuuust about 2 hours; and 4) walking away with a feather from one of their costumes. Well, actually, when Kiwamu came out for one of their encores, he brought four costume black wings with him and threw them into the crowd... me and Dumplin' both had our hands on one, but some girl yanked it out of our grasp. But at least we got feathers. I kept sniffing mine for the rest of the night. X3
*end fangirl rant*
Sooo... concert ended, then we waited around for another two uneventful hours while the ballroom was converted from a concert hall to a dance hall. The best part of that downtime was glomping random strangers. Yegods, that was fun. I gotta remember next year to walk around the con wearing a sign that says "Will glomp for Pocky." X) Anyway, so then we spent a bit over an hour at the dance, which was disappointing. We were really looking forward to it, but as it turned out the only music they played was an endless loop of nondescript dance beats interspersed with the occasional otherwise-familiar-but-remixed-beyond-recognition anime or J-pop song. Oh, and Yatta. Yatta was the only fun part. No Para Para. *sigh* Anyway, dance music really isn't my thing, so the dance was kinda a letdown. So we left there and went to check out... um... either Anime Hell or Midnight Madness, I'm not sure... where we caught the tail end of a parody fandub of Escaflowne. What we saw of it was hilarious, and I'm sure it'd have been that much better if we'd seen more than just the last 15 minutes. Sooo that was about all for Saturday... we got back to the dorm just before 4 a.m. and conked out. So basically, we spent the majority of Saturday either getting batted around and lost amidst the biggest crowd Ohayocon's probably ever seen, or standing/sitting in ridiculously long, unmoving lines waiting for the big events to start. So in that respect, you might say Saturday was the worst con day, but the Blood concert made the whole weekend worth it. I am officially a fangirl. No exaggeration - not only am I still hoarse, but my left ear is still buzzing.
And finally, Sunday. Not much in the way of panels or anime showings, Sunday being the last day, so we were only there a few hours. First stop was the dealers' room, where I had hoped to buy a Blood poster to be autographed by the band at the Q&A panel/signing session later, but they were out of posters, so instead I got this set of little photos that included one shot of the whole band and one individual shot of each member. I also bought what was advertised to be the box set of the Apocalypse Saga of Utena, but I got ripped - what should have been 13 episodes on 2 discs was actually only 4 episodes on 1 disc plus a free T-shirt I'll most likely never wear. And of course, everything bought in the dealers' room is nonrefundable. Go figure. I've been to 2 conventions now - I was overdue for a good screwing-over.
But yeah, then we went to the Blood Q&A panel, which was short but sweet. The guys were great... they granted requests for hugs, and they smiled and gave V-signs when they noticed people aiming cameras at them - especially Kaede. His smile is so pretty. ^^ However, the session didn't really last as long as planned because their translator never showed up, so a few random people either attending or working for the con had to do the translating, and they weren't too good at it. The only one of the guys who knew any decent English at all was Kiwamu (go figure), so he did his best, but after a while the questions just got too specialized for both him and the translators. So instead, the band members decided to demonstrate their hair and makeup techniques on a lucky freakin' audience member. Of course, pretty much every arm in the room went up, but Kiwamu ended up picking some girl who looked about 13 and had extremely long, straight, plain, messy hair... and the four of them broke out their prettification supplies to make it even messier. Like, two of them would work on her hair while the other two did makeup, and such. Rarr, I hate that girl. XP And Kiwamu also did a quick makeup job on some guy working as con staff, which was amusing. A few more photo ops, and the session was dismissed, which meant everyone in the room took off on a mad dash upstairs to the ballroom floor, where the autograph signing would be held. Luckily, me and Dumplin' got one of the better spots in line, so it wasn't nearly as agonizing as Saturday's monstrous lines. So we got everyone's autographs and our pics taken with them, and I spent the next few hours kicking myself because I gave Kiwamu the wrong picture to sign. I mixed up his photo with Taichi's. >_<;; I just about fell over dead... Kiwamu held the picture up and gave me this look that just silently screamed "Does this look like me, you fool? *points 2 fingers and Becky's chest explodes in a fountain of blood*". God, talk about embarrassed. Baka. Baka baka baka. >.< But... thankfully he was a sweetheart about it... he was the only one of the four who attempted any kind of English vocal exchange at all, so he asked for my name, which the other 3 didn't do, and then conversationally asked me if I'd bought their CD. And suddenly I felt very, very tiny. First I mix up the stinkin' pictures, then I didn't have their CD. 9_9 So I said not yet, but I was on my way back there after the signing to see if they had any left. And by freakin' Bob, if I didn't hightail it to the J-music booth in the dealers' room as soon as I got my autographs to snatch up that CD for $20. It's good though. Short... only 7 tracks, all standard length... but it's good. I keep listening to it over and over. Anyway... that was about it, really. We wandered out of the dealers' room and headed back to the dorm, then watched the last episode of FLCL, which Dumplin' had bought, and then she went home, and then I sat down and typed up half of this blog, and then my computer ate itself and I lost it... and here we are.
So that was the con from my ever so influential POV. Only thing I haven't covered was the realm of cosplay, which... kinda disappointed me this year. I would say literally 30-40% of all the cosplayers I saw were dressed as some Inuyasha character or another. Now, I like Inuyasha, but... geez, people. A little originality. Anyway... there were also a great number of Vash cosplayers, some of which were accompanied by Wolfwoods... one such couple actually looked pretty darn convincing, but I didn't get a chance to take their picture, which sucked. There were also loads of Final Fantasy cosplays, especially from FFs 7, 8, and 10. No Kuja though. :P And we saw a few different Edwards (Cowboy Bebop's Edward) running around, which would've been pretty annoying, but at least two of them filled their roles very, very well. They talked like Ed (think "Nyo?", "Aiyaaa", and "Zooooom!"), they walked like Ed (for an example, watch Mushroom Samba), and they were toothpick-skinny like Ed. At least one of them carried around an Ein plushie, too.
But the single best costume of this Ohayocon, by far, had to be the guy dressed up as the mysterious Sephiroth-resembling short-haired stranger from the as yet unreleased FF7 movie. Skinny, butt-tight leather, convincing Masamune, perfect wig (which is very rare in the cosplay world), perfectly cut costume made entirely of butt-tight leather, perfect face and attitude... butt-tight leather... he was fecking perfect. Butt-tight leather. XD He was actually better than last year's Kuja. Gasp! No, seriously. :s Kuja was awesome, of course, but... his wig was all fake-looking and a complete tangled mess of lavender-silver. But this Sephy-clone guy's wig was remarkably accurate. And holy crap, I'll never know how he managed both to find all that leather AND to make it into a die-cast replica of the character's costume. Just... yum.
So I guess that was my con. I don't think I left anything out... lines, Blood, blowing lots of cash, glomping random strangers, Blood, the wonderful world of cosplay, more Blood...
Blood!
KIWAMU DAISUKI!!!
*ahem*
I'm finished now. Just about time to trudge through the big Winter Storm to pick up some dinner. I haven't spent enough time outside freezing my butt off this weekend. :p Late.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/25/2004 06:28:00 PM
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wWednesday, January 21, 2004 |
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feeling: it's too early
listening to: nothing
That Planters Peanuts commercial with the peanut dancing to that Saturday Night Fever song really disturbs me. That peanut is just a liiiiiittle too humanlike from the waist down. *shudder*
Here's a bunch of quizzes. I took them late last night while putting off homework.
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your: Mysterious eyes. All in the title. Your
independant secretive and myseterious. You
appear cold and distant, but hey, at leats no
one messes with you.
What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
important sides. There is your strong, powerful
side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
that along with the good, you also can see bad,
which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)
What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)
**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're like a Dark Unicorn!
?? Which Mythical Creature Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Magic
?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
That's enough. Time to get ready for psych class.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/21/2004 08:50:00 AM
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wTuesday, January 20, 2004 |
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feeling: crampy >_<
listening to: Gackt - Death Wish
I was right... when I got back to the dorm yesterday evening, Sekiray was not here to greet me. He was long gone. I sent him home with mom and dad, where he'll remain whole in a freezer until next time I'm home, when I can bury him myself. I wasn't here for him in his final hours... least I can do is send him off right.
Seriously, he was the most gorgeous fish I've ever seen. I'm almost certain he was genuine breeder's stock, probably culled from the stock of a local breeder who thought he wasn't quite up to standard for some reason... maybe he was just a bad father, or maybe he was a 'retired' stud. Betta genetics are not my forte, but I saw evidence of extended red, opaque (solid white), marble, butterfly (two-colored fins), and combtail in him, at the least... the end result was a deep, deep maroon fish with a brilliant sheen to his body (that would be the opaque layer), red and white marbled semi-butterfly combtail fins, and possibly coolest of all, very pale, almost ice-blue eyes. That had to be the opaque layer showing through too, since most of the time red bettas have red eyes. Photos could never do him justice, not even close. There'll never be another like him. All I can do is remember...
I heard the voice of the wind
I want to know the rest of the dream
No one will tell me
My chest was smeared red...
I only want you to understand
Why I must go back...
Far off in this endlessly continuing white Earth
The voice that cries out no longer reaches anyone
As if to conceal this body's pain,
Embraced by kindness from the heavens...
The moon reflected in those eyes is pretty
Even as the night is unfinished
Far off in this endlessly continuing white Earth
The voice that cries out no longer reaches anyone
Deeply into this endlessly continuing white Earth
I'm still falling and cannot be healed by anyone
As if to envelop that small body,
Embraced by the kindness of the Sekirei...
Lie at rest with kindness from the heavens,
Embraced by the warmth of the Earth...
~Gackt - Sekirei ~seki-ray~
...yes, the song for which Sekiray was named. I'll always be so proud of that name. And every time I listen to that song, I'll turn up the volume so he can hear it, just like I always used to when his tank was right here next to me.
But anyway, I'm not planning to get another betta anytime soon. I've still got Phoenix, and lately he's got enough punk attitude to fill 10 bettas. Besides, I'm tired of cleaning out two tanks every week. The next betta I buy goes into a 5 gallon tank, which I can cycle, and thus never need to do 100% water changes on. But it's useless to cycle a tank when I'll have to take it home for spring break, start the cycle over, then bring it back here, start it over again, then take it home for summer break and AGAIN start the cycle over. Not worth it. So until this school year is over - at least - it'll just be me and Phoenix. I'm cool with that.
Ugh, stupid cramps. I swear, it's been years since I last had cramps. I should've said yes when my parents offered to send their heating pad back to the dorm with me.
Oh yeah, did I ever blog the story behind that? Ok, so exactly one day after I took my very last dose of Prevacid (my ulcer treatment, yay), which was mid-December, I was sitting in my room watching Family Guy when I felt a familiar ache twisting up my stomach. It got gradually worse, until it was just a few notches below that initial pain that sent me to the emergency room in November. So I went downstairs and told mom, scaring her to death, then went back to her room and laid down in a full-body stretch on her bed, with my arms up over my head... and within 45 seconds the ache was gone. Poof. It had to be just a muscle cramp kinda thing, so I shrugged it off and went back to watching TV.
BUT! Then, I think just the very next day, the same thing happened AGAIN. Only this time, lying flat on my back in a full-body stretch didn't help in the least. So my mom was freaking out, but dad remained calm (it's a gift he has that never ceases to amaze me) and dug out a heating pad, which he flopped over my gut. And ta-freakin-daaa... within 45 seconds, again, the ache was gone. Two back-to-back scares, and they both turned out to be insanely coincidental ab muscle cramps.
Sooooo that's why they offered to send the heating pad here with me. Oh, and no, the cramps I'm writhing through now are NOT the same kind I was having those two nights in December. Ahem. >_>
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/20/2004 07:40:00 PM
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wMonday, January 19, 2004 |
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feeling: restless
listening to: nothing
I got so bored I decided to blog about a whole bunch of nothing. Aren't you excited?
So, wanna see something cool I discovered? Go to Google and search for 1) the URL of this blog, 2) just 'baranoblog', or 3) the title of this blog (in quotes). You'll notice that my blog has its own link in the Google database now. That's never happened before. Wil Wheaton, watch your back. :P *snort*
Tomorrow is going to suck. I just know I'm gonna get back to the dorm only to find my precious stud Sekiray lying lifeless at the bottom of his tank. He's been showing his age for at least 6 months now - that's a pretty even half of all the time he's lived with me - and in the past 2 weeks he just declined so fast I couldn't believe he was still breathing when I left Friday afternoon. He wasn't eating well, refusing pellets completely, sometimes refusing or spitting out bloodworms, and all he'd do all day was lie on his side at the bottom breathing hard, looking pathetic. I'll honestly be surprised if he's still there when I go back... but maybe that would be better, because if he's not, I'll have to change his water the next day, and I know that would stress him closer, if not right to, a very literal death. I'm gonna miss my little stud. No, I miss him already. I've been missing him since he first started to go downhill, months ago. I hate seeing him so helpless.
Anyway... not only that, but I have a ton of homework that needs to get done when I get back. And nephy's going to be here tomorrow, so we won't get to leave here until after dinner. Which means that if I do have to tear down poor Sekiray's tank when i get back, and THEN do homework... urg... it's going to be a very long day. Then sometime this week I need to decide on a topic and a medium for the big project required in my Japanese lit class that's worth 50% of the final grade. That's all she's calling it - a project. The medium can be anything from a regular research paper to a group presentation to a miniature Noh performance, or something even more insane. No doubt mine will end up being a regular paper... though she'll probably require it to be, like, 15 pages or some such ridiculous length. Yeah, if this point wasn't driven home a couple months ago when I was doing that term paper for history last quarter... I HATE LONG PAPERS. Die die die.
So... moving on...
Remember when I said I wanted to learn Para Para? Yeah... never mind. >_> I learned this really simple little Para Para routine from an Ayumi Hamasaki concert clip I downloaded by accident ages ago, but... it's like, Para Para for 5 year olds, seriously. Took me 10 minutes to master it. Then the other day I found a video of some professional (?) Para Para troop that goes around performing and such, as troops tend to do... and... yeah. I was not born with that kind of coordination. Sigh. It looks so bizarrely fun, too...
Ow. My sides are achy. Which is weird, because it's due to the fact that I've been doing situps again, and you'd think situps would make your abs hurt, not your sides. Fuh. Yeah, I realized a few weeks ago that I was starting to gain weight back, and I decided I preferred being able to see my toes, count my ribs, and wear jeans 4 sizes smaller than the size that commonly cut off circulation to my legs about a year ago. So I still eat, but I do situps in the morning in an attempt to either stay steady or keep the gain under control (i.e., put fat somewhere besides my gut). They never worked before, but... I dunno, if my sides ache, then maybe they are now, one way or another.
So for a month or so there I all but abandoned my dream log thingy. For a while I kept at the thing like crazy, recording every detail of every dream that I could remember... then for some reason I kinda stopped having coherent dreams. They were all just little bits and pieces that I never could remember by the time I woke up. Maybe because most of that time I was on winter break, and actually getting full nights' sleep, instead of being awakened by my stupid alarm at various stages in the sleep cycle, as during the school term. They say you only have dreams in certain stages of sleep, and that you only remember dreams if you wake up in the middle of them. Anyway, then just in the past week or so I started keeping it up again. I've recorded 2 and ignored 2... the ignored ones were ones that I remembered pretty well, but that freaked me out so bad I woke myself up shivering and feeling half sick, so I figured I'd save my sanity and not record those.
I like my dream world, though. I have some fun little advantages there. Like, I often know when I'm dreaming... I can recall several dreams in which I said something like "good thing this is just a dream" or "I'll have to remember all this when I wake up." That's always cool. Plus, I have this ability to continue unfinished dreams, picking them up right where they left off, as long as I have the time to fall back asleep. I've had dreams come in 5 or more separate parts before, each part separated by up to a few minutes of wakefulness, and each picking up where the prior part left off. I've even "finished" a few dreams, as if they were movies or something. It's great. Dreams give you a chance to live out your dark side and explore the things you fear from the safety of sleep. You know that big glowing squidlike beast is likely to tear you apart, but you also know that soon you'll wake up and be in one piece, unscathed and quite alive. You know all your morals prevent you from crossing certain boundaries in life, but when they're presented to you in dreams, they're fair game - you can indulge in them, then wake up and know that you still haven't crossed that line in real life. Dreams are great things.
Murr... that's enough random nothingness for now, I guess. I'm getting stiff from sitting up. Time to lie around reading Dark Comes the Morning until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.
Sweet dreams. :P
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/19/2004 01:59:00 AM
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wTuesday, January 13, 2004 |
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feeling: more and more tired
listening to: Hide - Pink Spider
Ohayocon in a week and a half. I need to learn Para Para somehow if we decide to go to the dance. Ayumi taught me a little, but I forgot it already :P
Here's another survey...
What comes to mind when you hear...
..snow?: peace
..rain?: depressed
..tornado?: fierce
..summer love?: beaches O_o
..Jon?: Arbuckle
..Mike?: Little Mikey, or whatever that movie was called... I never saw it
..Shea?: O'Shea, that lizard guy that's no where near as cool as Steve Irwin
..banana?: breakfast
..dizzy?: blond
..Laura?: ok, whoever made this just threw a bunch of their friends' names in here... very clever... umm Laura... shoulder length blond hair (do not ask)
..Juan?: Don
..car?: Barret, my T-bird
..white?: all the prettiest animals; also snow
..peppermint?: soothed tummyache
..New Found Glory?: jeans... yes I know that's Faded Glory, shut up lol
..placebo?: sugar
..orange juice?: acid
..candid camera?: rolling around laughing
..sister?: dreams *sigh*
..brother?: workin' man (I hope he never sees this lol)
..hate?: heartbreak
..school?: a friggin buttload of work and stress
..President?: mistake
..football?: boring; also cold
..rap?: bling bling :P
..pop?: guillotine... mmmm...
..rock?: happy medium
..punk?: Phoenix
..sex?: hurt (again, don't ask)
..death?: emptiness
..baby?: the smell of baby powder
..duuude?: Bill and Ted
..the end?: reading a novel
...never mind, the rest of that survey was designed for girls between the ages of, say, 11 and 15. Ugh augh.
What is it about me wanting to blog lately? Nothing ever goes on, I have nothing to talk about... fuh... anyway, I have a fish tank to clean, so. Mata ato de.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/13/2004 07:21:00 PM
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wSaturday, January 10, 2004 |
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feeling: tired of being awake... it's been, what, 21 years now...
listening to: Cowboy Bebop - Pushing the Sky
Here is something I've been meaning to post here for, like, a year. It's long, and even longer with my commentary, but I find it pretty darn humorous. Enjoy.
becky is recognised by the family (by gummy, they're right!)
becky is down? (*nod?*)
becky is pure evil (it's been said)
becky is super cute (it's... not been said)
becky is recognized by the family of vanity fair (now THAT amuses me)
becky is here (the fuu-uuun has arri-i-iiived...)
becky is in love (am not!)
becky is a winner (I won a few spelling bees...)
becky is donating a portion of the proceeds of this book to the cause of animal welfare
becky is not impressed (this is my favorite so far :P)
becky is just passing andy
becky is left (no! I'm right!)
becky is or something (yesss, I am or something! now I can die proud)
becky is super cute/ (the slash is a nice touch)
becky is destined to become a governess (I advise you all to hide)
becky is an unhealthy obsession (ok, this is my new favorite LOL)
becky is the host of the frocktail segment (I 0wnZor all your frocktails!)
becky is constantly helping other employees
becky is an excellent guitarist (well, I took lessons for a whole year...)
becky is applying for a posting in chile
becky is five feet (actually I'm 5'5"...)
becky is 25 years old (...do I just exude oldness or something?)
becky is now the elementary librarian for green township school
becky is the sort of character who would actually commit a (commit a what?? I'm curious now :P)
becky is unavailable for some reason lorraine may be able to answer queries on existing matters or ensure that becky is contacted and your query passed on (eheh, this makes me sound so important)
becky is an alumna of the university of delaware
becky is definitely daddy's girl (teehee... *ahem*)
becky is as friendly and outgoing a person you'll ever meet hanging around with gun toting lunatics and other edgerunners (yes! shake my hand, I'm friendly! pay no mind to the pistol...)
becky is also employed at rr donnelley & sons (who's that? are the sons single?)
becky is back (yo, what'd I miss?)
becky is a player who is not afraid of hard work (uh... I liked it before they added "who is not afraid of hard work")
becky is a certified teacher who teaches computer literacy in an elementary school
becky is also certified by delta as an animal assisted therapy evaluator and she works with paws for health giving pet partners seminars (yes... I work with paws)
becky is relatively easy (lol, 'relatively' is a nice touch)
becky is in the 5th grade and is an excellent student (nah, I only wish I was)
becky is now a member of the oval x (now I'm either a gang member or an underground rebel, I think)
becky is shown on the gardenvision screen at the garden (all right, gardenvision!)
becky is from the nebraska pinto charter
becky is asking the supervisor to assign name for a new account
becky is such a sweetheart (awww I'm touched, the internet likes me)
becky is one in a million (a million cow pies? hey, welcome to Ohio)
becky is the jcc "right (it's results like this that make me so curious it's not funny)
becky is also a part of planning activities that are meant to help the different residence hall staffs to network and build relationships (this could've come from my dorm... except I have nothing to do with the staff in my dorm... but it sounds like something someone from this dorm would say)
becky is an excellent nurse (see? now will you COUGH already?)
becky is down for a well earned rest and will then be "working" on a new silk flower arrangement (actually, can I just keep resting?)
becky is back at school by claire shanahan the teacher
becky is 10 and bobby is 6
becky is barbie's wheelchair (um... words fail me here...)
becky is a pleasure to be around
becky is only one minor title away from the gsdca's performance award of merit
becky is a black oct91 greyhound girl (err... is that a calendar? never mind, I'd rather not know)
becky is now in the process of creating her own www "portrait gallery" showing more examples of her drawings (actually I am... not really, I just should be... but I'm lazy)
becky is one of our staff writers at mission network news (you learn something new every day)
becky is one of my best friends (lies! all lies!!)
becky is a new sales associate with coldwell banker the ron brown company
becky is pretty confident that she can beat erebus in arm wrestling (eheh... ph34r m3)
becky is definitely a character (I like characters...)
becky is learning to cook healthier (well, I can cook lowfat TV dinners)
becky is married and has 12 pets
becky is l (w00t for me, I'm l)
becky is unlike the majority of the women in romance novels (HAHA... almost as funny as the unhealthy obsession one)
becky is an alumni of michigan technological university and has been working for the university for 15 years
becky is a small neighborhood flower shop where we cater to each customers needs personally (now I'm a flower shop... what'll they think of next?)
becky is also focusing on performing for audiences at new age and yoga centers (I had to ask)
becky is also mime compatible for binary file attachments (this is hilarious on so many levels)
becky is very sensitive to and appreciative of this magical (magical what? I want magic!)
becky is the greatest ta i?ve ever had (if this is the TA I think it means... *ducks*)
becky is the founder and chair of the student (chair of the student? no comment)
becky is a very mild mannered westie (westie = West Highland Terrier, I'm told...)
becky is een buff rex (...*shrug*)
becky is a local celebrity but we wish it was for a better reason (haha this I enjoy)
becky is a strange cat (I like to think so :3)
becky is 5' 4" and is 33 years old
becky is waiting (YES! they got one!)
becky is carrying a laundry basket filled with some old clothes
becky is an innovator (SNORT)
becky is (ooh a blank... can I fill in my own here? how about "becky is great"?)
becky is great (well, that answers that question... har har)
becky is spayed and now retired (can't say it matters, I never planned to pollute this planet with offspring anyway)
becky is a returning sophomore for the golden eagles as an
becky is co (co? codependent? coerced? cosigned?)
becky is practicing with her dog billy (...none of you say a friggin word :P)
becky is a native to colorado and loves her community
becky is #1
becky is guilty of? later in this (more incompletion... grr, what am I guilty of? treason? impersonating a mime?)
becky is suspicious about her windfall (haha... I like this one too)
Brought to you by Googlism.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/10/2004 12:58:00 AM
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wFriday, January 09, 2004 |
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feeling: blank
listening to: Matsu Takako - The Shooting Star
Some random weird simple pleasure type things that give me jollies for no apparent reason:
~Honey (see previous blog).
~Mint anything. The flavor and scent have proven soothing properties.
~Sweaters.
~Cold weather.
~Well defined shoulder muscles.
~Spending some time each day to just lie on my bed, in silence, doing some idle daydreaming.
~Learning new kanji.
~Suckers. Actually, most hardtack in general... it all comes with proven soothing properties too.
~Squidging the stuffed white tiger Dumplin' gave me.
~Full moon.
~Wearing dark blue stuff.
~Chewing on popsicle sticks after the popsicle's gone.
~Mynci Beach Volleyball. Blasted cheesy little game.
~Waking up early, with time to get stuff done, and not being tired.
~Wearing my tiger slippers.
~Plaid lounge pants.
~Hoodies.
~Hot chocolate.
~Basking in the delusion that everyone, everywhere, will one day be loved.
~Sweetgum leaves.
~Sesame seeds.
~Snow.
~Fireflies.
...That's all I can think of right now. Bunch of weird things to consider simple pleasures... but I get a kick out of this stuff, for some reason. But I think a reminder that simple pleasures still exist could only do me good right now. I continue to lose battles.
comment! (0)
dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/09/2004 12:20:00 AM
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wWednesday, January 07, 2004 |
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feeling: don't know anymore
listening to: Matsu Takako - Yume no Shizuku (Drops of a Dream)
Last night I wrote a little self-narrative thing of a scenario I envisioned regarding the basis of my most recent catfight with depression. See the last blog and/or my newest subjournal post if you forgot what that is. I think I'm losing to it now... it's getting harder and harder to resist just throwing these last few years away and hurling myself wide open into a side of Life I never wanted anything to do with. I thought maybe writing it all down in that little story thing would drain it out of my mind for good, because that's worked before... but instead I find myself wanting to read it over and over... and then write more. But every time I do, I lose another battle. Don't worry, I'm not hurting really... this isn't pain... more like confusion, longing, self-depreciation, annoyance, and maybe a little shame, all at once. Ok, maybe a little pain. But it's just a side effect, and a small one.
I know, I know... this is the third or fourth time I've ranted about this... so why haven't I even said what's actually going on? There's a reason, trust me. Of all the things I've done and been through, this is the one that I'd really rather not lay out in the open. It's a cruel weakness as it is; letting it run free will only weaken me more, and once I hit a certain point other people will start driving nails of their own into the weak spot, and it'll be one of those vicious cycle things. I'm more likely to win this war if I keep it to myself. So don't think I don't trust you, because odds are if you're here reading this, you're one of the scant few people I do trust. Sorry for worrying you, and for being all secretive... but I need to vent this stuff now and then or it really eats away at me. I just can't vent in full detail.
I have the coolest calendar ever this year. It's tigers... not all white tigers like last year's, which was awesome too... but the images in this new one are infinitely better. Don't ask me why. They're just so much cooler to look at. I love this calendar.
This quarter is... interesting so far. Four classes, and I only needed to buy books for one of them, plus a lab manual for another one, which barely counts. My psych teacher is a riot... I lost count of how many times everyone in lecture this morning just burst out laughing at something he said. I'm gonna like this guy, I think. The main teacher of my Japanese (language) class, the one who replaced Terashima-sensei starting this quarter, is 7 months pregnant, so it'll be interesting to see who fills her role when she ducks out on maternity leave in March or so. And I swear my geology professor somehow shares DNA with Woody Allen. It's creepy and funny at the same time. Oh, on that note, yesterday we found out that the class our geology classroom is used for in the time slot before our class (did that confuse you enough?) is taught by Dr. Foland, who taught the geology class I was in last spring. So I'll probably see him several times throughout the quarter, which is pretty cool. Everyone liked him... he has this twinkle in his eyes that tells you he's absolutely passionate about the stuff he's teaching, and somehow there's this... gentleness to him. Weird as that sounds, it was always encouraging. Plus, he brought us cookies and candy all the time, which was even more encouraging. :3
It is really, really cold this week. Yesterday just before the sun went down, it was 9 degrees, wind chill not included. I don't really like the feeling of that subzero wind numbing my face to the point of pain, but... it's funny. Overall I love this weather. I feel normal in the cold, like I'm in my natural element or something. Plus, walking through the cold always kicks my brain into gear in a good way... hard to explain... I'd almost generalize it as a poetic feeling. It's even better when it's snowing... big, fat snowflakes pouring down so thick you can't see across the street, covering everything in glittering white... I could just stand outside for hours watching a scene like that, dumb smile on my face, oblivious to the temperature. I know, I'm weird. Winter rules.
Finally, I've realized lately that I have this thing about honey. Yes, honey. Honey butter, honey mustard, honey in tea, honey chicken, honey Pretz :P... honey. I'm not sure where it came from, but... mmmmm, honey...
All right, no more weirdness for now. I'm gonna go kill time doing something besides homework, like the infinitely cool genius that I am.
~EDIT: thought I'd add that I also got a Miho T-shirt for Christmas... it wasn't included in the list a few blogs back because we got one for Dumplin' too and it took them forever to get us the right one... but now they finally did so I'm putting it here :P
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/07/2004 02:57:00 PM
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wMonday, January 05, 2004 |
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feeling: annoyed at myself
listening to: nothing
Well, I'm hopeless. The same thing that took me 5 years to put behind me took just 5 minutes to fall into all over again. That was a week ago... this morning confirmed it... our eyes didn't even meet for more than about 8 seconds, but apparently that was all it took. I spent the rest of the morning lying somewhere hidden from everyone else around, unable to think of anything but the happiness we used to have... and trying to imagine what it'd be like to have it back. That warmth, that closeness, that openness, that trust... all I ever wanted in life, to this day, was a friend like that, and while I do consider myself lucky to have experienced it, even if only for a couple years, all I can feel now is the emptiness that was left in its place. All I can think about is wanting it back.
And on top of that, of course, there's still...
I'll never be happy again, will I?
...Ok, enough moody stuff. Time for randomness.
Today I moved back to the dorm, which means tomorrow I plunge into what I guarantee will be my most evil, stressful quarter to date. Heh, I've said that at the start of every quarter for the past 2 years, I think... and you know what? I've been right every time. I'll be right this time, too. 4 classes instead of 3, 19 credit hours instead of 15... 2 honors classes and 2 600-level major-specific classes, one of which I believe is a writing class, much like that stupid history class I had to take last quarter that just about killed me 3 or 4 times. And Terashima-sensei, my Japanese teacher since the beginning of last year, will not be returning this quarter, which sucks royally. Everyone loved her. I think my one silver lining this quarter is that the teacher of my Japanese 655 (literature) class is the same as the teacher I had for Japanese 251 last quarter... and she's a piece of cake. Sitting through one of her classes is like going through third grade all over again. Unfortunately it's based on literature of the middle ages/Edo period... I would've preferred the old, classical stuff like Genji and the Pillow Book... but, no one ever said life was fair.
Me and Dumplin' had much fun the other night. It seems like we never stop finding new stuff to crack up at no matter how many times we play Bushido Blade... and I've never had such a blast sitting through an episode of Reign: The Conqueror :3~ "It's... amazing!" Dumplin', daisuki!
I'm tired... but I don't wanna go to bed, because the sooner I do, the sooner it'll be tomorrow. Tomorrow's gonna suck cheese. So is pretty much every weekday following it for the next 11 weeks or so. Can I go back in time about... maybe 15 1/2 hours... and just stay there forever? Or even better, how about 5 years back?
I can't believe myself right now... -_- goodnight
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/05/2004 01:20:00 AM
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wSunday, January 04, 2004 |
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feeling: very bored
listening to: Ohtaki Eiichi - Shiawase na Ketsumatsu (A Happy Ending)
There, I remembered the translation. Aren't you proud? Even better... I've translated the whole song. Wanna see? I didn't figure. But if you do, it's in my J-music Translations Project blog, which is linked in my AIM subprofile. I really should put more time into that project...
Not much to say. Nothing, in fact. I just wanted to blog, for some reason. I need to find a good long survey to fill out or something >.> Ooh, I can go through some Friday Five archives. It's been ages since I did the Friday Five... sooo here's a bunch of past weeks' Fives... enjoy and such.
Do you like to shop? Why or why not? not really... I like getting new stuff, but I'm also cheap and lazy and not fond of being in public places for too long
What was the last thing you purchased? a DVD box set from eBay, 2 nights ago
Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why? online, because the internet is cool and I'm too lazy to leave home the majority of the time
Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it? no I did not
What was the last thing you regret purchasing? I don't regret any of my purchases... I deliberate so long before actually buying them that if I have any regrets in the end, it's because I didn't buy
What food do you like that most people hate? umm, I dunno... peas?
What food do you hate that most people love? french toast, though 'hate' is a strong word
What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you? pretty much all famous people that anyone finds attractive... because I'm cool
What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive? Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie :P oh, and Kevin Sorbo... and yes I'm aware that all those guys are old enough to be my father lol
What popular trend baffles you? most or all 'trends' baffle me... the ones I actually take notice of, anyway
Name five things in your refrigerator. Leftover lasagna, jug of milk, a big ham cut into sandwich slices, various sauces/dressings/condiments, a nearly empty carton of eggs... I could go on
Name five things in your freezer. heh, it'd be harder to name five things not in that freezer... hmm... TV dinners, bloodworms, berries that haven't been made into pies yet, about a dozen bags of cookies, and homemade vanilla ice cream
Name five things under your kitchen sink. flower vases, dish soap, old toothbrushes for scrubbing various crud, the vase I used to keep Mitsu in, and mom's watering can
Name five things around your computer. both fish tanks, piles and piles of software/CD-Rs, nail clippers, a few small plushies for decor, and lord knows how many different kinds of candystuffs from Seafood Japan
Name five things in your medicine cabinet. toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, combs, and spare contact lenses for me and mom
Do you watch sports? If so, which ones? no, not a sports person
What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes? again... nope
Are there any sports you hate? football irks me lol
Have you ever been to a sports event? many many... from peewee football games to college basketball
Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play? I was a sprinter on the track team for 2 years... hated every minute
What vehicle do you drive? sky blue 1991 Ford Thunderbird... his name is Barret
How long have you had it? umm... 5 years?
What is the coolest feature on your vehicle? his black bra :P
What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle? it's just old... specifically though... I dunno, the sound system is wussy
If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now? I would say H2, but extravagance isn't really my thing heh... I dunno, if it runs and isn't an Escort, Festiva, or Metro, I'll probably drive it
Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why? heh, I have many, especially recently... but I guess I can say Gackt because he has amazing versatility, writes incredible lyrics, plays piano like a g4wd, and his voice has actually made me shiver on more than one occasion *clings to Nine Spiral, Secret Garden, and Fragrance*
What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why? ok, just one? Britney Spears, and the reasons should be very obvious >.>
If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person? bloody fook, yes :P
Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show? *sigh*
What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music? in short... the RIAA is making way too big a deal out of music sharing. musicians are in no way going to suffer financially just because some people would rather download than buy. also, most people download music for preview purposes... if they like what they hear, they go buy the album; and if not, what's the big loss? ...and I don't really feel like going into that anymore heh
Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed? it's the same, except I respond more to Becky, not Rebecca
If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be? I was never crazy about my name(s), but I never could decide what I'd want to change them to, so I don't know
Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?) no story... my parents wanted something original, as in they wanted me to have my own name, not be someone else's namesake... one of them just liked the name Rebecca (I forget which one picked it), so that's what it became
Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why? none come to mind at the moment... there are tons of names I like the sound of, but none that really really jump out at me as especially beautiful... or whatever
Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn't it? well, let's see...
Kabalarians.com says:
The influence of Becky makes you positive, self-assertive, and independent. You can be creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, such as handicrafts. When you have the opportunity to pursue your own goals and interests free from interference, you can feel very agreeable and express a buoyant optimism. On the other hand, you can be impulsive and forceful when opposed, and act without due forethought and discretion. Hence you have many bitter experiences and generally rather unsettled conditions in your life, with little progress and financial accumulation. You cannot tolerate any domination by others, or circumstances that restrict your freedom and independence. You are inclined to make changes abruptly in your life as an escape from such conditions.
...the first half of which is kinda... well, a load of monkey dung. From "hence..." onward is a little closer to true though, but not by much.
Triggur.org says:
BECKY
From the Greek root meaning "Licker of Toads" (I'm not even gonna ask about that one)
Expression
Becky is drawn to the scene of an accident by morbid curiosity. (true ^^)
Personality
Becky is not exceptionally stable. (in some ways true, I guess)
Natural
Becky likes animals-- perhaps too much. (that's me :P)
Emotional
Becky is cold and calculating. (I suppose I can be, actually)
Character
Becky uses violence as a means of self-expression. (nah, I hate pain)
Physical
Becky has a problem with body odor. (wouldn't be surprised >.>)
Mental
Becky has a horrible, horrible secret. (it's not THAT horrible...)
Motivation
Becky hates dealing with the details. (yes! yes!!)
...and that astroexpert.com thing spit out more gibberish than I really care to deal with, so screw that. moving on...
When was the last time you laughed? a couple hours ago, at Matsu Takako's and Kimura Takuya's collective cuteness in Love Generation
Who was the last person you had an argument with? my mom, over a Monopoly game :P
Who was the last person you emailed? the fine folks at Paypal
When was the last time you bathed? I haven't really done much associating with Life this week, so my last shower was late Thursday
What was the last thing you ate? an apple dumpling with homemade vanilla ice cream on top *drool*
What time do you wake up on weekday mornings? on weekends and breaks, anywhere from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. is common... during school, it depends on my schedule... but it looks like I'll be getting up at 8:30 or 9 every day this quarter *mutter*
Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late? why yes, in fact, I do >.> see above for times
Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning? umm... hit the alarm, often doze off again, writhe around a while, stumble across the room, turn on the lights... let me know when we get to the parts that count...
How long does it take to get ready for your day? maybe 15 minutes
When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast? I so rarely eat breakfast, at home or otherwise, that I really couldn't tell you
Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it? Stephanie [last name withheld], beginning when I was about 7
Are you still in touch with this person? not really, I guess
Do you have a current close friend? yes, Dumplin'
How did you become friends with this person? hard to say... I guess over some time we figured out that we had a ton of stuff in common and started talking online and hanging out and such... can't remember anything specific O_o
Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why? quite a few actually... but they were all better friends to me than I was to them, so maybe it's better that they keep their distance
Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short? straight, just above shoulder length
How has your hair changed over your lifetime? ok... it went from blond to darker blond to very dark blond to poop brown, for one. in terms of styles... until I was 6 it was pretty much uncut, then I had it cut pretty short, barely reaching my neck... few years later I got a poodle perm >.> ...it took years to grow out, so in junior high it was still wavy-ish, and growing quite long again... grew out my bangs by the middle of high school sometime, haven't seen them since... and after a quarter at college, got it cut to shoulder length again, and I've kept it there ever since
How do your normally wear your hair? it just sits there... I wash it, dry it, comb it so it kinda 'rolls' under a bit at the ends, and leave it
If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like? if I could make it magically do whatever I wanted without putting any effort into it, it'd be kinda red-blond, about halfway down my back, thick(er), shiny, and layered some, with thin, not-too-long bangs... yes, I'm either very unoriginal or too tired to care about this pile of waste protein growing out of my head
Ever had a hair disaster? What happened? that poodle perm was a disaster if I ever saw one... eww
What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have? easy answer: travel the world
When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest? yes, but not brutally so... if I have to point out any cons, I make it a point to mention some pros as well... and I make it clear that it's just my opinion, and others might very well think differently
Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened? yeah... but I'd rather not go into it... she probably didn't really intend for me to find out (if you're reading this, it's 99.99% likely that it's not you :P)
If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why? Ohtori Academy, movie version :P and the world of Final Fantasy 7... and I know there were others but I can't recall what they were... urg
What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted? I always wished I'd learned to play piano
What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.? I hate water... but if there's nothing else, it better be bottled
What are your favorite flavor of chips? probably Mesquite BBQ
Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most? heh I don't cook
How do you have your eggs? sunny side up if I have bacon to dip in the yolks ^^
Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out? no one has ever cooked a meal for me specifically
Name one song you hate to admit you like. just one? >.>;; umm... Bette Midler - My One True Friend
Name two songs that always make you cry. X Japan - The Last Song... Joseph LoDuca - Grieving Dance... and I have to add David Coverdale w/Jimmy Page - Take Me For a Little While because *weep*
Name three songs that turn you on. oh yay :P Vanilla, Fragrance, and Nine Spiral, all by Gackt... actually pretty much everything by Gackt :3
Name four songs that always make you feel good. Ayumi Hamasaki - Evolution, Ohtaki Eiichi - Shiawase na Ketsumatsu, Utada Hikaru - Can You Keep a Secret, and Rinbu Revolution from Utena
Name five songs you couldn't ever do without. geez, um... X Japan - Art of Life, Gackt - Fragrance, Blue from Cowboy Bebop, Toki ni Ai wa from Utena, aaaand... heck, I'll say Vanilla again
Ok, those last five were ridiculously hard to answer without going into paragraphs... and now I'm tired. :P Time to go sleep for about 3 hours.
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/04/2004 03:33:00 AM
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wThursday, January 01, 2004 |
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feeling: frustrated
listening to: nothing
And thus we begin the first year of the rest of our lives. I'm so profound. Happy freaking new year, people.
Heh, Willard's mad at me now because he ever so cordially invited me to his party tonight and I ended up not going. Ok, so let's assume I went. You and all your other friends - who I've barely even known for 4 or 5 years now, I might add - have fun, get drunk, talk and laugh about stuff I have no clue about, and if a certain female or two happened to be there, hit on each other... while I sit there in some chair, alone, forgotten, ignored, porking out on whatever dry foods are sitting around, with no idea what's going on or why I'm doing the exact same thing there that I'd be doing if I'd stayed home - being alone and useless. Is that what you want? I never fit in with that group... what makes you think that can change now, after this long? The only reason you ever invite me to anything anyway is for another opportunity to make fun of me, and it has been for years... don't think I didn't notice during that last year or so before I stopped accepting those invitations. If I'm gonna be alone on New Year's, I'd rather do it in my own surroundings with various crud around to keep myself remotely entertained until the night's over. I believe it was Faye Valentine who said "Instead of being alone in a group, it's better to have real solitude, all by yourself."
So happy birthday anyway. You still mean as much to me as you always did. Be mad at me all you want... I got used to it about a decade ago, thanks to many other so-called friends, and I continue to get used to it, so to speak. Just don't think I skipped your party because I don't care about you, all right? I meant what I said in that Thanksgiving post you ended up quoting in your profile. Yes, I am cruel and selfish and heartless for not visiting you on your birthday even though I supposedly care about you, right? But don't think last night would've been any different from all those other nights when I did show up only to sit there alone and ignored and clueless - there's nothing I can contribute to these little get-togethers, or to you, and you know it. If I'm cruel and selfish for not wanting to go through that again, then I guess I'm an even worse person than I thought. But hey, I told you before that you'd have been better off giving up on me when everyone else did... maybe you believe me now, eh?
But if for some reason you decide not to take my advice (again), just remind me next time you see me, however long from now that may be, and you'll get your late birthday hug. Selfish I may be, but at least that way maybe you'll know I care. In my own weird, introverted, useless way.
Willard's not likely to ever see this... but whatever.
I am this close *holds fingers really close together in the "this close" gesture* to starting an account at DeviantArt. But I know I'll never have anything close enough to finished to actually put there. 17 Photoshop projects sit on my hard drive, all unfinished, and a whole folder crammed with sketches and doodles in pencil lies on my bed, barely touched in the past year or so. I never finish anything, and I doubt the good Deviants would be interested in a gallery full of works in "progress." Meh. If anyone wants to see them, they can email or AIM me.
My dad has started calling me Becky-chan. Life is now officially very weird.
You know what's fun for people who've lost weight? Palpating your own ribcage. Woo, I have bones now! *touch*
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dragged from Becky's stream of consciousness at 1/01/2004 01:39:00 AM
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